[ Fuck, but it feels weird to not be carrying a single weapon.
He moves to Alucard like he's hoping to die of old age before he has to deal with this. One slow, slow step at a time. But he reaches him eventually nonetheless, kneeling down at his side. ]
You could kill me like this. I wouldn't be able to do a thing to stop you. I'm trusting you.
[ He says it very slowly, because he's- maybe a little nervous about this. The pomander was for his safety as well as to help Alucard. If he starts thrashing around when he medicine stings, there's a good chance he could do real damage. ]
[He knows it isn't a joke, but still. They've seen the bodies. They must have seen the bodies by now. They must know about what happened and how this just makes everything worse.
[ He picks up a scrap of gauze and soaks it, and he has to swallow and brace himself to still the shaking in his hands before he can smooth the cloth over the burns. There's not instant relief, save for the coolness of the damp cloth. There's still an hour's more damage burned into the skin than there is in the places that were treated before. But it won't get worse. ]
We're not here because we want to hurt you. You know that. You have to know that.
[ Still is, at the very least, still better than thrashing about. He applies a little more of the medicine, smoothing damp cloth over Alucard’s hip. It’s easier, now he’s staying still. Less nerve-wracking. He knows that Alucard wouldn’t knowingly hurt him, but pain is a difficult thing and he’s powerful, even injured. An involuntary movement with too much force behind it and this situation gets a lot worse. ]
I’m doing my best. This can’t remain undone, and I don’t know what else to do to prove that I’m trying to help.
[There. He's said it all. That he's reeled so hard that not even the other two have his trust right now. That he's going to be like this now, although the question of how long is an open ended mystery.
Alucard can at least let Trevor work in a horrible silence. He doesn't move, but that isn't trust. That's a scared element not being able to fight or flight - just freezing up, horrible and scared and so, so unsure.
He doesn't ask when Trevor's done. He doesn't demand Trevor hurry. He just remains where he is.]
It's hard not to be a little hurt. A little frustrated. He knows it's not Alucard's fault, that it's nothing to do with them and everything to do with the two corpses in that one horrible room. But it's hard to know that there were two people in the world willing to tolerate him and now there's one and for that not to ache.
He finishes in silence. It's only when the last of the bandages is applied, the parts applied earliest already dried into a second skin, that he speaks again. ]
The incense is burning two rooms down. The door's closed to keep the smoke in but if you need to not think, you can go in there. Sypha and I won't go into that room unless we're invited.
[ He rearranges the blanket. Carefully, trying not to brush the fabric of it over the burns. Brings it up around Alucard's shoulders to wrap it around him. ]
If you don't want us here, we'll leave at dawn tomorrow.
[Out of fear. Even with the incense, which terrifies Alucard. It rends him unable to be aggressive, and his defense is often so very aggressive.
He shakes when Trevor's done. A nervous dog, unsure. Horrified. Unable to account for what will happen next. Clings to the blanket when it's placed over his shoulders, like it's the most precious armor.
[ He might hurt them. It's- unavoidable. Because it's human to lash out, to be irrational, but Alucard's strength isn't human. Sypha can defend herself even when not carrying weapons. He? Really can't.
But Alucard reacts well (or reacts, at least) to the blanket, and so he pulls it tighter so it covers him entirely. ]
I'm going to build a pyre. So she can burn the bodies when she wakes up. [ A pause, because it shouldn't have to be fire and yet. ] I don't want to bury them, not if it would keep them here.
He knows this because his arms are around Alucard after wrapping the blanket around him and instead of withdrawing them, he pulls them closed. Which is stupid, because they've just talked about how easily Alucard could hurt them by mistake. ]
Whatever the fuck happened, they'll be gone once she wakes up.
[Alucard goes quiet again. Tugs his blanket back around him, and he stays there.
At some point he smells fire. Alucard doesn't know how to react. He decides simply not to, and he curls up on himself. The floor isn't comfortable. He doesn't deserve comfort right now. Or much of anything if he's to be entirely candid. He deserves a lifetime alone, because how else do you atone for something like this?
There's only one good part in all of this: it means Alucard doesn't leave the room. He's there as it becomes dusk. Blank faced, staring at the wall. Not even reacting when Trevor walks in.]
[ He hauls the bodies out. Sypha says words for them, because that's what the speakers do. And then they burn. The fire is brief, burning hotter than the church could ever manage with torches and kindling. They don't know what to do with the ashes, in the end. They just leave them there to let the wind make the decision for them.
