[Those words come out with a little more anger. He was angry. God, Alucard still is angry about the situation at the end of the day. His mother was murdered for bullshit reasons, and his father went so mad with grief that the kind thing was to put him out of his misery. He's allowed to be angry at the unfairness of it. If his mother hadn't been who she was, Alucard may have slept through his father's genocide.
Or worse.
The sympathy is genuine. Alucard knows that, but it is so hard not to chafe against it with the bitterness running through his thoughts. It takes real effort to shove it aside, to return to the far more well meaning if exhausted nursemaid mode. An easy role. One he's had to play several times over for Trevor.]
[ Leon senses the anger stirring beneath the surface, and holds his tongue. Knowing very well that his words may tip the scales of Alucard's temper, he should let this topic go. He doesn't want to risk Alucard uncovering any potential regret in decision. Compassion alone doesn't take away the dhampir's pain. ]
"..." [ Only now, he's at a loss for words. He's driven this conversation into a dead end, and the only way he feels he can potentially uplift it is to mention the wishes he assumes of Alucard's mother, how maybe she'd like him to start his life anew. That in itself is also likely to upset him further— the more Leon tries to find out, the more he's pushed from it. Or lashed at. Not that he can really blame Alucard. His own understanding of that rage is what prompted Alucard's father to offer Leon eternal life, after all. ]
[Alucard is good at turning down the anger from an eight to a one. He's gained a firm command of it in the time that has passed since everything happened. He's had to, otherwise he risks following the same path as his father.
And all it requires is him taking a long, slow exhale that forces the worst thoughts out. They leave, he takes another breath, and the tension leaves him entirely.]
Apologies. I am being a poor host and my bedside manner is worse. [They're pleasant enough words, even if Alucard doesn't feel entirely sure saying them. Any other Belmont that isn't Trevor still puts him on edge. It can't be helped.]
The only good part of all of it was meeting your several times over great-grandson and Sypha.
"It's partially my own fault. I seem to lack tact when it comes to where our conversation should tread— I can't seem to hold a pleasant one with you, despite my desire to do so." [ Leon's very quick to forgive and meet the words with those of his own. It's true, he's wanted nothing more than to get along with Alucard. To some extent he feels connected to him through both Mathias and this Trevor Belmont who will later carry his blood. He doesn't want to stay on bad terms, if he can help it. ]
"What are those two like? Trevor isn't a name I'd decide for my child." [ Grateful for the introduction of a positive subject. He'd much rather talk about this than the unfairness of tragedy. ]
[Alucard lets out a very, very soft sigh, his gaze turned downward at the great big Belmont index. There's a moment he takes to tuck his hair back behind his ears, as the stuff's getting in the way.]
You...represent a great many things in this house, Leon Belmont. Those things are sometimes contradictory, or as you've already deduced, emotionally loaded. They're likewise things that you can't possibly know until they are said.
[It's not fine, but Alucard's trying. Hard.]
After a Treffor, apparently. Sypha was just as confused, as the name is very much not French. As for how to describe them both.
[Alucard pauses, shaking his head with a stupid fondness.] Sypha's among the Speakers. Quick and quick witted, with far more emotional intelligence than either of us combined. A magic user with no equal, and a woman who refuses to deal with anyone's nonsense. I've never had the pleasure of the company with someone else with such a calm, cool head on her shoulders or someone who makes herself so easy to love. We've spent so many hours down here bickering about dead languages that I think Trevor resents it.
[Trevor mostly just gets bored and then complains that they've been gone all day.]
He's...prickly. And guarded. Things took a poor turn and he needed armor that no other Belmont required for the world, but there is a fundamental sense of morality in him. It just hides under a gruffer exterior that loves to protest and be sarcastic. Hardly a model knight, but neither of us would want that anyway. Rough around the edges and complaining is a far better man to--
[Oh.]
We're...all involved with each other, even if a marriage between three people is impossible without one of us being a dhampir and the other being a Speaker and thus a heretic in the eyes of the Church.
