Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[cryptsleeper]

I'd pay to see swan versus night creature, actually. I think the swan would come out on top.

[But for now, cooking. Alucard floats himself into a chair, and his little hood of blanket falls by the wayside.]

Shall we begin?

[miraclewhip]

Oh, absolutely. Swan broke my arm, once. It takes at least four of five night creatures to do that.

[ He walks over to the oven, poking at the strange rings on top of it. ]

You're meant to have fire here, right? There's scorch marks on the metal, but I have a policy - one that that serves me well - of not setting something on fire if I don't know what it is.

[cryptsleeper]

And how old were you? Or how drunk were you?

[Alucard realizes that he can't do this sitting back. And that he can't do this covered in blankets, so he sheds them all. Walks over to Trevor, and places his eyes on one of the knobs.]

These things control the fire.

[miraclewhip]

Nine, I think? But it wasn't like the swan had an advantage because I was a kid. I'd fought night creatures by then. The swan was stronger.

[ He looks down at the knobs, looking entirely unsure about this, then reaches to turn one of them. ]

[cryptsleeper]

Push the knob inward and turn it all the way to your left. That will ignite the fire.

[miraclewhip]

[ He does so, and only jumps a little in surprise when the stove does, in fact, light.

And then, belatedly- ]

-there's a way to stop the fire also, right? Because that seems like an important part of the process.

[cryptsleeper]

Turn the knob all the way back to where it was and the flame extinguishes. The knob controls the size.

[miraclewhip]

Huh.

[ He turns the fire off. Then back on again, and off again. Okay. He's got the hang of that. ]

Well, that saves me a lot of work. Or a lot of waking her up without an offering of food.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard doesn't quite laugh at Trevor's experiments with the stove, but he's entertained by how much it just seems to click.]

Both, I assume. There's a series of pans in the cabinet just to the right. Take out a medium sized one and we can begin.

[miraclewhip]

[ They've not actually poked around the kitchen very much. Not for any particular reason, they're just so used to being on the road that it never occured to either of them that it might be worth seeing if there was food lying around. Doing things the way they were used to gave them both a sense of things being normal.

Which means that when he opens the cupboard to take out a pan, it's actually his first encounter with the two spoon-armed things inside it.

And he proceeds to look at them for a moment and then ignore them, because that is way too much for his poor head to deal with both sober and before breakfast. ]

This one? [ He asks, pulling out a pan and closing the cupboard door. ]

[cryptsleeper]

That'll do.

[Alucard heads to the refridgerater at that, and he comes back over with four strips of very thick bacon.]

Turn the burner on, and we'll cook the bacon first. Then the eggs will fry in the remaining fat.

[He pauses, realizing that actually the kitchen is probably overwhelming for anyone who isn't him.]

Any questions?

[miraclewhip]

I'm guessing the burner is thing that burns.

[ He turns the flame back on, putting the pan over it. ]

Just one question. I'm not going to pretend to know my numbers, but I'm pretty sure four doesn't split between three. Assuming you weren't planning on starving either of us, where the fuck is your share?

[cryptsleeper]

Yes it is.

[Alucard adds the bacon into the pan, then backs off.]

I'm not very hungry at the moment.

[miraclewhip]

Like you weren't hungry yesterday. Or the day before.

[ He watches the bacon, turning the heat of the pan down a little so it doesn't burn before it cooks properly. ]

You still need to not starve, hungry or not.

[cryptsleeper]

I ate yesterday.

[A little! But he has no real bite in it, no particular argument back. There's just tiredness.]

I'm fine, Belmont.

[miraclewhip]

Did you? [ Ugh, he doesn't like this but- ] Fine.

[ Alucard's not back to normal, but last night seems to have- helped. He doesn't want to push too hard. ]

You don't have to have breakfast with us. But if the burns don't start healing soon I'm going to shove food down your throat. You know that, right?

[cryptsleeper]

[He isn't getting a fight? That's.

He's surprised. Genuinely.]

I know.

[He's going to end up with food down his throat. That's fine. He can't care too much at this point.]

The bacon's burning. Flip it.

[miraclewhip]

Shit, this thing cooks faster than-

[ He grabs a spatula, flipping the bacon over and maybe yelping just a little when the pan spits. ]

-there. Stupid fucking pig. [ Grumble grumble. He has figured out where plates live, at least, and he brings two down from a cupboard with no dolls in it. ]

-it's not a problem, is it?

[cryptsleeper]

It's more efficient, yes.

[Alucard looks over at the eggs, and points at them.]

Turn the heat down and add the eggs.

And no, no it is not.

[miraclewhip]

[ He follows the instructions, turning the knob first one way, then when that makes the flame larger turning it the other. ]

We'd- we were worried it might be. I mean- it's not like we were thinking 'let's leave the vampire behind and go fuck' when we left. [ Yeah. the problem he was asking about? Not cooking-related. ]

It just- happened.

[cryptsleeper]

[No. He doesn't want this conversation.]

We'll address that later.

[So. Much later.]

Keep your eyes on the eggs.

[miraclewhip]

[ Ah. So maybe it is a little bit of a problem.

He breaks the eggs into the pan, dodging the spitting fat this time. ]

Don't have to address it at all, if you don't want. Just- needed to know it wasn't going to cause problems.

[cryptsleeper]

I don't care, Trevor.

[He's too burnt to care.]

Just focus on getting breakfast on the table.

[miraclewhip]

Well. Good. That's that dealt with, then.

[ He's not entirely convinced that it's not a problem, but he's also happy to drop the topic. Besides, the burner does cook things much faster than heated stone does. ]

There we go. Eggs.

[cryptsleeper]

And now you know how that part of the kitchen works.

[He sounds pleased about that much. Doesn't smile, but there's satisfaction somewhere in all those miserable lines on her face.]

Go wake her up. I can keep this much warm.