Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[cryptsleeper]

I'm not an asshole. I'm worse.

[So much worse. Alucard doesn't say that though. He just stays there against Trevor. Resting. Quiet.]

That's why.

[miraclewhip]

If we're going to be talking about what kind of awful you are, I'll need time to prepare notes.

[ He sighs. ]

I don't need to know what happened. I'm not going to ask. But if you want me to know- if you want me to tell you that it was bullshit and wrong and- I'll listen.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard shakes his head.]

I don't need that. [He knows that much.]

I don't know how to not react like him.

[miraclewhip]

React like him.

[ He doesn't let go, at that, but he does pull back. Far enough to look Alucard in the eyes. ]

Tell me what that means.

[ Because that could be anything from just 'be angry' to 'end humanity' and he'd like to know where on the scale they're talking here and just how much more awkward this hug is going to become. ]

[cryptsleeper]

You already saw.

[He can't meet Trevor's eyes. His head hangs in absolute shame.]

That was my instinct, Trevor. To try and keep myself safe.

[miraclewhip]

[ Oh. The bodies. ]

Would you be here, if you hadn't?

[ That's all that matters, really. He doesn't pull Alucard back against him. Not yet. But it's not for worry. Just so he can read his face when he answers. ]

[cryptsleeper]

No.

[He still didn't have to impale them. He did anyway.

THere's such self disgust on his face. The deep horrible sense of knowing something was wrong even if it was for the right reason.]

[miraclewhip]

You killed people before. When we attacked the castle.

[ HELPFUL. He thinks it's helpful, anyway. ]

It's not really any different. They decided it was going to be you or them. You just chose them.

[cryptsleeper]

That was battle. Not bed.

[The words tumble out by pure accident.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He flinches at that, but continues. Tries to keep the anger out of his voice. ]

I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but I'm pretty sure if there's a chance of someone getting killed by someone else it ceases to be bed.

[cryptsleeper]

[That may be. But Alucard doesn't seem placated by that.]

I've only killed my father's kind before.

[miraclewhip]

There's never much difference really. Vampires are harder to kill, easier to deal with the bodies. That's it.

[ He sighs, taking a moment to rearrange the blankets while they're separated slightly. Less of an uncomfortable tangle, so he can sit like this for a while if he needs. ]

I'm- not exactly the right person to be here for worrying about the morality of killing anything, let's be honest.

[cryptsleeper]

[He's been gently placed away from Trevor. Alucard doesn't try to close the gap again.]

If I go to far, stop me.

[That's all Alucard wants, in the end. The promise that all will be taken care of if something truly awful happens.]

[miraclewhip]

I will. I promise.

[ His hand moves under Alucard’s chin, tilting it up so they meet eyes. ]

I was- It was a while ago, when I first killed a human. I’d killed other things before that. But I thought it was different, back then. Know what I did?

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard struggles to hold Trevor's gaze. His cheeks are wet, eyes red and stinging, the mess he is inside happy to manifest outwardly.]

What?

[There's probably no lesson. That? That could be the point.]

[miraclewhip]

I went through his pockets. Took his boots to wear and his wedding ring to sell. And I thought- I decided that they must have been right about me.

[ He holds Alucard’s chin in place for a few more seconds, then lets go. ]

I was wrong. It didn’t prove shit. This doesn’t prove shit about you, either. Just that you survived and they didn’t.

[cryptsleeper]

How long until you decided they were wrong?

[He's miserable even asking that question. More than that, he wants to reach out and latch on again but...

...no.

Trevor's better at setting the pace now.]

[miraclewhip]

Until maybe a month ago.

[ Until Sypha. He sighs, pulling Alucard close again. ]

You chose to live. Just like I did. And we- we’re grateful for that. More than you know.

[cryptsleeper]

Mmm.

[He has doubts. So many now. Including if they're really grateful that he's still around after that.]

[miraclewhip]

They're gone. We're here. And you're not a monster any more than I'm a heretic.

[ He leans his head forward, pressing his brow against Alucard's forehead. ]

I don't know if you want me here. But I won't leave until you tell me to.

[cryptsleeper]

[He stays there, after that. Goes still and does nothing more, because what else is there to do? He's cried. He's sobbed. He's laid the worst thoughts bare, and the Belmont is still here.

And if a Belmont hasn't done him in yet, then there's hope.]

I may not know what I want for some time. Will that be okay?

[miraclewhip]

Of course.

[ He just. Stays like this. Holding Alucard close. It's- not what he expected to happen. He doesn't know what he expected. They'd come back and- did he want Alucard to be happy about that? He wouldn't have been. He'd have been glad to see Sypha again. Done- whatever knowing how to be nice is at her. Maybe tolerated him. ]

Just- tell me, if you want me gone. It's hard to tell with you.

[cryptsleeper]

It's just hard to tell anything.

[Alucard closes his eyes. Ends up starting to drift, because he has nothing else.

It also means food goes untouched.]

[miraclewhip]

[ Eventually he flops to one side himself, onto the pillows, arms still around Alucard. At some point in the night there are footsteps and he stirs just a little before a warm weight settles against his back. Warmth and pressure against his back always seems to keep him asleep.

Sypha can't sleep alone, these days.

And that's how they are, through the night. There's no light at dawn, not through the heavy curtains that make up the little soft space they occupy. And so Sypha doesn't stir and Trevor doesn't move even when he does wake, still holding Alucard close. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard's waking is gentle. This space seems to ward off dreams, which is one of the biggest miracles of all of this. The problem instead manifests itself in the moments afterwards, when he has arms around him and no, no that's--

--Trevor. Just Trevor.

The moment of struggle fades. He breathes out, settling back against those arms.]

--You awake?