Tying one’s own hands behind one’s own back, in such a way to immobilise them without risking cutting off the blood supply, ideally in a way that can be escaped easily if necessary is, somehow, not the easiest thing in the world. And he thought he’d managed it.
Well. Three out of four is okay. The problem is that that missing fourth quality of the ropework was, of course, the ability to get out of it. He’s half-considering swallowing his pride and yelling for help when Alucard walks in and takes that choice out of his hands. ]
[ He gives his wrists an experimental tug, but no. Stuck. Stuck having to explain his stupid ideas. ]
You can touch things, right? You can pick things up and that's not a problem. So I thought- what are the differences between things and people? And I figured it might be that things, they can't touch back?
[It's a lot, looking at Trevor like this. Bad memories threaten to come to the surface, but there's something else too. The part of Alucard that once mistook being turned on for a form of compulsion, it shifts a little under his skin.]
[ And getting it out of the way now saves him the embarrassment of explaining and proposing all of this again later. And- maybe there is something a little exciting about the idea of Alucard being so in control of his actions. Nothing’s true like this that wouldn’t be true anyway - they don’t touch Alucard unless he invites it - but the fact that he physically can’t, even if he wouldn’t anyway, is powerful. ]
If it doesn’t help, I don’t need to try this again.
[Alucard pauses, then nods his head. He's afraid of this, but mostly because he doesn't want to cause any awful reminders of Carmilla and all she forced upon him.
Quietly, carefully, Alucard shifts behind Trevor, carefully readjusting the ties. They're loose. Trevor can slip out of it if he wants, and so there it goes.
Then he kneels down on the bed, between Trevor's legs. There's a slow breath, and then both of Alucard's hands rest on the bed in front of him.]
[ He tests his wrist a little, not quite slipping it out of the ropes but letting it move about. Better. All the appearances of this stupid idea, with none of the actual immobilisation. ]
Better. Much better.
[ There isn’t much he can do to be careful, like this, but he’s trying. Making sure that the small movements his body makes don’t result in him brushing against Alucard, keeping his breath steady and his voice no louder than a whisper. They’re both of them impossibly careful. ]
You only need to do enough to test. Anything more than that- [ Would be wonderful but- ] -just stop, once you don’t want to do this any more.
[Alucard breathes out, and that's the only noise he makes for what may be a few moments or an eternity. He isn't sure himself, because there's a wild part of him that just wants. Wants Trevor, and it screams at the part of Alucard that is still unsure of touch, unsure of safety, unsure of so much.
He very carefully lifts his hands, and they rest on either side of Trevor's face. Cup his cheeks with a delicacy that feels like it might fall away at any moment, and then he leans in to kiss Trevor.
Alucard doesn't expect the fierceness that ends up happening. It's wild and hungry and it lets that want rule for what may really be the first time it's ever been allowed to. It wants Trevor. Wants to keep kissing him, holding him there, and more than anything else it wants to explore.
He remembers this feeling and how he mistook it for compulsion. Alucard isn't sure his instinct was wrong.]
His instinct is to reach out, to pull Alucard closer, to kiss back just as fiercely. The feeling of the ropes pulling taut when he tries to move his arms, even if it wouldn't truly stop him, reminds him not to. He doesn't. That would ruin this and- shit, that's the last thing he wants to do.
He moves a little, only as much as is needed not to catch lips or tongue against Alucard's fangs. He doesn't think he'd mind (he's not- thought about that much until now) but- one thing at a time. God knows this is out of both of their comfort zones as it is, the metallic taste of blood could push it all just a little too far.
But- shit, the contrast between the delicacy of Alucard's hands and the fierceness of his mouth is heartstopping. He's less of a stranger than he used to be to the idea of being treated like he's made out of glass, but the tenderness of it still catches him off guard every now and then. And nothing could have prepared him for the other half of that, the hungry half, the half that he might actually recognise as a vampire.
He's gasping for air when Alucard pulls away, flushed and significantly less put together than he was only a few moments ago, all the seams exposed. And he's utterly, utterly enchanted, eyes transfixed on Alucard's face. ]
Shit- shit, I- [ He was expecting this to be a much less- sexy experience, honestly. But here they are. He gasps for air for a moment before continuing. ]-I'm guessing that's this working.
[Maybe the first words out of Alucard's mouth aren't surprising at all.]
Sorry, was that too much or....?
[But Trevor's shown no signs of discomfort or disapproval. All the same, Alucard's barely flushed face does look away (his hands haven't moved), startled by himself.]
That was too fast, I don't know what came over me.
