Belmont, what do you want me to say, exactly? That you're right? Because
you're not, and I refuse to give you that satisfaction. That yes, I want
you both here to deal with a hissing, spitting thing that trusts nothing
and who will rebuff every attempt to prove my instincts wrong, because the
last time I let anyone in here it went the worst possible way it could have
because this house is so damned big and lonely?
[He's trying to be angry. He wants to be angry. But it
fails. Hard.]
[ He moves closer, slowly. Sits down on the edge of the bath, and puts the pot of wine and ash and dirt between himself and Alucard. A barrier. Just a little one. To indicate that he won't come closer. ]
It's- easier. If we know that we aren't hurting you by just being here. We've all been places we're just not wanted, and we don't care for more of it.
[Because it does. This hurts. All of it. Them being there. Them
not being there. Them being there and the stupid fears that come with it.
It shows in the smallest ways. That when Trevor moves closer, Alucard
moves closer to the door. To make sure that if he has to move, he can. An
exit available at all times.
Then we figure out what hurts least. For both of you. And work with that. If it hurts everyone less if we go, then we go. We figure out if we should come back, or if it's best that we stay gone. If it hurts less that we stay, then we stay.
[ He follows Alucard's gaze to the door. God, he's scared, isn't he? Of them. That's- he doesn't know how to think about that. ]
Fuck, if it's best that Sypha caves the entire fucking hold in and buries it, that's what we do.
[He breathes out. Considers. Lets both parts of instinct shout
over each other. It's Belmont and Sypha, you've wanted them back for
how long? It's fine.It'll just happen again, they were going to
leave, just finish this. They war for a time.
Finish here, then. I'll be back in the kitchen when you're done. We'll figure out what to do.
[ And he stands. ]
We came here because she needed a friend. It didn't- fuck. It didn't occur to us that you'd have your own shit going on. She got caught up in suddenly being able to make a difference to people's lives, and I got caught up in- her being her. And we thought of you, but we always thought there'd be time to come back.
[It didn't occur. That stings in it's own way, but the
rest? Oh. Oh that isn't a surprise. Of course she got caught up in that
whirlwind. Of course Trevor enjoyed being less miserable for once in his
adult life. No wonder. No wonder. They were happy.
Until they weren't. And then they came here.
He isn't sure what to say to that apology. He doesn't make a noise of
acknowledgement. After a while he manages a meager noise.]
[ It takes all the self control he has to not get another bottle of wine. Maybe he should have. He's a better person when he's drunk, and he knows it. Maybe drunk-him could find a solution to this. He doesn't wake Sypha. She ought to be part of this, but- it'd be difficult. The second she figured out that Alucard wanted them there, she'd refuse to leave and that would be that. Even if it turned out that he needed them gone for a little longer to heal.
He just sits there, drumming his fingers on the table, staring at the door. ]
[There's a long delay between when Alucard closes the door and when
it opens again. Hell, he doesn't even close it all the way - he leaves it
open a crack just in case. He can move faster than either of them to avoid
being locked in. He's fine. He's fine.
It's a mantra. The only words he forces to echo in his head as he applies
the mix of weird Belmont medicine to the burns on his lower body. It's so
hard to keep them going. To let them be the things that stay, rather than
let the shame of everything that's happened take over. You should have
known better. You shouldn't have trusted. You shouldn't have let anyone
just waltz in here. It happened once with your mother and never will
again, don't think you're special.
He finishes. Then sits on the floor for either a minute or an eternity
before returning to the kitchen.
When he does return, there's no real change about him. Just guilty eyes
that refuse to meet Trevor's.]
[ He can do the talking. Probably. He's good at figuring shit out. Just not good at empathising. One out of two required skills, there. ]
Leave her aside for a moment. What would be easiest for you? We stay, and maybe we fuck up again but we try to make it right when we do? Or we go, and come back when you've had more time?
[Hey, he managed emotional intelligence this entire conversation!
That's huge!]
I don't know, Belmont.
[That honesty is much easier. He doesn't know and there's no value
in lying about that, so he won't. Alucard doesn't know because his mind is
trying to run in every direction at once.
So he does the easiest thing right now, which is walk over to the counter
and pour himself a glass of the white that's been left out.]
Please, I've been trying to get drunk off that stuff for the last week now. Doesn't work.
