Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[cryptsleeper]

I did what she would have wanted. What you gave me the Hold for.

[There's such misery in the words that squeak out. Alucard's managed to hide his misery from the other two until this, even with the matter of his mother's death. This? This is something so very different.

He doesn't even acknowledge that Trevor's tugging at the blanket. It's just happening around him.]

What if it doesn't get easier, Belmont?

[miraclewhip]

I know. Sometimes- sometimes you do everything right, and the world just decides to kick you in the teeth for it anyway.

[ There's nothing more he can do, is there? Other than just be here on a sofa too soft for his bones with wine that isn't going to get him drunk. ]

Then we're here anyway. We're here, and you can be part of- whatever the fuck it is that we are, if you want to be. We just figure out how to make it work.

[cryptsleeper]

I should've expected something. Not just...

[Been a soft thing. Who trusted people. When the fuck did that ever work out from him?]

If it doesn't work though, Belmont. What then?

[miraclewhip]

What would you have done differently, if you did expect something? Would you have turned them away when they needed help?

[ He shakes his head. ]

It will. We'll just- need to figure out what it working looks like. Maybe nothing ever changes, but we all know you're welcome if you're ever ready, and that alone is different.

[cryptsleeper]

If I had known where this meant to end? Yes.

[He could've chased them away. Or sent them elsewhere. Denied who he was or any number of things.

But he didn't. He didn't because he wanted to be the son his mother would want, and the custodian of the Hold that Trevor might appreciate. He didn't because he was so fucking lonely and that part hasn't changed.

There's something to how convinced Trevor is that this can change. That's what breaks him, finally. What gets a tiny, strangled sob out of Alucard's throat, hardly caring that Trevor's hearing the noise.]

[miraclewhip]

I don't believe you. I think you'd have fallen for the whole thing, even knowing. Maybe not the last part, but everything else. I think you'd have given them a chance to be better. The two of you aren't like me. You're not the sorts to sit in a nice tall tree and laugh while people suffer.

[ He talks over Alucard's sobs, because what else is he supposed to do? When Sypha cries, he holds her. He can't do that for Alucard. And he can't just ignore him and leave the room like he would for anyone else. He can just listen, and then awkwardly keep talking. ]

What would you want, if you weren't afraid?

[cryptsleeper]

[He tries to mute the next noise that wants to come out. Alucard....more or less manages, but it's still an awful little thing that tears at his inside. Trevor doesn't need this. He doesn't need this Sypha is already leaning on him so much.]

I don't think you've been that person for a bit.

[He does manage that much. But then shame just swallows the rest of his words. Makes a response impossible for the next few minutes, as hot tears stream down his face.

Eventually though...]

I don't know. I might've had an answer once.

[miraclewhip]

And I should have been. One of us has to be a selfish fuck, or things like this happen. And the two of you? Shitty at being selfish.

[ He waits. He waits and he listens. It'd be easier, to know for sure what's denied to them now so he can figure out the next best thing. Instead, he just has to guess. ]

I'll talk to her about it, in the morning. And then after breakfast we move one of the big chairs from here up next to the bed. Then you sleep in it, on nights you feel up to it. All the joys of hearing my snoring all night with none of the touching.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard somehow has, in the course of all of this, absolutely wedged himself into his horrible corner of the sofa. He's stable there. Feels safe, even though that's a lie.]

I don't know if I can do that yet, Belmont.

[miraclewhip]

Don't blame you. I'd need to be emotionally prepared to deal with my snoring, too.

[ It's not a very good joke. But it's not like Alucard would be in a place to appreciate it if it was. ]

You don't have to. We'll find something else. And if there's nothing you can do, we live with that. You can still- you can still be ours. And we can still be yours.

[cryptsleeper]

[Finally, finally, he picks his head up to look at Trevor.

Alucard looks like shit. Obviously. Blood shot eyes, face a teary and surprisingly snotty mess. Hair mixed up in all of that too. He doesn't believe any of it, no matter how much he wants to.

He doesn't ask how that'll work. He searches for anything else.]

