[It doesn't really sink in at first, what he means. Not just because she doesn't recognize the name of the weapon he refers to, but because even after he clarifies, she doesn't immediately understand what he could possibly want to give her a pistol for. No, it's not until he's talking about showing her how to fire it that it really starts to dawn on her — this isn't about giving her a thing, something precious, to cherish and keep in one of the little drawers in the bedroom she never sleeps in but that's indisputably hers anyway. This is about giving her a weapon, something she's supposed to keep with her, something she's supposed to use.
He wants her to learn to use his weapon because he knows this will happen to her again. Because he thinks if she has it, then maybe — maybe it won't.
And now she understands why he already believed she would hate him for it. Of course he would, because he's known Speakers, known the ones who were in Europe running through the mud and the gore trying to bring peace in a world gone mad, and so he must know what something like this would demand of them. A Speaker with a gun and the intent to put it to use is no Speaker at all.
It does make her recoil, deep down. It rattles something deep-seated and fundamental, inside of her. But —
But she remembers, all too clearly, Alucard carrying her out of the basement, of the chaos and magic all around her, and the sound of her own voice crying Trevor, help me and he'd found a way, he'd done it, he'd given her something of himself when she'd needed it most.
(She's just not sure which thought frightens her more. The thought of being thrown back into the basement, or the thought of her grandfather's eyes as they fell on the gunpowder residue on her hands.)
It takes her a minute. But then, slowly, she angles herself as best she can to look at him, and it's very deliberate, the words she pronounces.]
Tell me why.
[Because —
Because Trevor is the one who sees what has to be done. Trevor is the one who pushes Alucard to be the regent he has to be. And even when she hates that, she recognizes that Alucard needs it. She trusts their Belmont to see, to know, and he takes on the burden of calling for the hard choices every time, when she doesn't want to, when she wants to believe in peace.
This time it's not Alucard he's pushing, but that doesn't mean she trusts him any less.]
no subject
He wants her to learn to use his weapon because he knows this will happen to her again. Because he thinks if she has it, then maybe — maybe it won't.
And now she understands why he already believed she would hate him for it. Of course he would, because he's known Speakers, known the ones who were in Europe running through the mud and the gore trying to bring peace in a world gone mad, and so he must know what something like this would demand of them. A Speaker with a gun and the intent to put it to use is no Speaker at all.
It does make her recoil, deep down. It rattles something deep-seated and fundamental, inside of her. But —
But she remembers, all too clearly, Alucard carrying her out of the basement, of the chaos and magic all around her, and the sound of her own voice crying Trevor, help me and he'd found a way, he'd done it, he'd given her something of himself when she'd needed it most.
(She's just not sure which thought frightens her more. The thought of being thrown back into the basement, or the thought of her grandfather's eyes as they fell on the gunpowder residue on her hands.)
It takes her a minute. But then, slowly, she angles herself as best she can to look at him, and it's very deliberate, the words she pronounces.]
Tell me why.
[Because —
Because Trevor is the one who sees what has to be done. Trevor is the one who pushes Alucard to be the regent he has to be. And even when she hates that, she recognizes that Alucard needs it. She trusts their Belmont to see, to know, and he takes on the burden of calling for the hard choices every time, when she doesn't want to, when she wants to believe in peace.
This time it's not Alucard he's pushing, but that doesn't mean she trusts him any less.]