[A week in, and Alucard feels mostly better. The wound from the meat hook has healed entirely, and with it has been no lingering pain at the site. There's no scar either, which is nothing short of a small mercy in everyone's opinion.
His leg is taking longer. Carmilla's age meant that anything done by her hands directly would scar, and her clawmarks are her last legacy to the dhampir. Slow healing clawmarks, although the material closest to the bone has now closed up. (Thank God Alucard has said outloud, and genuinely meant the words.)
He's able to be out of bed though, and that's the important thing. Alucard likes being on one of the library sofas nearest the windows the most, able to look out at the snowy mountains of the Carpathians and know that he is home, he is safe, and he is so very well protected. The castle. Trevor. Sypha. Safety is a luxury and Alucard wants nothing more than to bask in it.
But his mind still wanders. Thinks of Carmilla and her last moments, and what it was that she saw. She spoke of Dracula, Alucard remembered that much, but...
...he's waited until the morphine has been unneeded. He's on smaller doses of normal pain killers now, and he's less loopy for it. Less cuddly too, although he will lean against one or the other in place of the arm of the sofa if they are near by. (They always are.)
Lunch today. Alucard smells it and Trevor before either walk through the door.]
[ Lunch was troublesome for a while, but the castle has finally, finally given back the kitchen knives. It's yet to let him get anything he can use to hunt, which would normally be a concern. But somehow, the pantry never runs low. And while he should know better than to accept food from a creature he doesn't understand and while he's fairly sure this isn't something that it can keep doing forever, the alternative is all of them starving. For now, he can work with this.
It's soups and stews mostly. They started out as light things until he knew for sure that Alucard could keep food other than blood down, and by now they're heartier affairs, better suited to the cold. Even if they never actually experience the cold in here. If he does all the preparation, it's fairly foolproof in case he's not able to cook - even Sypha can handle putting a flame under a pot and putting a lump of dough into the oven. And it's as good an excuse as any to make bread. He likes making bread. You just have to do everything you're meant to do, and it doesn't go wrong unless you fuck up. ]
Yeah, me. [ He sets the tray down on a low table near the sofa, tugging it over with his foot. Stew and bread with butter, water, a couple pills that Sypha said were the right ones and that need to be taken with meals. No blood, not for now. ] Think you're going to be able to eat?
[Alucard shifts himself around so that his feet are now on the floor, rather than pushed up against the arm of the sofa. The stew smells wonderful (there's so much protein, and he wants protein more than anything else.) But he takes the water first and the pills, making sure that Trevor watches him do that before he focuses on the stew.]
[ He knows Alucard needs protein, not so much because he has any clue about nutrition but because the castle keeps filling the kitchen with meat. He's not discussed that because it doesn't seem important and also an abundance of meat is not a great topic of conversation, considering recent events. ]
If it's about the orange stuff, I don't fucking know. [ Sweet potato. The castle gave him sweet potato. ] It cooks well enough, and I don't think the castle's going to be giving us anything poisonous.
Something happened before I had the upper hand. She seemed to see a vision or some other image of my father. I had no such thing in my sight.
[Alucard's not reached for his spoon yet, which means he won't be eating until there's an answer. His eyes rest on Trevor, but the only emotion there is a quiet, calm curiosity.]
[ There’s no reason not to tell Alucard. No reason other than that what happened in the slaughterhouse was bad enough without him knowing there was a witness to it. He’ll be happier not knowing. ]
I don’t know. Maybe she really did piss him off enough for ghost bullshit.
[ He doesn’t want to talk about this. Hasn’t even talked about it with Sypha, really, beyond telling her that Alucard was in danger and they needed to hurry. ]
I told you, didn’t I? My sisters found a way to fuck with elder vampires using the familiar bond.
I don’t know, not for sure. I figured she’d catch on, if he started talking about her being a boy, or a human. I just- gave her a guide, something for her to put her own idea of him on to.
[ It’s not an explanation. Not really. ]
She did most of the work, by knowing what he’d do if he caught her.
