[ He brings the chair in. There’s no real way to move Alucard from it to the bed to without touching him, so for now he’s just. There. Trevor sits on the bed, facing him. ]
I think- I think my father wanted me to interfere. He never told me to. But he sent me to Targoviste, and he sent me alone. It’s the first time he’s had me ride alone for the hunt. It’s... less bad, for me to be the one to break the deal. I’m not the one who made it.
But I did it wrong. I wasn’t meant to be so direct about it.
[ He huffs. ]
I thought that I could salvage it. If I just kept you, like my sister keeps her wives, maybe it would seem better somehow. He wouldn’t like it, but I wouldn’t have failed. Just done what I wanted instead. But that doesn’t work either.
This is the first thing he’s really trusted me with. The first thing that matters. I think he’s testing me. And I think I’m failing.
So I’m not being nice. I’m choosing who I want him to see me being. [ A sigh. ] And if it’s between being graceful in failure or cruel in failure, I want to choose grace.
[Alucard's fear subsides enough to listen. There's a part of him that knows he's right to be afraid, but the rest of him wants him to stop being a scared spitting, hissing animal. It's like a cat that's barely able to tolerate people.
There's a lot to understand here. Alucard's careful as he listens. Leon did not want to see the last of his beloved's line die. That's the first part here.
He's not sure what the directness has to do with matters yet. But that can be determined soon.]
You're trying to do right by him. That's....I understand that.
[But speaking of cruelty or grace, that gives Alucard an awful lot of pause. He'll exchange a moment's vulnerability for that.]
I appreciate that. It's not normal for people to treat me this way. [It's been so rare.] They always want something for kindness. And no hands that touch me are kind.
[ His instinct is, of course, to reach out to offer comfort. He’s lived in a large family, with a mother and at least one sister whose immediate response to the distress of others is contact. And a weird not-aunt who might be dating his mother who spent half his childhood deliberately picking out the most gaudy shades of lipstick to his his and his siblings’ cheeks with. It’s a big touchy family. He manages not to. ]
I don’t- [ No. That would be a lie. ] I... would probably want things from you. But not for kindness. Not in return for anything.
[ He can’t offer touch as comfort, so he tries a weak smile. ]
[It's the first time anyone's said they're sorry to him with any sense of meaning it in a very long time. On the man's face is a very thin, pained, anemic smile. But it's there for a fleeting moment.]
Thank you. That's...
[Alucard lets himself trail off for some time.]
I will struggle to believe you. But I appreciate it all the same.
[ He stands and stretches. The moment wasn’t wasted, but it was passed. That’s enough emotions for one day. ]
You’re right that I’m doing all of this because I’m selfish. I’m just not being selfish about anything to do with you. Let me pretend to be a good person to convince my father he didn’t make a mistake and I’ll not ask any more.
[ He moves the chair so that it's facing in a new direction. There are a few visible seams at first, pieces of the room only part-formed and not meant to be seen from this side, but they quickly right themselves. ]
You're sure you don't want a garden? It'll take me a little while, but it'll be somewhere else for you to be. And my sister always needs more places to put dogs.
Watching the seems right themselves is genuinely interesting. Alucard tilts his head as he watches it happen, then hums with a very quiet satisfaction. The world is weird and wide and wild, isn't it?]
I'll think about it. [However.]
Maybe one of the dogs can visit now?
[Dogs have generally been the kindest to him over the years.]
[ He sits down on the bed. Still watching Alucard, gaze still soft with fondness, but with all of that tempered at least somewhat by the knowledge that this isn't his.
A garden. A garden. If he brought plants from the human wold to grow there, would they count as the fruits of this place or of the human world? He makes a note to himself to ask Enid. ]
If you're happy to have a dog inside. I'll ask when I take these books back.
[It's still uncomfortable, Trevor's look. Alucard doesn't know how
much he trusts this conversation and it's follow through, but at least it's
something. For now, the fae seems to understand, and that? That's
actually a first.]
