[ It's nice. And warm. And loving. And only a medium amount of weird. Which is less something insurmountable and more the way things were when this all began, when they first returned to the castle after Dracula's defeat. He can deal with a medium amount of weird. ]
I'm not going to play the stupid game this time. [ Because playing it would mean letting go, and he's not about to fucking do that. ]
So you don't have to talk about this shit if you don't want to. But I've still got ears, game or not. So if you do want to, I'll use them.
[Ears. They really have come a long way, haven't they? It's enough to put a flicker of a smile on Alucard's face, one that stays there as he gives the hand a very soft squeeze.]
Tomorrow, I shall not make this about me and my own endless need to revaluate what my father was.
[And that's the real simple truth here. Every new detail sends him spiraling back, wondering if what he did was the right thing. He knows it is, it was always a cold hard truth, but guilt alwas wormed it's way inside of Alucard to convince him that there was some action to make his father whole again. Sane again. The man he knew just shy of twenty years, not the man he was for centuries before.
Who, as it turned out, was the same man he always was. Just expressed differently. A dedicated scientist. Someone who wanted to defy the world for love. And who fell into his own bullshit.
And maybe he could live with that truth now. Even if it made him more and more afraid of becoming his father. Even if it made this trio feel just a little stranger for the ways history had decided to repeat itself.
[ Because he's not as overt about it as Alucard is. Because he doesn't feel it as keenly as Alucard does. He will never drive a stake through the heart of the Belmmont line, only eventually decide whether or not it ought to end with him. But Alucard's seen the dream (they were wrong in the worst possible way, and then they were right and it was just as terrible). He's heard that stupid comment about sacrifices. There's no sense pretending that he's not searching for some way for his family's mission to justify or damn itself in his eyes to make the choice easier.
So he doesn't pretend, he just shuffles closer to Alucard when invited to, letting go of his hand to instead put an arm around his shoulder. ]
You're entitled. I've spent too much time doing it.
[The heavy thinker. Trevor called it for what it was so early on. It's never changed, and it makes so many more problems than it's worth, in the end. But to stop it would make Alucard fundamentally not himself, and then where would any of them be?
Alucard leans into the arm around him. Swings his left arm low around Trevor's waist, since Trevor's right is around his shoulder. Maybe this repeats history too. Maybe this part of history is worth repeating.]
I love you. I'm terrified of whatever unspoken history was inside of these walls for all the reasons you already know. I don't want four hundred years of history to repeat itself, only for some terrible children of ours to be discovering the same information in the castle walls. But the first part is much more important. I love you both.
Sounds like we should tell more horses about it. Keep it from becoming a secret. Hard to uncover something you already know.
[ It feels different, right now, to be holding Alucard. A little like when he's floating, like there's a weight that isn't there. ]
For what it's worth, I'm sure Leon Belmont would never curse. Or insult someone. So I can fucking guarantee he never once said 'I adore this pompous fucking bloodsucker'.
[Trevor's warm in a way that the summer heat isn't. Not Sypha's warm which is always like a fire. There's no good comparison really, it just is. It is and it is a wonderful thing that he's stupid to overthink.
And that's affection and love in only the way this great big stupid Belmont can express, and Alucard can only smile for it. This is peace, as much as he can have with everything learned over the past two days. Even if there's more, he'll accept it because at this point, there's nothing else worth getting upset over.]
You're right. Never uttered.
[Probably he said the first thing with real sincerity though.]
Not once in his holier-than-thou life. It'd be something bullshit and flowery and knight-in-shining-armour-ish and neither of you would tolerate that shit for a second.
[ Or maybe they would. Now he actually says that it's hard not to be tempted to try it sometime. Except that he's awful with this stuff and wouldn't get three words in without fucking it up by swearing instead of expressing a feeling. ]
I'm not Leon Belmont. Never fucking will be. Wouldn't be even if I were a pale babyfaced frenchman with no fucking concept of pragmatism. And you're not your father. And if Sara cooked like Sypha did, it'd be enough of a medical emergency to warrant a mention or two in your father's books.
Oh, I might indulge it for a moment, just to see if it ends sincerely or crudely.
[It's like...a 25-75 split and Alucard knows which way the odds lean. That's not the point. The point is honesty and reassurance, and all the other little important things. As well as pragmatism, because that is something all three of them have that were never, ever evident in Leon's journals. Leon was to noble his father was always prone to drama, and Sara was still the daughter of those who stood next to royalty. Pragmatism wasn't their nature.