[ Leon had been following the descriptions, eager to hear them. However, upon Alucard's great reveal, his expression is hard to read. It's like he's frozen in place, his smile and eyes completely still and unmoving. Had he heard correctly? He feels like his brain has been snapped in half, and he's unsure how to process what he's heard. It's not something he can fathom as possibility, much like the Church. ]
"A-A three-way marriage?" [ Just double checking! He's not going insane right?! What is going on?! ]
"All of it is confusing! I have to think about it—..." [ He barks defensively, brows furrowing over his eyes. Give him some time to digest the news! It's beyond him! ]
"I just don't understand how it works." [ Where does one put things? How do they not get jealous of one another? ] "I've heard rumors of men bedding one another before, but I didn't consider it a possibility." [ He fears God too much, and the Bible has been drilled into him since as long as he can remember. Despite that, he isn't reacting with hatred so much as confusion and worry. ]
[ Three people seems like it'd be a challenge... he thinks of even his relationship with Sara and how difficult it'd been to nurture and make time for her properly alongside his business with the knights, and how a third person into the equation seems like it'd result in disaster. He certainly lacks the complexity to handle it— he can hardly multitask. ]
"I see." [ Leon's still imagining it. The homosexuality doesn't actually confuse him in theory, but more-so the bravery to act upon it in an age where God and the Church deem it a sin. Even he and Mathias had held strangely intimate conversations before after battles where they thought they might lose one another, tip-toeing around the concept with sentiments like, 'If I were a woman, I think I'd want to be with you.' He'd thought it an indication of the ultimate friendship, in a society constraining his ability to think of it as anything more. Leon recognizes his own simple-mindedness. He very rarely questions what he's been taught. ]
[ Lately, though, he's been thinking. There's no one else to talk about it with spare Rinaldo, who has enough on his plate. Both of them are attempting to navigate their grief, to pull themselves back together. While Leon feels himself beginning to question God's ways (a secret he'll take with himself to the grave), what he truly believes in is the goodness of God's people. That's the humanity that he fights for. ]
"Life is very multi-faceted and finding a reason for its ways is impossible, I've come to find." [ He muses. ] "It isn't my place to judge any of you, should you have been concerned I might." [ Perhaps there had been some anxiety there. It's reasonable, given their surroundings. He doubts that even now their kind of romance is understood by the people, if the Church won't grant them the right to marry. ]
"I've never met my bloodline, but I believe in their righteousness. And this woman called Sypha, I trust her judgement in deeming you both worthy of her love. One man is plenty of trouble enough."
Oh, and the trouble that stalks your blood by nature of the work.
[That's actually said with warmth rather than a single dhampir bitching endlessly. All three of them get into trouble constantly, but being a hunter of all manner of night things? It begs more trouble. A perpetual trouble machine. And Trevor alone is a handful, and Alucard's always been aware of the fact his own presence doesn't help. It's a miracle Sypha endures either of them.
Likewise, Alucard would be a fucking liar if he said that the lack of judgement is a relief. Walking past that massive portrait of Leon every time he's come down to work in the Hold, he's felt those eyes follow him. Felt the offended spirits of countless Belmonts demanding to know why the son of Dracula is in such a space. Logically, Alucard knew it was simply a manifestation of guilt and awkwardness. But a logical brain is not always in control.
He returns his attention to the index page he's been working on.]
How are you feeling with regards to your injuries anyway?
"I'll let you know if it becomes anything I can't handle." [ Leon's study-bodied, so his natural pain tolerance is already quite high as it is. Now that Alucard is returning to work, he looks at the ceiling. ]
"I suppose it's something difficult to know until it's happened." [ A thin smile, deciding it's probably best left unknown. It dissipates as he collects his reality again. ] "—In any case, I can't help but feel like my time here is as limited. I'll have to face that thing when I'm taken back. I mentioned looking at my journal a while ago, but you said it was bound in silver, is that right? Can I lend you my glove...? Sorry, I hate to trouble you with it. I'm just uncertain as to when I'll be pulled back there."
That is very kind of you, but I'm afraid that even with the thickest hide gloves, the silver is a problem. [Alucard's almost embarrased to admit it. But also, hey, thanks Future Leon!]