How many siblings do you have? The stories never mentioned anyone outside
the main two.
Three sisters. I'm the youngest. I think we were all from after the deal.
[ Oh right, the deal. Alucard asked about that. ]
Nobody ever put to paper the consequences of breaking it. I don't think anyone ever foresaw all the- fires. But it'll be less for me than it would have been for my father. It would have been less still if it were indirect, but that didn't work.
I wanted to make a deal with him. Make him forget you. But I couldn’t be this shape in the church, and he never left. So I put the plague in him.
[ That’s. A hell of a thing to say. ]
I thought he’d realise he was sick and that you could help, and he didn’t. And then I tried dragging it out again to show everyone what the real monster was, and they just started the fire anyway. And then I ran out of ideas and just stole the stake. I thought if I just dragged the stake off, maybe it wouldn’t matter that you happened to be attached to it. But- even if that would have worked, it didn’t seem like it would fix anything to leave you alone like this.
[ He's laughing. He's laughing and it's quiet and no less anemic than his smiles but the sound of it is wonderful.
It's enough that he doesn't wilt at the new topic. ]
I won't stop you. Not once you're well enough to go. I don't think I can. Not unless I keep you locked here forever. And I think you wouldn't like that.
[ He shakes his head, standing and moving a bedside table over beside the chair, so that he can put water and books where Alucard can reach them easily. ]
I'll head out for a little while. You going to be okay there for a couple hours?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I think- I think my father wanted me to interfere. He never told me to. But he sent me to Targoviste, and he sent me alone. It’s the first time he’s had me ride alone for the hunt. It’s... less bad, for me to be the one to break the deal. I’m not the one who made it.
But I did it wrong. I wasn’t meant to be so direct about it.
[ He huffs. ]
I thought that I could salvage it. If I just kept you, like my sister keeps her wives, maybe it would seem better somehow. He wouldn’t like it, but I wouldn’t have failed. Just done what I wanted instead. But that doesn’t work either.
This is the first thing he’s really trusted me with. The first thing that matters. I think he’s testing me. And I think I’m failing.
So I’m not being nice. I’m choosing who I want him to see me being. [ A sigh. ] And if it’s between being graceful in failure or cruel in failure, I want to choose grace.
no subject
There's a lot to understand here. Alucard's careful as he listens. Leon did not want to see the last of his beloved's line die. That's the first part here.
He's not sure what the directness has to do with matters yet. But that can be determined soon.]
You're trying to do right by him. That's....I understand that.
[But speaking of cruelty or grace, that gives Alucard an awful lot of pause. He'll exchange a moment's vulnerability for that.]
I appreciate that. It's not normal for people to treat me this way. [It's been so rare.] They always want something for kindness. And no hands that touch me are kind.
no subject
[ His instinct is, of course, to reach out to offer comfort. He’s lived in a large family, with a mother and at least one sister whose immediate response to the distress of others is contact. And a weird not-aunt who might be dating his mother who spent half his childhood deliberately picking out the most gaudy shades of lipstick to his his and his siblings’ cheeks with. It’s a big touchy family. He manages not to. ]
I don’t- [ No. That would be a lie. ] I... would probably want things from you. But not for kindness. Not in return for anything.
[ He can’t offer touch as comfort, so he tries a weak smile. ]
It won’t kill me, to just want and not have.
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Thank you. That's...
[Alucard lets himself trail off for some time.]
I will struggle to believe you. But I appreciate it all the same.
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[ He stands and stretches. The moment wasn’t wasted, but it was passed. That’s enough emotions for one day. ]
You’re right that I’m doing all of this because I’m selfish. I’m just not being selfish about anything to do with you. Let me pretend to be a good person to convince my father he didn’t make a mistake and I’ll not ask any more.
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[He has so many issues he could be a yearly subscription.]
But that's fair. He won't be visiting soon, will he?
