![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I don't believe you. I think you'd have fallen for the whole thing, even knowing. Maybe not the last part, but everything else. I think you'd have given them a chance to be better. The two of you aren't like me. You're not the sorts to sit in a nice tall tree and laugh while people suffer.
[ He talks over Alucard's sobs, because what else is he supposed to do? When Sypha cries, he holds her. He can't do that for Alucard. And he can't just ignore him and leave the room like he would for anyone else. He can just listen, and then awkwardly keep talking. ]
What would you want, if you weren't afraid?
[ He talks over Alucard's sobs, because what else is he supposed to do? When Sypha cries, he holds her. He can't do that for Alucard. And he can't just ignore him and leave the room like he would for anyone else. He can just listen, and then awkwardly keep talking. ]
What would you want, if you weren't afraid?
[He tries to mute the next noise that wants to come out. Alucard....more or less manages, but it's still an awful little thing that tears at his inside. Trevor doesn't need this. He doesn't need this Sypha is already leaning on him so much.]
I don't think you've been that person for a bit.
[He does manage that much. But then shame just swallows the rest of his words. Makes a response impossible for the next few minutes, as hot tears stream down his face.
Eventually though...]
I don't know. I might've had an answer once.
I don't think you've been that person for a bit.
[He does manage that much. But then shame just swallows the rest of his words. Makes a response impossible for the next few minutes, as hot tears stream down his face.
Eventually though...]
I don't know. I might've had an answer once.
[ He places one slightly-dusty hand against Alucard's face, then presses his lips lightly against his.
It's a soft, quick kiss. One that only tastes of honey a little, one that's over almost before it's begun. He lingers for a second afterward, stroking his fingers over Alucard's cheek before slowly lowering his hand. ]
It's a soft, quick kiss. One that only tastes of honey a little, one that's over almost before it's begun. He lingers for a second afterward, stroking his fingers over Alucard's cheek before slowly lowering his hand. ]
[It's been some time since Alucard has been kissed. By choice, and he's enjoyed the freedom from not having to do it in order to survive.
But oh.
Oh.
He's wanted this kiss for days now. It's sweet and fleeting and has the after taste of honey, and--
--and he laughs, in spite of himself.]
One more?
But oh.
Oh.
He's wanted this kiss for days now. It's sweet and fleeting and has the after taste of honey, and--
--and he laughs, in spite of himself.]
One more?
And I should have been. One of us has to be a selfish fuck, or things like this happen. And the two of you? Shitty at being selfish.
[ He waits. He waits and he listens. It'd be easier, to know for sure what's denied to them now so he can figure out the next best thing. Instead, he just has to guess. ]
I'll talk to her about it, in the morning. And then after breakfast we move one of the big chairs from here up next to the bed. Then you sleep in it, on nights you feel up to it. All the joys of hearing my snoring all night with none of the touching.
[ He waits. He waits and he listens. It'd be easier, to know for sure what's denied to them now so he can figure out the next best thing. Instead, he just has to guess. ]
I'll talk to her about it, in the morning. And then after breakfast we move one of the big chairs from here up next to the bed. Then you sleep in it, on nights you feel up to it. All the joys of hearing my snoring all night with none of the touching.
[Alucard somehow has, in the course of all of this, absolutely wedged himself into his horrible corner of the sofa. He's stable there. Feels safe, even though that's a lie.]
I don't know if I can do that yet, Belmont.
I don't know if I can do that yet, Belmont.
Of course.
[ The second kiss is a little more forceful and a lot more awkward, because he's grinning into it. It means there's a clicking of teeth against each other and lips- basically about in the right place for a kiss.
It's an awkward, clumsy kiss. But he's smiling and he still tastes of honey. ]
[ The second kiss is a little more forceful and a lot more awkward, because he's grinning into it. It means there's a clicking of teeth against each other and lips- basically about in the right place for a kiss.
