[ Muscle shifts beneath his arms. Alucard tenses like a bow ready to fire. If this was a mistake, if this was going to turn deadly, this would be the moment when it happens.
It doesn't, and Trevor kisses him once more before bringing a hand up to the back of his head, stoking his hair. It's a mess. A disaster. He never thought he'd be the one to say that they all need to wash at some point, but- shit, they really do. And he can be the one to tell others that they're worth that, even if he can't be worth it himself. ]
It gets easier. Hurts less. And then, sooner or later, you run into these people and they dig their way under your skin, until their veins are inside you. Until it's their heartbeats moving your body, and yours moving theirs. And then it barely hurts at all.
[ Not that he's talking from experience or anything. He carefully moves his hand through Alucard's hair, trying his best to avoid tugging. ]
[Alucard's hair has actual tangles in it, which for him is beyond the absolute pale. But the rest of him is just sad and slack and wanting to curl up somewhere, tired.
He makes soft noises to acknowledge that Trevor's speaking. He can't do much more.]
It won't. But if it does, we'll find something else.
[ He rearranges his arms, just a little. To gather Alucard up against him properly. The kitchen floor isn't the most comfortable place in the world, but that doesn't matter right now. ]
We'll find a way. Make it stop hurting. Bring you back to us.
[Alucard lets himself be held. His long fingers curl and cling to the fabric of Trevor's shirt. Horrible muted sobs keep escaping in spite all his best efforts. Everything Trevor says sounds so good. So right. But how can it be?
It's horrible, the two parts of Alucard running in opposite directions. The part that says no, it'll still be a lie. The other that wants to believe and be held and cared for after all that's transpired.
[ It's easier, with Sypha. Most of the time, it's easy to bring her back to herself with the smallest things. Contact. Words. Food. Warmth. With Alucard- some of those things seem to be helping, but only by degrees. He wants to believe that there has to be some secret way to help that he just hasn't found yet, but at this point he's pretty sure he's too much of an idiot to find it.
He kisses Alucard again, this time with enough force behind it that it could actually be honestly described as a kiss, rather than just lips brushing against each other. Just once more. ]
[He doesn't kiss back. Not really. There's still fear there, about what it might mean to return a kiss. But Alucard doesn't shy away from the gesture either, and that in and of itself is massive progress.
He lets himself be kissed. Holds onto Trevor after that too, soft and limp and just too tired to do anything more. At some point he'll get up and return to the blanket fort, but here? Now?
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It doesn't, and Trevor kisses him once more before bringing a hand up to the back of his head, stoking his hair. It's a mess. A disaster. He never thought he'd be the one to say that they all need to wash at some point, but- shit, they really do. And he can be the one to tell others that they're worth that, even if he can't be worth it himself. ]
It gets easier. Hurts less. And then, sooner or later, you run into these people and they dig their way under your skin, until their veins are inside you. Until it's their heartbeats moving your body, and yours moving theirs. And then it barely hurts at all.
[ Not that he's talking from experience or anything. He carefully moves his hand through Alucard's hair, trying his best to avoid tugging. ]
You already found her. You've got a head start.
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He makes soft noises to acknowledge that Trevor's speaking. He can't do much more.]
It's going to fail--
[It will. He knows it.]
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[ He rearranges his arms, just a little. To gather Alucard up against him properly. The kitchen floor isn't the most comfortable place in the world, but that doesn't matter right now. ]
We'll find a way. Make it stop hurting. Bring you back to us.
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It's horrible, the two parts of Alucard running in opposite directions. The part that says no, it'll still be a lie. The other that wants to believe and be held and cared for after all that's transpired.
That part wins in the end.]
Please.
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He kisses Alucard again, this time with enough force behind it that it could actually be honestly described as a kiss, rather than just lips brushing against each other. Just once more. ]
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He lets himself be kissed. Holds onto Trevor after that too, soft and limp and just too tired to do anything more. At some point he'll get up and return to the blanket fort, but here? Now?
This is all he can ask for.]