[Investigation of the matter is something Alucard might do if this happened while his father was home. He was well equipped for it, capable of conducting daylight work. But this position made it impossible, and so he had assigned investigators as appropriate. One vampire, one human, and all evidence was to be presented to both himself and Trevor as a part of daily briefings until the culprit was caught.
How to get the supply back on track was Alucard's primary focus, and he had just submitted the plans to all human representatives within each region who oversaw such things. Awaiting a response is tedious, and of course this had happened when Alucard himself needed a proper drink. After this he would fast, aware that he was in a better position than most to survive without the stuff.
Alucard's quiet as he looks at Trevor. Focusing on his face rather than the rest of him, lest it cause problems. Alucard knows, understands Trevor's problems now. He won't make them worse with a lingering gaze.]
We're both too paranoid for that right now.
[They're using a side room attached to Alucard's quarters. One that's private, one they've checked several times over, one they're confident using. Alucard is seated on the edge of the sofa, crown no longer on his head. In the most casual clothes he can wear now, because after this, he intends to sleep. He can't do much more for the evening.]
Right.
[Alucard rises to his feet, and he's made the choice to take from the neck rather than wrist. It's a little bit of grandstanding, if only to put other vampires at ease. While Dracula may have appointed Trevor to his current position, there have been questions about the decision and it's wisdom.
One hand rests on the back of Trevor's head, long, curled fingers meshing into his hair. Tugging his head aside. The other rests on his waist, holding him perfectly still.
It's a bite that's careful not to take from a vein. Instead he takes from where neck and shoulder meet, sharp fangs puncturing and then lingering to make sure that there will be a sufficient blood flow.
There's a moment's spurt when the fangs withdraw. Alucard catches it (with a moment's splatter on his face), then presses his mouth to the wound.
[ He tries not to look at Alucard, forcing his breath to remain steady. This is- this is fine. He can do this. He can do this without- weird reactions.
He knows he's wrong the second that he feels Alucard's hand in his hair. He isn't used to touching him anymore, not in this form, and his body fucking sings for it. Begs for it like he's the one who's starving for this. Then there's the hand on his waist and- he's lost. He knows that he's lost this long before there are lips against him and all he can do is let his head be tugged to one side.
And he wants this to continue. He wants Alucard's mouth against him. He wants Alucard's- he wants so, so much more than he ought to want.
There's the quick pinch of pain, and that's merciful, bringing him back into himself for a moment. Maybe, just maybe, if he focuses on that. Pretends that all he feels is pain-
-no. That plan goat out of the window the second Alucard's fangs leave. There's pain still, a dull undercurrent of it, but then there are lips against his neck. This was never a problem before, but then before he had never been starving himself of contact.
He's done this to himself. Fuck.
He brings a hand up to Alucard's side, holding on to him to keep himself steady. And he lets out a breath that comes out as a long, needy sigh. It's pathetic, it really is. He'll excuse himself the second Alucard is done. ]
[Alucard's taken great pains since finding out Trevor's problem (and it's really just attraction in the end, a natural thing, something they can work on addressing) to minimize contact. He may grab for a hand in a moment of real unsteadiness (he only does it when no one is around), but that? That's truly been it. He's hated it, because of course he has, but he's respected it.
And it's hard to not take advantage of this moment. To not press against Trevor any more than he has to, to not grab and tug at hair so he can redirect Trevor to hug him properly or kiss him. He has to be statue still safe for his mouth, as professional as impersonal as possible and...
...he keeps wanting to cross the line. The sigh is a challenge. An attempt to crack the wall he's built, a wall that's still so fragile. Fuck. Fuck.
Alucard redirects his attention to blood flow. Keeps his tongue over the spot until enough blood gathers, then takes it in. Repeat until the pressure stops it, and there. It'll sustain him for a week. 11 days at most, and that should be enough time for the supply to be en route to recovery.
But he doesn't pick his head up yet. He keeps his mouth there for just a moment more. Lingering. Pleading for the moment to stay, until it's too awkward to keep things there any longer.
Alucard picks his head up, but doesn't release Trevor.]
I'm going to let go and get supplies to dress the wound.
