[ The first few times he wakes, there's no real indication of it. A flare of the nostrils, a twitch of the fingers of the good hand. No more. He can't manage more. Whatever thoughts he comes up with are gone in seconds, and he returns to dreams.
The latest time, he's still not capable of much. He can open his eyes, even if everything is far, far too bright. Doing so doesn't answer any questions. He feels like he should know where he is, how he got here, why his body isn't doing as he says-
He doesn't. And he can't quite bring himself to worry about that too much. His brain feels soft around the edges, fluffy. Like a big fluffy white dog. He's not quite sure who he is or why he's here or why he can picture that dog so perfectly (all stretched out in front of a fire, in a room with a bed and a rug and an armchair), but he knows he likes thinking about dogs.
He also knows that there are people near him. A lady? Probably? Flopped over a man's lap, forward so her face is flat against his bed, lying in a puddle of her own drool. And the man, sleeping with at least a little more grace. ]
Wake up. [ He says, and he's a little surprised by how small and fragile the voice that comes out of his mouth is. Like he's speaking in cobwebs. ] Wake up.
[ He tries a few times to get Alucard's attention and then, whether those attempts succeed or not, tries to gesture toward Sypha. When that fails, he tries to point at her with his eyes. She snores into her drool puddle. ]
She's beautiful.
[ Just wanted to wake you up to tell you there was a cute girl. Important information there. ]
[Neither of them are surprised by how slow Trevor is when he comes to the first few times. Alucard's added a few IVs to Trevor's better arm to help get water and nutrients into his system, and to deal with the fact he needs extra strength. The fingers weren't improving. They had to go.
Making sure he's in a comfortable bed has been the most important part for recovery though. The room is kept warm by the castle and by Sypha, and Alucard rests atop the bed as a wolf for extra warmth if it's needed.
Other nights, they just collapse against each other. It's after a day of Trevor care and Carmilla planning, and every inch of them just wants to rest.
Alucard stirs when Trevor speaks though. He can't not and--
--oh, he's even saying real words.
He sits up carefully, not trying to wake Sypha. He'll get yelled at for it, sure, but she's worn as thin as he is.]
Belmont. Belmont. [ He frowns at that, trying to figure out why his mind goes in so mamy emotional directions at that name. Then trying to figure out why the man speaking that forename aloud is important to him. Then giving up, just looking up at Alucard with glassy eyes that glow exactly the right amount (zero) ]
You’re beautiful, too. So beautiful.
[ He’s going to be like this for as long as he has painkillers in his system. Which, for better or worse, might be just about all the foreseeable future. ]
[Alucard doesn't know what else he can do in response to that. The glow? The glow's absence is a relief, and he reaches out to place his hand atop Trevor's. It's a gentle gesture, one that has a little fear in it.]
If I say ‘pretty fucking great’, will you keep doing that?
[ Calling him by name. Holding his hand. He doesn’t remember why those things are such a big deal but they are. But bravado only goes so far. He tries to squeeze Alucard’s hand and the remaining fingers only twitch slightly. ]
Everything’s- bad. Hurts. Can’t move. [ He frowns. ] Brain’s all- soft and fuzzy and heavy. Like a big dog. There was a dog here before, I think. I woke up for just a second and there was a dog and now there isn’t. It hurts and there’s no dog.
[ but there are pretty people, maybe ones that don’t want to hear about the missing dog. ]
But you’re here. You’re here and you’re really pretty and I want to kiss you.
[This is a lot. Of course, this is also the morphine talking, not Trevor. Well, it is Trevor, just a very morphine happy one. Alucard does force himself to keep holding onto Trevor's hand though, mostly because the comfort it provides is clear to the vampire.]
You have a lot of medicine in your system to numb the pain right now. That's why it's very fuzzy.
[It isn't why there's no dog, but right now, that is't important.]
I am here. But you're recovering, and I don't know if you should even sit up, never mind attempt to kiss anything.
Oh. Fuzzy medicine. [ Expressions aren't happening right now, not to any real degree. His eyebrows move only slightly, trying to knot into a thoughtful frown that doesn't happen. ] You didn't use the dog as medicine, did you?