It's an awkward, clumsy kiss. But he's smiling and he still tastes of honey. ]
[Awkward and clumsy seems about right, honestly. This is awkward. Alucard's still not entirely sure he he feels right now beyond awkward and unsure that this is entirely right but--
--he's kissing someone and he isn't scared, and that's amazing.
When he pulls away, he's smiling more.]
I'm going to start breakfast, okay?
--he's kissing someone and he isn't scared, and that's amazing.
When he pulls away, he's smiling more.]
I'm going to start breakfast, okay?
Don't blame you. I'd need to be emotionally prepared to deal with my snoring, too.
[ It's not a very good joke. But it's not like Alucard would be in a place to appreciate it if it was. ]
You don't have to. We'll find something else. And if there's nothing you can do, we live with that. You can still- you can still be ours. And we can still be yours.
[ It's not a very good joke. But it's not like Alucard would be in a place to appreciate it if it was. ]
You don't have to. We'll find something else. And if there's nothing you can do, we live with that. You can still- you can still be ours. And we can still be yours.
[Finally, finally, he picks his head up to look at Trevor.
Alucard looks like shit. Obviously. Blood shot eyes, face a teary and surprisingly snotty mess. Hair mixed up in all of that too. He doesn't believe any of it, no matter how much he wants to.
He doesn't ask how that'll work. He searches for anything else.]
She'd be so proud if she saw you right now.
[HE'S GOT THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BRAIN CELL!]
Alucard looks like shit. Obviously. Blood shot eyes, face a teary and surprisingly snotty mess. Hair mixed up in all of that too. He doesn't believe any of it, no matter how much he wants to.
He doesn't ask how that'll work. He searches for anything else.]
She'd be so proud if she saw you right now.
[HE'S GOT THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BRAIN CELL!]
[ He wants to kiss Alucard again. But Sypha does need to eat. So does Alucard, for that matter. He's the only one who's had a meal this morning. So he just nods, delighted. ]
Hurry up, before you get all skinny again.
Hurry up, before you get all skinny again.
I know. Look at me, trying to make things right and everything.
[ And while mostly sober! If nothing else, the month of playing well-adjusted human being has done some good for him. ]
You want me to fuck off and let you sleep, or do you need the company a little longer?
[ And while mostly sober! If nothing else, the month of playing well-adjusted human being has done some good for him. ]
You want me to fuck off and let you sleep, or do you need the company a little longer?
I won't. Promise.
[He doesn't. Not over the next few days, and not ever again. Alucard's careful when he cooks. Makes sure that Sypha's diet is rich in protein, with meat for one meal and then lentils or beans the other two. She gets snacks. Alucard writes down her progress once a day, and she gets to the point where she can contact her people.
But it takes time to beat back how close she was to death. When she rests, Alucard sees other patients again. Goes out sometimes, other times has some come to him. He's warm and familiar and as soft as he can be during those moments, even when the news is bad.
He's given affection in return. His patients pay in coin or in food or when they can. Old women come into his home fussing and then staying for tea, and Alucard introduces Trevor to them. My long term patient's companion and an old friend from Wallachia. It gets Trevor fussed over as well, as Alucard's grandmothers know how little he speaks of Wallachia.
In the evening hours, Alucard rests on his little sofa, but also against Trevor. The kisses are slow and cautious, but they're there and there's a quiet joy in every single one.
The week ends. The sun sets, and the last call to prayer echoes through the city. Alucard's routine for the week concludes with a last walk, one that he's taking Trevor on.
He made sure to explain the bathhouse's concept and etiquette earlier in the day. That you strip down, you walk into the baths with a towel around your waist, but most men drop it afterwards. That you don't stare, but you're free to be social - and Alucard often isn't.
Which means that here, now, Alucard's absolutely nude and lying on a warm marble slab in the bath's hot room. A beautiful domed thing with fine stone on every surface, there is a central slab where men congregate. Some washed. Others talking. And around the room are smaller little siloed areas with smaller stones to lie on, buckets of water under facuets, and fine fixtures.
