[There's a very pained smile at Trevor sharing that fact. It makes him feel a little better for all the fits, the bursts of anger and then horrible sadness. He's not beyond it entirely, but it is better.]
It isn't mere tolerance. [He's trying not to snap.] Or opposition.
Just me not using the right words. So you can stop acting as if this is on your shoulders, rather than mine.
[ But it's more specific than that, isn't it. He puts his face in his hands, tugging at his hair and sounding increasingly agitated because this is the angriest declaration of non-anger feelings ever. ]
I want to make you happy. I want to do right by someone for once in my fucking life. And I don't give a shit how things end up otherwise, whether I'm here, whether I'm not, as long as the two of you are happy and I did something, anything, to make things better.
[Leave it to Alucard to manage to casually stab himself with a needle sewing a book while Trevor makes the angriest declaration of love that Wallachia's ever heard. Because he absolutely has, and he doesn't quite seem to have noticed it either.]
I can say with confidence I want you both here.
[His tone is much softer.]
And that does make me happy right now. I...don't know what else is going to make that happen at the moment. [If Trevor understands four months, then he must understand this much too. What helps, what makes anything happy for a fleeting moment, it's a fucking mystery.]
I want you to do whatever you think will contribute to that then. Save depart, which is categorically out of the question.
You're getting blood on your book. Might want to fix that shit first.
[ It's snide and it's stupid and it sounds completely empty and it's him taking a moment to recover, because he used everything he had on that confession. ]
[ Carefully, one by one, Trevor takes Alucard's hands and lifts them away from his work to fall by his sides instead, so not to disturb the loose papers on the table. Not that there's much danger of that in what he does next, slowly moving a finger across Alucard's cheek until it meets the line of his hair and following that downward a little before pulling his hand back. It's all very soft, careful, experimental.
And then it isn't.
Because Trevor shoves Alucard out of his chair and onto the floor, pinning his shoulder with one hand and wrapping the other in his long hair and kissing him. ]
[Alucard's face betrays a cautious curiosity as his hands are redirected. He has no idea what to expect, except everything feels like it's balanced on a razor thing edge. It's an experiment, because neither of them do this with Sypha. Not really. They're both too comfortable and then...
...and then he's on the floor with a speed that's absolutely a battle speed, taking him by total surprise. Which means his own instincts take a moment to catch up, and he's being kissed far more aggressively than he anticipated.
His hands are flat on the carpeted floor, fingers digging in. And maybe he waits before kissing back, because there's enjoyment in this. Same as kissing Sypha.]
[ He's far too aware of the fangs. He knew he would be, but it's different from imagining it (over and over and over). He can tell where they are, avoid them easily enough. He can just about run his tongue over the roof of Alucard's mouth without catching himself on them. So he does that. He tugs lightly at Alucard's hair when he breaks the kiss for air to signal not to get up yet.
The second kiss isn't soft, but it's softer. Less liable to bruise. By the time that one breaks, any tugs at Alucard's hair are accidental. The third kiss is the softest and the briefest, careful in a way that perhaps the first ought to have been instead. Really he ought to have done this whole thing in the opposite order. And maybe not pushed the vampire over. He only speaks after a moment or so, breathless and maybe already a little concerned that that was stupid. ]
[The fangs are absolutely a concern. They're always going to be, he had fussed at Sypha about it before anything even happened (a conversation Trevor probably heard or had relayed, and Alucard remembers the discussion happened more than once.) But the sensation of all of it is overwhelming, all Alucard can do is gasp for air when Trevor breaks the first kiss.
The second one has him experimentally return some of it. He's unsure, it feels like this has been something thought about for far too long and maybe it's better to ride it all out. The whole thing still has taken him aback.
After the third, Alucard's equally breathless, and the lighting makes it a little too clear that he's blush faced. Nor is he getting up at the moment.]
I...
[Yes. But give him a moment, you've rendered the vampire speechless for once, and not for reasons of bone dumb stupidity.]