[He knows what did. Desire did, and fuck, he wants to do it again. But only if Trevor will allow it.]
[ So Sypha is going to have to know about this, which means she's going to have to find out about the tying himself up thing and she's going to laugh. So he's going to have to take a few moments to himself after this is done, or he'll be useless for anything all day. So he can't kiss back and he wants to do that more than anything. This is still perfect.
He leans forward, just a little, catching himself before he gets too close. ]
We can stop, if you need. But- it'd be nice not to.
[Alucard's words leave faster than he can control them. His filter's gone, it seems, and with that comes the embarrassment that follows. He's still unsure. So unsure, and he moves his hands slowly down either side of Trevor's neck, until they're resting on his shoulders.]
You'll tell me when something is too much, won't you?
[ It's funny, how Alucard's hands are softer than Sypha's. His natural healing keeping calluses from developing the way they did on their human hands, from handling whips and blades and walking staves and reins. Cleaned, it's hard to see the marks life left on Alucard. Trevor closes his eyes, humming in appreciation as those hands brush over skin and cloth. ]
You're doing so well. So, so well.[ It feels a little condescending, but he continues anyway. It's not as if Alucard's heard this in years from anyone but the two of them. There's a lot to catch up on. ] I know it's hard. And it- means a lot, that we're worth trying. Even if this doesn't work out, I know- I know how much you're putting into this. And I know how much that means you think we're worth.
[Alucard's hands stall. The kissing was easy. Instinct. But now he doesn't know where to go. What the next step is. Sypha's only ever kept her hands reigned in to Alucard's shoulders and face, and so this? This is being so very adrift.
One hand runs down the center of Trevor's chest, fingers light and trembling but gaining confidence as they move down. There's a firmness there he likes, and a part of him just says squeeze. So he does, after he's moved one hand over Trevor's pecs.'
You two should...[Should is the wrong word.] I want to be able to do more.
[ He chuckles at that, because how can he not? How can he have any response other than absolute delight? Other than feeling downright privileged to be present for Alucard's discovery of breasts? ]
If you want to, we'll find a way to make it easier for you. You've- look, a year ago, you wouldn't have made a great walking stick. And now look at you.
[ He doesn't need to lean on Alucard to walk most days, but the point stands. When he does need to, Alucard's able to be there and doesn't flinch away. ]
[He....really likes that. There's another squeeze, a bit harder. More experimental, and then there is a grab that's just shy of bruising.]
I do. [Fuck. Trevor's right, but that grope just distracted the vampire by a lot and right now the horny part of the vampire is in absolute control.
He looks like he's about to say something more, but no. He leans in to kiss Trevor again, less intense but there's a new level of possessive that comes with his tongue that wasn't there before.]
[ Oh. Oh. So- well. That's something he's learning about the vampire. Possessive. Also, something he's learning about himself. Into that.
He leans back a little once the kissing begins. Not to get away, god no, but to lean into all of this. Leaning back makes him feel smaller against Alucard, Forces him to look up at him. Adds to the sensation of surrendering control, despite the actuality of his being the one with the most control here. He lets Alucard's tongue explore his mouth, moving his own only when Alucard's pushes it about.
This can't go much further. He wasn't really prepared for the eventuality of him being the one to need to put an end to this - shit, he wasn't really prepared for this working at all. He'd assumed that if it did work it'd be like everything else - it'd grow too much for Alucard before long and he'd need to be a dog for a little while to get his head back in order. But that hasn't happened, and Trevor's quickly growing concerned that it won't. That Alucard won't stop, but that he'll still need to get his head back in order. He just won't do it.
But for now, this much is probably fine. They've kissed before - not like this, but still - and it barely causes issues at all now. More than this, though, even if more than this is all he desperately, desperately wants right now, that will have to wait. ]
[This is really just a learning experience for everyone.
Part of Alucard wants to tell Trevor it's ok to kiss back. That he wants it, and he does, but the rest of Alucard knows better. It's the counterweight to all of this, the little logical part that can still apply breaks when it becomes absolutely nessecary. Trevor kissing back might demand those breaks sooner rather than later.
But for now, it's okay. Alucard's kiss breaks once it has decided that Trevor's mouth is a known territory (and that air might be nice.)
His mouth doesn't hover just inches of way from Trevor's lips though. Instead it dips down, down his throat and to his chest, one hand trying to move away the fabric of Trevor's tunic so he can better kiss the skin he was groping only moments before. There's more caution there, but there's curiosity too. If he'll like it. If Trevor will.
Golden hair hangs down low, brushing over thighs by happy accident.]
