In turn, you sit for meals with us. You can be gone the rest of the time, if you need. And you don't have to talk to us, if you don't want to. Just- you know. Exist.
He makes the meals and sits for them, although he barely eats when the other two are around. Just enough so that they don't worry. Alucard does the clean up only after they go, and then he eats the rest of the food.
Most of his time is still outside. Sometimes as a wolf. Sometimes as a man. Always alone, until dinner. After that, he goes to one of the siderooms with a glass of wine and stares into the fire until it's embers or until he falls into a light sleep.
Trevor's been in that side room more lately. Alucard doesn't know what to make of it, but Trevor allows Alucard to be closer to the door. That's all he can ask.
He's here again tonight. Alucard's brought a whole bottle of wine and two glasses.]
[ Meals are quiet, but things are easier than they were. Sypha's still having a difficult time of things, but she uses the distance mirror to watch her caravan. They're as well as could be hoped for, in the circumstances. Parked up in another town to help with rebuilding after Dracula's attacks, even working in mostly friendly cooperation with the town's church. That cooperation offers them a little protection, and she's relieved for it.
Aside from that, they try not to spend too much time in the hold. He's told her about- some of it. Told her that they might need her to bring the earth down on it. She's more resistant to the idea than he is. Killing ideas is against her nature. ]
God, please.
[ He's trying. He doesn't know what to do, other than to just do as he asked of Alucard. Exist in the same place. Stare into a dying fire together and pretend that it isn't an intensely depressing way to burn time. He pulls one of the blankets from around himself, tossing it to the side of the sofa closest to the door. Usually he takes the chair, but it's an invitation. ]
[He pours the wine. It's a white, sweet and floral in smell in contrast to the seasoned wood in the fireplace. Places it down on the coffee table in front of the fireplace, that way he doesn't have to risk touching Trevor.
His own glass is then filled. Then he sits at the very end of the sofa, but not before taking the blanket. It's draped over his shoulders after a moment, pulling it close.]
I hope white is acceptable. How are her people faring today?
Well enough. Someone's been trying to start shit, but the bishop of Braila has put them under his protection.
[ He sips at the wine. There's a good few feet of space between them, but it's the closest they've been in a while. Hard to say if it's progress. But they're trying. They're all trying so hard. ]
Only because he needs the help to keep his faithful well, I'm sure. Not out of the goodness of his heart. But it's good to see people acting in their own self-interest for once, instead of fucking themselves over out of spite.
[Braila. He sighs at the name, and then takes a long sip of the wine. Alucard's been working at cutting back, but it's been a day. This is happening now too.]
That feels like a minor miracle, in truth.
[Because everything else? Everything else is falling apart.]
Good for all of them that they're rebuilding as they are.
You know how it goes. Sometimes a little genocide brings out the best in people. Or at least the most pragmatic.
[ The wine isn't nearly enough to get him even close to drunk, but it'll be enough to help him sleep.
He pauses for a long, long time. ]
There's- there's shit I can't tell you yet. And it's not because we want to keep secrets from you. I just- cant. [ The fire crackles, and he squints his eyes at it. ] But have you heard of a place called Lindenfeld?
They got worse and we could have stopped them. Should have. We should have just gone in, slit up everyone who was fucking things up and the head man for good measure, and left. But we did things right. Her way. With investigating, and trying to find out the truth. The slow way.
[ He takes a gulp of the wine. ]
I'm meant to protect her from shit like this. I know better. This shit doesn't get to me anymore. But I got caught up in her thinking that we were big fucking heroes who could do everything the good way, and I let it backfire on her. On a lot of people.
[He's quiet. But he listens, and then? Then the guilt grows. The details aren't exacting, but he can understand where things ended. Too many deaths, and someone in charge related to the reason why some of that was a problem.
And Trevor lays the blame at his own feet. Because things were going well.
Eventually, he manages:]
I would have taken the slow way too. Because it was safer and would have seemingly gotten fewer people hurt.
We could have torched the place ourselves, in the end, and it would have ended better. At least the ones that didn't get off on murdering all the little children would have gone somewhere better.
