[ He doesn't back away, though. Doesn't apologise more than once. Doesn't try to do anything dramatic to make up for pushing things further than hee should. Just goes quiet for a moment, watching the bandages, and lets the smirk melt into a smaller, warmer smile. ]
[Alucard carefully kisses the the bandage. Then his hand reaches up, stroking what it can of Trevor's hair. It's impossibly gentle, wanting to just return everything that Trevor has done for him since Carmilla's death.]
You have to look after me, now. I don’t have any blood.
[ It’s amused-sounding, and just a touch childish. Like he’s managed to trick Alucard into being gentle with him, rather than just achieving it in a terribly roundabout way that avoids asking for gentleness. And it’s maybe a little too honest. Not like when he was on the medicine, he’s still mostly present. He’s just- happy, and for once willing to be small and fragile and protected.
[And I've been looking after you a very long time, Alucard does not say. He knows better, and with that, Alucard has to pause to figure out how to best move Trevor into a comfortable position.
All while his hand keeps combing through Trevor's hair.]
Don't worry. There will be no walking. We're just going to settle you down on the sofa, Trevor.
[ Probably for the best that he doesn't say it. It'll be a long time yet before Trevor can communicate that this is the only time he doesn't feel guilty about letting himself be looked after. ]
Yeah. That sounds nice.
[ All of this is nice. Nice and warm and safe. So safe. The slow, constant movement of Alucard's hand through his hair is nearly hypnotising. ]
[Alucard's careful as he shifts Trevor down onto the sofa. He makes sure that all of Trevor is supported by the pillows, that his neck has extra cushioning. It's impossibly soft, but now Alucard? He's at a terribly strange angle and doesn't know how to extricate himself.]
But I'm getting you a blanket first. Is that okay?
[ He has to think about that. Logically, for whatever part of him is operating on logic, he knows that he's going to get cold sooner rather than later lying still after blood loss. But it also means Alucard going. Means the hand in his hair stopping.
He looks up at Alucard, making sure to pull away just a little o they can see each other's faces. So Alucard can see how very serious he is (he just still looks soft and confused, in truth). ]
[And he does. Alucard extracts himself from the sofa so very carefully, and once he's up, he takes one of the thick wool blankets that are draped over the little headboard that has been re-purposed for draping blankets over so they can get warmed.
(He could make a more efficient version of this, Alucard thinks to himself. He'll do it once he's well.)
Alucard comes back, and he makes a point of tucking Trevor in.]
[Alucard's aware that even like this, Trevor has managed to keep in mind the touch rules. It's good. Alucard leans in so that his cheek does brush against Trevor's hand, a quiet acknowledgement of his want and Alucard's ability to give right now.]
[ A little bit a sex thing, but he'll have to work through the emotional shit before it can be that proper. ]
I- shit, I don't know. I don't even know who the fuck that would be, other than shitty company.
[ Who even is he, outside of the context of being a Belmont. Of the church. Of everything that's asked blood from him before and never repaid in care the way that Alucard and Sypha do. Who the fuck is he in peacetime? It wasn't something he had to think about before, not when he could just leave and go to do Belmont things when the question started burning too hot. Maybe in a few more months things will be normal enough that he can start doing that again. But for now he has to think about these things, and he doesn't care for it. ]
You're...I struggled with you for a very long time, Trevor. I can't lie about that. But Sypha loved you because you cared. Because you felt compelled to do right by her, and because you were more than just a family crest. You were someone with your own values, some that aligned with your family's, some that were clearly your own. The things that were your own, those were the things that mattered to me.
The person I see now is someone who's been through so much, and yet maintained dignity and a sense of purpose - a different one than would be expected of him at first, but perhaps a better purpose now.
[ If he wasn’t already basically floored by affection and blood loss right now, that would have done it. He takes his hand from Alucard’s face, turning to lie on his back and bringing his arm over his eyes. It’s a moment before he does anything else, and when he does it’s a chuckle. A soft, slightly heavy one. The kind that’s disguising something else. ]
Shit, Adrian. The fuck am I meant to say to that?