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[ Look at them, actually talking about a problem and working it out. Amazing. He smiles. ]
I am going to have to put you back into the bed at some point. But if you want to leave that for later, I’ll find you a blanket.
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[THEY'RE DOING SO WELL.]
I'd like to sit and look at the room from a slightly different angle, please. The bed is comfortable, but even I have limits.
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[ He moves the chair so that it's facing in a new direction. There are a few visible seams at first, pieces of the room only part-formed and not meant to be seen from this side, but they quickly right themselves. ]
You're sure you don't want a garden? It'll take me a little while, but it'll be somewhere else for you to be. And my sister always needs more places to put dogs.
no subject
Watching the seems right themselves is genuinely interesting. Alucard tilts his head as he watches it happen, then hums with a very quiet satisfaction. The world is weird and wide and wild, isn't it?]
I'll think about it. [However.]
Maybe one of the dogs can visit now?
[Dogs have generally been the kindest to him over the years.]
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A garden. A garden. If he brought plants from the human wold to grow there, would they count as the fruits of this place or of the human world? He makes a note to himself to ask Enid. ]
If you're happy to have a dog inside. I'll ask when I take these books back.
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Thank you.
[It's still uncomfortable, Trevor's look. Alucard doesn't know how much he trusts this conversation and it's follow through, but at least it's something. For now, the fae seems to understand, and that? That's actually a first.]
How many siblings do you have? The stories never mentioned anyone outside the main two.
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[ Oh right, the deal. Alucard asked about that. ]
Nobody ever put to paper the consequences of breaking it. I don't think anyone ever foresaw all the- fires. But it'll be less for me than it would have been for my father. It would have been less still if it were indirect, but that didn't work.
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Probably. It was only ever Leon and Sara that I heard of/
[Alucard leans forward a little, trying to snatch another blanket from the bed.]
...How were you attempting to be indirect? I don't recall much.
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[ That’s. A hell of a thing to say. ]
I thought he’d realise he was sick and that you could help, and he didn’t. And then I tried dragging it out again to show everyone what the real monster was, and they just started the fire anyway. And then I ran out of ideas and just stole the stake. I thought if I just dragged the stake off, maybe it wouldn’t matter that you happened to be attached to it. But- even if that would have worked, it didn’t seem like it would fix anything to leave you alone like this.
...I have it, if you want it. It’s mostly there.
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You gave him plague?
[There's disblief. Alucard then shuts himself up and keeps listening.]
I'd be dead. Which was the original intent. [Well. His only way out. Alucard's finger hooks onto a blanket and he drags the whole thing over.]
It's probably best you destroy it.
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[ He looks over Alucard, at that. Almost a little hopeful. ]
You don’t think you’ll need it?
[ He’s been worried. ]
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[Somehow it's the defense of only a little! that gets Alucard to laugh. Actually laugh, although the volume of it is fairly muted.]
Perhaps a man like that was better off with the plague in him.
[He's just saying.]
I think you wouldn't allow it even if I said I did.
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It's enough that he doesn't wilt at the new topic. ]
I won't stop you. Not once you're well enough to go. I don't think I can. Not unless I keep you locked here forever. And I think you wouldn't like that.
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[But he understands that Trevor would rather not. Alucard sighs, tucking himself in a little more in the blanket he's grabbed.]
I suppose that the agreement never forbade them from keeping an eye on us, did it?
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[ ...that sounds worse than it is, doesn't it? He's not been stalking you, promise! ]
-I've not been, though. Watching, I mean. Not much. There's no sense in it, if there's nothing we can do to help.
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[Alucard's snugged up and comfortable now. With that, he lets out a soft sigh.]
If you want to take a second chair rather than sit on the bed for the bit, I think that'd be okay. I'm going to rest my eyes.
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I'll head out for a little while. You going to be okay there for a couple hours?
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[Water and books. That'll do. There's a moment's exhale, and then Alucard closes his eyes entirely.]
Thank you.