[ He sighs. ]
If we could choose, I think she'd want to be here with you. She can watch her family from the mirror in the hold. We can go to them if things change. But you're- you're her family too.
He waves a hand dismissively, but his shoulders sink. He shouldn't be doing this without Sypha, but she wouldn't leave if she knew. He's been letting her decide what's best for a long time now, and in the end it's hurt her badly. ]
Had to make a second me out of pillows and blankets to keep her from waking up.
She’s proud of me most of the time, these days. I think she’s being a little condescending about it. ‘Look who managed to figure out soap!’ That kind of thing.
[ He’s cautious when he continues. ]
Is there anything else that you want me to know? Or that you want us to tell you?
In turn, you sit for meals with us. You can be gone the rest of the time, if you need. And you don't have to talk to us, if you don't want to. Just- you know. Exist.
He makes the meals and sits for them, although he barely eats when the other two are around. Just enough so that they don't worry. Alucard does the clean up only after they go, and then he eats the rest of the food.
Most of his time is still outside. Sometimes as a wolf. Sometimes as a man. Always alone, until dinner. After that, he goes to one of the siderooms with a glass of wine and stares into the fire until it's embers or until he falls into a light sleep.
Trevor's been in that side room more lately. Alucard doesn't know what to make of it, but Trevor allows Alucard to be closer to the door. That's all he can ask.
He's here again tonight. Alucard's brought a whole bottle of wine and two glasses.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Belmont, what do you want me to say, exactly? That you're right? Because you're not, and I refuse to give you that satisfaction. That yes, I want you both here to deal with a hissing, spitting thing that trusts nothing and who will rebuff every attempt to prove my instincts wrong, because the last time I let anyone in here it went the worst possible way it could have because this house is so damned big and lonely?
[He's trying to be angry. He wants to be angry. But it fails. Hard.]
It isn't fair to force either of you to do that.
no subject
[ He moves closer, slowly. Sits down on the edge of the bath, and puts the pot of wine and ash and dirt between himself and Alucard. A barrier. Just a little one. To indicate that he won't come closer. ]
It's- easier. If we know that we aren't hurting you by just being here. We've all been places we're just not wanted, and we don't care for more of it.
no subject
And if I said some of it hurt? What then?
[Because it does. This hurts. All of it. Them being there. Them not being there. Them being there and the stupid fears that come with it.
It shows in the smallest ways. That when Trevor moves closer, Alucard moves closer to the door. To make sure that if he has to move, he can. An exit available at all times.
It doesn't calm him. But it helps.]
no subject
[ He follows Alucard's gaze to the door. God, he's scared, isn't he? Of them. That's- he doesn't know how to think about that. ]
Fuck, if it's best that Sypha caves the entire fucking hold in and buries it, that's what we do.
no subject
[He breathes out. Considers. Lets both parts of instinct shout over each other. It's Belmont and Sypha, you've wanted them back for how long? It's fine. It'll just happen again, they were going to leave, just finish this. They war for a time.
The former wins by a thin margin.]
...All right.
[It's not a victory.]
no subject
[ And he stands. ]
We came here because she needed a friend. It didn't- fuck. It didn't occur to us that you'd have your own shit going on. She got caught up in suddenly being able to make a difference to people's lives, and I got caught up in- her being her. And we thought of you, but we always thought there'd be time to come back.
We fucked up, and I'm sorry.
no subject
[It didn't occur. That stings in it's own way, but the rest? Oh. Oh that isn't a surprise. Of course she got caught up in that whirlwind. Of course Trevor enjoyed being less miserable for once in his adult life. No wonder. No wonder. They were happy.
Until they weren't. And then they came here.
He isn't sure what to say to that apology. He doesn't make a noise of acknowledgement. After a while he manages a meager noise.]
It's happened. That is all that can be said.
no subject
[ It takes all the self control he has to not get another bottle of wine. Maybe he should have. He's a better person when he's drunk, and he knows it. Maybe drunk-him could find a solution to this. He doesn't wake Sypha. She ought to be part of this, but- it'd be difficult. The second she figured out that Alucard wanted them there, she'd refuse to leave and that would be that. Even if it turned out that he needed them gone for a little longer to heal.
