[ Shit. So maybe he is going to have to talk about feelings a little bit. Just a little bit. ]
I don't want to fuck up with this. That's why I keep slowing shit down. I don't want you to push yourself too hard and go too far before you're ready. Because if any of this hurts you- [ He shakes his head. They wouldn't be able to forgive themselves if Alucard pushed himself too hard and ended up screwing himself up worse, over something that's meant to be because they love him. ] -none of this has any right to hurt you.
But you're normal about the biting thing, so- it's fine. You have a right to know that I'm going to be weird about it, but there's no reason it can't just be a normal thing for you.
[It's logic that Alucard struggles to follow. That it's important to Trevor is easy. Simple even. He wants it, and it is an intimate thing. But it excludes something, and Alucard has to clarify that something.]
[ He doesn't even know how to finish that sentence (Not me? Not fucked up? Not a pervert?), so he just shakes his head. ]
-We stop. At least for a moment. Figure out if it's going to be a problem. You finish eating if you can. If not I go use the needle instead. Then we have a fortnight to figure out what the fuck to do about it.
[ He's quick about it, mostly because going to get the kit means that he can make a quick escape and get his head in order at least a little before anything else.
When he returns, it's with the kit. With the kid and with his tunic open to about half way down. ]
You are okay with this, aren't you? Even though-
[ -even though he's kind of making it into a sex thing? ]
[By the time Trevor is back, Alucard has pushed the coffee table near the sofa away, and he's sat upright. The book is off to the side, and the dhampir's full and undivided attention is now on the Belmont.
Well.
The Belmont's chest. That's still distracting, no matter what. It takes a few moments for Alucard to readjust his gaze, and then he nods.]
Yes.
[He's careful and factual as he proceeds.]
It'll be easiest if you're on my lap, facing towards me. Put the kit down on the sofa beside me.
[ Shit. He can feel his heart racing already. Alucard can almost certainly hear it, and that thought only moves his blood faster. He puts the kit down an the movement is so slow and controlled that anyone could be forgiven for thinking that it were something fragile or dangerous.
Steadily, so steadily, he kneels on the sofa, knees at either side of Alucard's waist, resting his weight upon his lap. There's a reverence to the way he lifts one hand, not stroking Alucard's hair but tracing over it in the air, palm always a finger's width from touching him. The other hand clutches the back of the sofa, and every knuckle he has left is white with the effort. ]
[Alucard shifts slightly when Trevor settles on his lap. It's just to get used to the weight and oh, he can hear how fast Trevor's heart is pounding. He wasn't kidding about this at all, and that means he has to be careful.
One hand moves to Trevor's shoulder, carefully tugging fabric aside with a feather lightness that is trying not to stimulate him more. That hand then trails down the center of Trevor's chest, ghosting over to one side as to hold his hip in place.
Trevor's wonderfully close, and Alucard doesn't tell him to move. He simply leans his head in, and places a slow, careful lick over the spot he intends to take from It's where shoulder and neck meet - traditional, but not a vein. There's a second link and---
--teeth. Fangs sink in, but slower than before. They're moving carefully, intending to hit nothing important. Alucard's other hand rests on Trevor's shoulder, holding him carefully in place.]
[ He breathes in when he feels cool breath on his neck, then holds it as Alucard licks. It's only when the teeth pierce skin that he releases it with a long, soft sound. He's still, he's so, so still, but his heart is hammering in his chest with a force that feels bruising. The pulsing of his blood in his ears is the loudest thing in the room, and he can feel as it moves downward.
And he can feel his mind becoming lighter. Not from blood loss, and not from blood relocating to other body parts. But from this, from being something useful and important so effortlessly. He doesn't have to think. He doesn't have to fight. He just has to be here, be here and bleed, and that's enough.
He's enough. And usually he doesn't believe that until at least four drinks in. ]
[Alucard keeps his fangs in for Trevor for a few moments longer than he might otherwise. He wants a deeper wound, because he truly is hungry. When he takes his fangs out, there's a spurt of blood that splashes over his face, and it sticks there.]
I love you too.
[They're soft words, and then Alucard's lips close around the wound. The blood is flowing and the horrible hunger within him demands that he waste no more time with words. He starts to lap up the blood, delighted with the flow. His hand on Trevor's hip shifts, and moves so it it wrapped around his waist instead, holding Trevor close.]
[ He loves him. He already knew that, but it's easy to believe like this. Of course Alucard loves him. He's important. Precious. Needed.
