[ He moves closer, not quite looking at Alucard. When he puts a hand out to let it rest in the vampire's, it's hesitant. Careful. Penitent. And- god, he doesn't even know what he's sorry for anymore. He just knows that he can still feel bone against his fingernails, smell iron on the air.
He shouldn't have- god, he shouldn't have done so many things. He's hurt Alucard in so, so many ways. ]
He shouldn't have- god, he shouldn't have done so many things. He's hurt Alucard in so, so many ways. ]
[For a very long time, Alucard is quiet. He holds Trevor's hand in his, eyes off staring into the stew rather than at Trevor or even at the middle distance. And then, very quietly, he manages:]
You bought me valuable time and my life. In the end, that is what matters the most.
[The but hangs in the air, and it takes Alucard another moment before continuing.]
To weaponize him in that way is...very much something he would do. And I know that to have him in your head for all of those years could have only been a nightmare. I think it is a small wonder that you did not go mad from it.
[It's in fact pretty amazing.]
But I'd be a liar if I said a part of me is angry at him for doing that to you instead of finding me and looking after me. [There. He's said it. After too much time to think.]
So in doing this thing, you forced that role upon him. That's all I think I need to say.
You bought me valuable time and my life. In the end, that is what matters the most.
[The but hangs in the air, and it takes Alucard another moment before continuing.]
To weaponize him in that way is...very much something he would do. And I know that to have him in your head for all of those years could have only been a nightmare. I think it is a small wonder that you did not go mad from it.
[It's in fact pretty amazing.]
But I'd be a liar if I said a part of me is angry at him for doing that to you instead of finding me and looking after me. [There. He's said it. After too much time to think.]
So in doing this thing, you forced that role upon him. That's all I think I need to say.
You deserve so much better than- all of this. None of it should have happened.
[ He squeezes Alucard's hand, at that, then lets go. It doesn't really bear commenting on further, the experience of growing up with Dracula in one's head. There's a balance there - he wants to tell Alucard that the asshole wouldn't have fought them so hard if he didn't have something to fight for. If he wasn't trying to find his way back.
He's lied enough today. They all know what Dracula did when he was finally free. And there's no sense in speculating on whether that was because the burning drove him madder. He would have He rushed to his son's side, yes, but not in defence. And he really doesn't enjoy trying to sympathise with Dracula. ]
We'll try to make it right. As right as we can make it.
[ He squeezes Alucard's hand, at that, then lets go. It doesn't really bear commenting on further, the experience of growing up with Dracula in one's head. There's a balance there - he wants to tell Alucard that the asshole wouldn't have fought them so hard if he didn't have something to fight for. If he wasn't trying to find his way back.
He's lied enough today. They all know what Dracula did when he was finally free. And there's no sense in speculating on whether that was because the burning drove him madder. He would have He rushed to his son's side, yes, but not in defence. And he really doesn't enjoy trying to sympathise with Dracula. ]
We'll try to make it right. As right as we can make it.
[Alucard doesn't try to do much when Trevor lets go of his hand. He mostly just sits there, quiet and thinking about well, everything. Because at the moment, everything deserves quiet, careful consideration.
He breathes out.]
There's nothing to make right or wrong. The thing your sister invented saved my life. That's all there is to it now.
He breathes out.]
There's nothing to make right or wrong. The thing your sister invented saved my life. That's all there is to it now.
There is. You were right, that it's not my place to take responsibility for this. But I don't give a shit if it's my fault, or my family's fault, or your dad's fault, or her fault, or humanity's fault- just-
[ He sighs, shaking his head, then turns back, actually looking at Alucard, with a weak smile. ]
You deserved to be safe. Looked after. Loved. And- shit, maybe so did I. And there's no going back and changing things, but I sure as fuck get to decide that things get better from now on.
[ He sighs, shaking his head, then turns back, actually looking at Alucard, with a weak smile. ]
You deserved to be safe. Looked after. Loved. And- shit, maybe so did I. And there's no going back and changing things, but I sure as fuck get to decide that things get better from now on.
[Humanity's fault seems like the easiest thing to blame. But Alucard keeps that thought to himself, and instead focuses attention to Trevor. That smile is...well it's just a lot to take in, and he doesn't know what else to do.]
You're the one that gets to decide?
[He's made a real attempt to inflect humor in the question, at least.]
You're the one that gets to decide?
[He's made a real attempt to inflect humor in the question, at least.]
Unless you feel like trying to stop me. I think I could win, right now.
[ Probably not. Not in the castle, at least. It'd boot him into the dungeons long before he managed to lay a finger on Alucard. But there's an attempt at returning things to the usual mostly-affectionate bickering there. An anemic attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. ]
[ Probably not. Not in the castle, at least. It'd boot him into the dungeons long before he managed to lay a finger on Alucard. But there's an attempt at returning things to the usual mostly-affectionate bickering there. An anemic attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. ]
You'd win well into the future too. I'm so sick of fighting, Trevor.
