Pretty sure the stinging part isn’t the point. Unless you’re trying to train me out of getting cuts and scrapes.
[ The closeness is blessing and curse both when it comes to talking about this. It makes words come easier, and that’s good. But it also makes half those words come out far more raw and honest than he’d like. And the other half come out vaguely dirty sounding. ]
Well, she’s welcome to bite me as well. Wouldn’t want anyone feeling left out. [ He laughs, then kisses again. ] I’ll tell her the day after, at breakfast. If it works, we can give her the good news.
[He's still Trevor. He will always get bumps and cuts fighting things of the night, for that is as much part and parcel of Trevor Belmont as kissing a specific vampire is.
Alucard's long since learned that the safest place for these conversations is in one of their arms. Words do come easier. That's the trick to talking about the hard things: it has to be like this. Or that scar game.]
That'll do. [Alucard picks his head up slightly, just enough to look at Trevor.]
[He lingers for a moment, their foreheads together and no other movement. Skin on skin contact, the warmth it involves, the sheer luxury of Trevor's heartbeat is a greater luxury than ever before. Alucard's trained himself to never take it for granted.
Something else is, of course, kissing the Belmont, all sweetness and adoration. It's not chaste, but it isn't trying to move beyond their current space either. If anything, there is gratitude embedded within, that Trevor was able to say something. To show that rare vulnerability and not only ask for help, but have a plan already in place.]
[ He laughs, returning the kiss. It’s a little halting at first, a little too far-too-aware of Alucard’s fangs, but he finds his rhythm before long. It’s the most natural thing in the world by now, after all, to express adoration this way. Even if talking about it is still a little difficult even now. It’s not leading anywhere, but it really doesn’t need to.
Sypha makes her way to them eventually, shoving her way into the middle because it’s winter and that’s where she wants to be, and that’s not a problem at all. The night passes, and then the next day (the mousse is wonderful, and the greenhouse’s blackberry plants seem to be threatening to keep this up all winter) and it’s barely any time at all before Trevor is nervously letting go of Alucard’s hand to open the door to the spare room. Everything Alucard said they would need is here, along with a few things he didn’t mention. There’s food - some strips of dried meat, a cup of bone broth and another of water. And there’s the Vampire Killer. ]
I trust you. [ He says it hastily, trying to get the wordsin before Alucard reached his own conclusion. ] I’m not going to use it, I just-
Every angle, but this one stands out at the moment.
(And then it seems that is that. Their furnace is where she ought to be, and the night passes by with a calmness that has been absent for some time.
When evening comes again, the vampire looks around the room and considers the additions. Even with Vampire Killer's presence, he does little more than nod.)
Understood. Will it help if your are seated atop me for this?
[ He considers it, and he considers it as a tactician. Less escape routes is his immediate thought. It’s potentially a good thing - he can’t trust himself not to just run - but it also means he’ll be cornered, magnifying everything. It’ll be a more comfortable position for Alucard, keeping him from needing to bend his neck too much biting down from above, but at the same time it’ll take a few more crucial milliseconds for the vampire to withdraw his fangs if he starts struggling enough for them to do damage. It can’t be about what he wants (and he’s just as conflicted on that, even if it were). ]
It will, but you’ll need to try to keep me still. I think I’ll struggle more, and that’s not a great combination with fangs in ones neck. [ He sighs, because he knows that’s asking a lot of Alucard. It’s not the first time he’ll have had to hold him still for his own safety, and Trevor knows he’s probably not the only one who’s still a little fucked up over all of the events on the Trantoul estate. ]
I love you. And I trust you. And if I’m an asshole about this, I promise it’s just the fear talking. Whatever asshole scared me does, I swear I’ll make it right.
[Alucard nods, taking his seat on the floor. The rug there is comfortable enough, and in his head, there's another important element: how much should this be close to more usual things when they're seated like this, and how much musn't be?]
Give me both of your hands then. That'll be easiest for me, I think, unless you have other ideas on how to keep still.
[The rest though, the rest is the most important part. What Alucard says next may as well be a vow.]
I will take none of this personally and the events shall never repeat themselves.
Shoulder, on my right. So I can hold onto the whip without risk of catching you with it.
[ He settles into Alucard’s lap, knees at either side of his hips, sliding his left hand into Alucard’s and picking up the whip in his right, clinging to both as an anchor. It’s only a moment of hesitation before he leans into Alucard’s body, stretching the living side of his neck out for him. ]
[This is where it all balances, in the end. Trevor's on his lap, and on any other day, their pose together would involve far fewer close and many more fevered kisses, hands everywhere. But now Trevor only has one hand in his, the other is grounded around Vampire Killer. This too is an intimacy, but for all the wrong reasons.