His hands aren't gripping the back of the sofa so tightly anymore. There's no need, not when he can trust Alucard to hold him steady. And he can. He can trust Alucard with anything (except, perhaps, in his more lucid moments, with possessing the restraint not to overwhelm himself). ]
Easier to know that, like this. Makes more sense.
[ He doesn't expect an answer, of course. Not while Alucard's mouth is occupied. He lets his head loll to one side, resting it against Alucard's. Not enough movement to interfere with the feeding, just enough to close whatever gaps are left between them.
Blood has ceased to flow downward, now. Oh, he still feels it. He still wants it. But certain things are not really possible for the human body, and that's one of them. If he were a little more himself right now, he might be grateful for the lack of that particular inconvenience and embarrassment. As things are, it just- is. ]
[The sound is whispered against Trevor's skin. Alucard requests it so he can concentrate, but also so that Trevor doesn't overwhelm himself. This is already so much, and Alucard knows that it might be borderline too much when Trevor's head rests against his.
He can't imagine how this looks like from the outside. All he knows is that oh, oh he's full and he can feel the blood reinforcing all his silly little injuries.
Moreover, he's yet to pick his head up and withdraw from the wound. There's still a trickle left.]
[ He shuts up. He can follow instructions. He's good at following instructions. Good at just being outside of his head, not making any decisions, just letting his body do what it's told.
He's heavy now. So heavy. Heavy and tired and still wanting. Wanting Alucard's lips and tongue to stay against him forever. Wanting to be held more closely. He can't sustain much more. Not without needing more than a few days' rest and some hearty meals to recover. But god, he wants to give more. It feels so, so good to be give.
He hums in contentment, letting his arms slide down from the back of the sofa. It's difficult to move them, but he manages to hang them loosely over Alucard's shoulders. ]
[In time, Alucard lifts his lips from the wound, and that means jostling Trevor's head so that he can reach for the bite kit. He and Sypha have the whole thing down to an exact science of what's needed for what, but--
--Oh. Sypha's never this sleepy. Or heavy. Or lost in herself. So Alucard has to bounce Trevor lightly.]
[ He tries, after a few seconds, and mostly succeeds. He doesn't like it, though, not resting against Alucard's head anymore. Everything feels like it makes less sense once he raises his head. His arms don't pull Alucard closer, for all that they could be closer in the first place, but it's not for lack of trying.
But he's doing what he's told. He's doing what he's told, and that feels good to do. He thinks for a moment, then smirks, glassy-eyed and contented. ]
[Alucard applies a small, damp cloth over the wound once Trevor has done so. He wipes carefully, and there. All the blood is gone now. Then he reaches for the bandages, and on they go. Ever so carefully and--
[ He doesn't back away, though. Doesn't apologise more than once. Doesn't try to do anything dramatic to make up for pushing things further than hee should. Just goes quiet for a moment, watching the bandages, and lets the smirk melt into a smaller, warmer smile. ]
[Alucard carefully kisses the the bandage. Then his hand reaches up, stroking what it can of Trevor's hair. It's impossibly gentle, wanting to just return everything that Trevor has done for him since Carmilla's death.]
You have to look after me, now. I don’t have any blood.
[ It’s amused-sounding, and just a touch childish. Like he’s managed to trick Alucard into being gentle with him, rather than just achieving it in a terribly roundabout way that avoids asking for gentleness. And it’s maybe a little too honest. Not like when he was on the medicine, he’s still mostly present. He’s just- happy, and for once willing to be small and fragile and protected.
[And I've been looking after you a very long time, Alucard does not say. He knows better, and with that, Alucard has to pause to figure out how to best move Trevor into a comfortable position.
All while his hand keeps combing through Trevor's hair.]
Don't worry. There will be no walking. We're just going to settle you down on the sofa, Trevor.
[ Probably for the best that he doesn't say it. It'll be a long time yet before Trevor can communicate that this is the only time he doesn't feel guilty about letting himself be looked after. ]
Yeah. That sounds nice.
[ All of this is nice. Nice and warm and safe. So safe. The slow, constant movement of Alucard's hand through his hair is nearly hypnotising. ]
[Alucard's careful as he shifts Trevor down onto the sofa. He makes sure that all of Trevor is supported by the pillows, that his neck has extra cushioning. It's impossibly soft, but now Alucard? He's at a terribly strange angle and doesn't know how to extricate himself.]
But I'm getting you a blanket first. Is that okay?