No, no. You wouldn't do that. [ A long pause follows, and for a while it looks like he's fallen asleep again save for that his eyes are still open, still trying to focus on Alucard. It's hard to make them look at what he wants them to look at, everything seems so bright. The medicine isn't doing a whole lot for his normal over-sensitivity to light. ]
If I take the fuzzy medicine, and I stay here and get better. Can I kiss you then? [ Another pause, shorter this time. ] Or her. And her? [ And. Yes, good. And. ] And her.
[This is ridiculous. But charming, in it's way. This is the calm before the real storm though, when they have to tell Trevor what was amputated, how many days he's been on the morphine, and the...
...he calls himself a monster, didn't he? If not, he'd have thought it, what with a forgemaster making experiment of him while powerless to refuse Carmilla.]
The dog's fine. May show up later. [He kind of wants to be the dog now.]
You can kiss her all you want then. I...am not very good at kissing. Don't like it.
Oh. Okay. I’ll just kiss her double, if she lets me.
[ He’s never accepted it that easily before. He’s tried not to push Alucard, but he’s never been able to let it be without trying to take the blame and make it right somehow. But he’s not really in possession of enough mind to try to fix or accept blame for anything, not right now. ] If you ever change your mind, I’ll probably still want to kiss you then.
[ And that’s that. No blame, no trying to change things. Just a reconsideration of kissing logistics. He manages a feeble, lopsided, impossibly genuine attempt at a smile. ]
I love you, I think. Both of you. Even if I can’t kiss anyone at all.
[Sypha's a creature of affection, just like Trevor is in his own, reserved way. Alucard will never be like that, not really. Not in their lifetimes at least,, and that thought? That thought finally prompts him to withdraw his hand from Trevor's. It's a slow movement, that way the Belmont has no suspicions raised, but the coldness of his hand is very much gone.]
We love you too. [It's the easiest time either of them have said those words. Probably the easiest time Trevor's had of smiling.]
Try and get more rest. The dog'll come back in a little while.
[ There’s a week of this, give or take. Sypha’s glad for it, leaning down so he can, in fact kiss her. Distracting him from trying to raise his trembling hand to pet the dog (he doesn’t like it, let him be and he’ll stay here nicely). It reenergises her, and she needs the help. But it doesn’t last. He remembers, and at first that’s a blessing in itself. He’s delighted to remember their names, repeating them over and over in wonder. But then, while Alucard tries to change the IV bag- ]
No.
[ He tries to pull the line out of his arm. That doesn’t happen, his arms just flopping about. ]
Can’t- can’t dog medicine anymore. She’ll be here soon and- I need to remember what I told her. You need to know what she knows.
[Alucard sleeps little during the week. It's fine, really. He's too focused on Trevor's medical care to really panic about Carmilla, and Trevor's loopiness takes some of the edge off.
He lets himself be pet a few times. Trevor's earned it, even if Alucard tenses. It used to be much worse, and the dog stays too.
...and then Trevor says no, and it's vampire speed that responds. Keeps the arm down and steady.]
[ He doesn't remember. He barely remembers where he is or who these people are, most days. He's just stupid and happy. And scared, now. Very, very scared. ]
-things. About the castle. About- I don't remember. Too fuzzy.
[ He remembers some things. He remembers that he promised he'd keep taking the medicine that makes the edges of his thoughts all soft. And he doesn't want to break that promise. But he needs to remember. He needs to. He did- something wrong. And people are going to be hurt by it. Blame, that one thing he's been gloriously incapable of for the last week, comes crashing back. ]
It's only because Alucard looks down and sees Trevor's amputated fingers that he doesn't break into a full out panic. Instead, the panic is muted and morphs into a soft, wolf like whine of distress. It may sound familiar to Trevor. It may not.]
I...I understand why you did it.
[After that kind of torture? It's impossible not to understand.]
I can't let you stop this medicine in one fell swoop, but I'm going to lessen it a little each time then, okay? Just until the details come back to you.
The hours that follow are awful. The pain had been present before, a terrible gnawing thing, but muted. Distant. Now, now it is all-consuming. Even on a lower dose rather than nothing at all, it’s close to unbearable. For a dreadful few hours, before his mind catches up, he’s still soft and confused and doesn’t understand why this is happening. There’s choked sobbing until his voice goes hoarse. Constant apologies, as if something can forgive him and that might make it stop hurting.
