cryptsleeper | Inbox for aefenglom

[Hey. Alucard. Shut up.

So for that, he nods, finally understanding the point.]

Thank you. Just know that for the future.

[Alucard still offers Trevor his hand. Maybe it'll work.]

I'll be honest Trevor, aside from earlier when I felt a little better when we were back here, the magic has...I've not focused my attention on it.

[ Glancing over his shoulder, Trevor blinks some, seeing the hand but focusing on what was said instead. ]

Why not? Aren't you supposed to?

Belmont, you know that answer.

[There's pain there, beneath the annoyance that this ought to be obvious.]

[ No, he... knows. He does and yeah, it was stupid of him to ask but it just... came out, without his even thinking to stop. It has him fall silent, feeling a twinge of something in the center of his chest and he has to wonder if that's from Alucard through their bond... and he's the reason for making the blond feel that. Shit.

His heart thrums in his chest and it's as if the world around them slips away for just a moment. All he can feel is that sensation in the center of his chest from the bond they share with one another and Trevor is left silent in the darkness of Alucard's room, knowing exactly how this feels without even needing to touch the emotions of the blond. He feels it, too. Has been feeling it ever since Alucard looked to him when he realized he had fangs and that he would become a vampire within due time. He knows that pain but to feel it vibrating alongside his down he carries... it sucks.

He tries to think what to do- what Sypha would do and he finds it frustrates him when all he can think about is telling Alucard to quit being a mopey bastard because it's bringing his mood down, too. But that's not going to help either of them and he came here because he felt restless and wanted that feeling to at least be eased some. The shoe being on the other foot now, in a way, he realizes Alucard probably wants the same for what he's feeling now.

Trevor sits up then, not a single word muttered as the rustling of sheets can be heard in the darkness as he twists there beside the blond... and pulls him into a hug. Just like that. Both sitting up. ]

[Alucard doesn't like this bond bullshit. He understands the need for it by the world's own logic, but that still doesn't make him like it. To tether people together like this, it seems to invite heartache in the end, and here? Now?

God everything hurts. They're both miserable fucks right now, all the pain of home amplified by circumstances now. He can feel all the fear in Trevor in this single awful, stupid moment and it feels like drowning.

Sypha would do exactly this, wouldn't she?

It's the only thought Alucard has when Trevor reaches over, pulling him into a hug. And for that, Alucard hugs back. Squeezes even, because it's the first time he's truly had any physical affection aside from the other two's farewell since. Oh fuck. Since before the Church dragged Lisa Tepes out of her home.

And there it is. That's the heartache of it all, the sense of overwhelming loss that prompts Alucard to bury his face into Trevor's shoulder and to simply stay there.]

[ They're both idiots when it comes to feelings and emotions, no one's really surprised there. But it's as Alucard squeezes him that Trevor really feels the blond's pain, even more so when his face comes to bury against his shoulder. This is... new. So completely new to him. Trevor himself hasn't really cried or felt anything like this for years now. He couldn't. He had to fend for himself, try and survive. All without anyone being there for him. When you're a kid and have not a single soul left of family, there's really no point in crying or feeling like breaking down because there's no one there to comfort or reassure you that it'll be ok. It's no wonder he stopped being able to feel for such a long time.

He swallows as fingers press tightly against the blond's back, not bothering to let go or loosen the embrace any. If anything, the pain and heartache that he feels seeping into his skin and his very soul make him hold Alucard a little more... protectively almost and he doesn't even know why. It just... feels like the right thing to do. Maybe it's the very thing he himself had wanted for years.

His head comes to rest against Alucard's, the lull that comes from feeling Alucard close to him like this being almost mesmerizing in some strange way. It quiets him, despite the pain and heartache still pressing into his own heart. But it quiets and grounds him to this very moment here. With Alucard. In his room. ]

You have really soft hair.

[ Words he mumbles suddenly, letting a couple fingers brush through the silky blond strands. ]

[It's quiet.