The three of them, they were cold creatures if the world demanded it. Because the world demanded that they fix it's ills.]
It's safe to say that last part was why there are servants' quarters here.
[ In that it literally sounds like it would be challenging. He can lead an army if he needs to, can compose a decent death threat, but he doesn't have the first clue how to do flowery bullshit. Sincerely, at least. ]
Perhaps once we're back. Once all of this is done. To give you something to look forward to.
[ This is awful and was not at all the plan. Oh no. The dog yips in alarm as they both pull each other into the grass, jumping out of Alucard's lap to climb onto his side instead. ]
Well fuck. So you can't just come visit us while we're away?
[ What do you mean you can't use vampire magic for booty calls if you get lonely ]
[Just as planned! Alucard smirks in triumph, even if the dog's climbing on his side instead of Trevor. He got the Belmont laid low, so that's what's important.]
If I am needed and missed so desperately, I could be persuaded.
[ He brings a hand up to Alucard's cheek, stroking it softly. It's soft, and it's tender, and maybe he could imagine Leon being soft and tender in a way that he certainly couldn't imagine him swearing and shoving people over. But it wasn't unique to Leon. Any fucker would be soft and tender if they were here with someone so very precious. ]
Could never touch you through the mirror.
[ As Sypha liked to make sure they were all very aware of. She had a particular fondness for talking in great detail about the things that they would do if they could. ]
[He blushes at the touch. Leans into it because of the tenderness and because it feels so good in this moment. Endless summer, the garden beating out the smell of the stables on the wind, and God he just wants this moment to stay like this.
And okay, there's the right amount of contrast between tender and exactly what Sypha's mirror time tended to lead to in the evening. There's a hand in Trevor's hair, trying to hold him where he is.]
No. I don't think there's magic to help with that in any form.
[Sypha's way with words was a problem some nights.]
Use whatever scale you please. You'll always be needed.
[ He's not going anywhere. It's summer, and the weather's unlikely to turn any time soon (if it even can, rather than just being stuck on this one bright, warm day forever). He's perfectly content to just stay out here until night and then sleep in the grass. They'll probably have to go back inside to eat and to invite Sypha, but that's something for future Trevor to worry about. ]
Once or twice while we're away, at least. To keep us from doing anything stupid. And we'll be with you while you rest it off.
[ And- Okay, so maybe anything as strenuous as sex might be out of the question after using that magic, if it always leaves Alucard as exhausted as it did before. But he can be there. He can sleep between them and Sypha can curl herself around him and bury her face in his hair and kiss the back of his neck and he can kiss his forehead and fall asleep to the feeling of cool breaths against his collarbone. ]
That doesn't help me determine how deeply I must abandon my post.
[Soldier, after all.
He'll have to get started on dinner soon. Probably. Maybe it'll be no cooking at all, just bread and cheese and meat taken outside instead of in, the three of them outside and then curled up when everything's eaten, and staying out until who even knows when. It's too charmed for what their circumstances are. Why they're here to begin with. It shouldn't be indulged.
But they'll do it anyway because that's the lesson from Carmilla, in the end? Do all of this before something happens and potentially removes the opportunity to do it ever again.]
What that sounds like to me is I take a day and a half, because the morning will be exhausting in a way that traveling isn't.
[But even if there isn't that, there's nights spent together in the two best pairs of arms. He can't protest about being near the door if they're out in the open. No doors on the road.]
[ The grin does not become any less shit-eating. He's the worst. The actual worst. ]
Did you think I meant that I wanted to get my hands all over you? To see you all flushed and out of breath? To make you make that stupid noise you do when someone kisses you here?
[ And he punctuates that last one by moving his hand from Alucard's cheek to the back of his neck, scratching lightly at the top of it where his hair begins.
And yes he is being a giant shit and ruining the wonderful moment but in his defense he must bully vampires. It is his purpose in life. ]
[It is only bullying when they say it's bullying otherwise it is flirting and making promises that Trevor better make good on.]
I thought that much was the entire point of the proposition. [And speaking of that stupid noise, there it is. And then there's the fuming to go with it.]
We needed something to discuss while waiting for the metal to cool.