It isn't the most beautiful of the hamams in the city, but it doesn't have to be. It's local, and Alucard has his little spot in one of the silos where he can lie down and let the week's grime shed itself.
His feet and their scars are obvious. But no one asks here.]
[He doesn't. Not over the next few days, and not ever again. Alucard's careful when he cooks. Makes sure that Sypha's diet is rich in protein, with meat for one meal and then lentils or beans the other two. She gets snacks. Alucard writes down her progress once a day, and she gets to the point where she can contact her people.
But it takes time to beat back how close she was to death. When she rests, Alucard sees other patients again. Goes out sometimes, other times has some come to him. He's warm and familiar and as soft as he can be during those moments, even when the news is bad.
He's given affection in return. His patients pay in coin or in food or when they can. Old women come into his home fussing and then staying for tea, and Alucard introduces Trevor to them. My long term patient's companion and an old friend from Wallachia. It gets Trevor fussed over as well, as Alucard's grandmothers know how little he speaks of Wallachia.
In the evening hours, Alucard rests on his little sofa, but also against Trevor. The kisses are slow and cautious, but they're there and there's a quiet joy in every single one.
The week ends. The sun sets, and the last call to prayer echoes through the city. Alucard's routine for the week concludes with a last walk, one that he's taking Trevor on.
He made sure to explain the bathhouse's concept and etiquette earlier in the day. That you strip down, you walk into the baths with a towel around your waist, but most men drop it afterwards. That you don't stare, but you're free to be social - and Alucard often isn't.
Which means that here, now, Alucard's absolutely nude and lying on a warm marble slab in the bath's hot room. A beautiful domed thing with fine stone on every surface, there is a central slab where men congregate. Some washed. Others talking. And around the room are smaller little siloed areas with smaller stones to lie on, buckets of water under facuets, and fine fixtures.
It isn't the most beautiful of the hamams in the city, but it doesn't have to be. It's local, and Alucard has his little spot in one of the silos where he can lie down and let the week's grime shed itself.
His feet and their scars are obvious. But no one asks here.]
I mean it.
[He can be genuine and traumatized. It's a skill!]
Bold of you to assume I sleep much these days, Belmont.
[He can be genuine and traumatized. It's a skill!]
Bold of you to assume I sleep much these days, Belmont.
Is it the most handsome bastard you've ever seen?
[ A teasing poke at himself as he ghosts the tips of his fingers along the inside of that thigh, lips brushing a few more open-mouthed kisses to soft, pale skin. ]
You want a little more or just want me to get right to it?
[ A teasing poke at himself as he ghosts the tips of his fingers along the inside of that thigh, lips brushing a few more open-mouthed kisses to soft, pale skin. ]
You want a little more or just want me to get right to it?
Something like tha--[The word is swallowed up in a loud moan.
Trevor's good at pinging what makes the dhampir weakest at any given moment. It makes sense, given that he's a Belmont and all, but still. It leaves him like this. A glorious mess of hair and noise, full of want.]
As you like...
[If he wants to tease just a little more, Alucard ain't gonna stop him.]
Trevor's good at pinging what makes the dhampir weakest at any given moment. It makes sense, given that he's a Belmont and all, but still. It leaves him like this. A glorious mess of hair and noise, full of want.]
As you like...
[If he wants to tease just a little more, Alucard ain't gonna stop him.]
[ It's a comfortable routine. When Sypha is strong enough for it, and when they're certain beyond doubt that she can't infect anyone else, he lifts her and shows her around the surgery. Lets her look out of the windows at a strange city. She's trying to be brave and it seems to help, to give her things to focus on. The old ladies who visit are kind to him, even if one or two of them look at him like they know more than they're meant to. And when Alucard sits down to rest in the evenings they sit together. There are kisses. Tiny, careful ones.
Everything is careful.
