The whole thing is one of the most miserable thoughts Alucard's heard. He knows it's a byproduct of how he was raised of course, that he was encouraged to think freely and be as free as possible, finding his own purpose and place in life. He also knows he can't think of his world as similar to D's by any means, and the other dhampir's explanation is a somber reminder of that fact.
"It's still worth asking," he murmurs, with that being the only protest he'll truly register here.
"Your home needs you, that much is clear. I'll see what I can recreate of this machine."
"You have your life here," D returns, his voice softer. "You have a chance to be whatever you want and people who understand who and what you are. You've seen a part of what I am, no one should be familiar with something like that."
He doesn't expect Adrian will accept the answer easily, even if he might not protest it, but he's young in D's eyes and their upbringings different to the point he can scarce imagine it.
"Even if you can't restore it, I won't stay any longer than you wish."
That feels important to emphasize right now. D isn't being asked to scoot out now, and it isn't going to happen in the future either. There's no need for it, and...he has to really say this, doesn't he?
"It's...this is as close to any safe haven you'll have, and I'm glad to provide it. What I saw was simply a part of yourself, and I've be the worst of all hypocrites if I truly judged you for it, D."
"I doubt that many others would see it in that light." But it's an observation, not a rejection. He still remains near the door, ready to leave if need be, buy he leaned against the frame and folds his arms.
"Your mother must have been an impressive woman. And cared for you a good deal."
"She was capable of great empathy, even when humanity treated her with the deepest of contempt."
At that, Alucard's face threatens to show an emotion, but it stops short. The most that happens is a deeply sad sort of smile flickers across, the sort that's caught up in a memory. Many, if he's being honest.
"When she and my father met, she berated him for his lack of hospitality. To say I strive to avoid that mistake is an understatement."
"Hmph." It's almost a laugh. As close as D has ever gotten to one at least.
"Impressive, I can see how she must have been an amazing woman. And she would be proud of you."
He can't imagine the figure in his own memories bowing so easily. But if anything it makes him more certain that the man Adrian speaks of was someone else. He ignores the thought that it's easier to accept that than the idea of a private life in the past.
The reply is immediate and so very forthright. It still hurts, talking of what happened and how badly it went, but...if D has any relation to him at all, no matter how distant, it does feel right to share.
He breathes out, because the articulation is a struggle.
"It's just hard to remember that given what happened after. They roll into one awful bundle."
"All the more reason to try," D says quietly. It's clearly an effort for Adrian to talk about the matter at all, and he hasn't forgotten his insistence that D not ask about their deaths shortly after they'd met.
But if Adrian is willing to make the effort, he can try as well.
"You shouldn't let how it ended overwhelm what it was before or lock away the memories because parts are painful to think of.
"If you do that enough, you won't be able to remember the good in the end. All that will remain is the pain."
"It's far easier to say such words, even if they are correct, than do them."
Alucard's smile is fragile. Frought. Then it fades, and his attention goes back to the notebook. To D's drawing. To the things that are so much easier than think about what happened.
D won't press the matter, aware that he is already hypocritical enough with what he's said already. Ultimately it's Adrian's choice of how to move on with his life. Sensing the younger man drawing away, D turns to leave as well. There's still much of the castle that can take his attention, books to study and pour over, and he's certain that there are still dangers in the lands outside the walls that can be hunted.
It shouldn't be a surprise when D disappears without comment. The idea of telling Adrian where he was intending to go didn't occur to him and while the parasite remarked that they might be missed, D ignored it. He privately felt that Adrian would be relieved not to have his presence skulking around his family home, and when he caught wind of a band of monstrous creatures raiding villages and towns to the north, the draw to make use of his skills was too much to resist.
It takes longer than he'd expected, takes more out of him as well, and while there'd been a thought at the back of his mind that this was the time to simply leave and never return, disappear and leave Adrian's strange acceptance behind, the younger dhampir had been right about one thing. The castle is clearly the closest thing he'll find here to sanctuary.
The wolves might be the first to let the pale-haired master of the castle know of his return, or perhaps its the scent of blood that surrounds the horse he'd acquired, old and dried but still clinging to it and D himself. His movements are jerky as he dismounts and goes through the motions of finding a place to settle the creature, every movement tightly controlled to avoid giving too much away.
He hasn't seen Adrian yet, but D imagines that he's watched and doesn't trust a lack of apparent eyes to put him at ease. Soon enough he expects there will be questions and he's bracing himself for them, ignoring the way the sun feels particularly harsh today and saps at his energy.
It was only after the report of night creatures in the north that Alucard had figured out where D had gone off to. There was a logic in it, as D insisted he was nothing but a tool made to deal with such problems, and yes, the whole thing was a problem. A big one, but something the Belmonts could have done easily.