[ He shakes his head, but he doesn't pull away. He can't. Everything in him except for the part of his brain that's screaming how disgusting he is- all of it wants this. Wants this contact. Wants to just be touching Alucard forever. ]
I can- I can take care of it. I should- be somewhere else for a while.
I am not permitting you to walk anywhere in this castle with an open wound. End of story.
[It's a soft but firm tone. Alucard can let Trevor be weird about this, but only after particulars are taken care of.
He uses his purchase on Trevor's hip to guide him into the armchair Alucard occupied previously. With luck, blood loss will make him just dizzy enough so that Alucard can get the bite kit. It's only on the coffee table, and--
[ He wishes he could stop his breath from catching and coming out as an almost inaudible whine when Alucard lets go, because he knows full well hat 'almost inaudible' is clear as day to his ears. Just like he knows that his heart drumming in his chest is perfectly clear. Fuck, he can probably hear the bloon moving in his veins, tell where it's running to-
There's a thump, when Alucard turns around. Boots hitting the floor as he kicks them off, so that he doesn't have his feet on the armchair when he curls up. Which he does, drawing his knees up to his chest. When Alucard returns, he brings his head down to rest against his knees. ]
Disgusting.
[ It would be too quiet to hear, if Alucard were human. He's not. ]
[Alucard removes a piece of gauze from the kit, his nimble fingers applying it with just enough pressure. His free hand is the one that reaches back to grab a bit of medical adhesive (it is an irony that Wallachia, dark and awful as it is, has some of the most advanced medical science in the world) so that the stuff will stay in place.
There's a weary noise as Alucard registers what's being said.]
[There. That's the bandage afixed. Alucard withdraws his hand, then does them both a mercy: he goes and fetches Trevor's shirt.
Only then does he sit, relying on the coffee table to bear his weight.]
I've always needed your support. [Alucard murmurs it softly, because it's true. When his mother disappeared, it was Trevor he relied on. Clung to. Sobbed into until he fell asleep, and repeated it day after day after day. Trevor's always been there.
That's one of the reasons it's hurt so much, to have him withdraw. Alucard needs the support, and Trevor feels far too compromised to give it.]
And no, it may not be right. And I won't ask cruel questions either. [What happens if I reciprocate?]
Is that why you keep using words like disgusting though?
And I want to be able to give it to you. More than anything, but-
[ He pulls the shirt over his shoulders like a blanket, then leans back against his knees. ]
-it is disgusting. If it were just normal- if I just loved you, it would be fine. But it's- it's when you need me that it happens, when something's wrong. I don't know why I'm like this.
[Alucard reaches over, and he takes Trevor's hands in his. Holds them in the little gulf between where their knees sit, separated just enough.]
Because it's a moment of passion and concern, and often times that means we're physically pressed very close. [Goddamn scientist child.] I know that even saying these things won't make you think otherwise, Trevor. Emotion doesn't play by logic's rules.
[ His breath catches again when Alucard takes his hands. It’s the smallest contact and yet it’s still so much, enough to send his body desperately chasing more. But he lets his hands stay, doesn’t snatch them back. ]
I want- you deserve normal, Adrian. You deserve someone to care about you normally. I can’t.
There's a difference between surface level versus in-depth. We know each other too well for it to be the former.
[He doesn't add the note about how Theodora said something, because it was starting to impact work from the both of them. That had been...your gay aunt calling you out for a crush. Which was an experience.]
[ His voice lowers now, like he's admitting to a crime. Admitting love, in itself, is easy. He's said it before - all of them ought to love their prince. Admitting- ugh. That part was easy as well, compared to this. It's a physical reaction. A disgusting physical reaction that he hates, but something physical all the same. ]
I love you. More than anything. I wouldn't hate this so much, if I didn't. I want to be able to touch you. Like before. More than before. But not if I'm going to be like this. I don't want to take advantage of your suffering.
[ The moment he’s excused, he lets go of Alucard’s hands and barely manages to stand before he’s scurrying away.
The next few moments are, of course, the most awkward of his life. He knows that Alucard knows exactly why he’s run off, but he still feels the need to try to keep his breath steady. That, he manages, but there’s nothing he can do about the hammering of his heart. His breath catches, close to the end of it, and that’s that. Dealt with.
