Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[miraclewhip]

[ Sypha sinks to the ground. Trevor slams the handle of his whip into the wall.

They don't speak. Eventually, Sypha stands. She leaves, because the bodies still need to be dealt with. They bury the bodies, and Sypha performs the rites that the speakers perform for the nameless dead they find along the road.

They're skeletons in fucking nightdresses. It's hard to believe that they posed enough of a threat to warrant this.

Sypha can't bear to reenter the castle. But Trevor? Trevor has hunting to do.

He's ill-prepared for his family's work here, not quite trusting Alucard to run if he so much as tries to go the to hold beneath them for resources. They thought they'd be coming home to a friendly place. He didn't bring half of the shit he needs to win. But he's hurt. He's hurt and Sypha's hurt and-

-they'd thought he wasn't like this.

He said he was going to move the castle, and Trevor vaguely remembers the way to the engine rooms. He doesn't have a plan. Just go there, make a nuisance of himself. Prevent Alucard from working on the engines until he has to fight him. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[He is indeed in the engine room. Still sat in his semi circle. Taking notes. Ignoring the new wave of guilt and shame that has washed over himself in the last few minutes.

Alucard knows this new wave is of his own making. That this sort of action would all but summon the other two to the castle, seeing only the shadow of Dracula himself. Not the mad thing that he was for months prior to...

...he still can't name it.

They'll leave. They'll leave, he'll get the engines working, and they'll never see him again. The dhampir can be content in going mad, with all bridges well and truly burnt behind him.

They were never going to come back, until he did this.

Of course.

When Trevor finds his way to the engine rooms, he is ignored.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He thought that he'd attack on sight. He'd need to. Alucard has every possible advantage. And yet he doesn't. He just walks toward Alucard, Alucard in his fortress of books. ]

Why?

[ He wishes his voice didn't become so small. He's not sure when he stopped being angry, when he stopped being a pained thing lashing out. He misses it. Without it, he's just a pained thing. ]

I don't understand.

[cryptsleeper]

You didn't go to the Hold and find something to finish this. I could ask you the same question.

[Alucard doesn't look up. He has to keep his mind on his work. Just complete the work.]

[miraclewhip]

Seemed poor sport. None of my family had the hold beneath their feet when they came here.

[ It's not an honest answer. Honesty is hard. But he tries again. ]

I don't want to do this. But if you can't make me understand, then I can't leave a pale imitation of Dracula alive.

[cryptsleeper]

That doesn't seem to matter to anyone these days.

[Poor sport. He could almost laugh.

But he doesn't. So instead? Instead there's the horrible flippant thing that they met under Gresit. It won't bring understanding. It'll just move things along to the inevitable conclusion quicker.]

What is there to understand? You left. Two would be hunters seeking to destroy other vampires arrived as well as assistance in learning how to deal with the truly formidable sort that populated my father's court. They took knowledge, then took the elevator down into the hold to find someone to kill me with, but not before bedding me.

[...Oh, right.]

The Hold has an elevator now. The stairs were too hard to build back up.

[miraclewhip]

Oh.

[ That would explain the nightclothes. And he's still- he still doesn't like this. But it's hard not to slip back into old ways of speaking. It's comforting. And god knows they all need comforting right now. ]

-leaving people out there in their pajamas really makes it look like you've stolen some screaming unfortunate from a village at night, you know. You should consider the optics of your people on sticks.

[cryptsleeper]

Those were my bedclothes, actually. Borrowed.

[Alucard still doesn't look up. He doesn't want this conversation.]

Tell her. I won't repeat any of that again.

[miraclewhip]

You're right, that just makes it look like a very strange attempt at hanging up laundry.

[ Too bad, it's happening. He sits down on the other side of the book wall. They don't have to look at each other. They just need to figure out what the fuck to do. ]

You realise that if I tell her, we'll be staying here a while? You- do remember how she works, right? She was never going to say 'ah, yes. Our friend has lost his fucking mind. I'm going to accept this and move on'.

[cryptsleeper]

[No. This is the opposite of what he wanted.]

So tell her after you've left. When you're far away.

[Obviously she won't come back to aggressively yell at him or--

--oh.

Someone said the f word.

That just makes Alucard hunch over more. Trying to make himself smaller.]

