[ He considers making a comment about that Leon-ghost that Alucard likes to think hates him so much being an immense fucking hypocrite but Maybe Not Appropriate.
For his part, he's not overly concerned with history repeating itself - Alucard isn't going to turn him or Sypha, after all. He's just really, really, immensely freaked out. ]
Bright side, if shit does back to normal at midnight, maybe the horse forgot.
[The words sound absolutely miserable. Air. Outside, outside would be good night now. Alucard looks down at the little yappy dog that's decided to stand next to him instead of anyone else, debating the excuse of taking the dog out after being inside for most of the day.
Both of them would see through the excuse, so what's the point.]
[ It's a simple enough question. And he and Sypha have other things they can distract themselves with so not to think about Leon Belmont's sex life. Resuming tests of the container's prototype seems like a great and productive idea right now. They can give Alucard a few ours to himself while they work on it. ]
[He's grateful. They know to ask, and he's gotten better at telling when he really does need to be alone versus alone as an excuse to not deal with things.
But it's a different kind of departure, because he just goes. Nothing, no touches, just boots scuffing against the stone floor, leading him out and away into the sunlight to just deal with this bullshit revelation.]
[ It's late in the afternoon when Trevor seeks out Alucard. He's had a good few hours to himself, and he ought to at least check up on him. Between them. Sypha and he have a theory that heating the iron enough to fuse the silver against it will allow them to keep the thickness of the metal down (and thus keep the container smaller and easier to hide) while keeping the container resistant to attempts to divine what's inside it. But the high temperatures needed for that risk igniting nearby things without contact, making it highly unsuitable work for indoors. They can continue the work outside tomorrow. And check the lab to see if scorch marks and slightly burned desks are restored to normal by the reset. ]
[At some point, the dog found Alucard sitting on the grass just outside the kitchen and climbed into his lap. A warm little weight, one of the few things not supercharged with emotion right now.
The air's helped beat back some of the most irrational responses to this. Right now Alucard's focus is on the warmth of the afternoon air (a breeze carries both the smell of the garden and smell of the stable in one horrifying scent.) How good it is to have sunlight as an option in his life. What to make for dinner. The precious normal things that he knows weren't thoughts with the other three.
Sypha's still able to break through it and get a sense of what's inside it. And- it's Sypha so of course she fucking can, and warding spells will help, but I still don't like it. We're going to try to fuse the silver onto the iron tomorrow, but it's going to need to be outside.
[ He sighs, but it's the happy kind. The kind that comes from hard work and honest mistakes. ]
Incidentally, we'll get to find out if burned desks replenish themselves tonight.
[ Sorry Alucard, Trevor's many, many generations removed from Leon. You're one generation removed from Mathias. You're the favorite. Dog likes you best. ]
Do things always catch fire when working with her?
I'll- take that as a yes. Surprised you still let her do this kind of work in the castle.
[ He laughs and reaches over to pet the dog. It's not touching Alucard, but it's touching the dog, and the dog is touching Alucard, so it kind of is. ]
We do it in designated spaces, and you never saw some of the set ups I grew up around. [Alucard grins, sly and surprisingly mischievous.] Sypha's caused nothing on the scale of a few remarkable moments.
[The dog will allow this. Because this is the transitive property of touch and these two weirdos are clearly part of his people's pack.]
[Just saying. But at least Alucard doesn't dwell on it, which is miles better than he's ever managed before. This entire experience has been deeply sobering on so many levels.]
[ He's getting better at this himself, because his response isn't defensive, or an attempt to turn it into a very dark joke. A joke which with anyone else he would be entirely within his rights to make. But not with Alucard.
He moves his hand, hovering it above Alucard's now, waiting for permission. ]
[The apology gets a sidelong smile. Trevor's come a long way too. They all have, on so many stupid and not stupid things.
The question is answered by Alucard's hand moving up, taking Trevor's softly and then bringing it down so both their hands are resting in the warm summer grass. Soft as anything. Softer than the dog, come to think of it.]
[ It's nice. And warm. And loving. And only a medium amount of weird. Which is less something insurmountable and more the way things were when this all began, when they first returned to the castle after Dracula's defeat. He can deal with a medium amount of weird. ]
I'm not going to play the stupid game this time. [ Because playing it would mean letting go, and he's not about to fucking do that. ]
So you don't have to talk about this shit if you don't want to. But I've still got ears, game or not. So if you do want to, I'll use them.