[ He doesn't speak for a little while, kneeling over Alucard and staring down at him. Because Alucard has always been a collection of things he wants to know. For safety, at first, and then for strategy. For concern's sake, after that. And now-
-he runs his fingers through Alucard's hair, combing through where he messed it up just now, and his gaze softens the way it does when Sypha starts trying to talk back to a book that she doesn't agree with. There are a lot of stupid little things he needs to figure out now. But all of them can wait a little longer. ]
[Alucard's not sure where to touch or not to touch. Trevor's hips seem safe, and so his hands move there first. A light grip, mostly because he's unsure if this is going to go back to kissing.
His hair's unmessed quickly enough. The expression on his face still confused, but there's contentment in there.]
Oh?
[Can this also just not involve the floor, please?]
Yeah. [ And there is more kissing. Just a little more, soft and quick and approving when Alucard reaches up to touch him. ] You should just look like this all the time, then I'd never want to punch you.
[ Wow rude, vampire, florr has carpet and everything. It's soft!!! And Trevor has low standards. He moves to the the side, sliding his hands underneath Alucard's back and legs to pull him to his chest and lift him.
This is experimental again. Careful again. He can't quite decide which he wants to be - careful and restrained with so much to learn or hasty and ridiculous and indulgent with so much to do. In the end, this is maybe both, carefully and delicately and ridiculously carrying the stupid vampire around like a new bride ]
[The vampire is not rude, the vampire has standards. The vampire also opens his mouth to point out he can walk three feet, thank you but Trevor's already undercut that protest.
So apparently lounging around in Belmont arms it's going to have to be, because that is where the evening has decided to land.]
Behind you, the sofa is obvious.
[And it is. It had been moved perpendicular to one of the shelves on magic for certain speakers, and there's a blanket slung over the back (again, for certain speakers.) All green plush and just enough pillows to be comfortable without overdoing it.]
[ He puts Alucard down, laying him down on the sofa, and then sits on the floor next to it by his head, resuming the slow combing of his fingers through that long hair. ]
Wanted to try that for a while. [ He says with a grin. It's sheepish and almost, almost, regretful. But not quite. Maybe he shouldn't have done- literally any of that. Maybe he should have been gentle the way Sypha had been, all holding hands and leaning close when reading and not daring anything so improper as a kiss for the first week. But he doesn't regret it, so maybe none of it was stupid. ]
[What is it with this man and the floor, exactly? Now Alucard's just baffled, he had expected more kissing after that dramatic outburst. (And that was a dramatic outburst, Trevor can fight him on that.
But the hand in his hair is nice, and the angle that Alucard is at means he can't see Trevor's face for a while.]
[ Okay fine, it was maybe a dramatic outburst. A little bit of a dramatic outburst. At least it didn't involve being stabbed this time???? ]
If this was the way things were- that would make you happy. You wouldn't just put up with it for my sake like some weird fucking kiss-martyr?
[ This again? This again. Moving paused his weird dramatic moment long enough for him to think about what the fuck he's doing, and his stupid concerns have caught up with him again. That's why the floor. ]
...Well, that's interesting. And something to talk about later because this is all just a lot to take in. Sypha's a lot to take in. This whole thing is just...it's just a lot.
So are Trevor's feelings. Which absolutely need to take priority it seems, even though the vampire is still at ?!?!?!.]
[ He likes the floor. The floor is nice. But he stands and tries to figure out how best to actually join Alucard on the sofa. He tries lying next to him, first, which works well enough for Alucard and Sypha but less well for any combination involving Trevor. So he lifts Alucard onto his chest instead and that's terribly awkward - one leg on the sofa, one leg off, vampire above him, him trying to shuffle awkwardly into a comfortable position - but he's at least not going to fall off. ]
[ He does as he's instructed. This really would have been easier if he had just let Alucard move himself and hadn't felt the need to pick him up and carry him around. But shit, he's wanted to see if he could get away with that for a while. ]
Just- promise me you'll tell me. If you want me to leave.
[Unfortunately, Trevor's just set presedent. Because once the vampire's sorted out his own feelings, he's going to be doing that kind of shit constantly.
For now, Alucard settles in Trevor's lap, careful to try and actually determine what position is comfortable and not...not awkward. Because this is still new. Sypha's still new too, and he's certain both of them have figured out that this is that new.
So where it ends is one hand resting on Trevor's chest (which he does quite like), the other looped around the back of Trevor's neck. Knees tucked in and curled up, but his head isn't resting anywhere yet. He's not sure if this is comfortable in full.]
