I don't believe you. I think you'd have fallen for the whole thing, even knowing. Maybe not the last part, but everything else. I think you'd have given them a chance to be better. The two of you aren't like me. You're not the sorts to sit in a nice tall tree and laugh while people suffer.
[ He talks over Alucard's sobs, because what else is he supposed to do? When Sypha cries, he holds her. He can't do that for Alucard. And he can't just ignore him and leave the room like he would for anyone else. He can just listen, and then awkwardly keep talking. ]
[He tries to mute the next noise that wants to come out. Alucard....more or less manages, but it's still an awful little thing that tears at his inside. Trevor doesn't need this. He doesn't need this Sypha is already leaning on him so much.]
I don't think you've been that person for a bit.
[He does manage that much. But then shame just swallows the rest of his words. Makes a response impossible for the next few minutes, as hot tears stream down his face.
And I should have been. One of us has to be a selfish fuck, or things like this happen. And the two of you? Shitty at being selfish.
[ He waits. He waits and he listens. It'd be easier, to know for sure what's denied to them now so he can figure out the next best thing. Instead, he just has to guess. ]
I'll talk to her about it, in the morning. And then after breakfast we move one of the big chairs from here up next to the bed. Then you sleep in it, on nights you feel up to it. All the joys of hearing my snoring all night with none of the touching.
[Alucard somehow has, in the course of all of this, absolutely wedged himself into his horrible corner of the sofa. He's stable there. Feels safe, even though that's a lie.]
Don't blame you. I'd need to be emotionally prepared to deal with my snoring, too.
[ It's not a very good joke. But it's not like Alucard would be in a place to appreciate it if it was. ]
You don't have to. We'll find something else. And if there's nothing you can do, we live with that. You can still- you can still be ours. And we can still be yours.
[Finally, finally, he picks his head up to look at Trevor.
Alucard looks like shit. Obviously. Blood shot eyes, face a teary and surprisingly snotty mess. Hair mixed up in all of that too. He doesn't believe any of it, no matter how much he wants to.
He doesn't ask how that'll work. He searches for anything else.]
I know you do. I just don't know how I'm meant to react. I'm not doing anything because I want her to be proud. I'm just- you know. Somehow the least fucked-up person here. That's a position that comes with responsibilities.
[ He sighs. ]
Fine, you want me to fuck off and let you stare into the fire with a glass of useless grape piss?
[ He doubts it's easy. But eventually Sypha wakes first, staring blearily from his arms at a pile of silver fur in the chair next to the bed and she's almost back to her old self as she shakes him awake to appreciate the big dog in a chair. For a precious few days she forgets her own distress, too caught up in the joy of there maybe being hope for Alucard to care.
It ends, of course. But it's nice. And it begins again every time she wakes to a bundle of fluff in a chair, even if it doesn't last.
She's asleep on his chest right now, icy feet coiled around one of his legs, drooling on him maybe a little more than he'd like. He's only half-awake, but he can sense someone sitting down in the chair. ]
[It's easier, being a pile of self loathing. Knowing that redemption is pointless, because when they leave he'll just collapse again. Feeling the shame that they saw him in such a way, were horrified by the fact that yes, he had become his father. Alucard's buried himself under a mountain and resents being told to undig himself.
He doesn't want to try. He wants them to give up, because to move back to where he was? It's impossible. He knows it is, and Alucard hates the tiny part of him that's still selfless. Still loves them both. Wants them, wants them to be happy and damnit if Sypha isn't happy when Sypha sees his wolf form in the chair that first night.
The wolf comes and goes. There are good days and bad. And--
I'll be honest, I was expecting to be asleep at this fucking hour.
[ But sometimes you close your eyes and just see Dracula staring back, reaching out from his new kingdom, the ruins of a forgotten little clinic on the outskirts of a forgotten little village. ]
's it make it harder, if I'm talking? I can shut up if it does.
I won't pretend it's not weird. But I'm lying in a bed in the fucking demon castle. After washing myself with water that said demon castle shot through a few hundred feet of metal veins. I'm sober. There's a magician drooling on my tit. You staring at us because we invited you do is about the most normal part of this mess.
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[ He talks over Alucard's sobs, because what else is he supposed to do? When Sypha cries, he holds her. He can't do that for Alucard. And he can't just ignore him and leave the room like he would for anyone else. He can just listen, and then awkwardly keep talking. ]
What would you want, if you weren't afraid?