He takes his turn to sleep. Sypha mixes a batch of whatever miracle solution it is that gets the worst of the blood out of speaker robes. He scrubs the floors with it when he wakes while she puts bedsheets outside to bleach in the sun. They destroy evidence, and he's not sure if he should be alarmed by how good at it they are.
It's difficult work, the kind that leaves no room for thinking. It's a relief. ]
We have supplies. I'll go out to hunt tomorrow, if we're to stay.
[Indeed he has not. He's burritoed himself up more though, which at least seems to suggest that blankets have some sort of soothing ability that nothing else does at the moment.
But he doesn't reply. Indecision is his new watch word. Or maybe paralysis is better, because that's what this feels like. Being frozen in time and having no idea where one is to go with anything.
If Sypha sees him like this, they won't leave. He knows that. Maybe Trevor will....
...will what? Leave? Stay? Fuck. One is no better than the other. Just different.]
[ This is the one time in his life when he is going to be pro-chair and you are not making the most of it. He gestures to the offending seat for a moment before shaking his head. It's a lost cause. Florr it is. ]
I won't come up here with weapons. She can't disarm herself. She'll come up here if you want her to, but not until you're ready.
[ He grabs everything soft from the guest room. And from the room next to it. Bedding, curtains, cushions. As much as he can carry. There's one thing so far that helps, that he's actually asked for, and so he goes all in on that, dumping it all on the floor and sitting near Alucard.
Another blanket first, a heavy woolen one, and he wraps it tightly around Alucard's shoulders. He lingers again when he does, but only for a second. ]
Don't fucking remember how to do this. Think you need two chairs, and-
[ Is he planning to make a blanket fort? Because it sounds like he's planning to make a blanket fort. ]
[It's the weight of the blanket that helps. Alucard pulls it close around himself, managing to tuck his feet under too. There's some part of him that realizes that he's immobile and vulnerable like this, but the rest of him? The rest of him doesn't care one bit
[ Instead of answering, he drags a chair over. Then another. And drapes the curtain he took down from the room across the hall over both of them. That's how it works, he's pretty sure.
That done, he sets about bringing the pule of bedding in. Arranges pillows and cushions around Alucard. ]
Look, I've not had a chance to do this in years. Humour me?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He moves to Alucard like he's hoping to die of old age before he has to deal with this. One slow, slow step at a time. But he reaches him eventually nonetheless, kneeling down at his side. ]
You could kill me like this. I wouldn't be able to do a thing to stop you. I'm trusting you.
[ He says it very slowly, because he's- maybe a little nervous about this. The pomander was for his safety as well as to help Alucard. If he starts thrashing around when he medicine stings, there's a good chance he could do real damage. ]
Try not to make me regret it too much, hmm?
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[He knows it isn't a joke, but still. They've seen the bodies. They must have seen the bodies by now. They must know about what happened and how this just makes everything worse.
But he's good. He stays still.]
Just do what must be done.
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[ He picks up a scrap of gauze and soaks it, and he has to swallow and brace himself to still the shaking in his hands before he can smooth the cloth over the burns. There's not instant relief, save for the coolness of the damp cloth. There's still an hour's more damage burned into the skin than there is in the places that were treated before. But it won't get worse. ]
We're not here because we want to hurt you. You know that. You have to know that.
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[And that? That finally has Alucard's head drop down in shame. He stays still. But now it's too still, more statue than person.]
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[ Still is, at the very least, still better than thrashing about. He applies a little more of the medicine, smoothing damp cloth over Alucard’s hip. It’s easier, now he’s staying still. Less nerve-wracking. He knows that Alucard wouldn’t knowingly hurt him, but pain is a difficult thing and he’s powerful, even injured. An involuntary movement with too much force behind it and this situation gets a lot worse. ]
I’m doing my best. This can’t remain undone, and I don’t know what else to do to prove that I’m trying to help.
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[There. He's said it all. That he's reeled so hard that not even the other two have his trust right now. That he's going to be like this now, although the question of how long is an open ended mystery.
Alucard can at least let Trevor work in a horrible silence. He doesn't move, but that isn't trust. That's a scared element not being able to fight or flight - just freezing up, horrible and scared and so, so unsure.
He doesn't ask when Trevor's done. He doesn't demand Trevor hurry. He just remains where he is.]
no subject
It's hard not to be a little hurt. A little frustrated. He knows it's not Alucard's fault, that it's nothing to do with them and everything to do with the two corpses in that one horrible room. But it's hard to know that there were two people in the world willing to tolerate him and now there's one and for that not to ache.