I dislike the idea of forcing you upward at all, but I believe I could carry a chair with you in it to the appropriate spot and let you select the correct tome.
[ Odd to consider, that idea is. Though Leon realizes Alucard's more than capable of lifting the seat and himself along with it (the strength of a species not totally human will render one able to), it's just... a strange image, if not a little embarrassing. ]
"You needn't go so far for me." [ He's doubtful. Somehow, he doesn't think Alucard will comply. As he reflects on the entirety of their circumstances, he can see that despite the chilly demeanor the other bears, he's been nothing but accommodating. Leon's finally able to really see that now, initially having been distracted by the quips and snips. ]
"Truthfully, I'm able to handle myself if you'll allow me." [ Ahem. If you'll allow him, Alucard. ]
[It comes with a heavy sigh. And then Alucard saying fuck it to everything, and flat out just walking over to where Leon is and easily lifting the whole damn chair without batting an eye.]
It isn't worth risking injury for a book that's meant to help you avoid injury.
[ Leon warbles in the seat as it's lifted, worried he may fall out of it if he doesn't pay attention enough to his balance. His hands clutch the cushion beneath himself, clinging nervously to pretty much whatever he can grab to stay stable. Nooo! This is the embarrassing image he'd foreseen... ]
"If there's anything I've come to learn from this, it's that you aren't easily persuaded once your mind has been made up..." [ He's so defeated, still holding on to the chair like an animal in a pet carrier. Despite that, he knows that the two of them will squabble in circles if he insists that, no, he won't injure himself or that yes, he's now physically ready to do as much as he wants. Alucard will take opposition. ]
"You really don't look as if you should be able to lift all of this so easily. Do you accidentally break things around the house?"
I'm glad that that much as been made clear at this point.
[Pet carrier or not, Alucard moves them over to a section of the book stacks that are on the first floor of the hold. That much is a blessing, because that's even Alucard can't imagine carrying the whole thing up the stairs and down the narrow aisles.
He moves down a few feet, past one or two shelving units, cheerful enough.]
No. I know how to manage my strength.
[But more importantly: there's a section of shelves that are so very shiny. Silver. Alucard clears his throat and gestures at them.]
You'll have to check the dates on journals, I'm not sure which volume is the correct one.
"Is that so..." [ He certainly doesn't seem the clumsy type. Still, making conversation is an odd thing to do when you're being toted from point A to point B. Leon's pointedly self-conscious about he and the chair's heaviness, careful to try and avoid sinking any unnecessary weight into Alucard's load. He's visibly relieved when they reach the designated shelves. ]
"The silver ones, I take it." [ Yeah, obviously. ] "It's sort of funny to think of the material as a substitute for a lock on a diary. That's basically what it is."
"All right." [ Leon traces his fingers over the silver spines, finding the left-most journal and pulling it free. While the material might scald Alucard's skin, to Leon it's as easy as unclipping a buckle. ]
"Easy. It looks like I started documenting only about a week after Walter's defeat." [ He's turning the pages. ] "I wonder if there'll be some kind of drawing of this creature I'm facing. I want to share it with you because it's honestly so horrible looking that I can't bear keeping it to myself." [ Misery loves company! ]
[Alucard hovers over Leon's shoulder, but it isn't because of concern for the man's health this time. It is instead to actually look inside the journals. He hasn't really done that, not without Trevor at home to assist with the silver. Being able to see the contents? That's a true novelty.]
I'm surprised you weren't working earlier. Or was that information just lost to time?
[Also. Rude.]
Sounds like Trevor, but he brings home dead things to be taxidermied.