[ Shit. He wants more. He wants whatever this is going to lead to. It's been so unattainable for so long, and he didn't think he minded that much, but now it's so close and- fuck. He doesn't need to do anything, he just needs to stay still and say nothing and let things continue and- ]
Adrian. [ It comes out soft at first, breathless and warm and too encouraging for a sound of warning, caught up in a soft whine as Alucard's mouth moves downward. Almost disappointed that he didn't bite down. ]
Adrian. [ He tries again, a little firmer this time. He has to be in control. Regardless of all of the trappings of helplessness, Alucard needs him to be in control. And that means bringing this, whatever this could have been if he just held his tongue, to a close. ] That's enough.
[The soft noise is pressed against Trevor's chest, and Alucard can feel it reverberate. It feels amazing, he wants more, and--
--Trevor's voice pulls him out of that thought. It's firm. Something's been done wrong, and so Alucard pulls away, picking up his head slowly.
That's enough.
Trevor's right. Whatever this is, it's gone far faster than Alucard thought it might and that's a sign of things in and of themselves. He takes a deep breath, struggling to anchor himself.]
For....yes. You're right.
[He shifts in his seat, a little uncomfortable for the heat rising between his legs.]
[ For now. Was that what he was going to say? That this can happen again?
He shouldn't raise his expectations too much. Alucard's clearly caught up in some part of this, and he's spent enough nights drinking to know that it's possible to sincerely regret something that you would have killed for the last night. He slips his hands free of the ropes.
He should have Alucard untie him if this happens again, he realises a little too late. Give him control over when the- ritual? Is this a ritual? - ends. But for now his hands are already free when the thought occurs to him.
Just bringing my hands forward. Won't touch you.
He should say something other than that, shouldn't he? At least to explain that Alucard didn't do anything wrong. But he's having a little difficulty coming up with words when all his body's resources are being diverted somewhere else entirely. ]
You did- That was good. I just don't want you pushing yourself too far.
[Alucard does put his hands over Trevor's though. He understands. He knows this is the right thing, even as the rest of him rebels and says he can just take what he wants. There's a sobering breath, then a small, understanding smile.]
I understand. You're...[He smiles.] You're my guardian in this. I trust you.
[But then he shifts uncomfortably, looking down for a moment and flushing a brilliant red.]
[ It wasn't as if he'd been unaware that this would be a problem, more- he didn't expect to be asked how one deals with this situation. His gaze follows Alucard's gesture, even though he knows exactly what he's being asked about, and settles for rather longer than he meant it to. ] Right. [ He should answer, shouldn't he? ]
It's- I mean- [ with some effort, he tears his gaze away. ] if you don't want to do anything, it'll go away eventually. Or cold water'll do it, or-
[ He looks down again. Then further down, to himself, and then back up to try to actually look Alucard in the eyes. ] -I could show you?
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Tying one’s own hands behind one’s own back, in such a way to immobilise them without risking cutting off the blood supply, ideally in a way that can be escaped easily if necessary is, somehow, not the easiest thing in the world. And he thought he’d managed it.
Well. Three out of four is okay. The problem is that that missing fourth quality of the ropework was, of course, the ability to get out of it. He’s half-considering swallowing his pride and yelling for help when Alucard walks in and takes that choice out of his hands. ]
You- uh. Probably have questions.
[ PROBABLY. ]
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[Alucard blinks, looking at Trevor. Sitting on the bed, hands tied behind his back and...wait is that on purpose?
There's no denying the absolute bafflement on Alucard's face.]
Several of them. Yes.
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[ He gives his wrists an experimental tug, but no. Stuck. Stuck having to explain his stupid ideas. ]
You can touch things, right? You can pick things up and that's not a problem. So I thought- what are the differences between things and people? And I figured it might be that things, they can't touch back?
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[It's a lot, looking at Trevor like this. Bad memories threaten to come to the surface, but there's something else too. The part of Alucard that once mistook being turned on for a form of compulsion, it shifts a little under his skin.]
Do you want me to undo your hands now or....?
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[ -but he has less fingers than he used to, which isn’t great for knotwork. ]
-unless- unless you want to test it?
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[ And getting it out of the way now saves him the embarrassment of explaining and proposing all of this again later. And- maybe there is something a little exciting about the idea of Alucard being so in control of his actions. Nothing’s true like this that wouldn’t be true anyway - they don’t touch Alucard unless he invites it - but the fact that he physically can’t, even if he wouldn’t anyway, is powerful. ]
If it doesn’t help, I don’t need to try this again.