He finishes in silence. It's only when the last of the bandages is applied, the parts applied earliest already dried into a second skin, that he speaks again. ]
The incense is burning two rooms down. The door's closed to keep the smoke in but if you need to not think, you can go in there. Sypha and I won't go into that room unless we're invited.
[ He rearranges the blanket. Carefully, trying not to brush the fabric of it over the burns. Brings it up around Alucard's shoulders to wrap it around him. ]
If you don't want us here, we'll leave at dawn tomorrow.
no subject
[Out of fear. Even with the incense, which terrifies Alucard. It rends him unable to be aggressive, and his defense is often so very aggressive.
He shakes when Trevor's done. A nervous dog, unsure. Horrified. Unable to account for what will happen next. Clings to the blanket when it's placed over his shoulders, like it's the most precious armor.
A choked noise comes out. It's followed by:]
I don't know. I can't know.
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[ He might hurt them. It's- unavoidable. Because it's human to lash out, to be irrational, but Alucard's strength isn't human. Sypha can defend herself even when not carrying weapons. He? Really can't.
But Alucard reacts well (or reacts, at least) to the blanket, and so he pulls it tighter so it covers him entirely. ]
I'm going to build a pyre. So she can burn the bodies when she wakes up. [ A pause, because it shouldn't have to be fire and yet. ] I don't want to bury them, not if it would keep them here.
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[He shouldn't make the other two clean up the bodies. It's his responsibility. His mistake. They can't....they shouldn't....]
I'm sorry.
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He knows this because his arms are around Alucard after wrapping the blanket around him and instead of withdrawing them, he pulls them closed. Which is stupid, because they've just talked about how easily Alucard could hurt them by mistake. ]
Whatever the fuck happened, they'll be gone once she wakes up.
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They're still here.
[In his head, at least.]
Going to always be here.
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I'll go back to the room where we took you before, once I'm done. If you need to find us, we'll stay there. I'll look for you at dusk.
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[Alucard goes quiet again. Tugs his blanket back around him, and he stays there.
At some point he smells fire. Alucard doesn't know how to react. He decides simply not to, and he curls up on himself. The floor isn't comfortable. He doesn't deserve comfort right now. Or much of anything if he's to be entirely candid. He deserves a lifetime alone, because how else do you atone for something like this?
There's only one good part in all of this: it means Alucard doesn't leave the room. He's there as it becomes dusk. Blank faced, staring at the wall. Not even reacting when Trevor walks in.]
There's food, I think. Somewhere.
[Humans need food, after all.]
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He takes his turn to sleep. Sypha mixes a batch of whatever miracle solution it is that gets the worst of the blood out of speaker robes. He scrubs the floors with it when he wakes while she puts bedsheets outside to bleach in the sun. They destroy evidence, and he's not sure if he should be alarmed by how good at it they are.
It's difficult work, the kind that leaves no room for thinking. It's a relief. ]
We have supplies. I'll go out to hunt tomorrow, if we're to stay.
[ He hasn't moved an inch, has he? ]
Are we to stay?
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But he doesn't reply. Indecision is his new watch word. Or maybe paralysis is better, because that's what this feels like. Being frozen in time and having no idea where one is to go with anything.
If Sypha sees him like this, they won't leave. He knows that. Maybe Trevor will....
...will what? Leave? Stay? Fuck. One is no better than the other. Just different.]
Your decision.
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[ Easy enough decision, there. He sits down near Alucard. ]
Far be it from me of all fucking people to point this out, but there is a chair in the room.
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[Chairs are for people who deserve them. Or want to move. He does not deserve a chair or want to move.]
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[ This is the one time in his life when he is going to be pro-chair and you are not making the most of it. He gestures to the offending seat for a moment before shaking his head. It's a lost cause. Florr it is. ]
I won't come up here with weapons. She can't disarm herself. She'll come up here if you want her to, but not until you're ready.
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[He knows it'll be never. Alucard's confident with that much at least.]
Can I have another blanket?
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[ -sad to think about. But it's been less than a day. It's not been long enough to give up. ]
-yeah, sure. There's a guest room down the hall. I'll go raid that. Need anything else, if I'm running errands?
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[Just blankets for sad vampire.]
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Another blanket first, a heavy woolen one, and he wraps it tightly around Alucard's shoulders. He lingers again when he does, but only for a second. ]
Don't fucking remember how to do this. Think you need two chairs, and-
[ Is he planning to make a blanket fort? Because it sounds like he's planning to make a blanket fort. ]
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Trevor's doing....something?]
What are you doing?
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That done, he sets about bringing the pule of bedding in. Arranges pillows and cushions around Alucard. ]
Look, I've not had a chance to do this in years. Humour me?
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