"Maybe I was just busy..." [ The only excuse that he can come up with. In actuality, a lot of it likely has to do with his lack of consideration to start writing any sooner. Not until after realizing that there's an actual plan in motion, and he needs to take the required steps to make it happen. ]
"This monster is too big to mount anywhere— it has its own torture chamber in the castle basement where it's all shackled up and I couldn't tell what the mural drawn on the wall before I went in really meant." [ See, he doesn't have the luxury of smart friends like Sypha or Alucard there to accompany him. Just his confused self and a lot of trial and error. He's spent days attempting to figure out simple mechanics, either from being lost or from being too initially unobservant. ]
"Tell Trevor not to do that, though. He's going to traumatize the taxidermist." [ He's frowning deeply, still combing through the pages about fighting Death itself. Explanations of the encounter. Eventually, though, he does come across a page that Other Him has dedicated to a drawing of the notorious monster, but his lack of artistic ability leaves much to be desired. The drawing is a asymmetrical, and the giant maggots look more like poop than anything else. ]
"Look, it's this." [ He can't tell he's bad at drawing, and he shows Alucard with a grim expression on his face. ]
[Alucard's tone makes it clear he isn't buying that particular excuse. Smells like bullshit if you ask him.
But he listens. Listens carefully, and he understands why Leon probably needed his father. His...observation skills probably need a second pair of hands to help make them truly effective. It isn't always a bad thing, and he's seemingly managed unharmed enough to start the Belmont line, but still.]
As the taxidermist I'm well aware of the traumas. He just likes to spite me.
[Trevor is RUDE, Leon.
But more on that later. Alucard's eyes go down to the monster on the page, and his nose wrinkles immediately.]
That's...something...I suppose. How large is it? Obviously drawings can't be to scale.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Those words come out with a little more anger. He was angry. God, Alucard still is angry about the situation at the end of the day. His mother was murdered for bullshit reasons, and his father went so mad with grief that the kind thing was to put him out of his misery. He's allowed to be angry at the unfairness of it. If his mother hadn't been who she was, Alucard may have slept through his father's genocide.
Or worse.
The sympathy is genuine. Alucard knows that, but it is so hard not to chafe against it with the bitterness running through his thoughts. It takes real effort to shove it aside, to return to the far more well meaning if exhausted nursemaid mode. An easy role. One he's had to play several times over for Trevor.]
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"..."
[ Only now, he's at a loss for words. He's driven this conversation into a dead end, and the only way he feels he can potentially uplift it is to mention the wishes he assumes of Alucard's mother, how maybe she'd like him to start his life anew. That in itself is also likely to upset him further— the more Leon tries to find out, the more he's pushed from it. Or lashed at. Not that he can really blame Alucard. His own understanding of that rage is what prompted Alucard's father to offer Leon eternal life, after all. ]
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And all it requires is him taking a long, slow exhale that forces the worst thoughts out. They leave, he takes another breath, and the tension leaves him entirely.]
Apologies. I am being a poor host and my bedside manner is worse. [They're pleasant enough words, even if Alucard doesn't feel entirely sure saying them. Any other Belmont that isn't Trevor still puts him on edge. It can't be helped.]
The only good part of all of it was meeting your several times over great-grandson and Sypha.
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"What are those two like? Trevor isn't a name I'd decide for my child." [ Grateful for the introduction of a positive subject. He'd much rather talk about this than the unfairness of tragedy. ]
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You...represent a great many things in this house, Leon Belmont. Those things are sometimes contradictory, or as you've already deduced, emotionally loaded. They're likewise things that you can't possibly know until they are said.
[It's not fine, but Alucard's trying. Hard.]
After a Treffor, apparently. Sypha was just as confused, as the name is very much not French. As for how to describe them both.
[Alucard pauses, shaking his head with a stupid fondness.] Sypha's among the Speakers. Quick and quick witted, with far more emotional intelligence than either of us combined. A magic user with no equal, and a woman who refuses to deal with anyone's nonsense. I've never had the pleasure of the company with someone else with such a calm, cool head on her shoulders or someone who makes herself so easy to love. We've spent so many hours down here bickering about dead languages that I think Trevor resents it.
[Trevor mostly just gets bored and then complains that they've been gone all day.]
He's...prickly. And guarded. Things took a poor turn and he needed armor that no other Belmont required for the world, but there is a fundamental sense of morality in him. It just hides under a gruffer exterior that loves to protest and be sarcastic. Hardly a model knight, but neither of us would want that anyway. Rough around the edges and complaining is a far better man to--
[Oh.]
We're...all involved with each other, even if a marriage between three people is impossible without one of us being a dhampir and the other being a Speaker and thus a heretic in the eyes of the Church.