Which, several Belmonts pointed out, was probably why D had left to go do it. Sitting around the castle was going to make anyone restless, and Alucard wasn't making D's life any easier. If anything, it made things harder.
An ugly truth, but one Alucard only sighed at before accepting it. There wasn't a wrong word in there, and he simply waited for the alerts that D was back. The wolves. Protecive defenses that were invisible to the eye. His viewing mirror. Whatever went off first to alert him about D's return.
It's the wolves, in the end. They catch the scent of other dhampir and blood, and one of them runs to the castle, awooo-ing to get Alucard's attention. A large white wolf emerges from the castle in response, listens, and then? Then he darts off to where D has been spotted.
Four paws carry him quickly, but Alucard has the good sense to at least look like a man when he approaches D again. Ignores the sharp scent of blood in the air. Hopes the horse won't startle.
D's hands are oddly gentle as he settles the horse, taking the time to check it over for injuries and do what he can about the worst of the dried blood. There's nothing too serious, fortunately, but its thin and in need of rest. D himself isn't faring much better; what little of his skin that can be seen has a greyish cast to it and his clothing has more holes and tears than before as well as its own fair share of dried blood.
He doesn't turn immediately at Adrian's voice, continuing to see that the horse has enough feed and water first.
That response is automatic at least. The other dhampir steps forward, and as he does so, he accounts for all of D's appearance. Clothing, well, that's clothing and easily fixed. But the gray nature of his skin? Oh, that rings an alarm in Alucard's mind, and his frown deeps.
"I'm a decent seamstress, thankfully. But--"
Not what happened. Only, "You should have told me you were going out."
As much as it might be easier, he can't keep his back to Adrian the entire time so, with a sigh, D finally turns properly to look at him. He knows how he looks which is exactly why he'd been hoping to avoid this conversation at least until he'd had the chance to rest, but that's clearly not about to happen.
He squints at the sun, setting in the distance and haloing Adrian's hair in golden light, and tugs his hat lower.
"And you were busy. I didn't want to interrupt." That's a lie, he'd only assumed as much, but he'll stick to it regardless.
Alucard sighs, but that becomes silence when D turns to him. Too grey to be healthy. Alucard knows that inside is the only option right now, and so he crosses over to them both. To pat the horse, and look at D in the eye.
"You need to get inside. Or are we at the point where a brief burial is far better for you?"
It's short and clipped, showing some obvious strain instead of D's normal level tone, and that bothers him more than he cares to admit. But if it's letting something through in his voice or letting the tremble show in his hands, he'll take the former. Adrian is already too worried for his liking and the sooner he can try to deflect it the better he'll feel.
"Don't need to eat." It's clearly avoiding the question but D is more focused on trailing after Adrian, keeping his head tilted down to avoid the light that glares too brightly and makes his eyes ache.
It doesn't help that currently he's on his own in this conversation, although he doesn't imagine that the parasite would be as helpful as he'd like.
"Don't need you to worry either," he sighs. "Just rest. Hunger won't kill me."
Don't need to eat is, technically, the answer Alucard was looking for anyway. He does need to ensure the capsules are present, or if they aren't, start figuring out supply lines but that's for Later Alucard. Present Alucard is focused on D, and with the comment about worry, Alucard simply shakes his head.
"That ship has sailed, I'm afraid. Come on."
Alucard doesn't start walking. He moves behind D instead, as if to nudge him forward like some kind of animal nosing at it's young. "Inside. Now."
He liked it better when Adrian was walking in front of him. That had at least given him the idea of slipping away to his room where he could properly collapse without being observed. The fact that now he's being shepherded is galling.
"This is why I didn't tell you," he murmurs. "You have more important concerns than me."
Still, it's blissfully cool inside the castle and he can't quite hide the sigh the escapes him at the sensation. Adrian isn't likely to let him off quite that easily, D imagines, so he follows wherever the younger dhampir directs him without further protest. Although once they seem to reach wherever Adrian was aiming for, D drops heavily into the nearest chair.
Alucard could have sworn that time and again, he had made it clear to D that he took looking after guests seriously. Someone of D's circumstances deserved at least that much until a pathway home could open.
He makes sure that D is in the castle, but rather than go anywhere else, Alucard moves in the direction of D's quarters.
"Slightly. Take off your hat and let me see your hands, I need to understand how bad this is."
"Monsters still roam the lands and attack the people here," D returns. "I can wait until Wallachia is stable again. I have time."
Millenia of it really. Even without food, D doubted it would be enough to kill him. The Sacred Ancestor had made sure his 'success' wasn't so easily ended.