There’s a long sigh, dissolving into more disgusting, disgusting.
And then a little while later, in clean clothes, Trevor appears at the door. ]
[Alucard waits. He lets the awkwardness roll off of him, because
there's no point in dwelling on the matter. It gives precious time to
think instead, and then?
Then Trevor is back. He says nothing, just takes Trevor's hand and starts
to walk.
The Castle sits in the mountains, several miles away and up from the
capital itself. It looms, but it looms over a city that is well
lit. A city that glows in the darkness, itself a precious jewel of sorts.
Dracula has always been a creature of contradictions, his true passion
always revealed to be the sciences when peace settles over the land. He's
given electric lights and running water to the cities and towns, along with
indoor plumbing. Cleanliness he claims, because it wouldn't do to
have vampires dealing with disgusting, flea covered food in fulfillment of
their own needs.
Lisa always figured it was more than that though. Spite, some of it,
showing neighbors that he could make better technology and vault his
country's progress over others. The rest? Something personal, something
even she couldn't put a finger on, but it was at the core of him. It
wasn't selfless though. Dracula wasn't selfless except for his wife.
They're outside. On one of the walkways that connect different parts of
the castle. Alucard's hand in Trevor's, wind gently rustling the dhampir's
hair. Below them, the city. The lit pathway up to the castle. Beyond,
little baubles of light - farming villages.
Alucard breathes out.]
I know the only way out of this is through. Would you agree with that?
[ He’s uneasy, at first, to have his hand in Alucard’s like this. But it passes. It’s not enough to cause- problems. And even if it were, the cold air of the castle’s outer passageways helps a great deal.
And he’s beautiful out here. He’s always beautiful, but moonlight was practically made for him. Even in his more casual clothes, he looks like something inhuman, in more than the way he’s usually inhuman. Ethereal. He glows silver in the moonlight, and Trevor can’t tear his eyes away. ]
I don’t know any more, Adrian. I’m just- I’m scared. I want to be there for you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think I can manage both of those at once.
[He puts both of their hands on the ledge between the arching
windows that look over the city. Squeezes Trevor's hand gently, his eyes
focused far and away. Alucard doesn't know if that will help, not
really.]
And you also know I'd give you anything including myself if you believed
that would help. [The exact reason Trevor hasn't asked. Because he
knows the dhampir wouldn't say no.]
I know I can't fix this either, as much as I want to. As much as it should
be the easiest thing in the world to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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How to get the supply back on track was Alucard's primary focus, and he had just submitted the plans to all human representatives within each region who oversaw such things. Awaiting a response is tedious, and of course this had happened when Alucard himself needed a proper drink. After this he would fast, aware that he was in a better position than most to survive without the stuff.
Alucard's quiet as he looks at Trevor. Focusing on his face rather than the rest of him, lest it cause problems. Alucard knows, understands Trevor's problems now. He won't make them worse with a lingering gaze.]
We're both too paranoid for that right now.
[They're using a side room attached to Alucard's quarters. One that's private, one they've checked several times over, one they're confident using. Alucard is seated on the edge of the sofa, crown no longer on his head. In the most casual clothes he can wear now, because after this, he intends to sleep. He can't do much more for the evening.]
Right.
[Alucard rises to his feet, and he's made the choice to take from the neck rather than wrist. It's a little bit of grandstanding, if only to put other vampires at ease. While Dracula may have appointed Trevor to his current position, there have been questions about the decision and it's wisdom.
One hand rests on the back of Trevor's head, long, curled fingers meshing into his hair. Tugging his head aside. The other rests on his waist, holding him perfectly still.
It's a bite that's careful not to take from a vein. Instead he takes from where neck and shoulder meet, sharp fangs puncturing and then lingering to make sure that there will be a sufficient blood flow.
There's a moment's spurt when the fangs withdraw. Alucard catches it (with a moment's splatter on his face), then presses his mouth to the wound.
Shit.
It feels good to be taking it so fresh.]
