Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[miraclewhip]

I am Trevor Belmont, and I am a horrible, smelly man and I like beer more than sex even though I get really very good sex.

[ Laughter rings from the kitchen. ]

And I'm Sypha Belnades, and I can fucking fly but I can't make my feet warm before trying to involve them in my very good se- hey!

[ They're eating boiled eggs. But the spoons they're using to do so happen to be attached to little dolls. And maybe 'eating' is a strong word, because Sypha's Trevor doll just tossed a piece of egg at Trevor's head.

They're trying. He's trying for Sypha. She's trying for him. It's hard. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[He's been fantastic at avoiding them both. Even now, there's a deep temptation to just drop his basket of foraged food and then go right back outside but--

--they found the dolls.

Of course they found the dolls, and the part of Alucard that is not a depressed, brooding, and paranoid fuck takes over. Takes right over into the kitchen.]

You were not meant to see those!

[The actual Alucard they know shows up for about 2 seconds.]

[miraclewhip]

Why not? It is the most handsome he's ever looked!

[ She's laughing. Things have been hard, but she's laughing. And right now it's the most healing sound. And he's still furious with Alucard but he can't not share it. They all need to hear it.

And so Trevor launches a piece of boiled egg of his own, right at Alucard's head. ]

Or at least the most capable of using my feet to eat soup.

[cryptsleeper]

I didn't have many supplies.

[He folds his arms over his chest, immediately defensive because no reason at all, just that that's how this kind of a pointless argument ought to go.]

But I had a lot of utensils.

[miraclewhip]

How many spare spoons did you even have? Is the entire fucking castle just full of spoons?

You could have given him a fork arm, at least. For fighting demons!

[ Sypha is menacing Alucard with the Trevor doll's spoon arms now, tapping them against his arms. ]

Ignore her. She just wants it to have pointy bits so she can cause more problems.

[cryptsleeper]

There are actually far fewer forks here. Spoons have existed for much longer.

[Alucard. Why are you like this.]

She also does not need to cause more problems with that thing and if you're going to critique my work on them, at least stop playing with them first so I pretend to take it seriously.

[miraclewhip]

We're not playing with them. We're eating with them.

[ He puts a hand on Alucard's shoulder. ]

Sit down. Eat eggs, and we'll put the dolls back.

Can I keep one of his arms? I don't feel like getting another spoon.

[cryptsleeper]

I--No, you can't keep one of his arms, it hasn't been washed in ages.

[He just sighs, then indicates a drawer behind Sypha.]

There's more forks there, please just take one of them.

[However Trevor's hand on his shoulder? Alucard stiffens immediately. Takes an automatic step forward, because that should at least get the hand off.]

I've already eaten, thank you.

[miraclewhip]

Oh! So realistic!

[ Sypha takes both dolls, returning them to where they were. But the mood has already turned with that. ]

For fuck's sake.

Trevor. No.

[ He reaches again, grabbing at Alucard's shoulder rather than just resting his hand there this time. ]

Sit the fuck down and have breakfast with us.

[cryptsleeper]

[That? That just gets him to yank away, now a thing of instinct. It's like a very skittish dog's reaction, and it nearly comes with barred fangs.

He has enough self control though. The way his shirt shifts in the movement gives a small glimpse at one of the lingering burns, and he just wants to go.]

I said I already ate. Thank you. There's additional food in the basket beside the door.

[He's retreating already.]

[miraclewhip]

Wait. [ And then, with an amount of effort that seems almost painful- ] Please.

[ That was a burn, wasn’t it? Or something similar. And unless it’s very recent, it shouldn’t be here. It’s not a place he got a good hit on, so it couldn’t have been the morning star. ]

Let me see that burn.

[cryptsleeper]

[It's a wolf that looks back at Trevor. A very weary looking one if truth is to be told.

It's off again after a soft snuffle whose meaning is far too ambiguous. So it goes. Another few days with hide nor hair of the dhampir, although there's always food left in the kitchen when they wake up. He's doing it in the dead of night, as not to risk running into them any other time.

There's no sound of him when he enters the kitchen. Alucard's good at moving quietly.]