[ The grin turns less horrible and more genuinely delighted at that stupid, perfect noise. And there is a little less of that silly feigned-innocence voice that he has totally been doing. ]
Maybe we just wanted you with us. To enjoy your company.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cryptsleeper) wrote2018-11-10 11:26 pm
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I'm not going to play the stupid game this time. [ Because playing it would mean letting go, and he's not about to fucking do that. ]
So you don't have to talk about this shit if you don't want to. But I've still got ears, game or not. So if you do want to, I'll use them.
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Tomorrow, I shall not make this about me and my own endless need to revaluate what my father was.
[And that's the real simple truth here. Every new detail sends him spiraling back, wondering if what he did was the right thing. He knows it is, it was always a cold hard truth, but guilt alwas wormed it's way inside of Alucard to convince him that there was some action to make his father whole again. Sane again. The man he knew just shy of twenty years, not the man he was for centuries before.
Who, as it turned out, was the same man he always was. Just expressed differently. A dedicated scientist. Someone who wanted to defy the world for love. And who fell into his own bullshit.
And maybe he could live with that truth now. Even if it made him more and more afraid of becoming his father. Even if it made this trio feel just a little stranger for the ways history had decided to repeat itself.
No. No maybe.
He'd live with that.]
Come here.
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[ Because he's not as overt about it as Alucard is. Because he doesn't feel it as keenly as Alucard does. He will never drive a stake through the heart of the Belmmont line, only eventually decide whether or not it ought to end with him. But Alucard's seen the dream (they were wrong in the worst possible way, and then they were right and it was just as terrible). He's heard that stupid comment about sacrifices. There's no sense pretending that he's not searching for some way for his family's mission to justify or damn itself in his eyes to make the choice easier.
So he doesn't pretend, he just shuffles closer to Alucard when invited to, letting go of his hand to instead put an arm around his shoulder. ]
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[The heavy thinker. Trevor called it for what it was so early on. It's never changed, and it makes so many more problems than it's worth, in the end. But to stop it would make Alucard fundamentally not himself, and then where would any of them be?
Alucard leans into the arm around him. Swings his left arm low around Trevor's waist, since Trevor's right is around his shoulder. Maybe this repeats history too. Maybe this part of history is worth repeating.]
I love you. I'm terrified of whatever unspoken history was inside of these walls for all the reasons you already know. I don't want four hundred years of history to repeat itself, only for some terrible children of ours to be discovering the same information in the castle walls. But the first part is much more important. I love you both.
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[ It feels different, right now, to be holding Alucard. A little like when he's floating, like there's a weight that isn't there. ]
For what it's worth, I'm sure Leon Belmont would never curse. Or insult someone. So I can fucking guarantee he never once said 'I adore this pompous fucking bloodsucker'.
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[Trevor's warm in a way that the summer heat isn't. Not Sypha's warm which is always like a fire. There's no good comparison really, it just is. It is and it is a wonderful thing that he's stupid to overthink.
And that's affection and love in only the way this great big stupid Belmont can express, and Alucard can only smile for it. This is peace, as much as he can have with everything learned over the past two days. Even if there's more, he'll accept it because at this point, there's nothing else worth getting upset over.]
You're right. Never uttered.
[Probably he said the first thing with real sincerity though.]
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[ Or maybe they would. Now he actually says that it's hard not to be tempted to try it sometime. Except that he's awful with this stuff and wouldn't get three words in without fucking it up by swearing instead of expressing a feeling. ]
I'm not Leon Belmont. Never fucking will be. Wouldn't be even if I were a pale babyfaced frenchman with no fucking concept of pragmatism. And you're not your father. And if Sara cooked like Sypha did, it'd be enough of a medical emergency to warrant a mention or two in your father's books.
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[It's like...a 25-75 split and Alucard knows which way the odds lean. That's not the point. The point is honesty and reassurance, and all the other little important things. As well as pragmatism, because that is something all three of them have that were never, ever evident in Leon's journals. Leon was to noble his father was always prone to drama, and Sara was still the daughter of those who stood next to royalty. Pragmatism wasn't their nature.
The three of them, they were cold creatures if the world demanded it. Because the world demanded that they fix it's ills.]
It's safe to say that last part was why there are servants' quarters here.
[Pedantic shit.]
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[ In that it literally sounds like it would be challenging. He can lead an army if he needs to, can compose a decent death threat, but he doesn't have the first clue how to do flowery bullshit. Sincerely, at least. ]
Perhaps once we're back. Once all of this is done. To give you something to look forward to.