Alucard doesn't know why his brain settles on that. But it does. It is the middle of the night, the city is exhausted, and the two of them have been blanketed in blessed silence. The feeling is wonderful, coupled with the warmth of Trevor around him.

He's still warm. Alucard ought to hold onto that for as long as he can and...

There's a faint, pained laugh that sneaks out at Trevor's comment.]

My mother's.

[He inherited so much from her.]

[ Though perhaps not seen, there's a gentle smile which tugs at the corners of Trevor's lips as they remain just like that in the silence and darkness of the room. Alucard's presence does ease him in a way he never thought possible and he finds himself comfortable within the embrace, not even wanting to pull away from it despite hos reluctant he had originally felt with doing so. ]

This world is a big ball of shit.

[ Even as he speaks, his voice is soft and lacks the gruff, crude tone which he's typically known for. ]

You're not any less of who you are with what they've done to you. You're still a moody bastard as far as I'm concerned.

[ And, swallowing thickly, he lets the tips of his fingers brush through the blond's hair, ghosting along the expanse of Alucard's neck as blue eyes stare to the pale, warm skin there. ]

But you're my moody bastard. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think so.

[ Wouldn't have gone through with the bond at all if he didn't trust Alucard. ]

Every world is a big ball of shit, it seems.

[Joking is easier, in it's way. A comfort, because the only other option is sincerity and that? That is terrifying too. So Alucard wants to retreat to that, even as the rest of him stretches forward for that warmth he has craved.

It's good. Reassuring, the fingers that move through his hair.

Sypha would be so damn proud.]

....Thank you.

[No specification of what part of the statement is being thanked. The answer is everything.]

[ The thank you is certainly new for them, as is the whole just being with each other in a way where they're not metaphorically pulling at each other's hair. But maybe it's needed. Maybe it's something they both need? Hell if he knows. But in this moment right here, whether it's due to influence from their bond or not, it just feels... right.

Of course, staring to that exposed part of Alucard's neck he's so very close to, he wonders how long he has until he feels a craving- a hunger to sink his teeth into that warm skin and drain the blood out of his veins to flow into his mouth for satisfaction. The thought causes a wince to tug at his heart and he clears his throat as he blinks his eyes away, staring off across the room through the darkness. ]

Does this... feel better?

It feels less overwhelming for the moment.

[That's the best word without getting overwrought. Alucard knows that, and so he doesn't pick at the moment further. It's better, easier, to leave it be.

He's not sure if they should break the embrace. He doesn't make a move to.]

Get some sleep. I'm going to head out early in the morning. You should come with me.

[ Sleeping like this would be difficult?? But the mention of heading out in the morning has Trevor raise a brow. ]

Where are you going so early? You know it's...

[ Getting more difficult for him to be fine in the early mornings. ]

[Alucard knows.]

While it's still an option.

[ Oh. Yeah, figures Alucard would get it and all. Trevor allows for his gaze to drop at that, not really feeling tired though more at ease since his... holding Alucard. Thanks, bond. But he seems to hesitate for a moment and, with a curious flick of his gaze off to the side, he lets his fingers tap a little nervously at the blond's back. ]

Can I... ask something of you... that you'll either laugh at me for or shove me away in disgust?

I'm listening.

[Alucard straightens up a little. It isn't that the intimacy of the moment is entirely passed, but things have shifted. Just a little.]

[ Well, shit. He doesn't even know how to ask this now. Maybe they should just go back to insulting one another? ]

Right. Uh... I don't want to suck your blood or anything. [ Thank God. ] And maybe this is just a product of being bonded to you like this whole... hugging thing. Hell if I know.

[ He's rambling because he doesn't know how to ask this. ]

What I'm trying to say is... I... get restless... and want to constantly chew on things. [ Which is why he had gone through however many straws at the masquerade. ] Like the blanket that one time. [ When they'd discovered what he was becoming. ] Christ, I don't know. I just wanted to... ask you...

[ This is going so bad and he sighs then as he pulls back to throw his head back and curse to himself. ]

...can I chew on your hand for a minute? I know! I know! That sounds really fucking weird but I just have this... desire to and I'd rather it be you than some stranger.