[ He has to think about that. Logically, for whatever part of him is operating on logic, he knows that he's going to get cold sooner rather than later lying still after blood loss. But it also means Alucard going. Means the hand in his hair stopping.
He looks up at Alucard, making sure to pull away just a little o they can see each other's faces. So Alucard can see how very serious he is (he just still looks soft and confused, in truth). ]
[And he does. Alucard extracts himself from the sofa so very carefully, and once he's up, he takes one of the thick wool blankets that are draped over the little headboard that has been re-purposed for draping blankets over so they can get warmed.
(He could make a more efficient version of this, Alucard thinks to himself. He'll do it once he's well.)
Alucard comes back, and he makes a point of tucking Trevor in.]
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[ Shit. So maybe he is going to have to talk about feelings a little bit. Just a little bit. ]
I don't want to fuck up with this. That's why I keep slowing shit down. I don't want you to push yourself too hard and go too far before you're ready. Because if any of this hurts you- [ He shakes his head. They wouldn't be able to forgive themselves if Alucard pushed himself too hard and ended up screwing himself up worse, over something that's meant to be because they love him. ] -none of this has any right to hurt you.
But you're normal about the biting thing, so- it's fine. You have a right to know that I'm going to be weird about it, but there's no reason it can't just be a normal thing for you.
[ It's not the soundest logic in the world. ]
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But what if I do get weird about it?
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[ He doesn't even know how to finish that sentence (Not me? Not fucked up? Not a pervert?), so he just shakes his head. ]
-We stop. At least for a moment. Figure out if it's going to be a problem. You finish eating if you can. If not I go use the needle instead. Then we have a fortnight to figure out what the fuck to do about it.
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[ He's quick about it, mostly because going to get the kit means that he can make a quick escape and get his head in order at least a little before anything else.
When he returns, it's with the kit. With the kid and with his tunic open to about half way down. ]
You are okay with this, aren't you? Even though-
[ -even though he's kind of making it into a sex thing? ]
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Well.
The Belmont's chest. That's still distracting, no matter what. It takes a few moments for Alucard to readjust his gaze, and then he nods.]
Yes.
[He's careful and factual as he proceeds.]
It'll be easiest if you're on my lap, facing towards me. Put the kit down on the sofa beside me.
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Steadily, so steadily, he kneels on the sofa, knees at either side of Alucard's waist, resting his weight upon his lap. There's a reverence to the way he lifts one hand, not stroking Alucard's hair but tracing over it in the air, palm always a finger's width from touching him. The other hand clutches the back of the sofa, and every knuckle he has left is white with the effort. ]
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One hand moves to Trevor's shoulder, carefully tugging fabric aside with a feather lightness that is trying not to stimulate him more. That hand then trails down the center of Trevor's chest, ghosting over to one side as to hold his hip in place.
Trevor's wonderfully close, and Alucard doesn't tell him to move. He simply leans his head in, and places a slow, careful lick over the spot he intends to take from It's where shoulder and neck meet - traditional, but not a vein. There's a second link and---
--teeth. Fangs sink in, but slower than before. They're moving carefully, intending to hit nothing important. Alucard's other hand rests on Trevor's shoulder, holding him carefully in place.]
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And he can feel his mind becoming lighter. Not from blood loss, and not from blood relocating to other body parts. But from this, from being something useful and important so effortlessly. He doesn't have to think. He doesn't have to fight. He just has to be here, be here and bleed, and that's enough.
He's enough. And usually he doesn't believe that until at least four drinks in. ]
Love you. More than anything.
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I love you too.
[They're soft words, and then Alucard's lips close around the wound. The blood is flowing and the horrible hunger within him demands that he waste no more time with words. He starts to lap up the blood, delighted with the flow. His hand on Trevor's hip shifts, and moves so it it wrapped around his waist instead, holding Trevor close.]
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His hands aren't gripping the back of the sofa so tightly anymore. There's no need, not when he can trust Alucard to hold him steady. And he can. He can trust Alucard with anything (except, perhaps, in his more lucid moments, with possessing the restraint not to overwhelm himself). ]
Easier to know that, like this. Makes more sense.
[ He doesn't expect an answer, of course. Not while Alucard's mouth is occupied. He lets his head loll to one side, resting it against Alucard's. Not enough movement to interfere with the feeding, just enough to close whatever gaps are left between them.