[Ears. They really have come a long way, haven't they? It's enough to put a flicker of a smile on Alucard's face, one that stays there as he gives the hand a very soft squeeze.]
Tomorrow, I shall not make this about me and my own endless need to revaluate what my father was.
[And that's the real simple truth here. Every new detail sends him spiraling back, wondering if what he did was the right thing. He knows it is, it was always a cold hard truth, but guilt alwas wormed it's way inside of Alucard to convince him that there was some action to make his father whole again. Sane again. The man he knew just shy of twenty years, not the man he was for centuries before.
Who, as it turned out, was the same man he always was. Just expressed differently. A dedicated scientist. Someone who wanted to defy the world for love. And who fell into his own bullshit.
And maybe he could live with that truth now. Even if it made him more and more afraid of becoming his father. Even if it made this trio feel just a little stranger for the ways history had decided to repeat itself.
[ Because he's not as overt about it as Alucard is. Because he doesn't feel it as keenly as Alucard does. He will never drive a stake through the heart of the Belmmont line, only eventually decide whether or not it ought to end with him. But Alucard's seen the dream (they were wrong in the worst possible way, and then they were right and it was just as terrible). He's heard that stupid comment about sacrifices. There's no sense pretending that he's not searching for some way for his family's mission to justify or damn itself in his eyes to make the choice easier.
So he doesn't pretend, he just shuffles closer to Alucard when invited to, letting go of his hand to instead put an arm around his shoulder. ]
You're entitled. I've spent too much time doing it.
[The heavy thinker. Trevor called it for what it was so early on. It's never changed, and it makes so many more problems than it's worth, in the end. But to stop it would make Alucard fundamentally not himself, and then where would any of them be?
Alucard leans into the arm around him. Swings his left arm low around Trevor's waist, since Trevor's right is around his shoulder. Maybe this repeats history too. Maybe this part of history is worth repeating.]
I love you. I'm terrified of whatever unspoken history was inside of these walls for all the reasons you already know. I don't want four hundred years of history to repeat itself, only for some terrible children of ours to be discovering the same information in the castle walls. But the first part is much more important. I love you both.
Sounds like we should tell more horses about it. Keep it from becoming a secret. Hard to uncover something you already know.
[ It feels different, right now, to be holding Alucard. A little like when he's floating, like there's a weight that isn't there. ]
For what it's worth, I'm sure Leon Belmont would never curse. Or insult someone. So I can fucking guarantee he never once said 'I adore this pompous fucking bloodsucker'.
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cryptsleeper) wrote2018-11-10 11:26 pm
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For his part, he's not overly concerned with history repeating itself - Alucard isn't going to turn him or Sypha, after all. He's just really, really, immensely freaked out. ]
Bright side, if shit does back to normal at midnight, maybe the horse forgot.
no subject
[The words sound absolutely miserable. Air. Outside, outside would be good night now. Alucard looks down at the little yappy dog that's decided to stand next to him instead of anyone else, debating the excuse of taking the dog out after being inside for most of the day.
Both of them would see through the excuse, so what's the point.]
I need to go outside for a moment.
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[ It's a simple enough question. And he and Sypha have other things they can distract themselves with so not to think about Leon Belmont's sex life. Resuming tests of the container's prototype seems like a great and productive idea right now. They can give Alucard a few ours to himself while they work on it. ]
no subject
[He's grateful. They know to ask, and he's gotten better at telling when he really does need to be alone versus alone as an excuse to not deal with things.
But it's a different kind of departure, because he just goes. Nothing, no touches, just boots scuffing against the stone floor, leading him out and away into the sunlight to just deal with this bullshit revelation.]
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Alucard? You still out here?
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The air's helped beat back some of the most irrational responses to this. Right now Alucard's focus is on the warmth of the afternoon air (a breeze carries both the smell of the garden and smell of the stable in one horrifying scent.) How good it is to have sunlight as an option in his life. What to make for dinner. The precious normal things that he knows weren't thoughts with the other three.
He turns his head when Trevor approaches.]
I've been weighed down by the dog.
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[ He sits down near Alucard but not next to him. He took note of that no touching thing. ]
Ready for company again?