At Adrian's insistence D sighed but removed his hat, setting it aside on the bed and offering his hands. Despite his efforts they still tremble slightly but otherwise there isn't a mark on him.
Alucard keeps the words stuffed down his throat, focusing on what's actually important. To call it a proper medical examination? That's laughable. But to take more than a cursory glance is important, and that much Alucard can do.
With D's hand offered, Alucard takes one very gently, and he brings it up to the eye level. Looks. Pays attention to the color, and then looks to D's face for the sake of comparison.
His hand twitches at the contact, as though D instinctively tries to pull back from it but stops himself, and he lets out a slow breath and makes himself relax. Adrian doesn't intend him harm and if there is anyone he can trust here, it would be the other dhampir.
It's still hard - the idea of trusting anyone is a difficult one for D, as is allowing anyone close enough for contact - but he'll make himself tolerate it. Out of the light his skin manages to look slightly less grey, closer to his normal pallor, and he's cool to the touch.
At the question, D considers Adrian's expression. He doubts that the younger man will like anything he has to say on the matter, but... "I've survived worse. I'm in no danger of dying or attacking anyone. I healed a lot of damage and it takes it out of us."
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"It's still worth asking," he murmurs, with that being the only protest he'll truly register here.
"Your home needs you, that much is clear. I'll see what I can recreate of this machine."
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He doesn't expect Adrian will accept the answer easily, even if he might not protest it, but he's young in D's eyes and their upbringings different to the point he can scarce imagine it.
"Even if you can't restore it, I won't stay any longer than you wish."
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That feels important to emphasize right now. D isn't being asked to scoot out now, and it isn't going to happen in the future either. There's no need for it, and...he has to really say this, doesn't he?
"It's...this is as close to any safe haven you'll have, and I'm glad to provide it. What I saw was simply a part of yourself, and I've be the worst of all hypocrites if I truly judged you for it, D."
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"Your mother must have been an impressive woman. And cared for you a good deal."
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At that, Alucard's face threatens to show an emotion, but it stops short. The most that happens is a deeply sad sort of smile flickers across, the sort that's caught up in a memory. Many, if he's being honest.
"When she and my father met, she berated him for his lack of hospitality. To say I strive to avoid that mistake is an understatement."
Why is he so pretty
"Impressive, I can see how she must have been an amazing woman. And she would be proud of you."
He can't imagine the figure in his own memories bowing so easily. But if anything it makes him more certain that the man Adrian speaks of was someone else. He ignores the thought that it's easier to accept that than the idea of a private life in the past.
"Were the three of you happy?"
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The reply is immediate and so very forthright. It still hurts, talking of what happened and how badly it went, but...if D has any relation to him at all, no matter how distant, it does feel right to share.
He breathes out, because the articulation is a struggle.
"It's just hard to remember that given what happened after. They roll into one awful bundle."
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But if Adrian is willing to make the effort, he can try as well.
"You shouldn't let how it ended overwhelm what it was before or lock away the memories because parts are painful to think of.
"If you do that enough, you won't be able to remember the good in the end. All that will remain is the pain."
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Alucard's smile is fragile. Frought. Then it fades, and his attention goes back to the notebook. To D's drawing. To the things that are so much easier than think about what happened.
"But thank you all the same."
Time jump to later?
D won't press the matter, aware that he is already hypocritical enough with what he's said already. Ultimately it's Adrian's choice of how to move on with his life. Sensing the younger man drawing away, D turns to leave as well. There's still much of the castle that can take his attention, books to study and pour over, and he's certain that there are still dangers in the lands outside the walls that can be hunted.
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It takes longer than he'd expected, takes more out of him as well, and while there'd been a thought at the back of his mind that this was the time to simply leave and never return, disappear and leave Adrian's strange acceptance behind, the younger dhampir had been right about one thing. The castle is clearly the closest thing he'll find here to sanctuary.
The wolves might be the first to let the pale-haired master of the castle know of his return, or perhaps its the scent of blood that surrounds the horse he'd acquired, old and dried but still clinging to it and D himself. His movements are jerky as he dismounts and goes through the motions of finding a place to settle the creature, every movement tightly controlled to avoid giving too much away.
He hasn't seen Adrian yet, but D imagines that he's watched and doesn't trust a lack of apparent eyes to put him at ease. Soon enough he expects there will be questions and he's bracing himself for them, ignoring the way the sun feels particularly harsh today and saps at his energy.
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Which, several Belmonts pointed out, was probably why D had left to go do it. Sitting around the castle was going to make anyone restless, and Alucard wasn't making D's life any easier. If anything, it made things harder.