He wears himself out and finally manages to sleep. When he wakes again, he’s silent and unresponsive. Sypha finds that worse than the sobbing. ]
Hidden passages. [ He says it as Alucard passes, voice monotonous and exhausted. ] Between the feeding cells and Dracula’s study. Between there and the engines.
[ The passage can’t be altered by the castle. A precaution, in case the castle ever fell into the control of an enemy. A way for Dracula to feed through a siege and move to the engine room to regain control. ]
[Alucard sits with him for the entire ordeal. It is wrong, leaving Trevor alone in such a state. Unforgiveable, even if this particular event might ask the question of the vampire's limits for forgiveness.
But he's there. Holds Trevor awkwardly during the sobs, tries to shush him when the apologies become too much. He sleeps when Trevor does, only from exhaustion and--
--oh, it is the worst possible thing, isn't it? The fail safes his father made, turned against him.]
All the passages, or just the ones that are immutable and immovable?
[There are other such passages too, but the cells, the study, and the engine are the primary triangle.]
[ He’d told her the others first, the ones that mattered least. The ways from unimportant room to unimportant room. The remnants of Dracula’s squabbles with the castle in its youth, when it had decided that it didn’t want him to go from the music room to the library and he’d forced the matter. In the end, though- ]
-two days away. She’s two days away. Take me off this medicine.
[ Trevor you can’t even scratch your nose you’re not going to be fighting anyone no matter how many drugs you are or are not on ]
[ He wants to argue. He made this mess. He needs to fix it, regardless of his ability to actually do so. He’s always got up again and kept going, this shouldn’t be different.
Except it is, in so many ways. He needs to fix what he’s broken, but he also owes them both. He can be obedient, at the very least. ]
-I’ll try. [ A pause. ] Bring a blindfold, if you come back.
[Alucard doesn't ask what it's for. But he pauses, realizing one possibilty.]
If you're planning on attempting to gouge your eyes out, don't.
[It's probably pointless to say. But it's a new fear that has popped into his head, and Alucard wants to address it. Then he's gone, gone and talking to Sypha about what Trevor's shared. They speak in quiet, terrified tones, and then Sypha contacts her people.
They're fine for now. But they are warned, and Alucard leaves Sypha talking to them about how to be safe. Alucard walks back into Trevor's room.]
[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
time for some EXTREME MOOD WHIPLASH
The latest time, he's still not capable of much. He can open his eyes, even if everything is far, far too bright. Doing so doesn't answer any questions. He feels like he should know where he is, how he got here, why his body isn't doing as he says-
He doesn't. And he can't quite bring himself to worry about that too much. His brain feels soft around the edges, fluffy. Like a big fluffy white dog. He's not quite sure who he is or why he's here or why he can picture that dog so perfectly (all stretched out in front of a fire, in a room with a bed and a rug and an armchair), but he knows he likes thinking about dogs.
He also knows that there are people near him. A lady? Probably? Flopped over a man's lap, forward so her face is flat against his bed, lying in a puddle of her own drool. And the man, sleeping with at least a little more grace. ]
Wake up. [ He says, and he's a little surprised by how small and fragile the voice that comes out of his mouth is. Like he's speaking in cobwebs. ] Wake up.
[ He tries a few times to get Alucard's attention and then, whether those attempts succeed or not, tries to gesture toward Sypha. When that fails, he tries to point at her with his eyes. She snores into her drool puddle. ]
She's beautiful.
[ Just wanted to wake you up to tell you there was a cute girl. Important information there. ]
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Making sure he's in a comfortable bed has been the most important part for recovery though. The room is kept warm by the castle and by Sypha, and Alucard rests atop the bed as a wolf for extra warmth if it's needed.
Other nights, they just collapse against each other. It's after a day of Trevor care and Carmilla planning, and every inch of them just wants to rest.
Alucard stirs when Trevor speaks though. He can't not and--
--oh, he's even saying real words.
He sits up carefully, not trying to wake Sypha. He'll get yelled at for it, sure, but she's worn as thin as he is.]
...Hello to you too, Trevor Belmont.
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You’re beautiful, too. So beautiful.