And feeding like this always has carried intimacies, hasn't it? How many vampires search for the route of seduction as a part of the game of finding food, their hunt?
Alucard shoves the thought aside and lingers no longer. There is no warning when he leans in, no prelude. There is only a moment where his tongue presses against the skin of Trevor's shoulder, marking the spot, and then there are two razor sharp teeth that enter the flesh.
Alucard can't say anything. The hand that isn't holding Trevor's is hanging onto Trevor' side, keeping him steady and not daring to go beyond a light grasp.]
[ Trevor goes still at the first touch. He breathes in and then does not breathe out again. His grip on Alucard's hand is tight, but he has enough presence of mind yet to keep it from crossing over into what might be crushing were he entirely human. His grip on the Vampire Killer is tighter.
And he's there again, in the dark, lungs working frantically to choke up and down air and hot, bubbling blood, and no matter how hard they push and pull he can't feel air passing over his tongue, because that's not the way in anymore and something at his throat is making a gurgling noise like gasses escaping a swamp. It doesn't hurt overmuch, because Alucard is careful and his teeth are sharp enough to cut cleanly. Except that it does, because those aren't Alucard's teeth.
He can't breathe. Shit. He can't breathe. ]
...-p going. [ His voice is small, choked, not entirely audible even to Alucard's ears. It's hard to talk without breathing out. But he's trying. He isn't ready to give up yet. ] Keep going.
[Keep going he says, and Alucard does so. Blood blossoms out of the two punctures, and he presses the flat of his tongue there and lets the liquid collect some before bringing it all into his mouth.
It is a gesture that hedges almost towards the romantic, as the vampire has pressed tongue to skin and licked up or down so many times over the years. It is a sensation Alucard does not know how Trevor will react to: will the familiar anchor, or make everything that much worse?
He can't know yet. What he can know is that there is little difference in the taste of Trevor's blood versus that of other meals. That Alucard doesn't recoil from the taste, that bothers himself and Trevor need never know of it.
Keep going, even as Alucard can notice Trevor's shallow breaths. Keep going even though he can feel that crushing grip. Keep going.
So he does, the hands resting on Trevor not changing their grip at all. That's important too.]
[ The cracking begins louder than anything he's ever heard, the sound of it inescapable. It starts on one side of his upper jaw and moves up until it reaches his eye socket, and the bones move like tectonic plates, scraping against each other and trapping and crushing nerves between them as his skull forms itself into its new shape. Distantly, he can feel the new growth forcing its way out of his gums, pushing the teeth that were already there out of alignment, but it barely registers in comparison to breaking and shifting and healing of the bones of his skull.
It hurts. He doesn't scream, he doesn't have the breath for it, but what air he can muster comes out of him in a long, keening sound that goes silent suddenly when he feels the cracking begin on the other side.
He doesn't ask Alucard to stop. What part of him is still sensible to his surroundings knows that none of this is real. What part of him isn't has forgotten that, but knows that Alucard is here, and that Alucard would not allow this to happen if it did not serve some greater purpose. He just needs to endure, to see the other side of this, and trust that his husband will be there when the pain subsides. And he remembers that it will subside, it happened so many times that he knows it by heart, this is the worst of it and soon it will be replaced by exhaustion. ]
-little longer.
[ It's within reach, now, through all of the pain. It's the bite that set this off, but it it would continue now even if Alucard broke contact with him and left. If he can force himself to think of the lips and teeth and tongue as proof of Alucard's presence, think of the contact as proof that he's safe - maybe he can make it something comforting instead of something terrible. ]
[Alucard nearly lifts his lips to ask how much more time is that? But he cannot, because that defeats the whole purpose of this and Alucard is here to do as Trevor asks of him. His own discomfort, his desire to pull away, that doesn't matter right now.
His tongue moves slower now. There's no need to take more of Trevor's blood, and so Alucard focuses on applying pressure to the wound to help slow the bleeding. Oh yes,the blood grows thick on the back of his tongue and he takes all of that into himself, but it is not a constant movement anymore.
The hand that is on Trevor's side isn't still. His thumb traces a gentle circle over the fabric of Trevor's shirt. This is out of habit, because it's the kind of stupid vampire gentleness that always happens when they've been seated like this in happier times. Alucard barely realizes he's doing it, as he is focused on the blood.
[ The blood has slowed to almost a stop by the time the imagined pain dulls, but it does dull. He starts to remember where he is, why he's here. He can breathe again. And Alucard's presence there is- pleasant, almost. A reminder that he's here, and that all of that bullshit isn't real, and that they're all of them safe.