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"A-A three-way marriage?"
[ Just double checking! He's not going insane right?! What is going on?! ]
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[A dhampir is not impressed.]
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[ He barks defensively, brows furrowing over his eyes. Give him some time to digest the news! It's beyond him! ]
"I just don't understand how it works." [ Where does one put things? How do they not get jealous of one another? ]
"I've heard rumors of men bedding one another before, but I didn't consider it a possibility." [ He fears God too much, and the Bible has been drilled into him since as long as he can remember. Despite that, he isn't reacting with hatred so much as confusion and worry. ]
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[There's a little horrid part of Alucard that feels a little happy at getting Leon to react like this. It re-balances the scales.]
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"I see." [ Leon's still imagining it. The homosexuality doesn't actually confuse him in theory, but more-so the bravery to act upon it in an age where God and the Church deem it a sin. Even he and Mathias had held strangely intimate conversations before after battles where they thought they might lose one another, tip-toeing around the concept with sentiments like, 'If I were a woman, I think I'd want to be with you.' He'd thought it an indication of the ultimate friendship, in a society constraining his ability to think of it as anything more. Leon recognizes his own simple-mindedness. He very rarely questions what he's been taught. ]
[ Lately, though, he's been thinking. There's no one else to talk about it with spare Rinaldo, who has enough on his plate. Both of them are attempting to navigate their grief, to pull themselves back together. While Leon feels himself beginning to question God's ways (a secret he'll take with himself to the grave), what he truly believes in is the goodness of God's people. That's the humanity that he fights for. ]
"Life is very multi-faceted and finding a reason for its ways is impossible, I've come to find." [ He muses. ] "It isn't my place to judge any of you, should you have been concerned I might."
[ Perhaps there had been some anxiety there. It's reasonable, given their surroundings. He doubts that even now their kind of romance is understood by the people, if the Church won't grant them the right to marry. ]
"I've never met my bloodline, but I believe in their righteousness. And this woman called Sypha, I trust her judgement in deeming you both worthy of her love. One man is plenty of trouble enough."
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[That's actually said with warmth rather than a single dhampir bitching endlessly. All three of them get into trouble constantly, but being a hunter of all manner of night things? It begs more trouble. A perpetual trouble machine. And Trevor alone is a handful, and Alucard's always been aware of the fact his own presence doesn't help. It's a miracle Sypha endures either of them.
Likewise, Alucard would be a fucking liar if he said that the lack of judgement is a relief. Walking past that massive portrait of Leon every time he's come down to work in the Hold, he's felt those eyes follow him. Felt the offended spirits of countless Belmonts demanding to know why the son of Dracula is in such a space. Logically, Alucard knew it was simply a manifestation of guilt and awkwardness. But a logical brain is not always in control.
He returns his attention to the index page he's been working on.]
How are you feeling with regards to your injuries anyway?
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[ Leon looks to his bandaging. ]
"It's a shame the other two aren't here for me to meet. Do you think that me talking them would make the world's storyline unravel, or something?"
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[Alucard knows where he can go and get it, and it won't take more than a minute or two.]
Truly, I do not know. A meeting may be fine, but learning details could be a bigger problem.
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[ Leon's study-bodied, so his natural pain tolerance is already quite high as it is. Now that Alucard is returning to work, he looks at the ceiling. ]
"I suppose it's something difficult to know until it's happened." [ A thin smile, deciding it's probably best left unknown. It dissipates as he collects his reality again. ]
"—In any case, I can't help but feel like my time here is as limited. I'll have to face that thing when I'm taken back. I mentioned looking at my journal a while ago, but you said it was bound in silver, is that right? Can I lend you my glove...? Sorry, I hate to trouble you with it. I'm just uncertain as to when I'll be pulled back there."
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I dislike the idea of forcing you upward at all, but I believe I could carry a chair with you in it to the appropriate spot and let you select the correct tome.