She'd be so proud if she saw you right now.

[HE'S GOT THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BRAIN CELL!]

[miraclewhip]

I know. Look at me, trying to make things right and everything.

[ And while mostly sober! If nothing else, the month of playing well-adjusted human being has done some good for him. ]

You want me to fuck off and let you sleep, or do you need the company a little longer?

[cryptsleeper]

I mean it.

[He can be genuine and traumatized. It's a skill!]

Bold of you to assume I sleep much these days, Belmont.

[miraclewhip]

I know you do. I just don't know how I'm meant to react. I'm not doing anything because I want her to be proud. I'm just- you know. Somehow the least fucked-up person here. That's a position that comes with responsibilities.

[ He sighs. ]

Fine, you want me to fuck off and let you stare into the fire with a glass of useless grape piss?

[cryptsleeper]

Also a series of words none of us ever expected to say, and yet here we are.

[Alucard nods. Returns his gaze to the fire.]

Yes, I think that'd be best for now.

[miraclewhip]

[ He doubts it's easy. But eventually Sypha wakes first, staring blearily from his arms at a pile of silver fur in the chair next to the bed and she's almost back to her old self as she shakes him awake to appreciate the big dog in a chair. For a precious few days she forgets her own distress, too caught up in the joy of there maybe being hope for Alucard to care.

It ends, of course. But it's nice. And it begins again every time she wakes to a bundle of fluff in a chair, even if it doesn't last.

She's asleep on his chest right now, icy feet coiled around one of his legs, drooling on him maybe a little more than he'd like. He's only half-awake, but he can sense someone sitting down in the chair. ]

Mmn. Don't you usually have more legs than this?

[cryptsleeper]

[It's easier, being a pile of self loathing. Knowing that redemption is pointless, because when they leave he'll just collapse again. Feeling the shame that they saw him in such a way, were horrified by the fact that yes, he had become his father. Alucard's buried himself under a mountain and resents being told to undig himself.

He doesn't want to try. He wants them to give up, because to move back to where he was? It's impossible. He knows it is, and Alucard hates the tiny part of him that's still selfless. Still loves them both. Wants them, wants them to be happy and damnit if Sypha isn't happy when Sypha sees his wolf form in the chair that first night.

The wolf comes and goes. There are good days and bad. And--

--busted.]

I thought you'd be asleep.

[miraclewhip]

I'll be honest, I was expecting to be asleep at this fucking hour.

[ But sometimes you close your eyes and just see Dracula staring back, reaching out from his new kingdom, the ruins of a forgotten little clinic on the outskirts of a forgotten little village. ]

's it make it harder, if I'm talking? I can shut up if it does.

[cryptsleeper]

--I feel like an absolute creep right now, honestly. Talking or no.

[A wolf is less creepy and very fluffy!]

[miraclewhip]

Please, I'm the one who invited you to listen to my snoring. That's far creepier.

[ He actually opens his eyes, turning to look at Alucard and blinking in the low light until his eyes adjust enough to make out his silhouette. ]

We want you here.

[cryptsleeper]

[Gold eyes stare back. Meet Trevor's, clearly unconvinced.]

In the dark. Watching you sleep.

You're positive?

[miraclewhip]

In the dark. Watching us sleep.

[ He sighs. ]

I won't pretend it's not weird. But I'm lying in a bed in the fucking demon castle. After washing myself with water that said demon castle shot through a few hundred feet of metal veins. I'm sober. There's a magician drooling on my tit. You staring at us because we invited you do is about the most normal part of this mess.

[cryptsleeper]

I assumed the tit drool was normal by now.

[He's just saying.

But demon castle. Yes, that's what he made it again, isn't it? Alucard tries to shrug that thought off.]

Go back to sleep, Belmont.

[miraclewhip]

Hey, I'm trying.

[ He huffs at Alucard, then softens. ]

You changed your tune fast. Guessing I said something stupid.

[cryptsleeper]

This place.

[He sighs.]

It was never going to be anything but the demon castle.