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Quietly, carefully, Alucard shifts behind Trevor, carefully readjusting the ties. They're loose. Trevor can slip out of it if he wants, and so there it goes.
Then he kneels down on the bed, between Trevor's legs. There's a slow breath, and then both of Alucard's hands rest on the bed in front of him.]
Is that okay?
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Better. Much better.
[ There isn’t much he can do to be careful, like this, but he’s trying. Making sure that the small movements his body makes don’t result in him brushing against Alucard, keeping his breath steady and his voice no louder than a whisper. They’re both of them impossibly careful. ]
You only need to do enough to test. Anything more than that- [ Would be wonderful but- ] -just stop, once you don’t want to do this any more.
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He very carefully lifts his hands, and they rest on either side of Trevor's face. Cup his cheeks with a delicacy that feels like it might fall away at any moment, and then he leans in to kiss Trevor.
Alucard doesn't expect the fierceness that ends up happening. It's wild and hungry and it lets that want rule for what may really be the first time it's ever been allowed to. It wants Trevor. Wants to keep kissing him, holding him there, and more than anything else it wants to explore.
He remembers this feeling and how he mistook it for compulsion. Alucard isn't sure his instinct was wrong.]
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His instinct is to reach out, to pull Alucard closer, to kiss back just as fiercely. The feeling of the ropes pulling taut when he tries to move his arms, even if it wouldn't truly stop him, reminds him not to. He doesn't. That would ruin this and- shit, that's the last thing he wants to do.
He moves a little, only as much as is needed not to catch lips or tongue against Alucard's fangs. He doesn't think he'd mind (he's not- thought about that much until now) but- one thing at a time. God knows this is out of both of their comfort zones as it is, the metallic taste of blood could push it all just a little too far.
But- shit, the contrast between the delicacy of Alucard's hands and the fierceness of his mouth is heartstopping. He's less of a stranger than he used to be to the idea of being treated like he's made out of glass, but the tenderness of it still catches him off guard every now and then. And nothing could have prepared him for the other half of that, the hungry half, the half that he might actually recognise as a vampire.
He's gasping for air when Alucard pulls away, flushed and significantly less put together than he was only a few moments ago, all the seams exposed. And he's utterly, utterly enchanted, eyes transfixed on Alucard's face. ]
Shit- shit, I- [ He was expecting this to be a much less- sexy experience, honestly. But here they are. He gasps for air for a moment before continuing. ]-I'm guessing that's this working.
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Sorry, was that too much or....?
[But Trevor's shown no signs of discomfort or disapproval. All the same, Alucard's barely flushed face does look away (his hands haven't moved), startled by himself.]
That was too fast, I don't know what came over me.
[He knows what did. Desire did, and fuck, he wants to do it again. But only if Trevor will allow it.]
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[ So Sypha is going to have to know about this, which means she's going to have to find out about the tying himself up thing and she's going to laugh. So he's going to have to take a few moments to himself after this is done, or he'll be useless for anything all day. So he can't kiss back and he wants to do that more than anything. This is still perfect.
He leans forward, just a little, catching himself before he gets too close. ]
We can stop, if you need. But- it'd be nice not to.
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[Alucard's words leave faster than he can control them. His filter's gone, it seems, and with that comes the embarrassment that follows. He's still unsure. So unsure, and he moves his hands slowly down either side of Trevor's neck, until they're resting on his shoulders.]
You'll tell me when something is too much, won't you?
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[ It's funny, how Alucard's hands are softer than Sypha's. His natural healing keeping calluses from developing the way they did on their human hands, from handling whips and blades and walking staves and reins. Cleaned, it's hard to see the marks life left on Alucard. Trevor closes his eyes, humming in appreciation as those hands brush over skin and cloth. ]
You're doing so well. So, so well.[ It feels a little condescending, but he continues anyway. It's not as if Alucard's heard this in years from anyone but the two of them. There's a lot to catch up on. ] I know it's hard. And it- means a lot, that we're worth trying. Even if this doesn't work out, I know- I know how much you're putting into this. And I know how much that means you think we're worth.
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One hand runs down the center of Trevor's chest, fingers light and trembling but gaining confidence as they move down. There's a firmness there he likes, and a part of him just says squeeze. So he does, after he's moved one hand over Trevor's pecs.'
You two should...[Should is the wrong word.] I want to be able to do more.
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If you want to, we'll find a way to make it easier for you. You've- look, a year ago, you wouldn't have made a great walking stick. And now look at you.