[miraclewhip]

[ See, this is why he doesn't say please. It doesn't fucking work. The laughter doesn't begin again, as they both ponder in silence how much they should be concerned about those dolls. They put them in a cupboard eventually. They're not amusing anymore. Just upsetting.

It's a few nights later when he even makes an attempt to run into Alucard. He isn't subtle about it. Just sits at the kitchen table overnight. When the door opens, he speaks. ]

Good news for you. We're willing to leave.

[cryptsleeper]

I see.

[He places the basket down. Considers what's in it.]

You'll need more food then. I'll go back out.

[miraclewhip]

No. Stay.

[ Of course Alucard uses that as an attempt to escape the conversation. Of course. ]

We're willing to leave, but Sypha won't go until that burn we saw is treated. Let me look at it, I'll tell her you're on the mend and we'll go.

[cryptsleeper]

--Fine.

[This is a trap. It probably is, but whatever gets them to leave at this point. So he can just drown in the new shame and then adjust to the lifetimes of loneliness ahead.

He rolls up one sleeve. The one on the opposite side of what Trevor caught a glimpse of just a few days before. While the skin isn't raw and bleeding anymore, it's still far too fresh.]

Silver. It takes time to heal.

[At no point does he meet Trevor's eyes.]

[miraclewhip]

Well fuck.

[ He's seen worse. He's done worse. But the thought of Alucard being alone here in pain still makes his stomach turn. Any marks from the morning star are gone already, that wasn't on bare skin, and it's a little worrying that this has lasted longer.

He reaches for a small bowl of grey paste. ]

Sit down. My family has a recipe for this.

[cryptsleeper]

--I'll apply it myself. Please.

[He isn't sitting. He isn't moving towards Trevor. But there's a sudden flash of panic in his eyes that make it clear that the problem is being touched. Period.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He pushes the bowl across the table. ]

Blackthorn ash and grave dirt in wine. You get lasting burns like that with consecrated oil coating a weapon, the alcohol in the wine gets rid of anything that remains of that. The rest is for the silver.

Make whatever asshole comments about it you want, just use it.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard lets his sleeve fall. Then examines the size of the bowl.]

You'll need to make a second batch. [There. That's how much he'll admit for now.]

This will only cover a part of the problem.

[miraclewhip]

Oh. [ Just how badly did they manage to fuck him up? His face doesn't change, but the tone of his voice does. Just a little. Just a slight tone of concern. ]

Shit, you're lucky Sypha wanted me to go easy on the wine. Apply that while I work. I gathered extra blackthorn for the journey, it shouldn't be too long.

[ After all, they have a nearby source of grave dirt right now. ]

[cryptsleeper]

Catalog number 467. Cross indexed several times over for silver items, restraints, and close-up objects.

[He knows. He's memorized the catalog. He's not thinking about whose gravedirt this is, although there's some poetry involved in it if he thinks too long.]

Did you finish the whole bottle of wine, or should I get more?

[miraclewhip]

Shit, that one was- the wrist rings? The ones you use if some fucker's at your neck?

[ He doesn't really remember the number, but the combination of the things it's indexed under and the condition of the burns is familiar. ]

Yeah, that's treated with chism, so the alcohol's needed.

[ It also means those burns are probably- oh. Both extensive and not limited to parts of Alucard he's necessarily comfortable with them seeing. ]

There'll be enough wine left. Should I- give you privacy, once the next batch is done?

[cryptsleeper]

Mm, that would be the offender.

[The thing is long since destroyed. The index has been updated to reflect that, and that correction had no shame or guilt in destroying an object.

At least Trevor clocks onto what the issue is. Alucard assumes that the why he's refused all touch will come along soon enough.]

I would appreciate that, yes.

[miraclewhip]

I'll knock, before I come back. You put the paste on the burns, then let it dry. Once it does, you can wash it off with cold water.

[ It's a little more complicated to make than the list of ingredients he gave would imply. He's gone for maybe an hour before he knocks on the door of whichever room Alucard has chosen for the task. ]

More medicine. You decent?