[ He drains the glass. It's not enough. The entire fucking wine cellar wouldn't be enough. ]
I shouldn't be putting this on you. I shouldn't need to put it on anyone. But she's hurt. She's hurt, and I let it happen because I turned into an idiot the second a pretty girl grabbed my hand and said that things didn't have to be shit.
Doesn't feel like it, these days. [ A bitter laugh. ] Shouldn't have left, should we?
[ It's the first time he's brought that particular thing up. He puts the glass down on the table, looking up to stare at the ceiling. ]
Your hunters wouldn't have tried shit. And nobody would need to know about the little village that got condemned to hell. She'd still be happy. We could have just won once then stopped and not tried again.
[They're both miserable and barely drunk. What a shitty way to be dealing with any of this. The Belmont looking up. Him looking down. A study in contrasts, aren't they?]
Mmm.
[That's all he can say. Because Trevor's right. They did their one good deed. They don't have to do anything else ever again. Yet they did, and why?
He brings his feet up onto the sofa, if only so he can rest his chin atop his knees. Stare at the fire.]
[ He says that, but he must have managed to get a little drunk. Or maybe he's been trying to not talk honestly for so long he's lost the ability to stop himself once he starts. Because he keeps staring at the ceiling, but his attention is on Alucard. ]
Would you have wanted us here? The same way- the same way we wanted each other there?
[ Except clearly he doesn't. And- shit, that probably isn't an appropriate thing to ask Alucard after recent events. Even if he did want to be part of - whatever it is he and Sypha have nowadays - he almost certainly doesn't care for the idea anymore. ]
[ It's pointless to think about now. It's stupid to wish that things were different, that he could just reach out and pull Alucard close and make things better. He can't even make things better by pulling Sypha close, and she likes being held. ]
We- fuck. [ Even now, he can't bring himself to say it aloud. ] Both of us, I think. I know it doesn't mean shit now. Can't mean shit.
It's bullshit, isn't it? That it can all go so wrong.
Isn't that just the story. [ A sigh. ] Isn't that just every fucking story there is, sooner or later. One stupid, selfish, fearful person. Doing one stupid, selfish, fearful thing.
[ He doesn't touch Alucard, but he buries his fingers in the edge of the blanket. Just enough that it shifts slightly against him. Like a pup tugging at clothing. ]
When it's easier - it if ever gets easier - we'll be here. If we go, we'll come back. So long as we have legs to make the journey on.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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In turn, you sit for meals with us. You can be gone the rest of the time, if you need. And you don't have to talk to us, if you don't want to. Just- you know. Exist.
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[It's a place to start. Alucard doesn't know if it'll work. He doubts it. But at least he can try.]
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[ There isn't a whole lot left in the bottle, between the medicine and Alucard's overfull glass. But he grabs it, draining the rest. ]
We'll see you at breakfast.
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--Good night.
[So it goes.
He makes the meals and sits for them, although he barely eats when the other two are around. Just enough so that they don't worry. Alucard does the clean up only after they go, and then he eats the rest of the food.
Most of his time is still outside. Sometimes as a wolf. Sometimes as a man. Always alone, until dinner. After that, he goes to one of the siderooms with a glass of wine and stares into the fire until it's embers or until he falls into a light sleep.
Trevor's been in that side room more lately. Alucard doesn't know what to make of it, but Trevor allows Alucard to be closer to the door. That's all he can ask.
He's here again tonight. Alucard's brought a whole bottle of wine and two glasses.]
Wine?
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Aside from that, they try not to spend too much time in the hold. He's told her about- some of it. Told her that they might need her to bring the earth down on it. She's more resistant to the idea than he is. Killing ideas is against her nature. ]
God, please.
[ He's trying. He doesn't know what to do, other than to just do as he asked of Alucard. Exist in the same place. Stare into a dying fire together and pretend that it isn't an intensely depressing way to burn time. He pulls one of the blankets from around himself, tossing it to the side of the sofa closest to the door. Usually he takes the chair, but it's an invitation. ]
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His own glass is then filled. Then he sits at the very end of the sofa, but not before taking the blanket. It's draped over his shoulders after a moment, pulling it close.]
I hope white is acceptable. How are her people faring today?
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[ He sips at the wine. There's a good few feet of space between them, but it's the closest they've been in a while. Hard to say if it's progress. But they're trying. They're all trying so hard. ]
Only because he needs the help to keep his faithful well, I'm sure. Not out of the goodness of his heart. But it's good to see people acting in their own self-interest for once, instead of fucking themselves over out of spite.
