His hand twitches at the contact, as though D instinctively tries to pull back from it but stops himself, and he lets out a slow breath and makes himself relax. Adrian doesn't intend him harm and if there is anyone he can trust here, it would be the other dhampir.
It's still hard - the idea of trusting anyone is a difficult one for D, as is allowing anyone close enough for contact - but he'll make himself tolerate it. Out of the light his skin manages to look slightly less grey, closer to his normal pallor, and he's cool to the touch.
At the question, D considers Adrian's expression. He doubts that the younger man will like anything he has to say on the matter, but... "I've survived worse. I'm in no danger of dying or attacking anyone. I healed a lot of damage and it takes it out of us."
Alucard's careful. He has to be, D's reaction makes it clear that any form of touch is not a matter of comfort for the other dhampir. And so after a few moments of looking, Alucard lets go of D's hands as gently as he took them.
"I see."
D's right that Alucard disapproves of the response, and so he's calm and quiet for a moment more.
He sighs again, aware that Adrian isn't pleased about something in all of this, but he can't seem to grasp what it is that the younger dhampir wants of him. D has never been skilled with the subtleties of communication - or communication in general really - so like most things, he approaches the matter head-on.
"You don't like that I got injured." While it's posed as a statement more than a question, D is largely guessing, relying on his noncommittal tone and level look to get Adrian to confirm or deny.
"Why? Would you prefer I remained here and ignored the creatures beyond these walls?"
There's almost some pride there - that D feels confident enough in having a measure of Alucard to make that kind of a guess. However, the conclusion is wrong, and he's ready to dash that. So Alucard folds his arms over his chest and sighs.
"Getting injured is a matter of course. But had you told me where you were going, I could have helped you prepare for what you were to encounter. Provide maps of the area. Support from afar. And I would know where you were if you took longer to come back.
"My countrymen burn what they fear, D. As capable as you are, I harbor a fear of that fate for all of those in this castle."
"Hm." It's a sound of agreement really; he had inferred a great deal but being wrong didn't concern him. That Adrian was willing to correct him still provided the information he'd been looking for.
Although it's still strange to hear and there's a flicker of confusion in his expression to hear that Adrian would have wanted to help. That he was worried.
He is the last to say he's good at reassuring anyone, and the majority of the time he wouldn't even try. But he does make some attempt in acknowledgement of all Adrian has done for him.
"Fire wouldn't be enough. A stake isn't enough. You don't have to worry about that."
Is that almost a parent level chiding? Perhaps, and Alucard has no shame in it. A frown crosses his face, deep set and deciding that the nicer, slower approach here isn't worth the time or effort.
"That isn't the point. You probably know that isn't the point, as I have every faith in your ability as a monster fighter in general. But this isn't home, you don't know the land or people, and you're a guest. How would you feel if someone suddenly disappeared?"
Does his expression turn a little more stoic out of stubbornness? Possibly, but he'd never admit it. The direct approach is appreciated, however much he might have trouble with what Adrian is saying, he does appreciate that he doesn't have to guess his meaning.
But the other problem with the openness is that... He has to answer it. On his own, he can't rely on the parasite to step in with its own version of events to distract from him.
D's throat works silently for a moment, and it's clear that it's something of a struggle for him to continue. But he does try.
"If something hadn't happened to them I would assume that they had chosen to leave. Vampires hunters and dhampirs in particular don't have friends, Adrian. I... Have never had anyone care what happened to me."
He doesn't like talking about it this much. "I don't know why you keep trying."
"Because that's how I was raised and the wisdom that was imparted to me by my parents."
Mostly his mother, but the point still stands. But listening was also a key part of that, and so Alucard does his very best to shut up and listen.
It makes sense that D's not used to this whole someone-giving-a-shit thing. His circumstances are so dramatically different that for it to be otherwise would be the truly strange element at hand. But it doesn't make it easier, because Alucard can't simply rely on phrases like common politeness or social contracts to get D to maybe be a little more open.
He lets out a soft, considering noise.
"In the future, can you let me know when you head out?"
D considers the request, finding it easier to think of it as a contract in a way. An equal exchange rather than something offered from a place of concern that he has difficulty understanding.
"If you want to offer help instead of stopping me, then I will," he agrees. Then D tilts his head, watching Adrian. He's tired, exhausted and drained and needs rest, but there's time for that later and now there's another focus. Not a job, exactly, but close enough that it feeds into his single-minded focus all the same.
"And you will heed my advice if I suggest that the idea or timing is too dangerous?"
It's a big ask that Alucard doesn't expect to work. He'll deal with the rejection if it comes to it, but for now, he'll take the risk. Nod quietly, and have his eyes rest on D with their quiet golden intensity.
