[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
[ But apologising is all he can do. He can't make this right. He can't even sit up. Hasn't even managed to consume enough food the traditional way to vomit properly. Too tired to sleep. The blindfold covers his eyes, and that's comforting. Keeps the light out. Keeps Carmilla's vision dark. ]
I told her so much. So much. If either of you get hurt, because of that-
Belmont, it's done. It's happened. You almost died because of that woman, just as I almost did. There's nothing that apologizing is going to accomplish.
[He's firmer than usual. There's irritation there too.]
Focus on getting well so that we can cleave her head from it's neck. I'll take that as the only form of recompense needed. Do you understand me?
[ Which is the problem, really. He's never been afraid to die. But becoming a monster- that terrifies every Belmont more than anything else. Carmilla had figured that out quickly.
But he moves his head back, turning it in the direction of Alucard's voice, and nods after only a moment of hesitation. ]
Don't like leaving things broken.
[ It doesn't sound like much in the way of recompense, but it's the least he can do. Fix the fucking problem that he made. Get the fucking forgemaster to safety. Finish the job, do it right this time. ]
You went into shock when we got you home, Be-- why am I debating with you about nomenclature?
[Alucard groans, tutting at himself rather than at Trevor. This is a pointless thing to pursue and he knows it. Better to focus on the things they can work on.]
Unbreak yourself physically, if that's how you must phrase it.
[ He grows quiet. Doesn’t fall asleep, but doesn’t speak either.
He’s back on actual food the next day. Plain bread along with a mostly liquid diet. Sypha deals with that part, because she’s the one who can deal with the prolonged physical closeness it requires. She hates the blindfold and removes it whenever it’s safe to.
Recovery is- not fast, but faster now. Another week and he’s more capable of movement. Not standing, but he can move his good arm relatively freely and his bad one more stiffly. His legs move, even if they won’t hold his weight. Griping with his bad hand is still a challenge, though Sypha has been guiding him through exercises to help him get better at it. He can move about, sort of. Alucard has to help him in and out of the moving chair (something made for Lisa’s patients long ago), but he can sort of propel and steer himself once he’s in there, even blind. It helps that the castle is kind enough to rearrange itself to avoid sending him down stairs.
It’s dawn, and he’s waiting with Alucard. Soon, he’ll see what Carmilla is doing. Then Alucard can move him into the chair. ]
[Alucard learns to hate the silences. It means Trevor is thinking, and Trevor is thinking about how to fix this broken thing that he caused. Playing the blame game is nothing new to Alucard, but the way it wears Trevor down aches at him.
But he's keeping good on the attempt to unbreak himself, and that? That means a lot to the vampire. He makes quiet notes at night about Trevor's progress, and when he looks back, it really is nothing short of remarkable.
He can only worry about what will happen when the specter of Carmilla is gone, leaving just the three of them.
The last fifteen minutes to sunrise creeps up. Alucard shifts when that happens, filled more with purpose than quiet Belmont companionship. His attention goes to Trevor, and he makes a very soft noise.]
[ His hands grip at the sides of his bed - he’s back in his old room now, the one he used when they first came to stay here. It’s closer to normal, with nothing for him to be attached to, and that seems to do wonders for Sypha’s nerves.
It doesn’t make much difference to him - he’s not really had much opportunity to see how he looks all full of tubes. Or much of anything, despite Sypha’s best efforts. Better safe than sorry.
The sun peeks over the horizon. He doesn’t see it, because Carmilla doesn’t look at the sun. For obvious reasons. His hands shake, his teeth clench - and fuck, the side of his mouth hurts during these moments. He hopes that goes both ways, too, and that Carmilla is getting to appreciate her own work.]
Thank fuck.
[ His body relaxes visibly, and for the first time he doesn’t blurt out instructions for Sypha to send to her grandfather. ]
[Alucard moves so that he's sitting opposite of Trevor. His hands also clench, gripping the bed frame and nails digging into the wood. His eyes focus on Trevor's through the fabric, trying to peer through, see what's there.]