He's seen it through to the other side. And it was awful, but it's done for now. It's done, and it's done with teeth in his neck - as close to being real as it could ever be and still be safe. If nothing else, he's armed with the knowledge that he faced it and didn't die. Maybe with a few more sessions it'd fade entirely, but for the moment this is more than enough.
He falls forward against Alucard, dropping the whip. ]
It was- shit. It was some kind of fruit, wasn't it?
[Alucard lifts his head immediately as Trevor falls forward. There's no dribble of blood from him (but his teeth are stained red right now), there is only more color to his face than there ever is.]
Blackberries.
[The hand that was on Trevor's side now reaches for the medical supplies. When it's just that little bit too far away, Alucard uses his stupid vampire powers to nudge the kit just a little bit closer, and here is where his work begins. His other hand lets go of Trevor's as well, just so he can open the bottle of disinfectant and pour it onto a clean strip of linen.
In an instant, that scrap is applied to the bite marks. As Alucard keeps the fabric there, he nudges the side of Trevor's head gently with his own.]
[ He flinches at the fabric making contact with his neck, but thankfully the horror doesn't start anew at it. He leans against Alucard, too exhausted to do much else. The blood loss is nothing. He loses more blood on the average night drinking and the bone broth was only a precaution, one that boldly assumed his stomach would allow any food to stay in it after that experience. The terror, though, that was utterly draining.
His arms fall loosely around Alucard's waist, wanting to be close to him without the strength to actually pull him close. ]
Thank you. I can do the rest myself, but this- this had to be first.
[There. There, that's all. Just a few moments with the sting of the liquid, and Alucard removes the cloth so he can actually put bandages to the wound. He's careful as he does so. Reverent because he caused this. At Trevor's request, yes, but he caused this all the same and so to undo the harm, to show Trevor that everything is reversible and so easy to take care of, that is a sacred duty.
He needs both of his hands. But he pauses in the work to press a kiss to Trevor's cheek.]
Don't do the rest alone either.
[He nuzzles against the spot where he kissed for just a moment, before finishing up with the bandages.]
We love you. We're here for all of these difficult things.
[ Oh rather, it is that simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. He's still not entirely comfortable with being pathetic in front of them, probably never will be. And this, this is pathetic. Belmonts aren't meant to get fucked up like this by a little bite.
He makes a rumbling sound of appreciation at the affection, though, taking note of how the feeling of the bandage at his neck makes him only wary and uncomfortable, nothing more. Asking for help achieved worlds more than he could have done on his own. ]
[Alucard knows that this isn't easy. It isn't easy when it isn't stuff that nearly got everyone in the house killed or turned. It isn't easy to show that vulnerability or to ask for help.
He can't kiss Trevor on the mouth. Not like this, not all bloodied. But he can rest his forehead near where the bite is, and he can murmur stupid soft words before making a far more important offer:]
If you think repeated exposure will help, then we will do so after this has healed.
Asking this of Alucard once was too much, and yet- it's helped. Despite how utterly worn and exhausted he feels, he knows he survived and that he'll survive next time, and he knows that if he could only do this again, until it becomes easier-
Somehow, there's still part of him that can sink with relief further. ]
Thank you. [ He turns his head to kiss Alucard's hair. ] A month, maybe. There's no need to rush.
[That last gesture, feeling the relief overtake Trevor, that's the only thing that matters. Not the vampire's distaste for feeding from any living human, not the fact it's Trevor, nothing. His husband needs to feel safe and secure and be able to function without giving a second thought to something brushing against his neck. That is the end all and be all of it.]
Of course. [He sighs, nuzzling against Trevor's shoulder.] Of course.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cryptsleeper) wrote2018-11-10 11:26 pm
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[ The closeness is blessing and curse both when it comes to talking about this. It makes words come easier, and that’s good. But it also makes half those words come out far more raw and honest than he’d like. And the other half come out vaguely dirty sounding. ]
Well, she’s welcome to bite me as well. Wouldn’t want anyone feeling left out. [ He laughs, then kisses again. ] I’ll tell her the day after, at breakfast. If it works, we can give her the good news.
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[He's still Trevor. He will always get bumps and cuts fighting things of the night, for that is as much part and parcel of Trevor Belmont as kissing a specific vampire is.
Alucard's long since learned that the safest place for these conversations is in one of their arms. Words do come easier. That's the trick to talking about the hard things: it has to be like this. Or that scar game.]
That'll do. [Alucard picks his head up slightly, just enough to look at Trevor.]
Lean down.
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Fucking beautiful. Even when you’re talking about antiseptic.