He does try not to stare. Mostly succeeds, only failing enough to appreciate the ways things have changed and the ways they havn't. The burn scars healing into ugly things, as painless as they will probably ever be. The places where bones are still visible. The ones where they aren't anymore. There are no new scars, none that he can see that he doesn't remember seeing before, and that's a relief. ]
You've been safe here. [ He says, perched on the side of the slab. He still has his towel and hasn't quite got his head around how this place works yet, just sitting and enjoying the warmth of the room. ] I'm glad.
Everything is careful.
He does try not to stare. Mostly succeeds, only failing enough to appreciate the ways things have changed and the ways they havn't. The burn scars healing into ugly things, as painless as they will probably ever be. The places where bones are still visible. The ones where they aren't anymore. There are no new scars, none that he can see that he doesn't remember seeing before, and that's a relief. ]
You've been safe here. [ He says, perched on the side of the slab. He still has his towel and hasn't quite got his head around how this place works yet, just sitting and enjoying the warmth of the room. ] I'm glad.
I know you do. I just don't know how I'm meant to react. I'm not doing anything because I want her to be proud. I'm just- you know. Somehow the least fucked-up person here. That's a position that comes with responsibilities.
[ He sighs. ]
Fine, you want me to fuck off and let you stare into the fire with a glass of useless grape piss?
[ He sighs. ]
Fine, you want me to fuck off and let you stare into the fire with a glass of useless grape piss?
I have been.
[Safer now, that he can just completely let go here. Alucard's usually more careful in the bath houses, aware that he's at his most vulnerable. It's a careful thing he does, making sure that he's safe everywhere he goes.
It's been easier with Trevor around. Not just thinking about safety, but moving around his own house. Resting just a little bit easier. Just...being.]
The scars hurt less after I'm here. Never figured out if it's because of the baths or just my own head.
[Safer now, that he can just completely let go here. Alucard's usually more careful in the bath houses, aware that he's at his most vulnerable. It's a careful thing he does, making sure that he's safe everywhere he goes.
It's been easier with Trevor around. Not just thinking about safety, but moving around his own house. Resting just a little bit easier. Just...being.]
The scars hurt less after I'm here. Never figured out if it's because of the baths or just my own head.
Also a series of words none of us ever expected to say, and yet here we are.
[Alucard nods. Returns his gaze to the fire.]
Yes, I think that'd be best for now.
[Alucard nods. Returns his gaze to the fire.]
Yes, I think that'd be best for now.
[ He mimics the way Alucard lies down against the stone, looking up at the beautiful ceiling. It feels strange, if he's honest. The way the hot, dry air makes him sweat the protective layer of dust away from his skin. It makes him feel vulnerable in a way he doesn't really care for. But Alucard likes it here, so he tries it anyway. ]
Maybe it's the heat. [ It seems strange to him, that the heat would help with old burns. But then, he's not the doctor. And Alucard does use warm water to soak his feet. ] It doesn't matter, does it? If they feel better anyway.
Maybe it's the heat. [ It seems strange to him, that the heat would help with old burns. But then, he's not the doctor. And Alucard does use warm water to soak his feet. ] It doesn't matter, does it? If they feel better anyway.
[Alucard's own instinct is now to reach out for Trevor's hand. He can't, not in public, but it's still there. He's not sure how to feel about that but...well. He'll think about it later.]
You're right. The end result is the same, and sometimes we don't need to question it.
[He crosses his legs, then lets out a very happy sigh.]
Thank you for coming with me.
You're right. The end result is the same, and sometimes we don't need to question it.
[He crosses his legs, then lets out a very happy sigh.]
Thank you for coming with me.
[ He doubts it's easy. But eventually Sypha wakes first, staring blearily from his arms at a pile of silver fur in the chair next to the bed and she's almost back to her old self as she shakes him awake to appreciate the big dog in a chair. For a precious few days she forgets her own distress, too caught up in the joy of there maybe being hope for Alucard to care.
It ends, of course. But it's nice. And it begins again every time she wakes to a bundle of fluff in a chair, even if it doesn't last.
