cryptsleeper | Inbox for aefenglom

I've done my research on the matter but...

[Alucard sits up slowly, the blankets sliding off his chest and puddling just a little. He then looks at Trevor's hand, a faint frown on his face.]

What have you been discussing with others?

[ When Alucard rises to sit up, Trevor chooses to still lay there on the bed, hand still held out, though not as a means for anything other than just having it there. For now.

But Alucard asks that question and suddenly, Trevor doesn't have a fucking clue what to say or even what he wants say and so he just lays there and feels himself grow mild frustrated, mostly with himself. He just needs to go and fucking say it, doesn't he? This would be easier if Alucard were asleep because then he could just... hold his hand or something, just lay close to him and see if the blond's presence really is enough to calm his racing mind. Sounds like a load of shit to him but he doesn't see why Berserker would lie to him. Considering what his bonded is to him and all.

Sighing, he rubs a hand down his face then. ]

Look, there's really no easy way for me to say this but... I'm feeling, I don't know, restless and being close with the one you're bonded to is supposed to help ease that a bit or something. I don't know. Just forget it.

[Trevor has the whole of Alucard's attention. He's quiet, and he listens very carefully.

They're both being devoured by fear and anxiety over what this world has forced them into as far as roles go. Alucard and the weight of witch, Trevor becoming something his family might destroy. In terms of whose fears deserve greater attention, Alucard knows that it's Trevor's. For all that Alucard also wants to protest that he needs attention, to talk to someone, the rest of him knows that it's wrong. That Trevor should be the priority.]

I won't forget something that's simple and easy to fix.

[He read about these things. That it can help everyone involved and...]

Is that why you insisted on taking my hand before?

Maybe.

[ He suddenly feels so called out right now? But, if he can't discuss this sort of stuff with Alucard of all people here then... he's shit out of luck, isn't he? It's all just... bullshit. For Alucard to be the very thing which had his mother wrongly accused of and killed for and for he himself to be turning into that which his family has slain and hunted for generations. This world is a cruel one as far as Trevor is concerned. ]

It's weird, I know. Especially since it's... you know... physical and all.

[ Touch he means. ]

You're annoying and I'm an asshole. We make such a great pair for this.

Yes. That's...we both know that's part of it. [They're not touchy creatures, either of them. Alucard can only imagine how rough Trevor's lived before Sypha found him. Thinking of Trevor as a feral cat has happened more than once in Alucard's mind.]

Mm. Yet we both know if we weren't looking out for each other, Sypha would be beyond furious with the both of us.

[It always comes back to Sypha. Alucard lets out a soft sigh at the thought.]

But better she not be dragged into all of this either.

[ His gaze drifts over to the blond when Sypha is brought up and he's quiet for a long moment before he just comes out and says it. ]

Are you in love with her or something?

[ Trevor and tact... what's that? ]

I miss her, Trevor. You don't?

[No such thing, Alucard knows that.]

I don't know.

[ What a damn liar. But he sighs and rubs a hand over his face. ]

It's probably better she's not here. Who knows what this world would do to her. Look at what it's done to us. Better she not have to go through self-loathing, too.

On that we are very much in agreement.

[But that's an important point to latch onto. Alucard's gaze drifts over to Trevor.]

I know I have failed this lately, but please know that I'm trying to do what she'd do. So--

[He offers his hand.]

I'll sit vigil when it comes time to do that. In the mean time, just knock before coming in here.

If I knocked, then I'd wake you up and I was trying to be courteous about that.

[ At least... that's his reasoning. Nevermind saving himself from embarrassment and all. ]

I sleep lightly, even with my senses dulled. [Because they're dulled.] I'd wake no matter what, I'm afraid.

The point is that I was trying not to be rude, ok?

[ And get along better with the blond. Since it's... just the two of them. But as he grows fussy, he rolls over onto his side then, back facing Alucard, trying to calm his shit, as it were. ]

Does my... being around you help or something? With filling you up or whatever?

[Hey. Alucard. Shut up.

So for that, he nods, finally understanding the point.]

Thank you. Just know that for the future.

[Alucard still offers Trevor his hand. Maybe it'll work.]

I'll be honest Trevor, aside from earlier when I felt a little better when we were back here, the magic has...I've not focused my attention on it.

[ Glancing over his shoulder, Trevor blinks some, seeing the hand but focusing on what was said instead. ]

Why not? Aren't you supposed to?

Belmont, you know that answer.

[There's pain there, beneath the annoyance that this ought to be obvious.]

[ No, he... knows. He does and yeah, it was stupid of him to ask but it just... came out, without his even thinking to stop. It has him fall silent, feeling a twinge of something in the center of his chest and he has to wonder if that's from Alucard through their bond... and he's the reason for making the blond feel that. Shit.

His heart thrums in his chest and it's as if the world around them slips away for just a moment. All he can feel is that sensation in the center of his chest from the bond they share with one another and Trevor is left silent in the darkness of Alucard's room, knowing exactly how this feels without even needing to touch the emotions of the blond. He feels it, too. Has been feeling it ever since Alucard looked to him when he realized he had fangs and that he would become a vampire within due time. He knows that pain but to feel it vibrating alongside his down he carries... it sucks.