[ The bad news is, he doesn’t know where she’s moving on to. But giving up on the speakers is a massive relief, they’ve only ever been one bad day away from her catching them. ]
[ It’s hard to say, he lived most of his life locked away in the Belmont hold rather than travelling Wallachia and Calmilla is trying to stay far from the markers of civilisation that might provide clues. ]
Headed north, though. The caravans went south.
[ North, however, is toward them. They’re running out of time. ]
[That means moving the castle as quickly as he can. Perhaps further north, beyond Wallachia's borders. With Godbrand's absence, the German Black Forest is an option.
He breathes out, slowly.]
Let's wait until the sun is fully in the sky. Then you can try.
[ He nods, and he sighs. Waiting until the sun is in the sky means that he’ll need to remove the blindfold. Sypha doesn’t like it when it’s not necessary, and really doesn’t like the idea of him trying to relearn walking without being able to see where he’s going.
He starts on her hand exercises while they speak, holding his good wrist in his bad hand and trying to close the fingers around it. The movement is small and sluggish, but it has been that way first thing in the morning for a few days now. It’ll be a little better in a few hours. ]
Little better than this time yesterday. I’ll try to lift the whip, later.
I won’t let the two of you face her alone. I promise.
[Aucard's tone is firm. Trevor wants to exert himself much faster than he should be, and Alucard is the only one qualified to stop him before he starts. It's a matter he takes seriously, and one he doesn't intend to screw up.
Five more minutes of the damn blindfold.]
We know you won't. But you can't rush recovery either, you promised me that.
[ Alucard giving him something to work toward was the best thing he could have done, but it does have its drawbacks. His own slow progress bothers him, and he wants to be doing so much more than he is. A few more tries and he can feel all of the fingers of that hand on his wrist as far as the first knuckle.
It's weird to think that two of them end there, now. But improvement that feels weird is still improvement nonetheless. ]
She still has one fuck of a toothache, if that helps.
[His smile is fragile and crooked and it disappears. Carmilla's tooth has become a part of the Belmont hold, encased in silver and as the record keeper, Alucard has credited the thing's capture to Trevor rather than himself.
He sighs, and then his eyes go to the window. The blindfold can come off soon.]
We can spend most of today outside though, if you'd like.
Sounds good, if I’m going to be trying the stick again. I’d rather fall on the grass than on stone.
[ Not that either of them would ever let him fall, but still. ]
I bit her. When she was tying the cord at my arm, I leaned forward and tried to get blood out of her. Thought that if I could turn myself, at least I’d keep my mind, and Enid came up with all sorts of ways to fuck with an elder vampire through the familiar bond. Didn’t get enough, though. Barely a drop.
[ It’s not a great conversation topic, more a confession than anything else, but if it helps them to know that this stupid connection to Carmilla is something that he chose, not her- maybe it’ll help. Maybe, at least, they won’t feel as bad about it. ]
[He wishes he could offer to carry Trevor instead. Scoop him up and tote him around like the precious, precious thing he is. The wonderful thing he is, still so alive.
At the confession that he bit Carmilla, a soft, horrified noise escapes.]
I...I'm glad you failed. I don't think you could have managed it in the long run, Belmont. [This is just useful for now. But he has to confess though.]
We....[Fuck him.] We thought about turning. Just for a moment, when we were scared stupid that we'd lose you.
I couldn’t have. [ Yeah, he’s not even going to argue that point. He would not have lasted longer than it took to come back to them and see Carmilla dead and Hector safe. ] It wasn’t a great plan, just one that’d keep me in control of myself. The forgemaster bought me time in the end, told her that if he worked on my brain I’d forget anything useful that I could tell her. That’s not true, but she believed him.