His eyes narrow slightly as D considers if this is Adrian's way of trying to manipulate him into stopping his work. It's part of what he wants to ask the younger dhampir at least, so he simply lifts a shoulder in a shrug.
"I'll listen. But I know my own limits better than you do." Which is... technically true. He's aware of them, but actually listening to them is another matter. For a moment he's glad that the parasite is dormant and unable to argue that D seems intent on pushing through those limits the majority of the time.
But now there's the chance to ask as he's wanted. "Why don't you fight for the people here? Why stay locked away in the castle?"
"And I know Wallachia, her people, and her monsters. Limits are dependent on environment, D."
It's a shame the parasite is quiet. As annoying as D doubtlessly finds it, Alucard has frequently found it to be the only true offer of sense in the face of D's stubborn nature. A blessing, to be sure.
D's question is one that Alucard can answer easily enough, and he's calm and clear with his explanation.
"This castle could not become a looted grave. The Belmonts gifted me their Hold, which is a library and archive and museum of their work and contains likewise untold resources. They cannot be left defenseless, nor can they administrate themselves.
"The Belmonts go out into the world. I stay here. That is my preference."
"My limits are not. But I don't expect you to understand," D sighed. From what he understood, nature had been allowed to make what it willed of Adrian, no enhancements made through science. It was difficult then to explain what he was capable of and why D felt a need to try and break the Sacred Ancestor's work so thoroughly.
Regardless, he imagined that this wasn't going to stop being a point of contention between them any time soon.
"Would your mother want you to hide away?" he asked softly. "It seems less that you feel the need to take care of this castle as you do to avoid the world."
A little annoyed noise escapes Alucard's throat at I don't expect you to understand. It's remarkable how stubborn to the point of stupidity D is, but those are not thoughts Alucard dares to voice. He just lets the noise pass, and moves on to--
Adrian's concerns about him and his rather skewed opinions on himself are ones that D struggles to understand, rooted as they seem to be in a form of kindness that is entirely strange to him. But the pursuit of answers about other matters, that's a good deal easier.
Perhaps he should regret that it's clearly something that Adrian struggles to talk about in turn, but he's been wondering for a while now and this particular hunt is too intriguing to leave just yet.
"You speak of her often and how she raised you. How she would have wanted someone like myself to find worth outside of my purpose," he returns. "Yet you seem to be hiding from that as much as I am."
That isn't a lie. He is a steward of two legacies, delicate and fragile and so easily broken because the world beyond has no love for Dracula or for the Belmonts. But it is also an all too easy out that he has zero shame in taking advantage of.
"My desire to interact with the world comes and goes. By and large, I am aloof. As much as she would disapprove, I believe the decision and underlying reasons for it would be understood."
"And what reasons are they?" There's tiredness in his voice but D presses on still, curious and unwilling to give up on the chance Adrian is giving him of finding out more about him and their curious differences.
"Is it only wanting to preserve a legacy, or is there something more to it?"
Alucard's next response is flat. It strives to lack emotions, and even then, it is hard.
"An ambitious man of the Church was responsible for my mother's murder. A crowd egged it all on. I will honor and respect my mother's love of humanity, and I will love who I choose, but I cannot and will not approach a whole society."
Lisa's murder had only been the beginning though. The start of the so-called Burning Times. Alucard watched the books about witches be published. Saw the Reformation make it worse. Grieved because his pain was no longer an isolated pain, and that was unfair to so many more people.
D listened silently, no longer pushing now he felt that he had gotten some of what he'd been seeking.
"So that's it," he murmured. "Maybe we're not that different after all."
A faint smile touched his lips and D sank back in the chair, letting some of the exhaustion win out in a small way. "For all your talk of moving on and not resigning myself to my fate, you've done exactly the same and resigned yourself to living here, apart from everyone."
"No." The correction is immediate and cold. This? This is territory Alucard has worked to stay away from. D's stampeding into it. "I experienced things and made a choice to be here and to associate with the humans I associate with."
Beyond that, D is fixed with narrowed eyebrows and a thin, unhappy frown on Alucard's face.
Anyone else might have accepted the note of finality in Adrian's voice, but D often pushed where he wasn't wanted and this struck him as no different. The worst he could imagine this coming to was a fight or Adrian asking him to leave, neither of which carried much threat to him.
"So you stay here, away from the world, and keep humanity at large at a distance," he continues, pressing on with the same calm, relentless tone. "Choosing only a few to see as worth your time. It seems you take more after him than your mother in that respect."
His eyes narrow slightly. "And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy, what need will you have for humanity then? What will you think of them all when that day comes?"
Alucard's frown deepens. He shouldn't be surprised that D has ignored the request to stop the discussion. That lack of surprise doesn't erase the hurt of it, or the truly sour tone that comes out of the dhampir's mouth next.