[ Okay, so maybe not a great time to revert to old petty bickering. He lets his shoulders slump, whatever attempt at a smirk he was making fading back into that tired, tired smile. ]
Eat your fucking stew, then. Let us take care of you, and I won't have to fight you. Fair?
Eat your fucking stew, then. Let us take care of you, and I won't have to fight you. Fair?
More than fair.
[Alucard doesn't start eating yet though. Instead he leans in, and brushes his lips gingerly over Trevor's cheek.]
[Alucard doesn't start eating yet though. Instead he leans in, and brushes his lips gingerly over Trevor's cheek.]
You can decide, if it’s that important.
[ He doesn’t try to kiss back. He’s trying to get a sense for when it’d be right and when it wouldn’t, and right now his instinct says it’d be too much. He tugs at Alucard’s sleeve, just for a second, then lets go and nudges the plate of bread toward him. ]
Say how you want things to be, and we’ll make it happen.
[ He doesn’t try to kiss back. He’s trying to get a sense for when it’d be right and when it wouldn’t, and right now his instinct says it’d be too much. He tugs at Alucard’s sleeve, just for a second, then lets go and nudges the plate of bread toward him. ]
Say how you want things to be, and we’ll make it happen.
[The little tugs of fabric are a language that's special to them. Just theirs. A secret thing that not even Sypha shares, although she has figured out the broad strokes of it.
Alucard does take the bread, and he dips a piece of it in the stew before bringing it up and taking a small bite.]
I don't know how I want them to be forever yet. But for recovery, I...I don't know if happy is the right word, but it feels right for what's needed at the moment.
Alucard does take the bread, and he dips a piece of it in the stew before bringing it up and taking a small bite.]
I don't know how I want them to be forever yet. But for recovery, I...I don't know if happy is the right word, but it feels right for what's needed at the moment.
Happy.
[ He repeats it thoughtfully, as if it’s a very difficult concept. ]
I think we can manage that, if we put our minds to it. Can’t be too hard.
[ He repeats it thoughtfully, as if it’s a very difficult concept. ]
I think we can manage that, if we put our minds to it. Can’t be too hard.
[It is though. At least for now.]
Mmm.
Is it still cold outside?
Mmm.
Is it still cold outside?
Not half as cold as it’s going to be, once she’s done with this shit.
[ That’s likely to be a few more days, Sypha doing her best to convince the castle that a place of endless sunlight is a good thing for the vampire, actually. He looks out of the window. ]
Seems clear enough, if you think you can get this place to let you out. Need to get some air?
[ That’s likely to be a few more days, Sypha doing her best to convince the castle that a place of endless sunlight is a good thing for the vampire, actually. He looks out of the window. ]
Seems clear enough, if you think you can get this place to let you out. Need to get some air?
[Alcohol -- not just poured, but scrubbed into an open wound -- is enough to take the breath out of him again. His teeth are grit hard enough to make his head throb, and his breath redoubles to catch up with itself when he finds it again. At least he's managed not to cry out. And he'd thank Adrian for the consideration if his head weren't now swimming from the pained delirium.
It takes a long moment to come back to himself, to find the thread of conversation and pick it up again.]
If you'd been even a candlemark later, I'd be dead. And unless you're not telling me something, you had no way of knowing how dire my need. So tell me how you think that's a gamble I'd willingly take.
So yes. I suppose I'd do this exact same kind of shit with Sypha around.
It takes a long moment to come back to himself, to find the thread of conversation and pick it up again.]
If you'd been even a candlemark later, I'd be dead. And unless you're not telling me something, you had no way of knowing how dire my need. So tell me how you think that's a gamble I'd willingly take.
So yes. I suppose I'd do this exact same kind of shit with Sypha around.
Well, part of me is reassured that your stupidity is an equal opportunity offender.
[The rest of Alucard is still furious. Furious, scrubbing at Trevor's wound with more force than needed, and--
--done with that much. Alucard huffs, and next come the bandages. He wraps the wound tightly, and once it's tied, Alucard tapes Trevor's arm lightly.]
How bad is the pain?
[The rest of Alucard is still furious. Furious, scrubbing at Trevor's wound with more force than needed, and--
--done with that much. Alucard huffs, and next come the bandages. He wraps the wound tightly, and once it's tied, Alucard tapes Trevor's arm lightly.]
How bad is the pain?
[Adrian actually manages to pry a grunt out of Trevor before the job's done. And a glare. He has to know that was entirely unnecessary, and from the look of him, he couldn't care less.]