[ He doesn't need to lean on Alucard to walk most days, but the point stands. When he does need to, Alucard's able to be there and doesn't flinch away. ]
One year, and you've managed so much.
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I do. [Fuck. Trevor's right, but that grope just distracted the vampire by a lot and right now the horny part of the vampire is in absolute control.
He looks like he's about to say something more, but no. He leans in to kiss Trevor again, less intense but there's a new level of possessive that comes with his tongue that wasn't there before.]
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He leans back a little once the kissing begins. Not to get away, god no, but to lean into all of this. Leaning back makes him feel smaller against Alucard, Forces him to look up at him. Adds to the sensation of surrendering control, despite the actuality of his being the one with the most control here. He lets Alucard's tongue explore his mouth, moving his own only when Alucard's pushes it about.
This can't go much further. He wasn't really prepared for the eventuality of him being the one to need to put an end to this - shit, he wasn't really prepared for this working at all. He'd assumed that if it did work it'd be like everything else - it'd grow too much for Alucard before long and he'd need to be a dog for a little while to get his head back in order. But that hasn't happened, and Trevor's quickly growing concerned that it won't. That Alucard won't stop, but that he'll still need to get his head back in order. He just won't do it.
But for now, this much is probably fine. They've kissed before - not like this, but still - and it barely causes issues at all now. More than this, though, even if more than this is all he desperately, desperately wants right now, that will have to wait. ]
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Part of Alucard wants to tell Trevor it's ok to kiss back. That he wants it, and he does, but the rest of Alucard knows better. It's the counterweight to all of this, the little logical part that can still apply breaks when it becomes absolutely nessecary. Trevor kissing back might demand those breaks sooner rather than later.
But for now, it's okay. Alucard's kiss breaks once it has decided that Trevor's mouth is a known territory (and that air might be nice.)
His mouth doesn't hover just inches of way from Trevor's lips though. Instead it dips down, down his throat and to his chest, one hand trying to move away the fabric of Trevor's tunic so he can better kiss the skin he was groping only moments before. There's more caution there, but there's curiosity too. If he'll like it. If Trevor will.
Golden hair hangs down low, brushing over thighs by happy accident.]
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Adrian. [ It comes out soft at first, breathless and warm and too encouraging for a sound of warning, caught up in a soft whine as Alucard's mouth moves downward. Almost disappointed that he didn't bite down. ]
Adrian. [ He tries again, a little firmer this time. He has to be in control. Regardless of all of the trappings of helplessness, Alucard needs him to be in control. And that means bringing this, whatever this could have been if he just held his tongue, to a close. ] That's enough.
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[The soft noise is pressed against Trevor's chest, and Alucard can feel it reverberate. It feels amazing, he wants more, and--
--Trevor's voice pulls him out of that thought. It's firm. Something's been done wrong, and so Alucard pulls away, picking up his head slowly.
That's enough.
Trevor's right. Whatever this is, it's gone far faster than Alucard thought it might and that's a sign of things in and of themselves. He takes a deep breath, struggling to anchor himself.]
For....yes. You're right.
[He shifts in his seat, a little uncomfortable for the heat rising between his legs.]
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He shouldn't raise his expectations too much. Alucard's clearly caught up in some part of this, and he's spent enough nights drinking to know that it's possible to sincerely regret something that you would have killed for the last night. He slips his hands free of the ropes.
He should have Alucard untie him if this happens again, he realises a little too late. Give him control over when the- ritual? Is this a ritual? - ends. But for now his hands are already free when the thought occurs to him.
Just bringing my hands forward. Won't touch you.
He should say something other than that, shouldn't he? At least to explain that Alucard didn't do anything wrong. But he's having a little difficulty coming up with words when all his body's resources are being diverted somewhere else entirely. ]
You did- That was good. I just don't want you pushing yourself too far.
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I understand. You're...[He smiles.] You're my guardian in this. I trust you.
[But then he shifts uncomfortably, looking down for a moment and flushing a brilliant red.]
Should I...?
[He picks one hand up, gesturing to himself.]
How do I deal with this?
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[ It wasn't as if he'd been unaware that this would be a problem, more- he didn't expect to be asked how one deals with this situation. His gaze follows Alucard's gesture, even though he knows exactly what he's being asked about, and settles for rather longer than he meant it to. ] Right. [ He should answer, shouldn't he? ]
It's- I mean- [ with some effort, he tears his gaze away. ] if you don't want to do anything, it'll go away eventually. Or cold water'll do it, or-
[ He looks down again. Then further down, to himself, and then back up to try to actually look Alucard in the eyes. ] -I could show you?
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