Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[cryptsleeper]

Something happened before I had the upper hand. She seemed to see a vision or some other image of my father. I had no such thing in my sight.

[Alucard's not reached for his spoon yet, which means he won't be eating until there's an answer. His eyes rest on Trevor, but the only emotion there is a quiet, calm curiosity.]

[miraclewhip]

Oh.

[ Shit. He hadn’t thought that Alucard would know. He hadn’t thought of anything, really, other than driving her back somehow. ]

Shit. Guilty conscience?

[ ...even if Trevor were at all a competent liar, which he is not, ‘carmilla was stopped by her conscience’ isn’t exactly believable. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[That? That just gets a very flat, very unimpressed, not at all convinced look.]

Try again.

[miraclewhip]

[ There’s no reason not to tell Alucard. No reason other than that what happened in the slaughterhouse was bad enough without him knowing there was a witness to it. He’ll be happier not knowing. ]

I don’t know. Maybe she really did piss him off enough for ghost bullshit.

[cryptsleeper]

You know you are not a very good liar, correct?

[miraclewhip]

I- yeah.

[ Fuck. He sighs, looking up. ]

Just- You could take it for what it looks like. Him trying to make things right? You’re sure you wouldn’t rather it be that?

[cryptsleeper]

Trevor, if it was really my father, he would have done so much worse, even as a spirit. [Alucard knows his father's rage.]

Please. The truth.

[miraclewhip]

I- fuck.

[ He doesn’t want to talk about this. Hasn’t even talked about it with Sypha, really, beyond telling her that Alucard was in danger and they needed to hurry. ]

I told you, didn’t I? My sisters found a way to fuck with elder vampires using the familiar bond.

[cryptsleeper]

Once. In passing, Trevor.

[Alucard does take the stew in hand though, and dips his spoon in.]

What did you make her see?

[miraclewhip]

I don’t know, not for sure. I figured she’d catch on, if he started talking about her being a boy, or a human. I just- gave her a guide, something for her to put her own idea of him on to.

[ It’s not an explanation. Not really. ]

She did most of the work, by knowing what he’d do if he caught her.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard thinks he understands though. A little bit.]

You fed her memories of my father?

[It's hard to tell what his tone is. Confused. A little upset. But mostly unsure of how to interpret any of it.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He curls in on himself a little, the way he does when he’s done something the other two won’t like. When he’s hidden alcohol somewhere and the castle has dug it out to reveal the deception. He puts a hand to his side, to the chunk of missing flesh there. ]

I used to have him- a quarter of him- stuck inside me. Trying to claw his way out. I gave her that, just for a while.

[cryptsleeper]

My father did what?

[Alucard's eyes meet Trevor's, but there's horror in there. He knows what his father was capable of. He's always known. But to have that in someone's head? That is a nightmare.]

[miraclewhip]

He was in her head. Or- what I remember of him, along with whatever she knows of him.

[ He looks away, shaking his head. ]

I needed something that she couldn’t ignore. It’s all that came to mind. I’m sorry.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard's quiet for a long time. He puts down his bowl of stew, and he reaches a single hand over towards Trevor.]

Come here.

[miraclewhip]

[ He moves closer, not quite looking at Alucard. When he puts a hand out to let it rest in the vampire's, it's hesitant. Careful. Penitent. And- god, he doesn't even know what he's sorry for anymore. He just knows that he can still feel bone against his fingernails, smell iron on the air.

He shouldn't have- god, he shouldn't have done so many things. He's hurt Alucard in so, so many ways. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[For a very long time, Alucard is quiet. He holds Trevor's hand in his, eyes off staring into the stew rather than at Trevor or even at the middle distance. And then, very quietly, he manages:]

You bought me valuable time and my life. In the end, that is what matters the most.

[The but hangs in the air, and it takes Alucard another moment before continuing.]

To weaponize him in that way is...very much something he would do. And I know that to have him in your head for all of those years could have only been a nightmare. I think it is a small wonder that you did not go mad from it.

[It's in fact pretty amazing.]

But I'd be a liar if I said a part of me is angry at him for doing that to you instead of finding me and looking after me. [There. He's said it. After too much time to think.]

So in doing this thing, you forced that role upon him. That's all I think I need to say.

[miraclewhip]

You deserve so much better than- all of this. None of it should have happened.

[ He squeezes Alucard's hand, at that, then lets go. It doesn't really bear commenting on further, the experience of growing up with Dracula in one's head. There's a balance there - he wants to tell Alucard that the asshole wouldn't have fought them so hard if he didn't have something to fight for. If he wasn't trying to find his way back.

He's lied enough today. They all know what Dracula did when he was finally free. And there's no sense in speculating on whether that was because the burning drove him madder. He would have He rushed to his son's side, yes, but not in defence. And he really doesn't enjoy trying to sympathise with Dracula. ]

We'll try to make it right. As right as we can make it.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard doesn't try to do much when Trevor lets go of his hand. He mostly just sits there, quiet and thinking about well, everything. Because at the moment, everything deserves quiet, careful consideration.

He breathes out.]

There's nothing to make right or wrong. The thing your sister invented saved my life. That's all there is to it now.

[miraclewhip]

There is. You were right, that it's not my place to take responsibility for this. But I don't give a shit if it's my fault, or my family's fault, or your dad's fault, or her fault, or humanity's fault- just-

[ He sighs, shaking his head, then turns back, actually looking at Alucard, with a weak smile. ]

You deserved to be safe. Looked after. Loved. And- shit, maybe so did I. And there's no going back and changing things, but I sure as fuck get to decide that things get better from now on.

[cryptsleeper]

[Humanity's fault seems like the easiest thing to blame. But Alucard keeps that thought to himself, and instead focuses attention to Trevor. That smile is...well it's just a lot to take in, and he doesn't know what else to do.]

You're the one that gets to decide?

[He's made a real attempt to inflect humor in the question, at least.]

[miraclewhip]

Unless you feel like trying to stop me. I think I could win, right now.

[ Probably not. Not in the castle, at least. It'd boot him into the dungeons long before he managed to lay a finger on Alucard. But there's an attempt at returning things to the usual mostly-affectionate bickering there. An anemic attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. ]

[cryptsleeper]

You'd win well into the future too. I'm so sick of fighting, Trevor.

[miraclewhip]

[ Okay, so maybe not a great time to revert to old petty bickering. He lets his shoulders slump, whatever attempt at a smirk he was making fading back into that tired, tired smile. ]

Eat your fucking stew, then. Let us take care of you, and I won't have to fight you. Fair?

[cryptsleeper]

More than fair.

[Alucard doesn't start eating yet though. Instead he leans in, and brushes his lips gingerly over Trevor's cheek.]