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That feels like a minor miracle, in truth.
[Because everything else? Everything else is falling apart.]
Good for all of them that they're rebuilding as they are.
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[ The wine isn't nearly enough to get him even close to drunk, but it'll be enough to help him sleep.
He pauses for a long, long time. ]
There's- there's shit I can't tell you yet. And it's not because we want to keep secrets from you. I just- cant. [ The fire crackles, and he squints his eyes at it. ] But have you heard of a place called Lindenfeld?
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[He's feeling far more cynical about humanity these days. Uses that pause to drain the rest of his wine and pour himself a second glass.]
No. That sounds closer to Germanic though rather than Wallachian.
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[ Was. ]
We fucked up.
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[ It doesn't feel like it does. ]
They got worse and we could have stopped them. Should have. We should have just gone in, slit up everyone who was fucking things up and the head man for good measure, and left. But we did things right. Her way. With investigating, and trying to find out the truth. The slow way.
[ He takes a gulp of the wine. ]
I'm meant to protect her from shit like this. I know better. This shit doesn't get to me anymore. But I got caught up in her thinking that we were big fucking heroes who could do everything the good way, and I let it backfire on her. On a lot of people.
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And Trevor lays the blame at his own feet. Because things were going well.
Eventually, he manages:]
I would have taken the slow way too. Because it was safer and would have seemingly gotten fewer people hurt.
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[ He drains the glass. It's not enough. The entire fucking wine cellar wouldn't be enough. ]
I shouldn't be putting this on you. I shouldn't need to put it on anyone. But she's hurt. She's hurt, and I let it happen because I turned into an idiot the second a pretty girl grabbed my hand and said that things didn't have to be shit.
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[Child murdering. Fuck. No wonder. No wonder.
His shoulders almost cave in.]
You were happy. That's allowed to happen.
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[ It's the first time he's brought that particular thing up. He puts the glass down on the table, looking up to stare at the ceiling. ]
Your hunters wouldn't have tried shit. And nobody would need to know about the little village that got condemned to hell. She'd still be happy. We could have just won once then stopped and not tried again.
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Mmm.
[That's all he can say. Because Trevor's right. They did their one good deed. They don't have to do anything else ever again. Yet they did, and why?
He brings his feet up onto the sofa, if only so he can rest his chin atop his knees. Stare at the fire.]
Yet here we are.
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[ He says that, but he must have managed to get a little drunk. Or maybe he's been trying to not talk honestly for so long he's lost the ability to stop himself once he starts. Because he keeps staring at the ceiling, but his attention is on Alucard. ]
Would you have wanted us here? The same way- the same way we wanted each other there?
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[He wants to close his eyes, but it doesn't happen. He can't. He isn't safe if he does.]
How do you mean?
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[ Except clearly he doesn't. And- shit, that probably isn't an appropriate thing to ask Alucard after recent events. Even if he did want to be part of - whatever it is he and Sypha have nowadays - he almost certainly doesn't care for the idea anymore. ]
-nevermind. Sorry, asshole question to ask you.
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Fuck.
He does close his eyes at this point. Shifts, so it's forehead resting on his knees and his face buried. There's no clearer I would have he can say.
Everything's been burnt to ashes. Again.]
You have your answer.
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[ It's pointless to think about now. It's stupid to wish that things were different, that he could just reach out and pull Alucard close and make things better. He can't even make things better by pulling Sypha close, and she likes being held. ]
We- fuck. [ Even now, he can't bring himself to say it aloud. ] Both of us, I think. I know it doesn't mean shit now. Can't mean shit.
It's bullshit, isn't it? That it can all go so wrong.
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[And so horrifying.]
One action changes a person's entire world. Yet the rest of the world around us moves on and doesn't care.
[He understands his father so much better now.]
Better to shut the world out and avoid that.
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[ He doesn't touch Alucard, but he buries his fingers in the edge of the blanket. Just enough that it shifts slightly against him. Like a pup tugging at clothing. ]
When it's easier - it if ever gets easier - we'll be here. If we go, we'll come back. So long as we have legs to make the journey on.
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