An ugly truth, but one Alucard only sighed at before accepting it. There wasn't a wrong word in there, and he simply waited for the alerts that D was back. The wolves. Protecive defenses that were invisible to the eye. His viewing mirror. Whatever went off first to alert him about D's return.
It's the wolves, in the end. They catch the scent of other dhampir and blood, and one of them runs to the castle, awooo-ing to get Alucard's attention. A large white wolf emerges from the castle in response, listens, and then? Then he darts off to where D has been spotted.
Four paws carry him quickly, but Alucard has the good sense to at least look like a man when he approaches D again. Ignores the sharp scent of blood in the air. Hopes the horse won't startle.
"Welcome back."
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He doesn't turn immediately at Adrian's voice, continuing to see that the horse has enough feed and water first.
"Should I have come back?"
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That response is automatic at least. The other dhampir steps forward, and as he does so, he accounts for all of D's appearance. Clothing, well, that's clothing and easily fixed. But the gray nature of his skin? Oh, that rings an alarm in Alucard's mind, and his frown deeps.
"I'm a decent seamstress, thankfully. But--"
Not what happened. Only, "You should have told me you were going out."
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As much as it might be easier, he can't keep his back to Adrian the entire time so, with a sigh, D finally turns properly to look at him. He knows how he looks which is exactly why he'd been hoping to avoid this conversation at least until he'd had the chance to rest, but that's clearly not about to happen.
He squints at the sun, setting in the distance and haloing Adrian's hair in golden light, and tugs his hat lower.
"And you were busy. I didn't want to interrupt." That's a lie, he'd only assumed as much, but he'll stick to it regardless.
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Alucard sighs, but that becomes silence when D turns to him. Too grey to be healthy. Alucard knows that inside is the only option right now, and so he crosses over to them both. To pat the horse, and look at D in the eye.
"You need to get inside. Or are we at the point where a brief burial is far better for you?"
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It's short and clipped, showing some obvious strain instead of D's normal level tone, and that bothers him more than he cares to admit. But if it's letting something through in his voice or letting the tremble show in his hands, he'll take the former. Adrian is already too worried for his liking and the sooner he can try to deflect it the better he'll feel.
"Inside. I'll be better with rest."
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Well, for a few feet. He then glances behind himself to ensure D is following.
"Quickly then. You look awful. Do you have any capsules left?"
He can't tell if D's actually eaten, and if he hasn't, that needs to be addressed too.
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It doesn't help that currently he's on his own in this conversation, although he doesn't imagine that the parasite would be as helpful as he'd like.
"Don't need you to worry either," he sighs. "Just rest. Hunger won't kill me."
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"That ship has sailed, I'm afraid. Come on."
Alucard doesn't start walking. He moves behind D instead, as if to nudge him forward like some kind of animal nosing at it's young. "Inside. Now."
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"This is why I didn't tell you," he murmurs. "You have more important concerns than me."
Still, it's blissfully cool inside the castle and he can't quite hide the sigh the escapes him at the sensation. Adrian isn't likely to let him off quite that easily, D imagines, so he follows wherever the younger dhampir directs him without further protest. Although once they seem to reach wherever Adrian was aiming for, D drops heavily into the nearest chair.
"Happier now?"
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Alucard could have sworn that time and again, he had made it clear to D that he took looking after guests seriously. Someone of D's circumstances deserved at least that much until a pathway home could open.
He makes sure that D is in the castle, but rather than go anywhere else, Alucard moves in the direction of D's quarters.
"Slightly. Take off your hat and let me see your hands, I need to understand how bad this is."
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Millenia of it really. Even without food, D doubted it would be enough to kill him. The Sacred Ancestor had made sure his 'success' wasn't so easily ended.
At Adrian's insistence D sighed but removed his hat, setting it aside on the bed and offering his hands. Despite his efforts they still tremble slightly but otherwise there isn't a mark on him.
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Alucard keeps the words stuffed down his throat, focusing on what's actually important. To call it a proper medical examination? That's laughable. But to take more than a cursory glance is important, and that much Alucard can do.
With D's hand offered, Alucard takes one very gently, and he brings it up to the eye level. Looks. Pays attention to the color, and then looks to D's face for the sake of comparison.
"How advanced is this for you?"
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It's still hard - the idea of trusting anyone is a difficult one for D, as is allowing anyone close enough for contact - but he'll make himself tolerate it. Out of the light his skin manages to look slightly less grey, closer to his normal pallor, and he's cool to the touch.
At the question, D considers Adrian's expression. He doubts that the younger man will like anything he has to say on the matter, but... "I've survived worse. I'm in no danger of dying or attacking anyone. I healed a lot of damage and it takes it out of us."
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End here?