[ It's going to be awful and he knows it. ]
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[Alucard smirks up at Trevor, because now? Now he's just being a total ass. And that means they're back to their definition of normal.
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[ Look maybe he does like Useless but he hates that wagon please don't make him endure it for any longer than he absolutely has to. ]
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[For God's sake Trevor. He just shakes his head, so fond and so exasperated.]
Or I can show up the way I did before and scare you half to death.
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[ And he lets go of Alucard's shoulder to shove him for that, down into the grass. ]
But now you know you can do that shit, and that's good.
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That shit is the most exhausting magic I've done in...some time. As good a skill as it is to have, I am very keen to avoid it in most cases.
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Well fuck. So you can't just come visit us while we're away?
[ What do you mean you can't use vampire magic for booty calls if you get lonely ]
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If I am needed and missed so desperately, I could be persuaded.
[He didn't say no now did he?]
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[ He brings a hand up to Alucard's cheek, stroking it softly. It's soft, and it's tender, and maybe he could imagine Leon being soft and tender in a way that he certainly couldn't imagine him swearing and shoving people over. But it wasn't unique to Leon. Any fucker would be soft and tender if they were here with someone so very precious. ]
Could never touch you through the mirror.
[ As Sypha liked to make sure they were all very aware of. She had a particular fondness for talking in great detail about the things that they would do if they could. ]
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[He blushes at the touch. Leans into it because of the tenderness and because it feels so good in this moment. Endless summer, the garden beating out the smell of the stables on the wind, and God he just wants this moment to stay like this.
And okay, there's the right amount of contrast between tender and exactly what Sypha's mirror time tended to lead to in the evening. There's a hand in Trevor's hair, trying to hold him where he is.]
No. I don't think there's magic to help with that in any form.
[Sypha's way with words was a problem some nights.]
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[ He's not going anywhere. It's summer, and the weather's unlikely to turn any time soon (if it even can, rather than just being stuck on this one bright, warm day forever). He's perfectly content to just stay out here until night and then sleep in the grass. They'll probably have to go back inside to eat and to invite Sypha, but that's something for future Trevor to worry about. ]
Once or twice while we're away, at least. To keep us from doing anything stupid. And we'll be with you while you rest it off.
[ And- Okay, so maybe anything as strenuous as sex might be out of the question after using that magic, if it always leaves Alucard as exhausted as it did before. But he can be there. He can sleep between them and Sypha can curl herself around him and bury her face in his hair and kiss the back of his neck and he can kiss his forehead and fall asleep to the feeling of cool breaths against his collarbone. ]
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[Soldier, after all.
He'll have to get started on dinner soon. Probably. Maybe it'll be no cooking at all, just bread and cheese and meat taken outside instead of in, the three of them outside and then curled up when everything's eaten, and staying out until who even knows when. It's too charmed for what their circumstances are. Why they're here to begin with. It shouldn't be indulged.
But they'll do it anyway because that's the lesson from Carmilla, in the end? Do all of this before something happens and potentially removes the opportunity to do it ever again.]
What that sounds like to me is I take a day and a half, because the morning will be exhausting in a way that traveling isn't.
[But even if there isn't that, there's nights spent together in the two best pairs of arms. He can't protest about being near the door if they're out in the open. No doors on the road.]
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[ No they are not. And then, with the worst and most shit-eating grin- ]
What did you think I meant?
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{That is the biggest shit eating grin Belmont and he's going to just scowl at it!!!]
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Did you think I meant that I wanted to get my hands all over you? To see you all flushed and out of breath? To make you make that stupid noise you do when someone kisses you here?
[ And he punctuates that last one by moving his hand from Alucard's cheek to the back of his neck, scratching lightly at the top of it where his hair begins.
And yes he is being a giant shit and ruining the wonderful moment but in his defense he must bully vampires. It is his purpose in life. ]
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I thought that much was the entire point of the proposition. [And speaking of that stupid noise, there it is. And then there's the fuming to go with it.]
You've been taking notes from Sypha, I see.
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[ The grin turns less horrible and more genuinely delighted at that stupid, perfect noise. And there is a little less of that silly feigned-innocence voice that he has totally been doing. ]
Maybe we just wanted you with us. To enjoy your company.
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