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[He lingers for a moment, their foreheads together and no other movement. Skin on skin contact, the warmth it involves, the sheer luxury of Trevor's heartbeat is a greater luxury than ever before. Alucard's trained himself to never take it for granted.
Something else is, of course, kissing the Belmont, all sweetness and adoration. It's not chaste, but it isn't trying to move beyond their current space either. If anything, there is gratitude embedded within, that Trevor was able to say something. To show that rare vulnerability and not only ask for help, but have a plan already in place.]
Far too handsome at this angle.
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[ He laughs, returning the kiss. It’s a little halting at first, a little too far-too-aware of Alucard’s fangs, but he finds his rhythm before long. It’s the most natural thing in the world by now, after all, to express adoration this way. Even if talking about it is still a little difficult even now. It’s not leading anywhere, but it really doesn’t need to.
Sypha makes her way to them eventually, shoving her way into the middle because it’s winter and that’s where she wants to be, and that’s not a problem at all. The night passes, and then the next day (the mousse is wonderful, and the greenhouse’s blackberry plants seem to be threatening to keep this up all winter) and it’s barely any time at all before Trevor is nervously letting go of Alucard’s hand to open the door to the spare room. Everything Alucard said they would need is here, along with a few things he didn’t mention. There’s food - some strips of dried meat, a cup of bone broth and another of water. And there’s the Vampire Killer. ]
I trust you. [ He says it hastily, trying to get the wordsin before Alucard reached his own conclusion. ] I’m not going to use it, I just-
[ He just needs it to feel safe. ]
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(And then it seems that is that. Their furnace is where she ought to be, and the night passes by with a calmness that has been absent for some time.
When evening comes again, the vampire looks around the room and considers the additions. Even with Vampire Killer's presence, he does little more than nod.)
Understood. Will it help if your are seated atop me for this?
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It will, but you’ll need to try to keep me still. I think I’ll struggle more, and that’s not a great combination with fangs in ones neck. [ He sighs, because he knows that’s asking a lot of Alucard. It’s not the first time he’ll have had to hold him still for his own safety, and Trevor knows he’s probably not the only one who’s still a little fucked up over all of the events on the Trantoul estate. ]
I love you. And I trust you. And if I’m an asshole about this, I promise it’s just the fear talking. Whatever asshole scared me does, I swear I’ll make it right.
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Give me both of your hands then. That'll be easiest for me, I think, unless you have other ideas on how to keep still.
[The rest though, the rest is the most important part. What Alucard says next may as well be a vow.]
I will take none of this personally and the events shall never repeat themselves.
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[ He settles into Alucard’s lap, knees at either side of his hips, sliding his left hand into Alucard’s and picking up the whip in his right, clinging to both as an anchor. It’s only a moment of hesitation before he leans into Alucard’s body, stretching the living side of his neck out for him. ]
Do your worst. I’m not afraid of you.
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[This is where it all balances, in the end. Trevor's on his lap, and on any other day, their pose together would involve far fewer close and many more fevered kisses, hands everywhere. But now Trevor only has one hand in his, the other is grounded around Vampire Killer. This too is an intimacy, but for all the wrong reasons.
And feeding like this always has carried intimacies, hasn't it? How many vampires search for the route of seduction as a part of the game of finding food, their hunt?
Alucard shoves the thought aside and lingers no longer. There is no warning when he leans in, no prelude. There is only a moment where his tongue presses against the skin of Trevor's shoulder, marking the spot, and then there are two razor sharp teeth that enter the flesh.
Alucard can't say anything. The hand that isn't holding Trevor's is hanging onto Trevor' side, keeping him steady and not daring to go beyond a light grasp.]
no subject
And he's there again, in the dark, lungs working frantically to choke up and down air and hot, bubbling blood, and no matter how hard they push and pull he can't feel air passing over his tongue, because that's not the way in anymore and something at his throat is making a gurgling noise like gasses escaping a swamp. It doesn't hurt overmuch, because Alucard is careful and his teeth are sharp enough to cut cleanly. Except that it does, because those aren't Alucard's teeth.
He can't breathe. Shit. He can't breathe. ]
...-p going. [ His voice is small, choked, not entirely audible even to Alucard's ears. It's hard to talk without breathing out. But he's trying. He isn't ready to give up yet. ] Keep going.
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It is a gesture that hedges almost towards the romantic, as the vampire has pressed tongue to skin and licked up or down so many times over the years. It is a sensation Alucard does not know how Trevor will react to: will the familiar anchor, or make everything that much worse?
He can't know yet. What he can know is that there is little difference in the taste of Trevor's blood versus that of other meals. That Alucard doesn't recoil from the taste, that bothers himself and Trevor need never know of it.
