[This is ridiculous. But charming, in it's way. This is the calm before the real storm though, when they have to tell Trevor what was amputated, how many days he's been on the morphine, and the...
...he calls himself a monster, didn't he? If not, he'd have thought it, what with a forgemaster making experiment of him while powerless to refuse Carmilla.]
The dog's fine. May show up later. [He kind of wants to be the dog now.]
You can kiss her all you want then. I...am not very good at kissing. Don't like it.
Oh. Okay. I’ll just kiss her double, if she lets me.
[ He’s never accepted it that easily before. He’s tried not to push Alucard, but he’s never been able to let it be without trying to take the blame and make it right somehow. But he’s not really in possession of enough mind to try to fix or accept blame for anything, not right now. ] If you ever change your mind, I’ll probably still want to kiss you then.
[ And that’s that. No blame, no trying to change things. Just a reconsideration of kissing logistics. He manages a feeble, lopsided, impossibly genuine attempt at a smile. ]
I love you, I think. Both of you. Even if I can’t kiss anyone at all.
[Sypha's a creature of affection, just like Trevor is in his own, reserved way. Alucard will never be like that, not really. Not in their lifetimes at least,, and that thought? That thought finally prompts him to withdraw his hand from Trevor's. It's a slow movement, that way the Belmont has no suspicions raised, but the coldness of his hand is very much gone.]
We love you too. [It's the easiest time either of them have said those words. Probably the easiest time Trevor's had of smiling.]
Try and get more rest. The dog'll come back in a little while.
[ There’s a week of this, give or take. Sypha’s glad for it, leaning down so he can, in fact kiss her. Distracting him from trying to raise his trembling hand to pet the dog (he doesn’t like it, let him be and he’ll stay here nicely). It reenergises her, and she needs the help. But it doesn’t last. He remembers, and at first that’s a blessing in itself. He’s delighted to remember their names, repeating them over and over in wonder. But then, while Alucard tries to change the IV bag- ]
No.
[ He tries to pull the line out of his arm. That doesn’t happen, his arms just flopping about. ]
Can’t- can’t dog medicine anymore. She’ll be here soon and- I need to remember what I told her. You need to know what she knows.
[Alucard sleeps little during the week. It's fine, really. He's too focused on Trevor's medical care to really panic about Carmilla, and Trevor's loopiness takes some of the edge off.
He lets himself be pet a few times. Trevor's earned it, even if Alucard tenses. It used to be much worse, and the dog stays too.
...and then Trevor says no, and it's vampire speed that responds. Keeps the arm down and steady.]
[ He doesn't remember. He barely remembers where he is or who these people are, most days. He's just stupid and happy. And scared, now. Very, very scared. ]
-things. About the castle. About- I don't remember. Too fuzzy.
[ He remembers some things. He remembers that he promised he'd keep taking the medicine that makes the edges of his thoughts all soft. And he doesn't want to break that promise. But he needs to remember. He needs to. He did- something wrong. And people are going to be hurt by it. Blame, that one thing he's been gloriously incapable of for the last week, comes crashing back. ]
It's only because Alucard looks down and sees Trevor's amputated fingers that he doesn't break into a full out panic. Instead, the panic is muted and morphs into a soft, wolf like whine of distress. It may sound familiar to Trevor. It may not.]
I...I understand why you did it.
[After that kind of torture? It's impossible not to understand.]
I can't let you stop this medicine in one fell swoop, but I'm going to lessen it a little each time then, okay? Just until the details come back to you.
The hours that follow are awful. The pain had been present before, a terrible gnawing thing, but muted. Distant. Now, now it is all-consuming. Even on a lower dose rather than nothing at all, it’s close to unbearable. For a dreadful few hours, before his mind catches up, he’s still soft and confused and doesn’t understand why this is happening. There’s choked sobbing until his voice goes hoarse. Constant apologies, as if something can forgive him and that might make it stop hurting.
He wears himself out and finally manages to sleep. When he wakes again, he’s silent and unresponsive. Sypha finds that worse than the sobbing. ]
Hidden passages. [ He says it as Alucard passes, voice monotonous and exhausted. ] Between the feeding cells and Dracula’s study. Between there and the engines.
[ The passage can’t be altered by the castle. A precaution, in case the castle ever fell into the control of an enemy. A way for Dracula to feed through a siege and move to the engine room to regain control. ]
[Alucard sits with him for the entire ordeal. It is wrong, leaving Trevor alone in such a state. Unforgiveable, even if this particular event might ask the question of the vampire's limits for forgiveness.
But he's there. Holds Trevor awkwardly during the sobs, tries to shush him when the apologies become too much. He sleeps when Trevor does, only from exhaustion and--
--oh, it is the worst possible thing, isn't it? The fail safes his father made, turned against him.]