Mm, I promise I'll make rude remarks when you're being self loathing.
So all the time. So things are going to be about the same. I can live with that.
[ It's- well, it's uncomfortable only in how new this is, how not-quite-natural it is compared to the way things were with Sypha. Not physically uncomfortable (nothing ever really is, with Trevor). Just new and strange and without Sypha there to push things forward gradually, so he has to push them forward far too much and then immediately move back to right himself.
He can't be Sypha. Alucard can't be Sypha. Shit, they can barely even manage to be a half-decent Belmont and vampire most days, let alone anything else. So it's going to have to be a little uncomfortable, a little too quick and slow at the same time, not quite able to fit on a sofa. And that's- he can live with that, too. ]
I hate that even the knocking me over onto the ground is about the same.
[He is. Just saying.
So it'll be like this. They'll figure it out, or it'll be awkward and stilted and Sypha will come home, look at them both, shake her head and fix it immediately. Because she's Sypha, and she's better at all of this than they are.]
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cryptsleeper) wrote2018-11-10 11:26 pm
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It isn't mere tolerance. [He's trying not to snap.] Or opposition.
Just me not using the right words. So you can stop acting as if this is on your shoulders, rather than mine.
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[ But it's more specific than that, isn't it. He puts his face in his hands, tugging at his hair and sounding increasingly agitated because this is the angriest declaration of non-anger feelings ever. ]
I want to make you happy. I want to do right by someone for once in my fucking life. And I don't give a shit how things end up otherwise, whether I'm here, whether I'm not, as long as the two of you are happy and I did something, anything, to make things better.
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I can say with confidence I want you both here.
[His tone is much softer.]
And that does make me happy right now. I...don't know what else is going to make that happen at the moment. [If Trevor understands four months, then he must understand this much too. What helps, what makes anything happy for a fleeting moment, it's a fucking mystery.]
I want you to do whatever you think will contribute to that then. Save depart, which is categorically out of the question.
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[ It's snide and it's stupid and it sounds completely empty and it's him taking a moment to recover, because he used everything he had on that confession. ]
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Awkward silence it is.]
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And then it isn't.
Because Trevor shoves Alucard out of his chair and onto the floor, pinning his shoulder with one hand and wrapping the other in his long hair and kissing him. ]
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...and then he's on the floor with a speed that's absolutely a battle speed, taking him by total surprise. Which means his own instincts take a moment to catch up, and he's being kissed far more aggressively than he anticipated.
His hands are flat on the carpeted floor, fingers digging in. And maybe he waits before kissing back, because there's enjoyment in this. Same as kissing Sypha.]
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The second kiss isn't soft, but it's softer. Less liable to bruise. By the time that one breaks, any tugs at Alucard's hair are accidental. The third kiss is the softest and the briefest, careful in a way that perhaps the first ought to have been instead. Really he ought to have done this whole thing in the opposite order. And maybe not pushed the vampire over. He only speaks after a moment or so, breathless and maybe already a little concerned that that was stupid. ]
That work?
[ It made him happy, at least. ]
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The second one has him experimentally return some of it. He's unsure, it feels like this has been something thought about for far too long and maybe it's better to ride it all out. The whole thing still has taken him aback.
After the third, Alucard's equally breathless, and the lighting makes it a little too clear that he's blush faced. Nor is he getting up at the moment.]
I...
[Yes. But give him a moment, you've rendered the vampire speechless for once, and not for reasons of bone dumb stupidity.]
Yes.
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[ He doesn't speak for a little while, kneeling over Alucard and staring down at him. Because Alucard has always been a collection of things he wants to know. For safety, at first, and then for strategy. For concern's sake, after that. And now-
-he runs his fingers through Alucard's hair, combing through where he messed it up just now, and his gaze softens the way it does when Sypha starts trying to talk back to a book that she doesn't agree with. There are a lot of stupid little things he needs to figure out now. But all of them can wait a little longer. ]
Fuck, I like you like this.
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His hair's unmessed quickly enough. The expression on his face still confused, but there's contentment in there.]
Oh?
[Can this also just not involve the floor, please?]
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[ Only to push you onto the floor. ]
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[Moreover and more important, there's a soft sigh and:]
Can we please move onto one of the sofas?
