Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[miraclewhip]

You killed people before. When we attacked the castle.

[ HELPFUL. He thinks it's helpful, anyway. ]

It's not really any different. They decided it was going to be you or them. You just chose them.

[cryptsleeper]

That was battle. Not bed.

[The words tumble out by pure accident.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He flinches at that, but continues. Tries to keep the anger out of his voice. ]

I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but I'm pretty sure if there's a chance of someone getting killed by someone else it ceases to be bed.

[cryptsleeper]

[That may be. But Alucard doesn't seem placated by that.]

I've only killed my father's kind before.

[miraclewhip]

There's never much difference really. Vampires are harder to kill, easier to deal with the bodies. That's it.

[ He sighs, taking a moment to rearrange the blankets while they're separated slightly. Less of an uncomfortable tangle, so he can sit like this for a while if he needs. ]

I'm- not exactly the right person to be here for worrying about the morality of killing anything, let's be honest.

[cryptsleeper]

[He's been gently placed away from Trevor. Alucard doesn't try to close the gap again.]

If I go to far, stop me.

[That's all Alucard wants, in the end. The promise that all will be taken care of if something truly awful happens.]

[miraclewhip]

I will. I promise.

[ His hand moves under Alucard’s chin, tilting it up so they meet eyes. ]

I was- It was a while ago, when I first killed a human. I’d killed other things before that. But I thought it was different, back then. Know what I did?

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard struggles to hold Trevor's gaze. His cheeks are wet, eyes red and stinging, the mess he is inside happy to manifest outwardly.]

What?

[There's probably no lesson. That? That could be the point.]

[miraclewhip]

I went through his pockets. Took his boots to wear and his wedding ring to sell. And I thought- I decided that they must have been right about me.

[ He holds Alucard’s chin in place for a few more seconds, then lets go. ]

I was wrong. It didn’t prove shit. This doesn’t prove shit about you, either. Just that you survived and they didn’t.

[cryptsleeper]

How long until you decided they were wrong?

[He's miserable even asking that question. More than that, he wants to reach out and latch on again but...

...no.

Trevor's better at setting the pace now.]

[miraclewhip]

Until maybe a month ago.

[ Until Sypha. He sighs, pulling Alucard close again. ]

You chose to live. Just like I did. And we- we’re grateful for that. More than you know.

[cryptsleeper]

Mmm.

[He has doubts. So many now. Including if they're really grateful that he's still around after that.]

[miraclewhip]

They're gone. We're here. And you're not a monster any more than I'm a heretic.

[ He leans his head forward, pressing his brow against Alucard's forehead. ]

I don't know if you want me here. But I won't leave until you tell me to.

[cryptsleeper]

[He stays there, after that. Goes still and does nothing more, because what else is there to do? He's cried. He's sobbed. He's laid the worst thoughts bare, and the Belmont is still here.

And if a Belmont hasn't done him in yet, then there's hope.]

I may not know what I want for some time. Will that be okay?

[miraclewhip]

Of course.

[ He just. Stays like this. Holding Alucard close. It's- not what he expected to happen. He doesn't know what he expected. They'd come back and- did he want Alucard to be happy about that? He wouldn't have been. He'd have been glad to see Sypha again. Done- whatever knowing how to be nice is at her. Maybe tolerated him. ]

Just- tell me, if you want me gone. It's hard to tell with you.

[cryptsleeper]

It's just hard to tell anything.

[Alucard closes his eyes. Ends up starting to drift, because he has nothing else.

It also means food goes untouched.]

[miraclewhip]

[ Eventually he flops to one side himself, onto the pillows, arms still around Alucard. At some point in the night there are footsteps and he stirs just a little before a warm weight settles against his back. Warmth and pressure against his back always seems to keep him asleep.

Sypha can't sleep alone, these days.

And that's how they are, through the night. There's no light at dawn, not through the heavy curtains that make up the little soft space they occupy. And so Sypha doesn't stir and Trevor doesn't move even when he does wake, still holding Alucard close. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard's waking is gentle. This space seems to ward off dreams, which is one of the biggest miracles of all of this. The problem instead manifests itself in the moments afterwards, when he has arms around him and no, no that's--

--Trevor. Just Trevor.

The moment of struggle fades. He breathes out, settling back against those arms.]

--You awake?

[miraclewhip]

[ It's strange, having that living, human pressure on both sides. Not unpleasant, but strange. He stays still even after he wakes, trying to figure out what he feels about it. He's not sure he can. It just- is.

It's probably a good thing that he wakes first, because he manages to catch himself when Alucard tenses briefly. He's held Sypha through enough nightmares lately for his immediate waking reaction to be to pull her tighter and kiss her awake. He pulls Alucard tighter, but he manages to catch and correct himself before step two. ]

Yeah. Have been a little while now.

[ He loosens his hold, arms still around Alucard but not pulling him close. ]

Whispers. She starts kicking if you make too much noise while she's asleep.

[cryptsleeper]

Does she?

[He can whisper well enough. And he almost sounds close to a laugh with that question. But that doesn't happen. He just stills, remaining in Trevor's arms.]

How often does she sleep in?

[miraclewhip]

[ He does chuckle, trying his best to do so quietly. Even here, even now, it's hard not to smile when he's talking about Sypha. Things are dark, and it's hard to believe that they'll ever be bright again, but she's still the best thing that ever happened to this nasty fuck of a world. ]

She'd outsleep you if I let her. Just doesn't wake up unless she's offered breakfast.

[cryptsleeper]

Sounds like a good competition. [That he's so, so going to take her up on tomorrow.]

There's the dinner leftovers, I suppose.

[That didn't get eaten at all....]

[miraclewhip]

Do I have to judge?

[ It's fond. He won't be able to get anything done all day tomorrow, but this is fine. They have the deer, kept in a way that he doesn't understand but that involves ice and straw for insulation. He won't need to hunt for the next week. They have preserved vegetables and the contents of the old kitchen garden. They can just- exist, for a while, and not do anything else. ]

I'll make something new for her. It'll- It's a novelty, to be able to eat something different at each meal. It'll lift her spirits a little.

[cryptsleeper]

I think so.

[He doesn't understand the fondness. But it's there, so he can't argue about it.

Alucard considers Trevor's words. Then shifts a little in Trevor's arms.]

You'll need different methods of preparation then.

[miraclewhip]

[ He barely understands the fondness himself. He just knows that he's lying between them and it's- nice. Safe. ]

I do know how to light a fire without her help, you know.

[ He just. Maybe hasn't done it in a while. ]