All the passages, or just the ones that are immutable and immovable?
[There are other such passages too, but the cells, the study, and the engine are the primary triangle.]
[ He’d told her the others first, the ones that mattered least. The ways from unimportant room to unimportant room. The remnants of Dracula’s squabbles with the castle in its youth, when it had decided that it didn’t want him to go from the music room to the library and he’d forced the matter. In the end, though- ]
-two days away. She’s two days away. Take me off this medicine.
[ Trevor you can’t even scratch your nose you’re not going to be fighting anyone no matter how many drugs you are or are not on ]
[ He wants to argue. He made this mess. He needs to fix it, regardless of his ability to actually do so. He’s always got up again and kept going, this shouldn’t be different.
Except it is, in so many ways. He needs to fix what he’s broken, but he also owes them both. He can be obedient, at the very least. ]
-I’ll try. [ A pause. ] Bring a blindfold, if you come back.
[Alucard doesn't ask what it's for. But he pauses, realizing one possibilty.]
If you're planning on attempting to gouge your eyes out, don't.
[It's probably pointless to say. But it's a new fear that has popped into his head, and Alucard wants to address it. Then he's gone, gone and talking to Sypha about what Trevor's shared. They speak in quiet, terrified tones, and then Sypha contacts her people.
They're fine for now. But they are warned, and Alucard leaves Sypha talking to them about how to be safe. Alucard walks back into Trevor's room.]
[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
[ But apologising is all he can do. He can't make this right. He can't even sit up. Hasn't even managed to consume enough food the traditional way to vomit properly. Too tired to sleep. The blindfold covers his eyes, and that's comforting. Keeps the light out. Keeps Carmilla's vision dark. ]
I told her so much. So much. If either of you get hurt, because of that-
Belmont, it's done. It's happened. You almost died because of that woman, just as I almost did. There's nothing that apologizing is going to accomplish.
[He's firmer than usual. There's irritation there too.]
Focus on getting well so that we can cleave her head from it's neck. I'll take that as the only form of recompense needed. Do you understand me?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[This is ridiculous. But charming, in it's way. This is the calm before the real storm though, when they have to tell Trevor what was amputated, how many days he's been on the morphine, and the...
...he calls himself a monster, didn't he? If not, he'd have thought it, what with a forgemaster making experiment of him while powerless to refuse Carmilla.]
The dog's fine. May show up later. [He kind of wants to be the dog now.]
You can kiss her all you want then. I...am not very good at kissing. Don't like it.
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[ He’s never accepted it that easily before. He’s tried not to push Alucard, but he’s never been able to let it be without trying to take the blame and make it right somehow. But he’s not really in possession of enough mind to try to fix or accept blame for anything, not right now. ] If you ever change your mind, I’ll probably still want to kiss you then.
[ And that’s that. No blame, no trying to change things. Just a reconsideration of kissing logistics. He manages a feeble, lopsided, impossibly genuine attempt at a smile. ]
I love you, I think. Both of you. Even if I can’t kiss anyone at all.
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[Sypha's a creature of affection, just like Trevor is in his own, reserved way. Alucard will never be like that, not really. Not in their lifetimes at least,, and that thought? That thought finally prompts him to withdraw his hand from Trevor's. It's a slow movement, that way the Belmont has no suspicions raised, but the coldness of his hand is very much gone.]
We love you too. [It's the easiest time either of them have said those words. Probably the easiest time Trevor's had of smiling.]
Try and get more rest. The dog'll come back in a little while.
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No.
[ He tries to pull the line out of his arm. That doesn’t happen, his arms just flopping about. ]
Can’t- can’t dog medicine anymore. She’ll be here soon and- I need to remember what I told her. You need to know what she knows.
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He lets himself be pet a few times. Trevor's earned it, even if Alucard tenses. It used to be much worse, and the dog stays too.
...and then Trevor says no, and it's vampire speed that responds. Keeps the arm down and steady.]
Carmilla knows what, exactly?
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[ He doesn't remember. He barely remembers where he is or who these people are, most days. He's just stupid and happy. And scared, now. Very, very scared. ]
-things. About the castle. About- I don't remember. Too fuzzy.
[ He remembers some things. He remembers that he promised he'd keep taking the medicine that makes the edges of his thoughts all soft. And he doesn't want to break that promise. But he needs to remember. He needs to. He did- something wrong. And people are going to be hurt by it. Blame, that one thing he's been gloriously incapable of for the last week, comes crashing back. ]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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Carmilla knows details about the castle.
Fuck him.