He just sits there, drumming his fingers on the table, staring at the door. ]
no subject
[There's a long delay between when Alucard closes the door and when it opens again. Hell, he doesn't even close it all the way - he leaves it open a crack just in case. He can move faster than either of them to avoid being locked in. He's fine. He's fine.
It's a mantra. The only words he forces to echo in his head as he applies the mix of weird Belmont medicine to the burns on his lower body. It's so hard to keep them going. To let them be the things that stay, rather than let the shame of everything that's happened take over. You should have known better. You shouldn't have trusted. You shouldn't have let anyone just waltz in here. It happened once with your mother and never will again, don't think you're special.
He finishes. Then sits on the floor for either a minute or an eternity before returning to the kitchen.
When he does return, there's no real change about him. Just guilty eyes that refuse to meet Trevor's.]
no subject
[ He can do the talking. Probably. He's good at figuring shit out. Just not good at empathising. One out of two required skills, there. ]
Leave her aside for a moment. What would be easiest for you? We stay, and maybe we fuck up again but we try to make it right when we do? Or we go, and come back when you've had more time?
[ A short pause. ]
Or we go for good, and destroy the hold?
no subject
[Hey, he managed emotional intelligence this entire conversation! That's huge!]
I don't know, Belmont.
[That honesty is much easier. He doesn't know and there's no value in lying about that, so he won't. Alucard doesn't know because his mind is trying to run in every direction at once.
So he does the easiest thing right now, which is walk over to the counter and pour himself a glass of the white that's been left out.]
no subject
[ He sighs. ]
If we could choose, I think she'd want to be here with you. She can watch her family from the mirror in the hold. We can go to them if things change. But you're- you're her family too.
no subject
[He's just gonna take a long siiiiiiiiiip while oh. A new layer of guilt sets in.
Along with a particular realization.]
She doesn't know you're doing any of this right now, does she?
no subject
He waves a hand dismissively, but his shoulders sink. He shouldn't be doing this without Sypha, but she wouldn't leave if she knew. He's been letting her decide what's best for a long time now, and in the end it's hurt her badly. ]
Had to make a second me out of pillows and blankets to keep her from waking up.
no subject
Of course you did.
[He breathes out.]
What else do you want to know, Belmont?
no subject
[ He just stares at the overfull wine glass. So that's what this bullshit looks like from the outside. Just kind of sad. ]
If there's something other than that that I should know, I'll listen. But I'm not trying to torment you for information here.
no subject
[Another sip. Until the glass is normally full. The second part is actually far more important to Alucard.]
Thank you. That's...
[He just sighs.]
If she was in the right state of mind, she'd be proud of you.
no subject
[ He’s cautious when he continues. ]
Is there anything else that you want me to know? Or that you want us to tell you?
no subject
[It's a compliment. Or at least an attempt at one. One of us doesn't look like a disaster anymore.
He appreciates the caution. But it comes with quiet.]
Were there any elements you needed clarification on from my side of things?
no subject
[ And he shakes his head. ]
Nothing that I think you're in a state to answer right now. I think- look. If we stay, we need to figure out how it'll work. Rules.
We don't touch you, for a start. That sound about right?
no subject
Yes. And if I tell you not to go into a certain part of the castle, you don't.
no subject
In turn, you sit for meals with us. You can be gone the rest of the time, if you need. And you don't have to talk to us, if you don't want to. Just- you know. Exist.
no subject
[It's a place to start. Alucard doesn't know if it'll work. He doubts it. But at least he can try.]
no subject
[ There isn't a whole lot left in the bottle, between the medicine and Alucard's overfull glass. But he grabs it, draining the rest. ]
We'll see you at breakfast.
no subject
--Good night.
[So it goes.
He makes the meals and sits for them, although he barely eats when the other two are around. Just enough so that they don't worry. Alucard does the clean up only after they go, and then he eats the rest of the food.
Most of his time is still outside. Sometimes as a wolf. Sometimes as a man. Always alone, until dinner. After that, he goes to one of the siderooms with a glass of wine and stares into the fire until it's embers or until he falls into a light sleep.
Trevor's been in that side room more lately. Alucard doesn't know what to make of it, but Trevor allows Alucard to be closer to the door. That's all he can ask.
He's here again tonight. Alucard's brought a whole bottle of wine and two glasses.]
Wine?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)