[ He probably needs to talk about the whole thing sometime. Right now, it seems a little pointless to do more than give Hector credit for the tiny ways he worked against Carmilla. ]
I- [ He does not say hat he would fucking hate that, because while it’s true, it’s not really- he’s trying. Trying to avoid saying things that sting, even if he doesn’t succeed. ] -I know that’s not a choice you’d take lightly. Means a lot that you’d consider it. Means more that you made the choice you did
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[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
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--oh.]
We'll work on removing her control so you won't need the blindfold.
[He sighs, walking over and then sitting himself on the edge of Trevor's bed.]
I'm sorry, Trevor.
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[ One thing. He has one thing he can give to make up for everything. ]
It goes both ways. I can warn you when she’s close.
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[He's only heard of it going the one way. But it makes sense for the connection to work in reverse.]
It's still night. Do you want the blindfold regardless?
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[ He goes quiet. Talking through the pain is difficult. Thinking is difficult. When he speaks again it’s softer, less urgent. ]
I’m sorry. Should have been stronger.
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Please don't apologize. Please.
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[ But apologising is all he can do. He can't make this right. He can't even sit up. Hasn't even managed to consume enough food the traditional way to vomit properly. Too tired to sleep. The blindfold covers his eyes, and that's comforting. Keeps the light out. Keeps Carmilla's vision dark. ]
I told her so much. So much. If either of you get hurt, because of that-
-shit.
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[He's firmer than usual. There's irritation there too.]
Focus on getting well so that we can cleave her head from it's neck. I'll take that as the only form of recompense needed. Do you understand me?
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[ Which is the problem, really. He's never been afraid to die. But becoming a monster- that terrifies every Belmont more than anything else. Carmilla had figured that out quickly.
But he moves his head back, turning it in the direction of Alucard's voice, and nods after only a moment of hesitation. ]
Don't like leaving things broken.
[ It doesn't sound like much in the way of recompense, but it's the least he can do. Fix the fucking problem that he made. Get the fucking forgemaster to safety. Finish the job, do it right this time. ]
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[Alucard groans, tutting at himself rather than at Trevor. This is a pointless thing to pursue and he knows it. Better to focus on the things they can work on.]
Unbreak yourself physically, if that's how you must phrase it.
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[ He grows quiet. Doesn’t fall asleep, but doesn’t speak either.
He’s back on actual food the next day. Plain bread along with a mostly liquid diet. Sypha deals with that part, because she’s the one who can deal with the prolonged physical closeness it requires. She hates the blindfold and removes it whenever it’s safe to.
Recovery is- not fast, but faster now. Another week and he’s more capable of movement. Not standing, but he can move his good arm relatively freely and his bad one more stiffly. His legs move, even if they won’t hold his weight. Griping with his bad hand is still a challenge, though Sypha has been guiding him through exercises to help him get better at it. He can move about, sort of. Alucard has to help him in and out of the moving chair (something made for Lisa’s patients long ago), but he can sort of propel and steer himself once he’s in there, even blind. It helps that the castle is kind enough to rearrange itself to avoid sending him down stairs.
It’s dawn, and he’s waiting with Alucard. Soon, he’ll see what Carmilla is doing. Then Alucard can move him into the chair. ]
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But he's keeping good on the attempt to unbreak himself, and that? That means a lot to the vampire. He makes quiet notes at night about Trevor's progress, and when he looks back, it really is nothing short of remarkable.
He can only worry about what will happen when the specter of Carmilla is gone, leaving just the three of them.
The last fifteen minutes to sunrise creeps up. Alucard shifts when that happens, filled more with purpose than quiet Belmont companionship. His attention goes to Trevor, and he makes a very soft noise.]
Are you ready?
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[ His hands grip at the sides of his bed - he’s back in his old room now, the one he used when they first came to stay here. It’s closer to normal, with nothing for him to be attached to, and that seems to do wonders for Sypha’s nerves.
It doesn’t make much difference to him - he’s not really had much opportunity to see how he looks all full of tubes. Or much of anything, despite Sypha’s best efforts. Better safe than sorry.