She's asleep on his chest right now, icy feet coiled around one of his legs, drooling on him maybe a little more than he'd like. He's only half-awake, but he can sense someone sitting down in the chair. ]
Mmn. Don't you usually have more legs than this?
It ends, of course. But it's nice. And it begins again every time she wakes to a bundle of fluff in a chair, even if it doesn't last.
She's asleep on his chest right now, icy feet coiled around one of his legs, drooling on him maybe a little more than he'd like. He's only half-awake, but he can sense someone sitting down in the chair. ]
Mmn. Don't you usually have more legs than this?
[It's easier, being a pile of self loathing. Knowing that redemption is pointless, because when they leave he'll just collapse again. Feeling the shame that they saw him in such a way, were horrified by the fact that yes, he had become his father. Alucard's buried himself under a mountain and resents being told to undig himself.
He doesn't want to try. He wants them to give up, because to move back to where he was? It's impossible. He knows it is, and Alucard hates the tiny part of him that's still selfless. Still loves them both. Wants them, wants them to be happy and damnit if Sypha isn't happy when Sypha sees his wolf form in the chair that first night.
The wolf comes and goes. There are good days and bad. And--
--busted.]
I thought you'd be asleep.
He doesn't want to try. He wants them to give up, because to move back to where he was? It's impossible. He knows it is, and Alucard hates the tiny part of him that's still selfless. Still loves them both. Wants them, wants them to be happy and damnit if Sypha isn't happy when Sypha sees his wolf form in the chair that first night.
The wolf comes and goes. There are good days and bad. And--
--busted.]
I thought you'd be asleep.
Of course.
[ He still doesn't understand the rules behind not being able to hold Alucard's hand when there are other people about. But he doesn't need to, really. All he needs to understand is that Alucard doesn't want to be touched in front of people.
It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to gather Alucard up in his arms and pull him close while he's being so soft and unguarded. It just means he doesn't do it. ]
Does this really make people clean? It seems like it'd just make them awfully sweaty.
[ He still doesn't understand the rules behind not being able to hold Alucard's hand when there are other people about. But he doesn't need to, really. All he needs to understand is that Alucard doesn't want to be touched in front of people.
It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to gather Alucard up in his arms and pull him close while he's being so soft and unguarded. It just means he doesn't do it. ]
Does this really make people clean? It seems like it'd just make them awfully sweaty.
Page 177 of 199
- «
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9
- 10
- 11
- 12
- 13
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- 20
- 21
- 22
- 23
- 24
- 25
- 26
- 27
- 28
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- 54
- 55
- 56
- 57
- 58
- 59
- 60
- 61
- 62
- 63
- 64
- 65
- 66
- 67
- 68
- 69
- 70
- 71
- 72
- 73
- 74
- 75
- 76
- 77
- 78
- 79
- 80
- 81
- 82
- 83
- 84
- 85
- 86
- 87
- 88
- 89
- 90
- 91
- 92
- 93
- 94
- 95
- 96
- 97
- 98
- 99
- 100
- 101
- 102
- 103
- 104
- 105
- 106
- 107
- 108
- 109
- 110
- 111
- 112
- 113
- 114
- 115
- 116
- 117
- 118
- 119
- 120
- 121
- 122
- 123
- 124
- 125
- 126
- 127
- 128
- 129
- 130
- 131
- 132
- 133
- 134
- 135
- 136
- 137
- 138
- 139
- 140
- 141
- 142
- 143
- 144
- 145
- 146
- 147
- 148
- 149
- 150
- 151
- 152
- 153
- 154
- 155
- 156
- 157
- 158
- 159
- 160
- 161
- 162
- 163
- 164
- 165
- 166
- 167
- 168
- 169
- 170
- 171
- 172
- 173
- 174
- 175
- 176
- 177
- 178
- 179
- 180
- 181
- 182
- 183
- 184
- 185
- 186
- 187
- 188
- 189
- 190
- 191
- 192
- 193
- 194
- 195
- 196
- 197
- 198
- 199
- »
Page 177 of 199