Keep going, even as Alucard can notice Trevor's shallow breaths. Keep going even though he can feel that crushing grip. Keep going.
So he does, the hands resting on Trevor not changing their grip at all. That's important too.]
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It hurts. He doesn't scream, he doesn't have the breath for it, but what air he can muster comes out of him in a long, keening sound that goes silent suddenly when he feels the cracking begin on the other side.
He doesn't ask Alucard to stop. What part of him is still sensible to his surroundings knows that none of this is real. What part of him isn't has forgotten that, but knows that Alucard is here, and that Alucard would not allow this to happen if it did not serve some greater purpose. He just needs to endure, to see the other side of this, and trust that his husband will be there when the pain subsides. And he remembers that it will subside, it happened so many times that he knows it by heart, this is the worst of it and soon it will be replaced by exhaustion. ]
-little longer.
[ It's within reach, now, through all of the pain. It's the bite that set this off, but it it would continue now even if Alucard broke contact with him and left. If he can force himself to think of the lips and teeth and tongue as proof of Alucard's presence, think of the contact as proof that he's safe - maybe he can make it something comforting instead of something terrible. ]
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His tongue moves slower now. There's no need to take more of Trevor's blood, and so Alucard focuses on applying pressure to the wound to help slow the bleeding. Oh yes,the blood grows thick on the back of his tongue and he takes all of that into himself, but it is not a constant movement anymore.
The hand that is on Trevor's side isn't still. His thumb traces a gentle circle over the fabric of Trevor's shirt. This is out of habit, because it's the kind of stupid vampire gentleness that always happens when they've been seated like this in happier times. Alucard barely realizes he's doing it, as he is focused on the blood.
It's slowing, some.]
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He's seen it through to the other side. And it was awful, but it's done for now. It's done, and it's done with teeth in his neck - as close to being real as it could ever be and still be safe. If nothing else, he's armed with the knowledge that he faced it and didn't die. Maybe with a few more sessions it'd fade entirely, but for the moment this is more than enough.
He falls forward against Alucard, dropping the whip. ]
It was- shit. It was some kind of fruit, wasn't it?
no subject
Blackberries.
[The hand that was on Trevor's side now reaches for the medical supplies. When it's just that little bit too far away, Alucard uses his stupid vampire powers to nudge the kit just a little bit closer, and here is where his work begins. His other hand lets go of Trevor's as well, just so he can open the bottle of disinfectant and pour it onto a clean strip of linen.
In an instant, that scrap is applied to the bite marks. As Alucard keeps the fabric there, he nudges the side of Trevor's head gently with his own.]
You did it.
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[ He flinches at the fabric making contact with his neck, but thankfully the horror doesn't start anew at it. He leans against Alucard, too exhausted to do much else. The blood loss is nothing. He loses more blood on the average night drinking and the bone broth was only a precaution, one that boldly assumed his stomach would allow any food to stay in it after that experience. The terror, though, that was utterly draining.
His arms fall loosely around Alucard's waist, wanting to be close to him without the strength to actually pull him close. ]
Thank you. I can do the rest myself, but this- this had to be first.
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He needs both of his hands. But he pauses in the work to press a kiss to Trevor's cheek.]
Don't do the rest alone either.
[He nuzzles against the spot where he kissed for just a moment, before finishing up with the bandages.]
We love you. We're here for all of these difficult things.
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[ Oh rather, it is that simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. He's still not entirely comfortable with being pathetic in front of them, probably never will be. And this, this is pathetic. Belmonts aren't meant to get fucked up like this by a little bite.
He makes a rumbling sound of appreciation at the affection, though, taking note of how the feeling of the bandage at his neck makes him only wary and uncomfortable, nothing more. Asking for help achieved worlds more than he could have done on his own. ]
I'll try.
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[Alucard knows that this isn't easy. It isn't easy when it isn't stuff that nearly got everyone in the house killed or turned. It isn't easy to show that vulnerability or to ask for help.
He can't kiss Trevor on the mouth. Not like this, not all bloodied. But he can rest his forehead near where the bite is, and he can murmur stupid soft words before making a far more important offer:]
If you think repeated exposure will help, then we will do so after this has healed.
no subject
Asking this of Alucard once was too much, and yet- it's helped. Despite how utterly worn and exhausted he feels, he knows he survived and that he'll survive next time, and he knows that if he could only do this again, until it becomes easier-
Somehow, there's still part of him that can sink with relief further. ]
Thank you. [ He turns his head to kiss Alucard's hair. ] A month, maybe. There's no need to rush.
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Of course. [He sighs, nuzzling against Trevor's shoulder.] Of course.