Catch All

[cryptsleeper]

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[miraclewhip]

[ He doesn't know how he'd seen this going, but this isn't it. He lets his hands settle against Alucard's back, below the monster that is his hair right now. Strokes softly. Tries to shove aside his own bullshit for long enough to hold Alucard through his, the same way he's been trying to do for Sypha.

(It's hard. He's angry, still. He wants to shout. To leave. To point out that Dracula hurt people, that if he made the castle move because he was afraid then good. But he wants to keep holding Alucard, too. To make this right.) ]

We're here.

[cryptsleeper]

[They're here, but Alucard doesn't know what that means yet. They're here, but Alucard isn't. There's only a shell of fear and sobbing and blind fucking terror. A shell that clings to Trevor for all it can, the tears now coming out as they have so many nights alone.

He doesn't shake. His entire body shudders. Then the noises come, horrible and strangled and pressed into Trevor's chest, until Alucard's throat aches for all the effort of it.]

[miraclewhip]

[ Sypha's going to come look for him if he doesn't go back. But she'll understand. She'll know that he can't be left like this.

He just keeps holding Alucard. When the shudders start, he wriggles an arm free and pulls the blankets around them both. A cocoon of misery. When the noises begin, that hand moves to his hair, idly trying to comb it back into at least some sort of order. He doesn't say anything. ]

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard's hair cooperates. A little. It's an utter mess that needs a good bath, and the static of the blanket helps absolutely nothing. Yet he is doing far more and emoting more than he has since the two of them arrived.

When the sobs stop, Alucard still clings. Mutters something that might be an I'm sorry. It's unclear.]

You both deserve better than this.

[miraclewhip]

As if it ever mattered what anyone deserves.

[ He doesn't know about the idea of the reward. But he'd have no patience for it if he did. He doesn't let go. ]

You're an asshole. We've known that for a while. If we objected to you being an asshole, we wouldn't have come back.

[cryptsleeper]

I'm not an asshole. I'm worse.

[So much worse. Alucard doesn't say that though. He just stays there against Trevor. Resting. Quiet.]

That's why.

[miraclewhip]

If we're going to be talking about what kind of awful you are, I'll need time to prepare notes.

[ He sighs. ]

I don't need to know what happened. I'm not going to ask. But if you want me to know- if you want me to tell you that it was bullshit and wrong and- I'll listen.

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard shakes his head.]

I don't need that. [He knows that much.]

I don't know how to not react like him.

[miraclewhip]

React like him.

[ He doesn't let go, at that, but he does pull back. Far enough to look Alucard in the eyes. ]

Tell me what that means.

[ Because that could be anything from just 'be angry' to 'end humanity' and he'd like to know where on the scale they're talking here and just how much more awkward this hug is going to become. ]

[cryptsleeper]

You already saw.

[He can't meet Trevor's eyes. His head hangs in absolute shame.]

That was my instinct, Trevor. To try and keep myself safe.

[miraclewhip]

[ Oh. The bodies. ]

Would you be here, if you hadn't?

[ That's all that matters, really. He doesn't pull Alucard back against him. Not yet. But it's not for worry. Just so he can read his face when he answers. ]

[cryptsleeper]

No.

[He still didn't have to impale them. He did anyway.

THere's such self disgust on his face. The deep horrible sense of knowing something was wrong even if it was for the right reason.]

[miraclewhip]

You killed people before. When we attacked the castle.

[ HELPFUL. He thinks it's helpful, anyway. ]

It's not really any different. They decided it was going to be you or them. You just chose them.

[cryptsleeper]

That was battle. Not bed.

[The words tumble out by pure accident.]

[miraclewhip]

[ He flinches at that, but continues. Tries to keep the anger out of his voice. ]

I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but I'm pretty sure if there's a chance of someone getting killed by someone else it ceases to be bed.

[cryptsleeper]

[That may be. But Alucard doesn't seem placated by that.]

I've only killed my father's kind before.

[miraclewhip]

There's never much difference really. Vampires are harder to kill, easier to deal with the bodies. That's it.

[ He sighs, taking a moment to rearrange the blankets while they're separated slightly. Less of an uncomfortable tangle, so he can sit like this for a while if he needs. ]

I'm- not exactly the right person to be here for worrying about the morality of killing anything, let's be honest.

[cryptsleeper]

[He's been gently placed away from Trevor. Alucard doesn't try to close the gap again.]

If I go to far, stop me.

[That's all Alucard wants, in the end. The promise that all will be taken care of if something truly awful happens.]

[miraclewhip]

I will. I promise.

[ His hand moves under Alucard’s chin, tilting it up so they meet eyes. ]

I was- It was a while ago, when I first killed a human. I’d killed other things before that. But I thought it was different, back then. Know what I did?

[cryptsleeper]

[Alucard struggles to hold Trevor's gaze. His cheeks are wet, eyes red and stinging, the mess he is inside happy to manifest outwardly.]

What?

[There's probably no lesson. That? That could be the point.]

[miraclewhip]

I went through his pockets. Took his boots to wear and his wedding ring to sell. And I thought- I decided that they must have been right about me.

[ He holds Alucard’s chin in place for a few more seconds, then lets go. ]

I was wrong. It didn’t prove shit. This doesn’t prove shit about you, either. Just that you survived and they didn’t.

[cryptsleeper]

How long until you decided they were wrong?

[He's miserable even asking that question. More than that, he wants to reach out and latch on again but...

...no.

Trevor's better at setting the pace now.]

[miraclewhip]

Until maybe a month ago.

[ Until Sypha. He sighs, pulling Alucard close again. ]

You chose to live. Just like I did. And we- we’re grateful for that. More than you know.

[cryptsleeper]

Mmm.

[He has doubts. So many now. Including if they're really grateful that he's still around after that.]

[miraclewhip]

They're gone. We're here. And you're not a monster any more than I'm a heretic.

[ He leans his head forward, pressing his brow against Alucard's forehead. ]

I don't know if you want me here. But I won't leave until you tell me to.