Better now you're not trying to rip my damn arm off, thank you.
[And still, Trevor knows it's no more than he deserves.]
Better now you're not trying to rip my damn arm off, thank you.
[And still, Trevor knows it's no more than he deserves.]
[ He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little jealous, as he often does very unconvincingly. Alucard’s been through so much more, so much more recently, and yet he’s mostly recovered only a few weeks later while Trevor’s still walking with a crutch and taking medicine to keep his immune system from fighting off the magic that’s holding him together until his body manages to rebuild itself.
But jealousy won’t change things. And feeling useless over it will change even less. And there is a reason why Alucard’s recovering so quickly. It’s blood. Animal, mostly, since his need for it to recover exceeds their capacity to give. Their own blood is once a week, alternating weeks, so they have a while to recover. He’s been back using the syringes ever since the feeding immediately after their return here, and-
-he does kind of prefer the alternative, thinking about it and looking down at the needle in his hand. He felt more useful. More needed. Like he was doing something more valuable than sticking a needle in the inside of his elbow and watching a glass tube fill with red.
He puts the needle aside and stands, and soon the way to the library is filled with the now familiar scraping of his crutch on the stone floor. ]
Adrian?
But jealousy won’t change things. And feeling useless over it will change even less. And there is a reason why Alucard’s recovering so quickly. It’s blood. Animal, mostly, since his need for it to recover exceeds their capacity to give. Their own blood is once a week, alternating weeks, so they have a while to recover. He’s been back using the syringes ever since the feeding immediately after their return here, and-
-he does kind of prefer the alternative, thinking about it and looking down at the needle in his hand. He felt more useful. More needed. Like he was doing something more valuable than sticking a needle in the inside of his elbow and watching a glass tube fill with red.
He puts the needle aside and stands, and soon the way to the library is filled with the now familiar scraping of his crutch on the stone floor. ]
Adrian?
the real reason is he's a good catholic boy and that means voring the body of christ every week
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cryptsleeper
2019-10-13 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[Alucard knows he isn't entirely whole, but he's so close at this point. A week left is his guess, maybe sooner. He knows that human blood expedites the process considerably, but he also knows that humans can only have so much blood loss before it is a problem. He is not so selfish and needy that he can't take his time in recovery.
The time helps with other things too. He's far more used to and embracing of their touches than before. It was born out of necessity, but there's comfort because those hands that touched him? They were for healing, not harm.
He perks when Trevor enters, looking up from the book he's reading.]
Yes? I'm over here.
The time helps with other things too. He's far more used to and embracing of their touches than before. It was born out of necessity, but there's comfort because those hands that touched him? They were for healing, not harm.
He perks when Trevor enters, looking up from the book he's reading.]
Yes? I'm over here.
Be serious. I am trying to determine how much walking we can get done before we find a carriage house, or if I'll be carrying you about like a princess from one of Sypha's fairy stories.
Can’t vore jesus in the north pole, gotta be vored instead.
miraclewhip
2019-10-13 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Usually, this would be the point at which he hands over a little glass bottle and then leaves Alucard to eat in peace. It’s weird to watch someone drinking your blood out of a little bottle.
Instead, he sits down next to him. ]
Look. I can use the needle- it’s not a problem. But-
[ ASKING FOR THINGS FOR ONESELF IS DIFFICULT ]
-could you try? Just- try the teeth thing?
Instead, he sits down next to him. ]
Look. I can use the needle- it’s not a problem. But-
[ ASKING FOR THINGS FOR ONESELF IS DIFFICULT ]
-could you try? Just- try the teeth thing?
[Alucard leans forward, and the first thing he does is place his book down on the table. Then and only then does he turn to Trevor, tilting his head the way he sometimes does as a wolf.]
You're sure you want that?
You're sure you want that?
Yeah. It's-
[ -it makes him feel needed. Valuable. Important. A way to be close to Alucard without frantically worrying if he's asking too much. A way to leave himself and feel warm and soft and a little lightheaded without the complications of a hangover or everyone's concern and disapproval. ]
-a sex thing. Kind of a sex thing. So you don't have to.
[ Nailed it. ]
[ -it makes him feel needed. Valuable. Important. A way to be close to Alucard without frantically worrying if he's asking too much. A way to leave himself and feel warm and soft and a little lightheaded without the complications of a hangover or everyone's concern and disapproval. ]
-a sex thing. Kind of a sex thing. So you don't have to.
[ Nailed it. ]
[Well, that gets a long, considering pause out of the dhampir. He's clearly processing the information, based on how he blinks and tilts his head once or twice, but the rest is....
...it's just a lot.]
Do you think it's safe right now?
...it's just a lot.]
Do you think it's safe right now?
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