[ He curls in on himself a little, the way he does when he’s done something the other two won’t like. When he’s hidden alcohol somewhere and the castle has dug it out to reveal the deception. He puts a hand to his side, to the chunk of missing flesh there. ]
I used to have him- a quarter of him- stuck inside me. Trying to claw his way out. I gave her that, just for a while.
[Alucard's eyes meet Trevor's, but there's horror in there. He knows what his father was capable of. He's always known. But to have that in someone's head? That is a nightmare.]
[ He moves closer, not quite looking at Alucard. When he puts a hand out to let it rest in the vampire's, it's hesitant. Careful. Penitent. And- god, he doesn't even know what he's sorry for anymore. He just knows that he can still feel bone against his fingernails, smell iron on the air.
He shouldn't have- god, he shouldn't have done so many things. He's hurt Alucard in so, so many ways. ]
[For a very long time, Alucard is quiet. He holds Trevor's hand in his, eyes off staring into the stew rather than at Trevor or even at the middle distance. And then, very quietly, he manages:]
You bought me valuable time and my life. In the end, that is what matters the most.
[The but hangs in the air, and it takes Alucard another moment before continuing.]
To weaponize him in that way is...very much something he would do. And I know that to have him in your head for all of those years could have only been a nightmare. I think it is a small wonder that you did not go mad from it.
[It's in fact pretty amazing.]
But I'd be a liar if I said a part of me is angry at him for doing that to you instead of finding me and looking after me. [There. He's said it. After too much time to think.]
So in doing this thing, you forced that role upon him. That's all I think I need to say.
You deserve so much better than- all of this. None of it should have happened.
[ He squeezes Alucard's hand, at that, then lets go. It doesn't really bear commenting on further, the experience of growing up with Dracula in one's head. There's a balance there - he wants to tell Alucard that the asshole wouldn't have fought them so hard if he didn't have something to fight for. If he wasn't trying to find his way back.
He's lied enough today. They all know what Dracula did when he was finally free. And there's no sense in speculating on whether that was because the burning drove him madder. He would have He rushed to his son's side, yes, but not in defence. And he really doesn't enjoy trying to sympathise with Dracula. ]
We'll try to make it right. As right as we can make it.
[Alucard doesn't try to do much when Trevor lets go of his hand. He mostly just sits there, quiet and thinking about well, everything. Because at the moment, everything deserves quiet, careful consideration.
He breathes out.]
There's nothing to make right or wrong. The thing your sister invented saved my life. That's all there is to it now.
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His leg is taking longer. Carmilla's age meant that anything done by her hands directly would scar, and her clawmarks are her last legacy to the dhampir. Slow healing clawmarks, although the material closest to the bone has now closed up. (Thank God Alucard has said outloud, and genuinely meant the words.)
He's able to be out of bed though, and that's the important thing. Alucard likes being on one of the library sofas nearest the windows the most, able to look out at the snowy mountains of the Carpathians and know that he is home, he is safe, and he is so very well protected. The castle. Trevor. Sypha. Safety is a luxury and Alucard wants nothing more than to bask in it.
But his mind still wanders. Thinks of Carmilla and her last moments, and what it was that she saw. She spoke of Dracula, Alucard remembered that much, but...
...he's waited until the morphine has been unneeded. He's on smaller doses of normal pain killers now, and he's less loopy for it. Less cuddly too, although he will lean against one or the other in place of the arm of the sofa if they are near by. (They always are.)
Lunch today. Alucard smells it and Trevor before either walk through the door.]
Belmont?
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It's soups and stews mostly. They started out as light things until he knew for sure that Alucard could keep food other than blood down, and by now they're heartier affairs, better suited to the cold. Even if they never actually experience the cold in here. If he does all the preparation, it's fairly foolproof in case he's not able to cook - even Sypha can handle putting a flame under a pot and putting a lump of dough into the oven. And it's as good an excuse as any to make bread. He likes making bread. You just have to do everything you're meant to do, and it doesn't go wrong unless you fuck up. ]
Yeah, me. [ He sets the tray down on a low table near the sofa, tugging it over with his foot. Stew and bread with butter, water, a couple pills that Sypha said were the right ones and that need to be taken with meals. No blood, not for now. ] Think you're going to be able to eat?