He tries to think what to do- what Sypha would do and he finds it frustrates him when all he can think about is telling Alucard to quit being a mopey bastard because it's bringing his mood down, too. But that's not going to help either of them and he came here because he felt restless and wanted that feeling to at least be eased some. The shoe being on the other foot now, in a way, he realizes Alucard probably wants the same for what he's feeling now.

Trevor sits up then, not a single word muttered as the rustling of sheets can be heard in the darkness as he twists there beside the blond... and pulls him into a hug. Just like that. Both sitting up. ]

[Alucard doesn't like this bond bullshit. He understands the need for it by the world's own logic, but that still doesn't make him like it. To tether people together like this, it seems to invite heartache in the end, and here? Now?

God everything hurts. They're both miserable fucks right now, all the pain of home amplified by circumstances now. He can feel all the fear in Trevor in this single awful, stupid moment and it feels like drowning.

Sypha would do exactly this, wouldn't she?

It's the only thought Alucard has when Trevor reaches over, pulling him into a hug. And for that, Alucard hugs back. Squeezes even, because it's the first time he's truly had any physical affection aside from the other two's farewell since. Oh fuck. Since before the Church dragged Lisa Tepes out of her home.

And there it is. That's the heartache of it all, the sense of overwhelming loss that prompts Alucard to bury his face into Trevor's shoulder and to simply stay there.]

[ They're both idiots when it comes to feelings and emotions, no one's really surprised there. But it's as Alucard squeezes him that Trevor really feels the blond's pain, even more so when his face comes to bury against his shoulder. This is... new. So completely new to him. Trevor himself hasn't really cried or felt anything like this for years now. He couldn't. He had to fend for himself, try and survive. All without anyone being there for him. When you're a kid and have not a single soul left of family, there's really no point in crying or feeling like breaking down because there's no one there to comfort or reassure you that it'll be ok. It's no wonder he stopped being able to feel for such a long time.

He swallows as fingers press tightly against the blond's back, not bothering to let go or loosen the embrace any. If anything, the pain and heartache that he feels seeping into his skin and his very soul make him hold Alucard a little more... protectively almost and he doesn't even know why. It just... feels like the right thing to do. Maybe it's the very thing he himself had wanted for years.

His head comes to rest against Alucard's, the lull that comes from feeling Alucard close to him like this being almost mesmerizing in some strange way. It quiets him, despite the pain and heartache still pressing into his own heart. But it quiets and grounds him to this very moment here. With Alucard. In his room. ]

You have really soft hair.

[ Words he mumbles suddenly, letting a couple fingers brush through the silky blond strands. ]

[It's quiet.

Alucard doesn't know why his brain settles on that. But it does. It is the middle of the night, the city is exhausted, and the two of them have been blanketed in blessed silence. The feeling is wonderful, coupled with the warmth of Trevor around him.

He's still warm. Alucard ought to hold onto that for as long as he can and...

There's a faint, pained laugh that sneaks out at Trevor's comment.]

My mother's.

[He inherited so much from her.]

[ Though perhaps not seen, there's a gentle smile which tugs at the corners of Trevor's lips as they remain just like that in the silence and darkness of the room. Alucard's presence does ease him in a way he never thought possible and he finds himself comfortable within the embrace, not even wanting to pull away from it despite hos reluctant he had originally felt with doing so. ]

This world is a big ball of shit.

[ Even as he speaks, his voice is soft and lacks the gruff, crude tone which he's typically known for. ]

You're not any less of who you are with what they've done to you. You're still a moody bastard as far as I'm concerned.

[ And, swallowing thickly, he lets the tips of his fingers brush through the blond's hair, ghosting along the expanse of Alucard's neck as blue eyes stare to the pale, warm skin there. ]

But you're my moody bastard. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think so.

[ Wouldn't have gone through with the bond at all if he didn't trust Alucard. ]

Every world is a big ball of shit, it seems.

[Joking is easier, in it's way. A comfort, because the only other option is sincerity and that? That is terrifying too. So Alucard wants to retreat to that, even as the rest of him stretches forward for that warmth he has craved.

It's good. Reassuring, the fingers that move through his hair.

Sypha would be so damn proud.]

....Thank you.

[No specification of what part of the statement is being thanked. The answer is everything.]

[ The thank you is certainly new for them, as is the whole just being with each other in a way where they're not metaphorically pulling at each other's hair. But maybe it's needed. Maybe it's something they both need? Hell if he knows. But in this moment right here, whether it's due to influence from their bond or not, it just feels... right.

Of course, staring to that exposed part of Alucard's neck he's so very close to, he wonders how long he has until he feels a craving- a hunger to sink his teeth into that warm skin and drain the blood out of his veins to flow into his mouth for satisfaction. The thought causes a wince to tug at his heart and he clears his throat as he blinks his eyes away, staring off across the room through the darkness. ]

Does this... feel better?

It feels less overwhelming for the moment.

[That's the best word without getting overwrought. Alucard knows that, and so he doesn't pick at the moment further. It's better, easier, to leave it be.

He's not sure if they should break the embrace. He doesn't make a move to.]

Get some sleep. I'm going to head out early in the morning. You should come with me.

[ Sleeping like this would be difficult?? But the mention of heading out in the morning has Trevor raise a brow. ]

Where are you going so early? You know it's...

[ Getting more difficult for him to be fine in the early mornings. ]

[Alucard knows.]

While it's still an option.

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