Adrian's concerns about him and his rather skewed opinions on himself are ones that D struggles to understand, rooted as they seem to be in a form of kindness that is entirely strange to him. But the pursuit of answers about other matters, that's a good deal easier.
Perhaps he should regret that it's clearly something that Adrian struggles to talk about in turn, but he's been wondering for a while now and this particular hunt is too intriguing to leave just yet.
"You speak of her often and how she raised you. How she would have wanted someone like myself to find worth outside of my purpose," he returns. "Yet you seem to be hiding from that as much as I am."
That isn't a lie. He is a steward of two legacies, delicate and fragile and so easily broken because the world beyond has no love for Dracula or for the Belmonts. But it is also an all too easy out that he has zero shame in taking advantage of.
"My desire to interact with the world comes and goes. By and large, I am aloof. As much as she would disapprove, I believe the decision and underlying reasons for it would be understood."
"And what reasons are they?" There's tiredness in his voice but D presses on still, curious and unwilling to give up on the chance Adrian is giving him of finding out more about him and their curious differences.
"Is it only wanting to preserve a legacy, or is there something more to it?"
Alucard's next response is flat. It strives to lack emotions, and even then, it is hard.
"An ambitious man of the Church was responsible for my mother's murder. A crowd egged it all on. I will honor and respect my mother's love of humanity, and I will love who I choose, but I cannot and will not approach a whole society."
Lisa's murder had only been the beginning though. The start of the so-called Burning Times. Alucard watched the books about witches be published. Saw the Reformation make it worse. Grieved because his pain was no longer an isolated pain, and that was unfair to so many more people.
D listened silently, no longer pushing now he felt that he had gotten some of what he'd been seeking.
"So that's it," he murmured. "Maybe we're not that different after all."
A faint smile touched his lips and D sank back in the chair, letting some of the exhaustion win out in a small way. "For all your talk of moving on and not resigning myself to my fate, you've done exactly the same and resigned yourself to living here, apart from everyone."
"No." The correction is immediate and cold. This? This is territory Alucard has worked to stay away from. D's stampeding into it. "I experienced things and made a choice to be here and to associate with the humans I associate with."
Beyond that, D is fixed with narrowed eyebrows and a thin, unhappy frown on Alucard's face.
Anyone else might have accepted the note of finality in Adrian's voice, but D often pushed where he wasn't wanted and this struck him as no different. The worst he could imagine this coming to was a fight or Adrian asking him to leave, neither of which carried much threat to him.
"So you stay here, away from the world, and keep humanity at large at a distance," he continues, pressing on with the same calm, relentless tone. "Choosing only a few to see as worth your time. It seems you take more after him than your mother in that respect."
His eyes narrow slightly. "And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy, what need will you have for humanity then? What will you think of them all when that day comes?"
Alucard's frown deepens. He shouldn't be surprised that D has ignored the request to stop the discussion. That lack of surprise doesn't erase the hurt of it, or the truly sour tone that comes out of the dhampir's mouth next.
"D, I said this conversation is over."
The finality brushes against something angrier. One that also suggests that D?
D remains silent as Adrian takes his leave and he's left alone in the room. He'd made his point, and no matter how much Adrian might avoid it, the truth won't fade so easily.
He moves out of the chair and stretches out onto the bed, still fully clothed, and closes his eyes. But if Adrian hasn't yet gotten too far, he might hear another conversation.
"Haha, you sure are a cold one."
"I thought you were asleep." D didn't open his eyes, and the other voice continued.
"No thanks to you running me ragged all the time. But I heard enough of that last part. And I know what's really going through that head of yours."
There's no answer from D, but that doesn't stop the creature.
"You're thinking about what might happen if he ends up like him, what you might have to do. And you want to stop it." The voice is muffled and one might imagine D squeezing his hand in a tight fist to try and silence the voice.
"Question is, is it because you actually care about him, or are you finally getting tired of killing every one of his creations that you come across?"
Alucard in fact hears none of the conversation. His shoulders are up around his ears, too defensive to truly listen in. D has in fact called him out. The words ring in his ears, And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy...?
Oh, there was more to it than that. Alucard knows there was more to it than that, but he can hardly make himself care. He has thought so many times about what he'd do when no Belmonts remained, and every time he dealt with the thought anew, he ran from it.
He'll be nothing. Easier to go to sleep again and be awakened if needed. And if he is never needed again, then so be it. He knows the other option, the path of his father, that is unacceptable. So it cannot be contemplated at all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Perhaps he should regret that it's clearly something that Adrian struggles to talk about in turn, but he's been wondering for a while now and this particular hunt is too intriguing to leave just yet.
"You speak of her often and how she raised you. How she would have wanted someone like myself to find worth outside of my purpose," he returns. "Yet you seem to be hiding from that as much as I am."
no subject
That isn't a lie. He is a steward of two legacies, delicate and fragile and so easily broken because the world beyond has no love for Dracula or for the Belmonts. But it is also an all too easy out that he has zero shame in taking advantage of.
"My desire to interact with the world comes and goes. By and large, I am aloof. As much as she would disapprove, I believe the decision and underlying reasons for it would be understood."
no subject
"Is it only wanting to preserve a legacy, or is there something more to it?"
no subject
"An ambitious man of the Church was responsible for my mother's murder. A crowd egged it all on. I will honor and respect my mother's love of humanity, and I will love who I choose, but I cannot and will not approach a whole society."
Lisa's murder had only been the beginning though. The start of the so-called Burning Times. Alucard watched the books about witches be published. Saw the Reformation make it worse. Grieved because his pain was no longer an isolated pain, and that was unfair to so many more people.
no subject
"So that's it," he murmured. "Maybe we're not that different after all."
A faint smile touched his lips and D sank back in the chair, letting some of the exhaustion win out in a small way. "For all your talk of moving on and not resigning myself to my fate, you've done exactly the same and resigned yourself to living here, apart from everyone."
no subject
Beyond that, D is fixed with narrowed eyebrows and a thin, unhappy frown on Alucard's face.
"I'm closing the door on this conversation."
no subject
"So you stay here, away from the world, and keep humanity at large at a distance," he continues, pressing on with the same calm, relentless tone. "Choosing only a few to see as worth your time. It seems you take more after him than your mother in that respect."
His eyes narrow slightly. "And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy, what need will you have for humanity then? What will you think of them all when that day comes?"
no subject
"D, I said this conversation is over."
The finality brushes against something angrier. One that also suggests that D?
D has hit way too close to home.
"Go recover. I have work to do."
no subject
He moves out of the chair and stretches out onto the bed, still fully clothed, and closes his eyes. But if Adrian hasn't yet gotten too far, he might hear another conversation.
"Haha, you sure are a cold one."
"I thought you were asleep." D didn't open his eyes, and the other voice continued.
"No thanks to you running me ragged all the time. But I heard enough of that last part. And I know what's really going through that head of yours."
There's no answer from D, but that doesn't stop the creature.
"You're thinking about what might happen if he ends up like him, what you might have to do. And you want to stop it." The voice is muffled and one might imagine D squeezing his hand in a tight fist to try and silence the voice.
"Question is, is it because you actually care about him, or are you finally getting tired of killing every one of his creations that you come across?"
End here?
Oh, there was more to it than that. Alucard knows there was more to it than that, but he can hardly make himself care. He has thought so many times about what he'd do when no Belmonts remained, and every time he dealt with the thought anew, he ran from it.
He'll be nothing. Easier to go to sleep again and be awakened if needed. And if he is never needed again, then so be it. He knows the other option, the path of his father, that is unacceptable. So it cannot be contemplated at all.