The sun peeks over the horizon. He doesn’t see it, because Carmilla doesn’t look at the sun. For obvious reasons. His hands shake, his teeth clench - and fuck, the side of his mouth hurts during these moments. He hopes that goes both ways, too, and that Carmilla is getting to appreciate her own work.]
Thank fuck.
[ His body relaxes visibly, and for the first time he doesn’t blurt out instructions for Sypha to send to her grandfather. ]
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Tell me what you see on her side.
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[ The bad news is, he doesn’t know where she’s moving on to. But giving up on the speakers is a massive relief, they’ve only ever been one bad day away from her catching them. ]
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[That is a relief.]
Do you still see Styria or Wallachia through her eyes?
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[ It’s hard to say, he lived most of his life locked away in the Belmont hold rather than travelling Wallachia and Calmilla is trying to stay far from the markers of civilisation that might provide clues. ]
Headed north, though. The caravans went south.
[ North, however, is toward them. They’re running out of time. ]
I want to try walking with the stick again.
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[That means moving the castle as quickly as he can. Perhaps further north, beyond Wallachia's borders. With Godbrand's absence, the German Black Forest is an option.
He breathes out, slowly.]
Let's wait until the sun is fully in the sky. Then you can try.
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He starts on her hand exercises while they speak, holding his good wrist in his bad hand and trying to close the fingers around it. The movement is small and sluggish, but it has been that way first thing in the morning for a few days now. It’ll be a little better in a few hours. ]
Little better than this time yesterday. I’ll try to lift the whip, later.
I won’t let the two of you face her alone. I promise.
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[Aucard's tone is firm. Trevor wants to exert himself much faster than he should be, and Alucard is the only one qualified to stop him before he starts. It's a matter he takes seriously, and one he doesn't intend to screw up.
Five more minutes of the damn blindfold.]
We know you won't. But you can't rush recovery either, you promised me that.
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[ Alucard giving him something to work toward was the best thing he could have done, but it does have its drawbacks. His own slow progress bothers him, and he wants to be doing so much more than he is. A few more tries and he can feel all of the fingers of that hand on his wrist as far as the first knuckle.
It's weird to think that two of them end there, now. But improvement that feels weird is still improvement nonetheless. ]
She still has one fuck of a toothache, if that helps.
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[His smile is fragile and crooked and it disappears. Carmilla's tooth has become a part of the Belmont hold, encased in silver and as the record keeper, Alucard has credited the thing's capture to Trevor rather than himself.
He sighs, and then his eyes go to the window. The blindfold can come off soon.]
We can spend most of today outside though, if you'd like.
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[ Not that either of them would ever let him fall, but still. ]
I bit her. When she was tying the cord at my arm, I leaned forward and tried to get blood out of her. Thought that if I could turn myself, at least I’d keep my mind, and Enid came up with all sorts of ways to fuck with an elder vampire through the familiar bond. Didn’t get enough, though. Barely a drop.
[ It’s not a great conversation topic, more a confession than anything else, but if it helps them to know that this stupid connection to Carmilla is something that he chose, not her- maybe it’ll help. Maybe, at least, they won’t feel as bad about it. ]
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[He wishes he could offer to carry Trevor instead. Scoop him up and tote him around like the precious, precious thing he is. The wonderful thing he is, still so alive.
At the confession that he bit Carmilla, a soft, horrified noise escapes.]
I...I'm glad you failed. I don't think you could have managed it in the long run, Belmont. [This is just useful for now. But he has to confess though.]
We....[Fuck him.] We thought about turning. Just for a moment, when we were scared stupid that we'd lose you.
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[ He probably needs to talk about the whole thing sometime. Right now, it seems a little pointless to do more than give Hector credit for the tiny ways he worked against Carmilla. ]
I- [ He does not say hat he would fucking hate that, because while it’s true, it’s not really- he’s trying. Trying to avoid saying things that sting, even if he doesn’t succeed. ] -I know that’s not a choice you’d take lightly. Means a lot that you’d consider it. Means more that you made the choice you did
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