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"You needn't go so far for me." [ He's doubtful. Somehow, he doesn't think Alucard will comply. As he reflects on the entirety of their circumstances, he can see that despite the chilly demeanor the other bears, he's been nothing but accommodating. Leon's finally able to really see that now, initially having been distracted by the quips and snips. ]
"Truthfully, I'm able to handle myself if you'll allow me."
[ Ahem. If you'll allow him, Alucard. ]
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[It comes with a heavy sigh. And then Alucard saying fuck it to everything, and flat out just walking over to where Leon is and easily lifting the whole damn chair without batting an eye.]
It isn't worth risking injury for a book that's meant to help you avoid injury.
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"If there's anything I've come to learn from this, it's that you aren't easily persuaded once your mind has been made up..." [ He's so defeated, still holding on to the chair like an animal in a pet carrier. Despite that, he knows that the two of them will squabble in circles if he insists that, no, he won't injure himself or that yes, he's now physically ready to do as much as he wants. Alucard will take opposition. ]
"You really don't look as if you should be able to lift all of this so easily. Do you accidentally break things around the house?"
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I'm glad that that much as been made clear at this point.
[Pet carrier or not, Alucard moves them over to a section of the book stacks that are on the first floor of the hold. That much is a blessing, because that's even Alucard can't imagine carrying the whole thing up the stairs and down the narrow aisles.
He moves down a few feet, past one or two shelving units, cheerful enough.]
No. I know how to manage my strength.
[But more importantly: there's a section of shelves that are so very shiny. Silver. Alucard clears his throat and gestures at them.]
You'll have to check the dates on journals, I'm not sure which volume is the correct one.
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"Is that so..."
[ He certainly doesn't seem the clumsy type. Still, making conversation is an odd thing to do when you're being toted from point A to point B. Leon's pointedly self-conscious about he and the chair's heaviness, careful to try and avoid sinking any unnecessary weight into Alucard's load. He's visibly relieved when they reach the designated shelves. ]
"The silver ones, I take it." [ Yeah, obviously. ]
"It's sort of funny to think of the material as a substitute for a lock on a diary. That's basically what it is."
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[If Alucard sounds annoyed, it's directed at the situation rather than at Leon.]
Take one and examine the date. That should give us an idea of which volume the information you're looking for is in.
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"Easy. It looks like I started documenting only about a week after Walter's defeat." [ He's turning the pages. ] "I wonder if there'll be some kind of drawing of this creature I'm facing. I want to share it with you because it's honestly so horrible looking that I can't bear keeping it to myself." [ Misery loves company! ]
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I'm surprised you weren't working earlier. Or was that information just lost to time?
[Also. Rude.]
Sounds like Trevor, but he brings home dead things to be taxidermied.
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"This monster is too big to mount anywhere— it has its own torture chamber in the castle basement where it's all shackled up and I couldn't tell what the mural drawn on the wall before I went in really meant." [ See, he doesn't have the luxury of smart friends like Sypha or Alucard there to accompany him. Just his confused self and a lot of trial and error. He's spent days attempting to figure out simple mechanics, either from being lost or from being too initially unobservant. ]
"Tell Trevor not to do that, though. He's going to traumatize the taxidermist." [ He's frowning deeply, still combing through the pages about fighting Death itself. Explanations of the encounter. Eventually, though, he does come across a page that Other Him has dedicated to a drawing of the notorious monster, but his lack of artistic ability leaves much to be desired. The drawing is a asymmetrical, and the giant maggots look more like poop than anything else. ]
"Look, it's this." [ He can't tell he's bad at drawing, and he shows Alucard with a grim expression on his face. ]
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[Alucard's tone makes it clear he isn't buying that particular excuse. Smells like bullshit if you ask him.
But he listens. Listens carefully, and he understands why Leon probably needed his father. His...observation skills probably need a second pair of hands to help make them truly effective. It isn't always a bad thing, and he's seemingly managed unharmed enough to start the Belmont line, but still.]
As the taxidermist I'm well aware of the traumas. He just likes to spite me.
[Trevor is RUDE, Leon.
But more on that later. Alucard's eyes go down to the monster on the page, and his nose wrinkles immediately.]
That's...something...I suppose. How large is it? Obviously drawings can't be to scale.
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