[ Gradually he brings his arm away from his eyes, leaving them exposed and heavy and glassy. ]
I still don’t see it. But I’ll try to figure out what I’ve done to trick you into- all of that. And I’ll do more of it.
[When Alucard's hand reaches down, it's to brush some of the hair away from Trevor's forehead. To arrange everything just so, and to try and make him feel just a little bit better. Alucard knows he's maybe said too much. But he can't seem to make himself care.]
I don't know. I think those kinds of statements end with kisses.
[His hand moves down, resting gingerly atop the bandage again.]
We can only ask that you continue to be yourself. Nothing more or less.
[ A long sigh follows, which is apparently the sound that the human body makes while processing feelings into cocksure bullshit because when it ends the lopsided smirk if back. Tired and soft and too warm to get the full effect, but back. ]
So- you going to tell me more about this 'kisses' thing? Sounds good. Think I'm interested.
[He can't be mean. Not when Trevor's like this. So Alucard leans down and kisses Trevor softly on the lips, almost scared that even that will be too much.]
[ The smile fades, but it's not a bad thing. More like a relaxing, like none of the muscles in his face are being used at all right now. His eyes are almost closed, but not quite. ]
[What other response can he give anyway when Trevor is so soft and floppy like this? It is almost too much to look at, and Alucard lets out a happy sigh.]
[Carefully, so carefully, Alucard settles in next to Trevor. He's as ginger as he can be, and long, delicate fingers keep moving through Trevor's hair.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ He doesn't back away, though. Doesn't apologise more than once. Doesn't try to do anything dramatic to make up for pushing things further than hee should. Just goes quiet for a moment, watching the bandages, and lets the smirk melt into a smaller, warmer smile. ]
I like it. s'nice. Feels safe.
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[Alucard carefully kisses the the bandage. Then his hand reaches up, stroking what it can of Trevor's hair. It's impossibly gentle, wanting to just return everything that Trevor has done for him since Carmilla's death.]
We should get you off my lap and lay you down.
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[ It’s amused-sounding, and just a touch childish. Like he’s managed to trick Alucard into being gentle with him, rather than just achieving it in a terribly roundabout way that avoids asking for gentleness. And it’s maybe a little too honest. Not like when he was on the medicine, he’s still mostly present. He’s just- happy, and for once willing to be small and fragile and protected.
He leans his head against Alucard’s again. ]
Wherever we’re going, I don’t want to walk.
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[And I've been looking after you a very long time, Alucard does not say. He knows better, and with that, Alucard has to pause to figure out how to best move Trevor into a comfortable position.
All while his hand keeps combing through Trevor's hair.]
Don't worry. There will be no walking. We're just going to settle you down on the sofa, Trevor.
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Yeah. That sounds nice.
[ All of this is nice. Nice and warm and safe. So safe. The slow, constant movement of Alucard's hand through his hair is nearly hypnotising. ]
You'll stay? [ Please? ]
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[Alucard's careful as he shifts Trevor down onto the sofa. He makes sure that all of Trevor is supported by the pillows, that his neck has extra cushioning. It's impossibly soft, but now Alucard? He's at a terribly strange angle and doesn't know how to extricate himself.]
But I'm getting you a blanket first. Is that okay?
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[ He has to think about that. Logically, for whatever part of him is operating on logic, he knows that he's going to get cold sooner rather than later lying still after blood loss. But it also means Alucard going. Means the hand in his hair stopping.
He looks up at Alucard, making sure to pull away just a little o they can see each other's faces. So Alucard can see how very serious he is (he just still looks soft and confused, in truth). ]
You have to come back.
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[And he does. Alucard extracts himself from the sofa so very carefully, and once he's up, he takes one of the thick wool blankets that are draped over the little headboard that has been re-purposed for draping blankets over so they can get warmed.
(He could make a more efficient version of this, Alucard thinks to himself. He'll do it once he's well.)