[ He’s going to be like this for as long as he has painkillers in his system. Which, for better or worse, might be just about all the foreseeable future. ]
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[Alucard doesn't know what else he can do in response to that. The glow? The glow's absence is a relief, and he reaches out to place his hand atop Trevor's. It's a gentle gesture, one that has a little fear in it.]
How do you feel?
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[ Calling him by name. Holding his hand. He doesn’t remember why those things are such a big deal but they are. But bravado only goes so far. He tries to squeeze Alucard’s hand and the remaining fingers only twitch slightly. ]
Everything’s- bad. Hurts. Can’t move. [ He frowns. ] Brain’s all- soft and fuzzy and heavy. Like a big dog. There was a dog here before, I think. I woke up for just a second and there was a dog and now there isn’t. It hurts and there’s no dog.
[ but there are pretty people, maybe ones that don’t want to hear about the missing dog. ]
But you’re here. You’re here and you’re really pretty and I want to kiss you.
[ flirting: nailed it ]
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[This is a lot. Of course, this is also the morphine talking, not Trevor. Well, it is Trevor, just a very morphine happy one. Alucard does force himself to keep holding onto Trevor's hand though, mostly because the comfort it provides is clear to the vampire.]
You have a lot of medicine in your system to numb the pain right now. That's why it's very fuzzy.
[It isn't why there's no dog, but right now, that is't important.]
I am here. But you're recovering, and I don't know if you should even sit up, never mind attempt to kiss anything.
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No, no. You wouldn't do that. [ A long pause follows, and for a while it looks like he's fallen asleep again save for that his eyes are still open, still trying to focus on Alucard. It's hard to make them look at what he wants them to look at, everything seems so bright. The medicine isn't doing a whole lot for his normal over-sensitivity to light. ]
If I take the fuzzy medicine, and I stay here and get better. Can I kiss you then? [ Another pause, shorter this time. ] Or her. And her? [ And. Yes, good. And. ] And her.
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[This is ridiculous. But charming, in it's way. This is the calm before the real storm though, when they have to tell Trevor what was amputated, how many days he's been on the morphine, and the...
...he calls himself a monster, didn't he? If not, he'd have thought it, what with a forgemaster making experiment of him while powerless to refuse Carmilla.]
The dog's fine. May show up later. [He kind of wants to be the dog now.]
You can kiss her all you want then. I...am not very good at kissing. Don't like it.
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[ He’s never accepted it that easily before. He’s tried not to push Alucard, but he’s never been able to let it be without trying to take the blame and make it right somehow. But he’s not really in possession of enough mind to try to fix or accept blame for anything, not right now. ] If you ever change your mind, I’ll probably still want to kiss you then.
[ And that’s that. No blame, no trying to change things. Just a reconsideration of kissing logistics. He manages a feeble, lopsided, impossibly genuine attempt at a smile. ]
I love you, I think. Both of you. Even if I can’t kiss anyone at all.
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[Sypha's a creature of affection, just like Trevor is in his own, reserved way. Alucard will never be like that, not really. Not in their lifetimes at least,, and that thought? That thought finally prompts him to withdraw his hand from Trevor's. It's a slow movement, that way the Belmont has no suspicions raised, but the coldness of his hand is very much gone.]
We love you too. [It's the easiest time either of them have said those words. Probably the easiest time Trevor's had of smiling.]
Try and get more rest. The dog'll come back in a little while.
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No.
[ He tries to pull the line out of his arm. That doesn’t happen, his arms just flopping about. ]
Can’t- can’t dog medicine anymore. She’ll be here soon and- I need to remember what I told her. You need to know what she knows.
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He lets himself be pet a few times. Trevor's earned it, even if Alucard tenses. It used to be much worse, and the dog stays too.
...and then Trevor says no, and it's vampire speed that responds. Keeps the arm down and steady.]
Carmilla knows what, exactly?
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[ He doesn't remember. He barely remembers where he is or who these people are, most days. He's just stupid and happy. And scared, now. Very, very scared. ]
-things. About the castle. About- I don't remember. Too fuzzy.