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He knows he's wrong the second that he feels Alucard's hand in his hair. He isn't used to touching him anymore, not in this form, and his body fucking sings for it. Begs for it like he's the one who's starving for this. Then there's the hand on his waist and- he's lost. He knows that he's lost this long before there are lips against him and all he can do is let his head be tugged to one side.
And he wants this to continue. He wants Alucard's mouth against him. He wants Alucard's- he wants so, so much more than he ought to want.
There's the quick pinch of pain, and that's merciful, bringing him back into himself for a moment. Maybe, just maybe, if he focuses on that. Pretends that all he feels is pain-
-no. That plan goat out of the window the second Alucard's fangs leave. There's pain still, a dull undercurrent of it, but then there are lips against his neck. This was never a problem before, but then before he had never been starving himself of contact.
He's done this to himself. Fuck.
He brings a hand up to Alucard's side, holding on to him to keep himself steady. And he lets out a breath that comes out as a long, needy sigh. It's pathetic, it really is. He'll excuse himself the second Alucard is done. ]
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And it's hard to not take advantage of this moment. To not press against Trevor any more than he has to, to not grab and tug at hair so he can redirect Trevor to hug him properly or kiss him. He has to be statue still safe for his mouth, as professional as impersonal as possible and...
...he keeps wanting to cross the line. The sigh is a challenge. An attempt to crack the wall he's built, a wall that's still so fragile. Fuck. Fuck.
Alucard redirects his attention to blood flow. Keeps his tongue over the spot until enough blood gathers, then takes it in. Repeat until the pressure stops it, and there. It'll sustain him for a week. 11 days at most, and that should be enough time for the supply to be en route to recovery.
But he doesn't pick his head up yet. He keeps his mouth there for just a moment more. Lingering. Pleading for the moment to stay, until it's too awkward to keep things there any longer.
Alucard picks his head up, but doesn't release Trevor.]
I'm going to let go and get supplies to dress the wound.
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I can- I can take care of it. I should- be somewhere else for a while.
[ Somewhere very private. ]
I'm sorry.
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I am not permitting you to walk anywhere in this castle with an open wound. End of story.
[It's a soft but firm tone. Alucard can let Trevor be weird about this, but only after particulars are taken care of.
He uses his purchase on Trevor's hip to guide him into the armchair Alucard occupied previously. With luck, blood loss will make him just dizzy enough so that Alucard can get the bite kit. It's only on the coffee table, and--
--there. He has it.]
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There's a thump, when Alucard turns around. Boots hitting the floor as he kicks them off, so that he doesn't have his feet on the armchair when he curls up. Which he does, drawing his knees up to his chest. When Alucard returns, he brings his head down to rest against his knees. ]
Disgusting.
[ It would be too quiet to hear, if Alucard were human. He's not. ]
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There's a weary noise as Alucard registers what's being said.]
It isn't. You aren't.
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[ He hates this. He hates this so much. ]
-I just want things to be the way they were before. I miss you. And I'm trying. But I can't control myself.
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What if we accept that things have changed, Trevor? How do we move ourselves forward
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[ He sighs. ]
I don't know how. It's not right. It's not right that every time I touch you, even if it's because you're hurt, or scared, or- [ hungry. ]
-no matter what, this happens. I hate it. I don't want to get off on you needing support, that's fucked up.
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Only then does he sit, relying on the coffee table to bear his weight.]
I've always needed your support. [Alucard murmurs it softly, because it's true. When his mother disappeared, it was Trevor he relied on. Clung to. Sobbed into until he fell asleep, and repeated it day after day after day. Trevor's always been there.
That's one of the reasons it's hurt so much, to have him withdraw. Alucard needs the support, and Trevor feels far too compromised to give it.]
And no, it may not be right. And I won't ask cruel questions either. [What happens if I reciprocate?]
Is that why you keep using words like disgusting though?
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[ He pulls the shirt over his shoulders like a blanket, then leans back against his knees. ]
-it is disgusting. If it were just normal- if I just loved you, it would be fine. But it's- it's when you need me that it happens, when something's wrong. I don't know why I'm like this.
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Because it's a moment of passion and concern, and often times that means we're physically pressed very close. [Goddamn scientist child.] I know that even saying these things won't make you think otherwise, Trevor. Emotion doesn't play by logic's rules.