[Oh good, Trevor made it super awkward!

Alucard does sit up straight though, careful when he shrugs Trevor's arms off of him finally. This is actually serious, and moreover, something Alucard's entertained already. He knows this problem.]

When I talk about this, please know I'm not being condescending. It's just what the change is, for better and worse.

[He remembers what his mother's clinic voice sounded like. Straight forward, but reassuring. Optimistic. Alucard doesn't know if he can do all of that.]

It's just a form of teething. There's better things to chew on, but any suggestion I make just...even when I think it, it comes off as insulting.

[Yeah, getting Trevor doggie chew toys? Not great.]

I don't think flesh is a good idea yet. Not in the middle of the night. You're going to have to learn to take blood, and that requires flesh contact. Better for your muscle memory that it be as precise as possible, that way when the worst begins, you're not mistaking food for a chew substitute and do greater harm.

[ When Alucard pulls back, he lets him, feeling a sudden sort of loss from the other that gets him to blink in confusion for a moment before he sighs and crosses his legs on the bed. Hands holding his ankles, he stares down. He's listening, it's just... so fucking shitty. ]

Someone already offered their blood to me. For me to drink from them, Alucard.

[ It had taken him by surprise and hammered into him the fact that he is going to want blood at some point and there's not a fucking thing he can do about it. Not drink blood? Sure. But then he becomes a husk of a vampire, doesn't he? Wastes away and dies for good. Even the suggestion of there being blood clinics or whatever... he doesn't want to drink blood. It terrifies him that something like that will be normal for him in a way that drinking alcohol is normal for him. ]

I figured you'd know best. About how to... do that shit. [ Drink blood. ] How to not kill someone. Because I don't want to hurt anyone. The bond is supposed to make it not be so bad, isn't it? The hunger and cravings? But will it be enough? I'll still want it, won't I?

Well that was forward and frankly insensitive.

[He can be dismissive, at least. But the rest of Alucard knows it's unhelpful, so he's careful as he reroutes the discussion.]

It's easy to not kill someone. [He starts with that. Careful with his words.] The bond will help, but the rest is training and paying attention to the entire process. When people get hurt it's because they stop paying attention to heartrates, blood flow, and where the bite happens.

[This next part isn't rote.] You make rules for yourself too. Like not taking from arteries, because that's the quickest way to kill someone. You pay attention to how bad cravings are, and you space your food out accordingly. I've only needed blood once or twice a week, and my needs have never demanded human blood as my father's did. He and my mother had their own rules about blood flow.

And there was no infrastructure for it home like there is here. Ways to remove the person element of it, so that it's noting more than a special dietary need.

[ Alucard's words come from a place of experience and knowledge. He knows this. Who the fuck else is he going to ask- trust about this? other vampires here? Sure, he could. But what do they care and do they really have his best interest in whatever they tell him? What he already knows of vampires from his family and the things Alucard has experienced himself are his best bet and yet, even still, he hates this and he finds himself hunching over some, head bowing, fingers tightening around his ankles.

God he hates this. What the fuck is wrong with him? Is he about to turn all weepy about this? It must be the full moon that's messing with him. It's drawing closer and that would explain his sudden spike in restlessness. ]

Alucard, I can't do this. I don't want to drink blood. It goes against everything I am. Everything my family is. I won't even be me anymore, will I? Just a monster.

Do you want comfort or honesty?

[His voice is barely a whisper.]

[ Shaking his head, a hand covers his face. ]

I don't know. Just forget it.

Trevor, I don't have the answers to any of those questions. The way vampires work here are just different enough that I can't say either way.

[He places two hands on top of Trevor's ankles.]

But I will be here to help. And if it anchors you, then all the better.

[ Eyes slowly blink to the hands that rest atop his ankles and his own fingers curl tight. ]

I'm going to die either way, aren't I?

[ Because vampires aren't living creatures. ]

Yes.

[Alucard can't lie about that.]

And I will be there.

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