[He is. The fear is worse now, worse for being all claws and feral fury in those last few moments before the necromancer spirited her away. Worse for Trevor being in his head and making it clear that monster was a gut instinct to Alucard trying to deal with all the terrible parts of himself that could not rationally or productively find ways to help her. (As far as he knows, the thought hasn't changed.)
That spell, it let Alucard be on the outside looking in at himself, but it was not the first time it happened. Every moment that he had to be a vampire in full, those were the first tastes of it. What it really meant to be both parts of his heritage, far more than just wrecking a bathroom out of grief.
It's hard not to react more. He closes his eyes, aware of tears starting to form. Easier to kiss her neck again. Focus on that wonderful intake of air, know that he's doing something better with himself than just being a monster.]
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[He is. The fear is worse now, worse for being all claws and feral fury in those last few moments before the necromancer spirited her away. Worse for Trevor being in his head and making it clear that monster was a gut instinct to Alucard trying to deal with all the terrible parts of himself that could not rationally or productively find ways to help her. (As far as he knows, the thought hasn't changed.)
That spell, it let Alucard be on the outside looking in at himself, but it was not the first time it happened. Every moment that he had to be a vampire in full, those were the first tastes of it. What it really meant to be both parts of his heritage, far more than just wrecking a bathroom out of grief.
It's hard not to react more. He closes his eyes, aware of tears starting to form. Easier to kiss her neck again. Focus on that wonderful intake of air, know that he's doing something better with himself than just being a monster.]