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I don't think you've been that person for a bit.
[He does manage that much. But then shame just swallows the rest of his words. Makes a response impossible for the next few minutes, as hot tears stream down his face.
Eventually though...]
I don't know. I might've had an answer once.
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[ He waits. He waits and he listens. It'd be easier, to know for sure what's denied to them now so he can figure out the next best thing. Instead, he just has to guess. ]
I'll talk to her about it, in the morning. And then after breakfast we move one of the big chairs from here up next to the bed. Then you sleep in it, on nights you feel up to it. All the joys of hearing my snoring all night with none of the touching.
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I don't know if I can do that yet, Belmont.
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[ It's not a very good joke. But it's not like Alucard would be in a place to appreciate it if it was. ]
You don't have to. We'll find something else. And if there's nothing you can do, we live with that. You can still- you can still be ours. And we can still be yours.
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Alucard looks like shit. Obviously. Blood shot eyes, face a teary and surprisingly snotty mess. Hair mixed up in all of that too. He doesn't believe any of it, no matter how much he wants to.
He doesn't ask how that'll work. He searches for anything else.]
She'd be so proud if she saw you right now.
[HE'S GOT THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BRAIN CELL!]
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[ And while mostly sober! If nothing else, the month of playing well-adjusted human being has done some good for him. ]
You want me to fuck off and let you sleep, or do you need the company a little longer?
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[He can be genuine and traumatized. It's a skill!]
Bold of you to assume I sleep much these days, Belmont.
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[ He sighs. ]
Fine, you want me to fuck off and let you stare into the fire with a glass of useless grape piss?
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[Alucard nods. Returns his gaze to the fire.]
Yes, I think that'd be best for now.
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It ends, of course. But it's nice. And it begins again every time she wakes to a bundle of fluff in a chair, even if it doesn't last.
She's asleep on his chest right now, icy feet coiled around one of his legs, drooling on him maybe a little more than he'd like. He's only half-awake, but he can sense someone sitting down in the chair. ]
Mmn. Don't you usually have more legs than this?
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He doesn't want to try. He wants them to give up, because to move back to where he was? It's impossible. He knows it is, and Alucard hates the tiny part of him that's still selfless. Still loves them both. Wants them, wants them to be happy and damnit if Sypha isn't happy when Sypha sees his wolf form in the chair that first night.
The wolf comes and goes. There are good days and bad. And--
--busted.]
I thought you'd be asleep.
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[ But sometimes you close your eyes and just see Dracula staring back, reaching out from his new kingdom, the ruins of a forgotten little clinic on the outskirts of a forgotten little village. ]
's it make it harder, if I'm talking? I can shut up if it does.
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[A wolf is less creepy and very fluffy!]
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[ He actually opens his eyes, turning to look at Alucard and blinking in the low light until his eyes adjust enough to make out his silhouette. ]
We want you here.
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In the dark. Watching you sleep.
You're positive?
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[ He sighs. ]
I won't pretend it's not weird. But I'm lying in a bed in the fucking demon castle. After washing myself with water that said demon castle shot through a few hundred feet of metal veins. I'm sober. There's a magician drooling on my tit. You staring at us because we invited you do is about the most normal part of this mess.
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[He's just saying.
But demon castle. Yes, that's what he made it again, isn't it? Alucard tries to shrug that thought off.]
Go back to sleep, Belmont.
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[ He huffs at Alucard, then softens. ]
You changed your tune fast. Guessing I said something stupid.
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[He sighs.]
It was never going to be anything but the demon castle.
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[ Sypha stirs and he brings a hand up to her face, combing it through her short hair until she settles again. ]
Did you want it to be something else?
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[ He repeats it slowly, as if he's struggling with the concept. As if he barely remembers what homes are meant to be. ]
Maybe eventually. Fucking thing can move itself halfway across the world, maybe it can turn itself into something else.
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[He can't even make that be funny when he says it. Alucard just sounds a different shade of tired instead.]
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[ It's only the no-touching rule keeping Alucard from receiving a pillow to the face. ]
It was a home once. It can be one again, probably. I just- shit, I don't know if I'm ready for somewhere to be home. I don't know when I will be.
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