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[The dog is also very asleep right now.]
Mmm. I think so.
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[ SHIT EATING GRIN TIME. He tries not to look at Alucard too much, staring at their shitty old wagon instead. ]
The talking kind of company, or the quiet kind?
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[Thank you, Enid. You've ruined every dog naming attempt forever.]
I am unsure. How did things go with experimentation?
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[ He sighs, but it's the happy kind. The kind that comes from hard work and honest mistakes. ]
Incidentally, we'll get to find out if burned desks replenish themselves tonight.
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[Alucard nudges not-Dog gently. Go cuddle with Trevor too.
Dog ain't moving for shit.]
Welcome to the exciting world of experiments with Sypha.
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Do things always catch fire when working with her?
[ Yes. ]
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Oh, was it only fire?
[That question is way too mild and much too calm.]
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[ He laughs and reaches over to pet the dog. It's not touching Alucard, but it's touching the dog, and the dog is touching Alucard, so it kind of is. ]
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[The dog will allow this. Because this is the transitive property of touch and these two weirdos are clearly part of his people's pack.]
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[ Us here being the Belmonts. ]
Bad at dog names, maybe a little too excited about salt and rice. But we never caused fires.
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[Just saying. But at least Alucard doesn't dwell on it, which is miles better than he's ever managed before. This entire experience has been deeply sobering on so many levels.]
This whole thing is.
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[ He's getting better at this himself, because his response isn't defensive, or an attempt to turn it into a very dark joke. A joke which with anyone else he would be entirely within his rights to make. But not with Alucard.
He moves his hand, hovering it above Alucard's now, waiting for permission. ]
May I?
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The question is answered by Alucard's hand moving up, taking Trevor's softly and then bringing it down so both their hands are resting in the warm summer grass. Soft as anything. Softer than the dog, come to think of it.]
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I'm not going to play the stupid game this time. [ Because playing it would mean letting go, and he's not about to fucking do that. ]
So you don't have to talk about this shit if you don't want to. But I've still got ears, game or not. So if you do want to, I'll use them.
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Tomorrow, I shall not make this about me and my own endless need to revaluate what my father was.
[And that's the real simple truth here. Every new detail sends him spiraling back, wondering if what he did was the right thing. He knows it is, it was always a cold hard truth, but guilt alwas wormed it's way inside of Alucard to convince him that there was some action to make his father whole again. Sane again. The man he knew just shy of twenty years, not the man he was for centuries before.
Who, as it turned out, was the same man he always was. Just expressed differently. A dedicated scientist. Someone who wanted to defy the world for love. And who fell into his own bullshit.
And maybe he could live with that truth now. Even if it made him more and more afraid of becoming his father. Even if it made this trio feel just a little stranger for the ways history had decided to repeat itself.
No. No maybe.
He'd live with that.]
Come here.
no subject
[ Because he's not as overt about it as Alucard is. Because he doesn't feel it as keenly as Alucard does. He will never drive a stake through the heart of the Belmmont line, only eventually decide whether or not it ought to end with him. But Alucard's seen the dream (they were wrong in the worst possible way, and then they were right and it was just as terrible). He's heard that stupid comment about sacrifices. There's no sense pretending that he's not searching for some way for his family's mission to justify or damn itself in his eyes to make the choice easier.
So he doesn't pretend, he just shuffles closer to Alucard when invited to, letting go of his hand to instead put an arm around his shoulder. ]
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[The heavy thinker. Trevor called it for what it was so early on. It's never changed, and it makes so many more problems than it's worth, in the end. But to stop it would make Alucard fundamentally not himself, and then where would any of them be?
Alucard leans into the arm around him. Swings his left arm low around Trevor's waist, since Trevor's right is around his shoulder. Maybe this repeats history too. Maybe this part of history is worth repeating.]
I love you. I'm terrified of whatever unspoken history was inside of these walls for all the reasons you already know. I don't want four hundred years of history to repeat itself, only for some terrible children of ours to be discovering the same information in the castle walls. But the first part is much more important. I love you both.
no subject
[ It feels different, right now, to be holding Alucard. A little like when he's floating, like there's a weight that isn't there. ]
For what it's worth, I'm sure Leon Belmont would never curse. Or insult someone. So I can fucking guarantee he never once said 'I adore this pompous fucking bloodsucker'.
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