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[ Wow rude, vampire, florr has carpet and everything. It's soft!!! And Trevor has low standards. He moves to the the side, sliding his hands underneath Alucard's back and legs to pull him to his chest and lift him.
This is experimental again. Careful again. He can't quite decide which he wants to be - careful and restrained with so much to learn or hasty and ridiculous and indulgent with so much to do. In the end, this is maybe both, carefully and delicately and ridiculously carrying the stupid vampire around like a new bride ]
Tell me where to go.
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So apparently lounging around in Belmont arms it's going to have to be, because that is where the evening has decided to land.]
Behind you, the sofa is obvious.
[And it is. It had been moved perpendicular to one of the shelves on magic for certain speakers, and there's a blanket slung over the back (again, for certain speakers.) All green plush and just enough pillows to be comfortable without overdoing it.]
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Wanted to try that for a while. [ He says with a grin. It's sheepish and almost, almost, regretful. But not quite. Maybe he shouldn't have done- literally any of that. Maybe he should have been gentle the way Sypha had been, all holding hands and leaning close when reading and not daring anything so improper as a kiss for the first week. But he doesn't regret it, so maybe none of it was stupid. ]
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But the hand in his hair is nice, and the angle that Alucard is at means he can't see Trevor's face for a while.]
Four months?
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[ Okay fine, it was maybe a dramatic outburst. A little bit of a dramatic outburst. At least it didn't involve being stabbed this time???? ]
If this was the way things were- that would make you happy. You wouldn't just put up with it for my sake like some weird fucking kiss-martyr?
[ This again? This again. Moving paused his weird dramatic moment long enough for him to think about what the fuck he's doing, and his stupid concerns have caught up with him again. That's why the floor. ]
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...Well, that's interesting. And something to talk about later because this is all just a lot to take in. Sypha's a lot to take in. This whole thing is just...it's just a lot.
So are Trevor's feelings. Which absolutely need to take priority it seems, even though the vampire is still at ?!?!?!.]
Get up off the floor, Trevor.
[Trevor. Not Belmont.]
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[ He likes the floor. The floor is nice. But he stands and tries to figure out how best to actually join Alucard on the sofa. He tries lying next to him, first, which works well enough for Alucard and Sypha but less well for any combination involving Trevor. So he lifts Alucard onto his chest instead and that's terribly awkward - one leg on the sofa, one leg off, vampire above him, him trying to shuffle awkwardly into a comfortable position - but he's at least not going to fall off. ]
Better?
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[He says that before Trevor's up on the sofa with him. Idiot is too broad so this...weird combination of limbs it is. Alucard huffs, then nudges him.]
Lean your back against the arm of the sofa, legs up on it in full, then I'll rearrange myself.
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[ He does as he's instructed. This really would have been easier if he had just let Alucard move himself and hadn't felt the need to pick him up and carry him around. But shit, he's wanted to see if he could get away with that for a while. ]
Just- promise me you'll tell me. If you want me to leave.
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For now, Alucard settles in Trevor's lap, careful to try and actually determine what position is comfortable and not...not awkward. Because this is still new. Sypha's still new too, and he's certain both of them have figured out that this is that new.
So where it ends is one hand resting on Trevor's chest (which he does quite like), the other looped around the back of Trevor's neck. Knees tucked in and curled up, but his head isn't resting anywhere yet. He's not sure if this is comfortable in full.]
Mm, I promise I'll make rude remarks when you're being self loathing.
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[ It's- well, it's uncomfortable only in how new this is, how not-quite-natural it is compared to the way things were with Sypha. Not physically uncomfortable (nothing ever really is, with Trevor). Just new and strange and without Sypha there to push things forward gradually, so he has to push them forward far too much and then immediately move back to right himself.
He can't be Sypha. Alucard can't be Sypha. Shit, they can barely even manage to be a half-decent Belmont and vampire most days, let alone anything else. So it's going to have to be a little uncomfortable, a little too quick and slow at the same time, not quite able to fit on a sofa. And that's- he can live with that, too. ]
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[He is. Just saying.
So it'll be like this. They'll figure it out, or it'll be awkward and stilted and Sypha will come home, look at them both, shake her head and fix it immediately. Because she's Sypha, and she's better at all of this than they are.]
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