Blood has ceased to flow downward, now. Oh, he still feels it. He still wants it. But certain things are not really possible for the human body, and that's one of them. If he were a little more himself right now, he might be grateful for the lack of that particular inconvenience and embarrassment. As things are, it just- is. ]
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[The sound is whispered against Trevor's skin. Alucard requests it so he can concentrate, but also so that Trevor doesn't overwhelm himself. This is already so much, and Alucard knows that it might be borderline too much when Trevor's head rests against his.
He can't imagine how this looks like from the outside. All he knows is that oh, oh he's full and he can feel the blood reinforcing all his silly little injuries.
Moreover, he's yet to pick his head up and withdraw from the wound. There's still a trickle left.]
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He's heavy now. So heavy. Heavy and tired and still wanting. Wanting Alucard's lips and tongue to stay against him forever. Wanting to be held more closely. He can't sustain much more. Not without needing more than a few days' rest and some hearty meals to recover. But god, he wants to give more. It feels so, so good to be give.
He hums in contentment, letting his arms slide down from the back of the sofa. It's difficult to move them, but he manages to hang them loosely over Alucard's shoulders. ]
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--Oh. Sypha's never this sleepy. Or heavy. Or lost in herself. So Alucard has to bounce Trevor lightly.]
Pick your head up for a moment, please?
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[ He tries, after a few seconds, and mostly succeeds. He doesn't like it, though, not resting against Alucard's head anymore. Everything feels like it makes less sense once he raises his head. His arms don't pull Alucard closer, for all that they could be closer in the first place, but it's not for lack of trying.
But he's doing what he's told. He's doing what he's told, and that feels good to do. He thinks for a moment, then smirks, glassy-eyed and contented. ]
's it good, having me inside of you?
[ He's not too out of it to be a little shit. ]
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--there's a soft laugh.]
Thought we weren't ready for that step yet.
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[ He doesn't back away, though. Doesn't apologise more than once. Doesn't try to do anything dramatic to make up for pushing things further than hee should. Just goes quiet for a moment, watching the bandages, and lets the smirk melt into a smaller, warmer smile. ]
I like it. s'nice. Feels safe.
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[Alucard carefully kisses the the bandage. Then his hand reaches up, stroking what it can of Trevor's hair. It's impossibly gentle, wanting to just return everything that Trevor has done for him since Carmilla's death.]
We should get you off my lap and lay you down.
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[ It’s amused-sounding, and just a touch childish. Like he’s managed to trick Alucard into being gentle with him, rather than just achieving it in a terribly roundabout way that avoids asking for gentleness. And it’s maybe a little too honest. Not like when he was on the medicine, he’s still mostly present. He’s just- happy, and for once willing to be small and fragile and protected.
He leans his head against Alucard’s again. ]
Wherever we’re going, I don’t want to walk.
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[And I've been looking after you a very long time, Alucard does not say. He knows better, and with that, Alucard has to pause to figure out how to best move Trevor into a comfortable position.
All while his hand keeps combing through Trevor's hair.]
Don't worry. There will be no walking. We're just going to settle you down on the sofa, Trevor.
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Yeah. That sounds nice.
[ All of this is nice. Nice and warm and safe. So safe. The slow, constant movement of Alucard's hand through his hair is nearly hypnotising. ]
You'll stay? [ Please? ]
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[Alucard's careful as he shifts Trevor down onto the sofa. He makes sure that all of Trevor is supported by the pillows, that his neck has extra cushioning. It's impossibly soft, but now Alucard? He's at a terribly strange angle and doesn't know how to extricate himself.]
But I'm getting you a blanket first. Is that okay?
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[ He has to think about that. Logically, for whatever part of him is operating on logic, he knows that he's going to get cold sooner rather than later lying still after blood loss. But it also means Alucard going. Means the hand in his hair stopping.
He looks up at Alucard, making sure to pull away just a little o they can see each other's faces. So Alucard can see how very serious he is (he just still looks soft and confused, in truth). ]
You have to come back.
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[And he does. Alucard extracts himself from the sofa so very carefully, and once he's up, he takes one of the thick wool blankets that are draped over the little headboard that has been re-purposed for draping blankets over so they can get warmed.
(He could make a more efficient version of this, Alucard thinks to himself. He'll do it once he's well.)
Alucard comes back, and he makes a point of tucking Trevor in.]
See? Back.
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[ He reaches up, and his arm is so, so heavy. He manages, though, and he curls a lock of Alucard's hair around his finger. ]
It's nice, that I can be part of you. Just a little part of something beautiful.
[ His hand hovers close to Alucard's cheek as the hair slips away from around his finger, but doesn't touch. ]
I'm so fucking lucky.
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