"D, I said this conversation is over."
The finality brushes against something angrier. One that also suggests that D?
D remains silent as Adrian takes his leave and he's left alone in the room. He'd made his point, and no matter how much Adrian might avoid it, the truth won't fade so easily.
He moves out of the chair and stretches out onto the bed, still fully clothed, and closes his eyes. But if Adrian hasn't yet gotten too far, he might hear another conversation.
"Haha, you sure are a cold one."
"I thought you were asleep." D didn't open his eyes, and the other voice continued.
"No thanks to you running me ragged all the time. But I heard enough of that last part. And I know what's really going through that head of yours."
There's no answer from D, but that doesn't stop the creature.
"You're thinking about what might happen if he ends up like him, what you might have to do. And you want to stop it." The voice is muffled and one might imagine D squeezing his hand in a tight fist to try and silence the voice.
"Question is, is it because you actually care about him, or are you finally getting tired of killing every one of his creations that you come across?"
Alucard in fact hears none of the conversation. His shoulders are up around his ears, too defensive to truly listen in. D has in fact called him out. The words ring in his ears, And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy...?
Oh, there was more to it than that. Alucard knows there was more to it than that, but he can hardly make himself care. He has thought so many times about what he'd do when no Belmonts remained, and every time he dealt with the thought anew, he ran from it.
He'll be nothing. Easier to go to sleep again and be awakened if needed. And if he is never needed again, then so be it. He knows the other option, the path of his father, that is unacceptable. So it cannot be contemplated at all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's still hard - the idea of trusting anyone is a difficult one for D, as is allowing anyone close enough for contact - but he'll make himself tolerate it. Out of the light his skin manages to look slightly less grey, closer to his normal pallor, and he's cool to the touch.
At the question, D considers Adrian's expression. He doubts that the younger man will like anything he has to say on the matter, but... "I've survived worse. I'm in no danger of dying or attacking anyone. I healed a lot of damage and it takes it out of us."
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"I see."
D's right that Alucard disapproves of the response, and so he's calm and quiet for a moment more.
"How do we expedite the healing then?"
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"You don't like that I got injured." While it's posed as a statement more than a question, D is largely guessing, relying on his noncommittal tone and level look to get Adrian to confirm or deny.
"Why? Would you prefer I remained here and ignored the creatures beyond these walls?"
no subject
There's almost some pride there - that D feels confident enough in having a measure of Alucard to make that kind of a guess. However, the conclusion is wrong, and he's ready to dash that. So Alucard folds his arms over his chest and sighs.
"Getting injured is a matter of course. But had you told me where you were going, I could have helped you prepare for what you were to encounter. Provide maps of the area. Support from afar. And I would know where you were if you took longer to come back.
"My countrymen burn what they fear, D. As capable as you are, I harbor a fear of that fate for all of those in this castle."
no subject
Although it's still strange to hear and there's a flicker of confusion in his expression to hear that Adrian would have wanted to help. That he was worried.
He is the last to say he's good at reassuring anyone, and the majority of the time he wouldn't even try. But he does make some attempt in acknowledgement of all Adrian has done for him.
"Fire wouldn't be enough. A stake isn't enough. You don't have to worry about that."
See, reassuring.
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Is that almost a parent level chiding? Perhaps, and Alucard has no shame in it. A frown crosses his face, deep set and deciding that the nicer, slower approach here isn't worth the time or effort.
"That isn't the point. You probably know that isn't the point, as I have every faith in your ability as a monster fighter in general. But this isn't home, you don't know the land or people, and you're a guest. How would you feel if someone suddenly disappeared?"
no subject
But the other problem with the openness is that... He has to answer it. On his own, he can't rely on the parasite to step in with its own version of events to distract from him.
D's throat works silently for a moment, and it's clear that it's something of a struggle for him to continue. But he does try.
"If something hadn't happened to them I would assume that they had chosen to leave. Vampires hunters and dhampirs in particular don't have friends, Adrian. I... Have never had anyone care what happened to me."
He doesn't like talking about it this much. "I don't know why you keep trying."
no subject
Mostly his mother, but the point still stands. But listening was also a key part of that, and so Alucard does his very best to shut up and listen.
It makes sense that D's not used to this whole someone-giving-a-shit thing. His circumstances are so dramatically different that for it to be otherwise would be the truly strange element at hand. But it doesn't make it easier, because Alucard can't simply rely on phrases like common politeness or social contracts to get D to maybe be a little more open.
He lets out a soft, considering noise.
"In the future, can you let me know when you head out?"
no subject
"If you want to offer help instead of stopping me, then I will," he agrees. Then D tilts his head, watching Adrian. He's tired, exhausted and drained and needs rest, but there's time for that later and now there's another focus. Not a job, exactly, but close enough that it feeds into his single-minded focus all the same.