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[Alucard shifts himself around so that his feet are now on the floor, rather than pushed up against the arm of the sofa. The stew smells wonderful (there's so much protein, and he wants protein more than anything else.) But he takes the water first and the pills, making sure that Trevor watches him do that before he focuses on the stew.]
May I ask you about something?
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If it's about the orange stuff, I don't fucking know. [ Sweet potato. The castle gave him sweet potato. ] It cooks well enough, and I don't think the castle's going to be giving us anything poisonous.
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[ Please ask him more questions about sweet potatoes instead. ]
You- what did you want to ask?
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[Alucard's not reached for his spoon yet, which means he won't be eating until there's an answer. His eyes rest on Trevor, but the only emotion there is a quiet, calm curiosity.]
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[ Shit. He hadn’t thought that Alucard would know. He hadn’t thought of anything, really, other than driving her back somehow. ]
Shit. Guilty conscience?
[ ...even if Trevor were at all a competent liar, which he is not, ‘carmilla was stopped by her conscience’ isn’t exactly believable. ]
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Try again.
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I don’t know. Maybe she really did piss him off enough for ghost bullshit.
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[ Fuck. He sighs, looking up. ]
Just- You could take it for what it looks like. Him trying to make things right? You’re sure you wouldn’t rather it be that?
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Please. The truth.
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[ He doesn’t want to talk about this. Hasn’t even talked about it with Sypha, really, beyond telling her that Alucard was in danger and they needed to hurry. ]
I told you, didn’t I? My sisters found a way to fuck with elder vampires using the familiar bond.
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[Alucard does take the stew in hand though, and dips his spoon in.]
What did you make her see?
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[ It’s not an explanation. Not really. ]
She did most of the work, by knowing what he’d do if he caught her.
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You fed her memories of my father?
[It's hard to tell what his tone is. Confused. A little upset. But mostly unsure of how to interpret any of it.]
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I used to have him- a quarter of him- stuck inside me. Trying to claw his way out. I gave her that, just for a while.
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[Alucard's eyes meet Trevor's, but there's horror in there. He knows what his father was capable of. He's always known. But to have that in someone's head? That is a nightmare.]
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[ He looks away, shaking his head. ]
I needed something that she couldn’t ignore. It’s all that came to mind. I’m sorry.
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Come here.
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He shouldn't have- god, he shouldn't have done so many things. He's hurt Alucard in so, so many ways. ]
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You bought me valuable time and my life. In the end, that is what matters the most.
[The but hangs in the air, and it takes Alucard another moment before continuing.]
To weaponize him in that way is...very much something he would do. And I know that to have him in your head for all of those years could have only been a nightmare. I think it is a small wonder that you did not go mad from it.
[It's in fact pretty amazing.]
But I'd be a liar if I said a part of me is angry at him for doing that to you instead of finding me and looking after me. [There. He's said it. After too much time to think.]
So in doing this thing, you forced that role upon him. That's all I think I need to say.
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[ He squeezes Alucard's hand, at that, then lets go. It doesn't really bear commenting on further, the experience of growing up with Dracula in one's head. There's a balance there - he wants to tell Alucard that the asshole wouldn't have fought them so hard if he didn't have something to fight for. If he wasn't trying to find his way back.
He's lied enough today. They all know what Dracula did when he was finally free. And there's no sense in speculating on whether that was because the burning drove him madder. He would have He rushed to his son's side, yes, but not in defence. And he really doesn't enjoy trying to sympathise with Dracula. ]
We'll try to make it right. As right as we can make it.
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He breathes out.]
There's nothing to make right or wrong. The thing your sister invented saved my life. That's all there is to it now.
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