Alucard comes back, and he makes a point of tucking Trevor in.]
See? Back.
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[ He reaches up, and his arm is so, so heavy. He manages, though, and he curls a lock of Alucard's hair around his finger. ]
It's nice, that I can be part of you. Just a little part of something beautiful.
[ His hand hovers close to Alucard's cheek as the hair slips away from around his finger, but doesn't touch. ]
I'm so fucking lucky.
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[Alucard's aware that even like this, Trevor has managed to keep in mind the touch rules. It's good. Alucard leans in so that his cheek does brush against Trevor's hand, a quiet acknowledgement of his want and Alucard's ability to give right now.]
Being a part of me?
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[ He's soft enough with affection and bloodloss to be able to admit that right now, rather than be as dismissive as he was earlier. ]
Like the drink makes me someone I like better than me. But I'd rather be you than me, but drunk. S'better, that way.
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Alucard sighs, his hand coming to rest over that bandage.]
And if Sypha and I simply like you for you? What then?
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I- shit, I don't know. I don't even know who the fuck that would be, other than shitty company.
[ Who even is he, outside of the context of being a Belmont. Of the church. Of everything that's asked blood from him before and never repaid in care the way that Alucard and Sypha do. Who the fuck is he in peacetime? It wasn't something he had to think about before, not when he could just leave and go to do Belmont things when the question started burning too hot. Maybe in a few more months things will be normal enough that he can start doing that again. But for now he has to think about these things, and he doesn't care for it. ]
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[It's a very dangerous thing they're embarking on here. Alucard knows it. But it seems important to go down that route anyway.]
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If you say something shitty I’m going to tell Sypha you were a dick to me even though I gave you blood.
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I fear her too much to ever do that.
[It's a truth.]
You're...I struggled with you for a very long time, Trevor. I can't lie about that. But Sypha loved you because you cared. Because you felt compelled to do right by her, and because you were more than just a family crest. You were someone with your own values, some that aligned with your family's, some that were clearly your own. The things that were your own, those were the things that mattered to me.
The person I see now is someone who's been through so much, and yet maintained dignity and a sense of purpose - a different one than would be expected of him at first, but perhaps a better purpose now.
I also see someone that I love.
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[ If he wasn’t already basically floored by affection and blood loss right now, that would have done it. He takes his hand from Alucard’s face, turning to lie on his back and bringing his arm over his eyes. It’s a moment before he does anything else, and when he does it’s a chuckle. A soft, slightly heavy one. The kind that’s disguising something else. ]
Shit, Adrian. The fuck am I meant to say to that?
[ Gradually he brings his arm away from his eyes, leaving them exposed and heavy and glassy. ]
I still don’t see it. But I’ll try to figure out what I’ve done to trick you into- all of that. And I’ll do more of it.
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I don't know. I think those kinds of statements end with kisses.
[His hand moves down, resting gingerly atop the bandage again.]
We can only ask that you continue to be yourself. Nothing more or less.
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[ A long sigh follows, which is apparently the sound that the human body makes while processing feelings into cocksure bullshit because when it ends the lopsided smirk if back. Tired and soft and too warm to get the full effect, but back. ]
So- you going to tell me more about this 'kisses' thing? Sounds good. Think I'm interested.
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[He can't be mean. Not when Trevor's like this. So Alucard leans down and kisses Trevor softly on the lips, almost scared that even that will be too much.]
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[ The smile fades, but it's not a bad thing. More like a relaxing, like none of the muscles in his face are being used at all right now. His eyes are almost closed, but not quite. ]
Tired. But- please stay.
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[What other response can he give anyway when Trevor is so soft and floppy like this? It is almost too much to look at, and Alucard lets out a happy sigh.]
More blankets? Or just me?
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[ His eyes are closed, now, and and his speech slow and full of pauses. ]
She'll find us, soon. She should join us.
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[Carefully, so carefully, Alucard settles in next to Trevor. He's as ginger as he can be, and long, delicate fingers keep moving through Trevor's hair.]
We'll both be here.