"Will you trade questions with me again, now?"
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It's a big ask that Alucard doesn't expect to work. He'll deal with the rejection if it comes to it, but for now, he'll take the risk. Nod quietly, and have his eyes rest on D with their quiet golden intensity.
"If you insist."
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"I'll listen. But I know my own limits better than you do." Which is... technically true. He's aware of them, but actually listening to them is another matter. For a moment he's glad that the parasite is dormant and unable to argue that D seems intent on pushing through those limits the majority of the time.
But now there's the chance to ask as he's wanted. "Why don't you fight for the people here? Why stay locked away in the castle?"
no subject
It's a shame the parasite is quiet. As annoying as D doubtlessly finds it, Alucard has frequently found it to be the only true offer of sense in the face of D's stubborn nature. A blessing, to be sure.
D's question is one that Alucard can answer easily enough, and he's calm and clear with his explanation.
"This castle could not become a looted grave. The Belmonts gifted me their Hold, which is a library and archive and museum of their work and contains likewise untold resources. They cannot be left defenseless, nor can they administrate themselves.
"The Belmonts go out into the world. I stay here. That is my preference."
no subject
Regardless, he imagined that this wasn't going to stop being a point of contention between them any time soon.
"Would your mother want you to hide away?" he asked softly. "It seems less that you feel the need to take care of this castle as you do to avoid the world."
no subject
--oof.
He winces, actually winces, at the question.
"You have a good measure of her."
That's all he's saying for now.
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Perhaps he should regret that it's clearly something that Adrian struggles to talk about in turn, but he's been wondering for a while now and this particular hunt is too intriguing to leave just yet.
"You speak of her often and how she raised you. How she would have wanted someone like myself to find worth outside of my purpose," he returns. "Yet you seem to be hiding from that as much as I am."
no subject
That isn't a lie. He is a steward of two legacies, delicate and fragile and so easily broken because the world beyond has no love for Dracula or for the Belmonts. But it is also an all too easy out that he has zero shame in taking advantage of.
"My desire to interact with the world comes and goes. By and large, I am aloof. As much as she would disapprove, I believe the decision and underlying reasons for it would be understood."
no subject
"Is it only wanting to preserve a legacy, or is there something more to it?"
no subject
"An ambitious man of the Church was responsible for my mother's murder. A crowd egged it all on. I will honor and respect my mother's love of humanity, and I will love who I choose, but I cannot and will not approach a whole society."
Lisa's murder had only been the beginning though. The start of the so-called Burning Times. Alucard watched the books about witches be published. Saw the Reformation make it worse. Grieved because his pain was no longer an isolated pain, and that was unfair to so many more people.
no subject
"So that's it," he murmured. "Maybe we're not that different after all."
A faint smile touched his lips and D sank back in the chair, letting some of the exhaustion win out in a small way. "For all your talk of moving on and not resigning myself to my fate, you've done exactly the same and resigned yourself to living here, apart from everyone."
no subject
Beyond that, D is fixed with narrowed eyebrows and a thin, unhappy frown on Alucard's face.
"I'm closing the door on this conversation."
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"So you stay here, away from the world, and keep humanity at large at a distance," he continues, pressing on with the same calm, relentless tone. "Choosing only a few to see as worth your time. It seems you take more after him than your mother in that respect."
His eyes narrow slightly. "And when the Belmonts are dead, when all you have is empty rooms and forgotten legacy, what need will you have for humanity then? What will you think of them all when that day comes?"
no subject
"D, I said this conversation is over."
The finality brushes against something angrier. One that also suggests that D?
D has hit way too close to home.
"Go recover. I have work to do."
no subject
He moves out of the chair and stretches out onto the bed, still fully clothed, and closes his eyes. But if Adrian hasn't yet gotten too far, he might hear another conversation.
"Haha, you sure are a cold one."
"I thought you were asleep." D didn't open his eyes, and the other voice continued.
"No thanks to you running me ragged all the time. But I heard enough of that last part. And I know what's really going through that head of yours."
There's no answer from D, but that doesn't stop the creature.
"You're thinking about what might happen if he ends up like him, what you might have to do. And you want to stop it." The voice is muffled and one might imagine D squeezing his hand in a tight fist to try and silence the voice.
"Question is, is it because you actually care about him, or are you finally getting tired of killing every one of his creations that you come across?"
End here?
Oh, there was more to it than that. Alucard knows there was more to it than that, but he can hardly make himself care. He has thought so many times about what he'd do when no Belmonts remained, and every time he dealt with the thought anew, he ran from it.
He'll be nothing. Easier to go to sleep again and be awakened if needed. And if he is never needed again, then so be it. He knows the other option, the path of his father, that is unacceptable. So it cannot be contemplated at all.