[Yet all the same, Alucard says them.]
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[ His breath catches again when Alucard takes his hands. It’s the smallest contact and yet it’s still so much, enough to send his body desperately chasing more. But he lets his hands stay, doesn’t snatch them back. ]
I want- you deserve normal, Adrian. You deserve someone to care about you normally. I can’t.
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[That's what it comes down to, doesn't it?
And okay maybe Theodora said something because it's definitely impacting everyone's ability to work.]
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Of course. How could anyone not be?
[ That, at least, comes so easily. Like the only reason he’s never said it was because he thought it was a given. ]
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[He doesn't add the note about how Theodora said something, because it was starting to impact work from the both of them. That had been...your gay aunt calling you out for a crush. Which was an experience.]
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[ His voice lowers now, like he's admitting to a crime. Admitting love, in itself, is easy. He's said it before - all of them ought to love their prince. Admitting- ugh. That part was easy as well, compared to this. It's a physical reaction. A disgusting physical reaction that he hates, but something physical all the same. ]
I love you. More than anything. I wouldn't hate this so much, if I didn't. I want to be able to touch you. Like before. More than before. But not if I'm going to be like this. I don't want to take advantage of your suffering.
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More than before.
[He repeats the words, closing his eyes.]
That you don't want to take advantage says everything admirable about you, Trevor.
[But that isn't a solution.]
Walk with me?
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[ He goes quiet again, then shakes his head. ]
Let me- I need to go to my room first.
[ Please don’t make him walk around with this boner. ]
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[Alucard pauses, then...
...duh, vampire.]
Yes. Yes, of course.
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The next few moments are, of course, the most awkward of his life. He knows that Alucard knows exactly why he’s run off, but he still feels the need to try to keep his breath steady. That, he manages, but there’s nothing he can do about the hammering of his heart. His breath catches, close to the end of it, and that’s that. Dealt with.
There’s a long sigh, dissolving into more disgusting, disgusting.
And then a little while later, in clean clothes, Trevor appears at the door. ]
...ready.
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[Alucard waits. He lets the awkwardness roll off of him, because there's no point in dwelling on the matter. It gives precious time to think instead, and then?
Then Trevor is back. He says nothing, just takes Trevor's hand and starts to walk.
The Castle sits in the mountains, several miles away and up from the capital itself. It looms, but it looms over a city that is well lit. A city that glows in the darkness, itself a precious jewel of sorts. Dracula has always been a creature of contradictions, his true passion always revealed to be the sciences when peace settles over the land. He's given electric lights and running water to the cities and towns, along with indoor plumbing. Cleanliness he claims, because it wouldn't do to have vampires dealing with disgusting, flea covered food in fulfillment of their own needs.
Lisa always figured it was more than that though. Spite, some of it, showing neighbors that he could make better technology and vault his country's progress over others. The rest? Something personal, something even she couldn't put a finger on, but it was at the core of him. It wasn't selfless though. Dracula wasn't selfless except for his wife.
They're outside. On one of the walkways that connect different parts of the castle. Alucard's hand in Trevor's, wind gently rustling the dhampir's hair. Below them, the city. The lit pathway up to the castle. Beyond, little baubles of light - farming villages.
Alucard breathes out.]
I know the only way out of this is through. Would you agree with that?
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And he’s beautiful out here. He’s always beautiful, but moonlight was practically made for him. Even in his more casual clothes, he looks like something inhuman, in more than the way he’s usually inhuman. Ethereal. He glows silver in the moonlight, and Trevor can’t tear his eyes away. ]
I don’t know any more, Adrian. I’m just- I’m scared. I want to be there for you. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think I can manage both of those at once.
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[He puts both of their hands on the ledge between the arching windows that look over the city. Squeezes Trevor's hand gently, his eyes focused far and away. Alucard doesn't know if that will help, not really.]
And you also know I'd give you anything including myself if you believed that would help. [The exact reason Trevor hasn't asked. Because he knows the dhampir wouldn't say no.]
I know I can't fix this either, as much as I want to. As much as it should be the easiest thing in the world to do.
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