[ Letting his fingers fall away from his face, he remains still for a moment before boots scuff against the flooring of his room and he drops himself down onto the sofa beside Alucard. Quiet, he hangs his head, strands of brown falling in front of his face. ]

I'm sorry. [ Two words that are so incredibly sad and soft. ] I don't want to not care about you anymore... or anyone else I care about here. I never thought I'd have something like this in my life again... people who I care about and care about me in return.

[ He never thought anyone would give a shit about him again. ]

I think... it might be worse. To lose you all because of myself and what I'm becoming instead of through any other means.

[ Because he can fight monsters he'll give his life to protect the people he values and cares about here. But to "lose them" because of what he IS and has no say in being here?? That would hurt more. Even if he couldn't feel it. ]