It's only because Alucard looks down and sees Trevor's amputated fingers that he doesn't break into a full out panic. Instead, the panic is muted and morphs into a soft, wolf like whine of distress. It may sound familiar to Trevor. It may not.]
I...I understand why you did it.
[After that kind of torture? It's impossible not to understand.]
I can't let you stop this medicine in one fell swoop, but I'm going to lessen it a little each time then, okay? Just until the details come back to you.
no subject
The hours that follow are awful. The pain had been present before, a terrible gnawing thing, but muted. Distant. Now, now it is all-consuming. Even on a lower dose rather than nothing at all, it’s close to unbearable. For a dreadful few hours, before his mind catches up, he’s still soft and confused and doesn’t understand why this is happening. There’s choked sobbing until his voice goes hoarse. Constant apologies, as if something can forgive him and that might make it stop hurting.
He wears himself out and finally manages to sleep. When he wakes again, he’s silent and unresponsive. Sypha finds that worse than the sobbing. ]
Hidden passages. [ He says it as Alucard passes, voice monotonous and exhausted. ] Between the feeding cells and Dracula’s study. Between there and the engines.
[ The passage can’t be altered by the castle. A precaution, in case the castle ever fell into the control of an enemy. A way for Dracula to feed through a siege and move to the engine room to regain control. ]
no subject
But he's there. Holds Trevor awkwardly during the sobs, tries to shush him when the apologies become too much. He sleeps when Trevor does, only from exhaustion and--
--oh, it is the worst possible thing, isn't it? The fail safes his father made, turned against him.]
All the passages, or just the ones that are immutable and immovable?
[There are other such passages too, but the cells, the study, and the engine are the primary triangle.]
no subject
[ He’d told her the others first, the ones that mattered least. The ways from unimportant room to unimportant room. The remnants of Dracula’s squabbles with the castle in its youth, when it had decided that it didn’t want him to go from the music room to the library and he’d forced the matter. In the end, though- ]
-two days away. She’s two days away. Take me off this medicine.
[ Trevor you can’t even scratch your nose you’re not going to be fighting anyone no matter how many drugs you are or are not on ]
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[It's a calm, level question. Given that Carmilla's being discussed, that's somethng like a miracle.]
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[ Try a week and change, buddy. ]
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[He tuts, shaking his head.]
She'll want you almost better before she attacks.
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[ He thinks for a second, and then he’s trying to get up. That doesn’t happen. His body twitches a little, but stays in the bed. ]
Sypha’s caravan. She knows- I told her their route. Shit. Shit.
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[Sypha has her means of doing that. If there is a true problem, then they'll go address it. Probably soon.]
But if I leave this room, promise me you won't try and get up. Or move. Or anything.
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[ He wants to argue. He made this mess. He needs to fix it, regardless of his ability to actually do so. He’s always got up again and kept going, this shouldn’t be different.
Except it is, in so many ways. He needs to fix what he’s broken, but he also owes them both. He can be obedient, at the very least. ]
-I’ll try. [ A pause. ] Bring a blindfold, if you come back.
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[Alucard doesn't ask what it's for. But he pauses, realizing one possibilty.]
If you're planning on attempting to gouge your eyes out, don't.
[It's probably pointless to say. But it's a new fear that has popped into his head, and Alucard wants to address it. Then he's gone, gone and talking to Sypha about what Trevor's shared. They speak in quiet, terrified tones, and then Sypha contacts her people.
They're fine for now. But they are warned, and Alucard leaves Sypha talking to them about how to be safe. Alucard walks back into Trevor's room.]
They're fine.
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[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
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--oh.]
We'll work on removing her control so you won't need the blindfold.
[He sighs, walking over and then sitting himself on the edge of Trevor's bed.]
I'm sorry, Trevor.
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[ One thing. He has one thing he can give to make up for everything. ]
It goes both ways. I can warn you when she’s close.
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[He's only heard of it going the one way. But it makes sense for the connection to work in reverse.]
It's still night. Do you want the blindfold regardless?
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[ He goes quiet. Talking through the pain is difficult. Thinking is difficult. When he speaks again it’s softer, less urgent. ]
I’m sorry. Should have been stronger.
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Please don't apologize. Please.
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[ But apologising is all he can do. He can't make this right. He can't even sit up. Hasn't even managed to consume enough food the traditional way to vomit properly. Too tired to sleep. The blindfold covers his eyes, and that's comforting. Keeps the light out. Keeps Carmilla's vision dark. ]
I told her so much. So much. If either of you get hurt, because of that-
-shit.
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[He's firmer than usual. There's irritation there too.]
Focus on getting well so that we can cleave her head from it's neck. I'll take that as the only form of recompense needed. Do you understand me?
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