[miraclewhip]

You really have forgotten how fucking impossible she is, haven't you?

[ He sighs. ]

I tell her. We restrict ourselves to a corner of the castle away from you until she's convinced that you're either not hedgehog-humping mad or not worth the effort or until you fix this thing.

...and you explain what a fucking ellevitatator is because I don't speak fucking bohemian.

[cryptsleeper]

An elevator is a platform that uses ropes and counterweight to move up and down a shaft. Like what Sypha did with the ice, but with a long term platform so that the Hold doesn't get flooded and I don't have float up and down all the time.

[That part's easy. The rest?

Nope.]

It will take too much time to fix this thing. You're both needed elsewhere, that much is clear. Just go, Belmont. At first light.

[miraclewhip]

We don't want to be needed elsewhere for a little while.

[ It's something of a raw admission. ]

We're tired, Alucard. She's tired. We came here because this is home.

[cryptsleeper]

Then I'll stay in the woods for as long as you insist on being here.

[He isn't home. That much he knows.]

I have to reset the traps anyway. I can remain as a wolf for a time.

[miraclewhip]

...are you always this dramatic about bad sex? Because usually I just get drunk.

[ He was holding himself back from saying it but. Look, he only has so much self-control.

It's probably not the helpful thing to say. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[Well good news: that gets Alucard to actually meet Trevor's eyes.

And to glare in a Very Disapproving Manner.]

That's true, if anyone else has been nearly murdered during sex, it would be you.

[Except THAT ISN'T FUNNY ADRIAN.]

[miraclewhip]

I'll be honest, that sounds like an accurate description of not knowing what fucking lube is.

[ HOW DID THIS TURN INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT SEX oh right it's because Trevor is fucking nasty. ]

[cryptsleeper]

Please and for the love of your God, shut up.

[miraclewhip]

Yeah, you probably don't want to hear the sordid details of my sex life.

[ He sighs. ]

We've established that I want be killing you, at least. I'm going to tell her what's happening. Do what you want, but we'll be in the castle.

[cryptsleeper]

Fine.

Kitchen's stocked. Wine cellar has a bottle a day limit.

[It shouldn't be Alucard who gets up first, but he does. Takes a few steps, and he's a wolf. A wolf who's leaving, giving the other two free reign.

A wolf who has also forgotten that in the kitchen are two very ridiculous attempts at not going mad, and who stays out in the woods for about five days, making himself scarce.]

[miraclewhip]

I am Trevor Belmont, and I am a horrible, smelly man and I like beer more than sex even though I get really very good sex.

[ Laughter rings from the kitchen. ]

And I'm Sypha Belnades, and I can fucking fly but I can't make my feet warm before trying to involve them in my very good se- hey!

[ They're eating boiled eggs. But the spoons they're using to do so happen to be attached to little dolls. And maybe 'eating' is a strong word, because Sypha's Trevor doll just tossed a piece of egg at Trevor's head.

They're trying. He's trying for Sypha. She's trying for him. It's hard. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[He's been fantastic at avoiding them both. Even now, there's a deep temptation to just drop his basket of foraged food and then go right back outside but--

--they found the dolls.

Of course they found the dolls, and the part of Alucard that is not a depressed, brooding, and paranoid fuck takes over. Takes right over into the kitchen.]

You were not meant to see those!

[The actual Alucard they know shows up for about 2 seconds.]

[miraclewhip]

Why not? It is the most handsome he's ever looked!

[ She's laughing. Things have been hard, but she's laughing. And right now it's the most healing sound. And he's still furious with Alucard but he can't not share it. They all need to hear it.

And so Trevor launches a piece of boiled egg of his own, right at Alucard's head. ]

Or at least the most capable of using my feet to eat soup.

[cryptsleeper]

I didn't have many supplies.

[He folds his arms over his chest, immediately defensive because no reason at all, just that that's how this kind of a pointless argument ought to go.]

But I had a lot of utensils.

[miraclewhip]

How many spare spoons did you even have? Is the entire fucking castle just full of spoons?

You could have given him a fork arm, at least. For fighting demons!

[ Sypha is menacing Alucard with the Trevor doll's spoon arms now, tapping them against his arms. ]

Ignore her. She just wants it to have pointy bits so she can cause more problems.