[ He remembers some things. He remembers that he promised he'd keep taking the medicine that makes the edges of his thoughts all soft. And he doesn't want to break that promise. But he needs to remember. He needs to. He did- something wrong. And people are going to be hurt by it. Blame, that one thing he's been gloriously incapable of for the last week, comes crashing back. ]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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Carmilla knows details about the castle.
Fuck him.
It's only because Alucard looks down and sees Trevor's amputated fingers that he doesn't break into a full out panic. Instead, the panic is muted and morphs into a soft, wolf like whine of distress. It may sound familiar to Trevor. It may not.]
I...I understand why you did it.
[After that kind of torture? It's impossible not to understand.]
I can't let you stop this medicine in one fell swoop, but I'm going to lessen it a little each time then, okay? Just until the details come back to you.
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The hours that follow are awful. The pain had been present before, a terrible gnawing thing, but muted. Distant. Now, now it is all-consuming. Even on a lower dose rather than nothing at all, it’s close to unbearable. For a dreadful few hours, before his mind catches up, he’s still soft and confused and doesn’t understand why this is happening. There’s choked sobbing until his voice goes hoarse. Constant apologies, as if something can forgive him and that might make it stop hurting.
He wears himself out and finally manages to sleep. When he wakes again, he’s silent and unresponsive. Sypha finds that worse than the sobbing. ]
Hidden passages. [ He says it as Alucard passes, voice monotonous and exhausted. ] Between the feeding cells and Dracula’s study. Between there and the engines.
[ The passage can’t be altered by the castle. A precaution, in case the castle ever fell into the control of an enemy. A way for Dracula to feed through a siege and move to the engine room to regain control. ]
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But he's there. Holds Trevor awkwardly during the sobs, tries to shush him when the apologies become too much. He sleeps when Trevor does, only from exhaustion and--
--oh, it is the worst possible thing, isn't it? The fail safes his father made, turned against him.]
All the passages, or just the ones that are immutable and immovable?
[There are other such passages too, but the cells, the study, and the engine are the primary triangle.]
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[ He’d told her the others first, the ones that mattered least. The ways from unimportant room to unimportant room. The remnants of Dracula’s squabbles with the castle in its youth, when it had decided that it didn’t want him to go from the music room to the library and he’d forced the matter. In the end, though- ]
-two days away. She’s two days away. Take me off this medicine.
[ Trevor you can’t even scratch your nose you’re not going to be fighting anyone no matter how many drugs you are or are not on ]
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[It's a calm, level question. Given that Carmilla's being discussed, that's somethng like a miracle.]
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[ Try a week and change, buddy. ]
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[He tuts, shaking his head.]
She'll want you almost better before she attacks.
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[ He thinks for a second, and then he’s trying to get up. That doesn’t happen. His body twitches a little, but stays in the bed. ]
Sypha’s caravan. She knows- I told her their route. Shit. Shit.
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[Sypha has her means of doing that. If there is a true problem, then they'll go address it. Probably soon.]
But if I leave this room, promise me you won't try and get up. Or move. Or anything.
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[ He wants to argue. He made this mess. He needs to fix it, regardless of his ability to actually do so. He’s always got up again and kept going, this shouldn’t be different.
Except it is, in so many ways. He needs to fix what he’s broken, but he also owes them both. He can be obedient, at the very least. ]
-I’ll try. [ A pause. ] Bring a blindfold, if you come back.
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[Alucard doesn't ask what it's for. But he pauses, realizing one possibilty.]
If you're planning on attempting to gouge your eyes out, don't.
[It's probably pointless to say. But it's a new fear that has popped into his head, and Alucard wants to address it. Then he's gone, gone and talking to Sypha about what Trevor's shared. They speak in quiet, terrified tones, and then Sypha contacts her people.
They're fine for now. But they are warned, and Alucard leaves Sypha talking to them about how to be safe. Alucard walks back into Trevor's room.]
They're fine.
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[ And, you know. Also there are very good reasons not to gouge out one’s eyes, but Trevor doesn’t seem to care about those.
He tries to sleep, while Alucard is gone. It’s impossible. He’s exhausted, enough that normally he’d be gone before his head touched pillow. But between the pain and the terror and the guilt, sleep isn’t happening. ]
Do you have it? I need it at dusk and dawn. Closing my eyes doesn’t work.
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