I think I can manage that.

[ His hand moves still further up Alucard's thigh, until it reaches the point where it's grazing against parts that are absolutely not thigh. ]

I've heard that sticking things in them works-

[ Nope. Nope, he can't make a staking joke with a straight face. It's awful. This is a terrible attempt at dirty talk and he knows it. ] -fuck, that's below even me. Just pretend I said that in an appealing way.